Nocturne's Shadows
by lindseywebster
Summary: Sydney was supposed to be okay after they cured her from the Nocturne. But that wasn’t how things turned out.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Shadows lay over the ally. Sydney could hear the rats scurrying as the smell of the dumpster took over her nose, transcending the air like a thick smog of stench. She was used to it though. Missions like these. She waited next to the row of silver garbage cans where the ally bridged onto another one, like the meet protocol instructed. She was here to meet a Russian nationalist for information about a Rambaldi artifact. It had recently been stolen from the DSR, making the CIA nervous. Sydney could feel her gun as she heard the crunching sounds of a candy wrapper being stepped on. She breathed hard and turned around fast to see a man standing in the shadows.

"Dima Polyakov" she spoke plainly. He smiled with a seething look in his eyes. She found him creepy immediately, but kept the task in mind and continued. "What do you know about the stolen artifact?"

"First," he prompted, waiting for some sort of reward. Sydney swiftly grabbed his arm and twisted it around his back.

"I don't work like that. Information or injury. Your choice."

"You know I like a tough woman," Sydney twisted tighter, "okay, okay! I'll give you the information. It was stolen for a man named Korsakov. He works for an underground organization, that's all I know!"

"Come on," Sydney said forcing his arm into an unnatural position.

"I swear!" She believed him. She knew a coward like him would give up anything he knew at a pinch of pain. Sydney let him go and he immediately scattered a few yards from her into the darkest shadows. He whispered something to her, but she couldn't hear what he had said. She stared at him, realizing there was something different about the setting, as if it was darker than it had been and the lights had grown crimson in colour.

"Nocturne..." he whispered again and suddenly something warm began trickling down her face. She touched her finger tips to her forehead and realized she was bleeding, fast and heavy. His eyes flashed red at her as they ensnared her in his sharp glare. She stopped breathing. The air wouldn't go into her lungs anymore - he was choking her.

Aghastedly, Sydney woke up choking for air as the dark ally faded into her bedroom. She sighed and immediately flopped back down on her bed, glancing over at her night table. The alarm clock read 5:39am with its ruby glow. She swore it had been 5:39am for hours now. The time just wouldn't move.

Discouraged, Sydney got up and moved towards the kitchen. Tea would be comforting, she thought. She was growing tired of the nightly routine she had acquired since she had recovered from the drug, Nocturne. Even when she didn't have the nightmares, she couldn't sleep, or she'd constantly wake up. Too many times the alarm clock would seem to read the same time for hours.

The shrill sound of the kettle coming to a boil snapped Sydney out of her foggy state. She absently began to pour the hot liquid into her mug, but as she did, some of it spilled onto her hand.

"Damn it!" She yelled as it burned her hand. She felt like screaming out of frustration as she immediately ran her hand under luke-warm water. The annoyance of every night was beginning to fizzle her down. Supposedly she was cured of the drug, but it wouldn't leave her alone. She let out a hard sigh as she gave up on tea and flopped down on the couch. Staring at mindless television all night was better than watching her alarm-clock slowly pass each minute like an eternity.

"Hey," Vaughn said warmly as Sydney passed his desk. She flashed him a smile - one that was covering up the insecurities she'd felt since she had been affected by the drug. What she did to him, what she did to her father, made her stomach churn. "Syd, I'm glad you're here. I wanted to talk to you," he said leading her towards a secluded corner of APO.

"What is it?" She asked with slight concern.

"Its you. Are you okay? You've been acting..." he searched for the right words, "distant lately."

"I'm fine," she replied trying to feign coolness.

"That's exactly what I'm talking about," he replied indicatively, "you've been closed off lately, like your being right now."

"Vaughn, I am not being closed off. There is nothing wrong. How can I tell you there is something wrong when there isn't!" she exclaimed with frustration as she tried to keep her voice down.

"You've been acting this way since what happened with Nocturne. I know you feel bad about what you did, but you were drugged, Sydney, it wasn't your fault" he replied with determination. She stared hard at him and he calmed his voice. The last thing he wanted to do was upset her more, push her farther away. "Syd, I can tell when you're not okay. And you can tell me. You can talk to me."

Sydney was about to look down in defeat as she noticed her father coming towards them.

"There is a meeting in the briefing room now," Jack reported with haste before heading away from them to tell the others.

Sydney sighed and walked towards the briefing room, not looking once at Vaughn, who seated himself next to her in the briefing room as Sloane stood in front of the screen, which featured surveillance footage of a man neither of them recognized.

"Luri Vlachko," Sloane stated with significance. "He's known to have ties with various Russian nationalist organizations - all of which deal in arms claiming to fight for the good of their country.

"Are these the same groups that orchestrated the bombings in Stalingrad in 2000?" Dixon enquired.

Sloane replied with a simple nod and continued, "more recently he has been linked to The Guildiya, a terrorist organization that has recently emerged. They are suspected of being responsible for a bombing in Moscow last night. An important diplomat was killed. Langley has asked us to look into it..."

Sydney's mind wandered as Sloane went on. She vaguely remembered her dream from last night. Even though the man in the photo was not the man in her dream, there was nonetheless something that seemed to echo off her dream. Sydney's eyes glazed over as her mind boggled over this. All of a sudden, she saw a pool of crimson forming on the table in front of her. She eyed it as it grew, each droplet of blood falling from her face. She was bleeding. She was bleeding! she thought in a panic as she pressed her hand to her forehead wound. Blood was everywhere

"Sydney?" Sloane inquired with elements of concern tracing through his voice.

She immediately looked at him, stared at him with wide eyes. All of a sudden, she felt an arm brace her shoulder, her head whipping around towards it. It was Vaughn, he was saying something to her but she couldn't hear it. She was having a nightmare, she knew it must be that, but she couldn't wake up. Abruptly, she fell to the floor, and Vaughn dashed to her side, as everyone else in the room crowded around with fear for her.

"Syd!" Vaughn yelled, trying to wake her. "Get a medic!"


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Sydney was rushed to the APO infirmary where Dr. Jain immediately began checking her vital signs.

"What's wrong with her?" Jack insisted on knowing as he pushed his way towards his daughter's side, followed by Vaughn and Nadia.

"I don't know yet. You need to give me some space." Dr. Jain replied with a calm urgency as he had Sydney hooked up to the monitors. They could hear the machine beep rapidly as Sydney's heart propelled into a tachycardia. The nurse that worked for APO quickly shooed them out of the room as they eyed her with a worried frustration. All of them crowded the windowed door to the room watching as the doctor and nurse rushed around attending to Sydney.

"She's seizing!" Vaughn could hear through the door, "...15mg of Dilantin..." They watched as the nurse injected a liquid into the vein in Sydney's forearm. She continued convulsing as the doctor and nurse worked rapidly on trying to stabilize her. Vaughn felt useless as he, Jack and Nadia continued to stand there, their eyes wide with worry, too dumbfounded to even talk to each other.

After what seemed like a relentless amount of time, they saw as the doctor walked towards them.

"What's happening?" Vaughn interjected immediately, as his forehead crinkled with worry lines.

"Sydney went into convulsions which we eventually were able to stop with medication. We need to run some tests on her to understand why this happened. But for now she is stable," the doctor explained with a warming calmness about him.

"She's unconscious still?" Nadia inquired, as she looked past the doctor at Sydney, who was lying motionless in the bed.

"Yes. But as I said, she is stable for now. Blood work is being run and she is about to go for a CT scan."

"Thank you," Jack replied as the doctor walked back into the room, shutting the door behind him, leaving them there to give each other a mutual look of worried relief.

Sloane gently pushed open the door to Sydney's room in the infirmary to find Vaughn devotedly sitting by her side, her hand in his.

"Its been a long night. You should get some rest," Sloane insisted.

"I'm not leaving her side." Vaughn stated plainly without looking away from Sydney.

"I had to task Jack and Nadia to a reconnaissance mission, along with Agent Weiss and Dixon. It was my intent to send you, but I thought it counterintuitive given the situation" Vaughn wasn't sure what Sloane was doing down here, but his eyes were fixated on his girlfriend lying there unconscious. He cared little about missions right now. "I talked to the doctor. He said she is improving," Sloane started again.

Vaughn nodded his head lightly, "Yeah."

"Why don't you get some coffee at least." Vaughn looked at him and then back at Sydney. He stared at her for a moment and then decided coffee would help him stay alert by her side.

"I'll be back a few minutes," Vaughn said, walking out of the room. Sloane made his way to the chair next to her bed. He grazed his hand over her hair lightly.

"Vau..." Sydney faintly called out as she started to wake up. The light was bright on her eyes as she slowly opened them. Her head ached with a piercing pain. "Vaughn?" she asked as she saw a dark blurry figure beside her. She blinked hard and opened her eyes to find her sight more clear.

"Sloane?" she said hard and cold, sitting up abruptly.

"Sydney," he said, resting his hand gently on her shoulder, "How are you feeling?"

Sydney glared at him ardently for a moment but loosened up. He was on their side, she reminded herself, as hard as it was to fathom sometimes.

"Where's Vaughn?" she asked, peering towards to door.

"He's not here right now. Sydney lie down. You've had quite the ordeal," he urged with an utter calmness in his voice.

"Where is he then?"

"Shhh..." Sloane said trying to soothe her, as his hand glided over her back. She felt shivers down her spine and her stomach crawled with disgust.

"Don't touch me," she told him with an harsh look in her eyes.

"Why don't you get some rest," he spoke softly, a gentle smile on his face. Then he got up and quietly left the room, as Sydney eyed him with intense bother. After he disappeared through the door, she lay back down and quickly fell into a drowsy state.

After a few moments of light sleep, Sydney began to feel queasy. Her head was spinning like a top that wasn't quite steady. She closed her eyes tightly for a few minutes, or maybe longer. When she opened them, the room was dark. She didn't know if she had fallen asleep for awhile or not.

She got out of bed - slowly though, as the dizziness set in quickly. She took one step at a time as she tried to steady herself. She noticed she was only in a hospital gown as her body felt the cold, and her bare feet touched the cool floor. After a few steps, she noticed the floor felt wet on her feet. She couldn't tell what it was by the darkness of the room, so she stumbled around looking for the light switch.

Before she could find it, she banged into some sort of equipment that had a long metal rod sticking out. It scratched her arm, and as she held it up the thin strip of light coming from the door, she noticed a trickle of blood. She stared at it as it began to flow heavier out of the pallid skin on her arm. She felt entranced by it and she couldn't break away eye contact. Her eyes were ensnaring her in the scarlet blood.

But after a moment, she realized it wasn't hers, it was dripping onto her arm from the ceiling. She suddenly felt shaky and tumbled to the floor which smelled of blood. Sydney rolled over onto her back, her long hair spread out across the puddle of blood. She reached up her hand towards the light as it began to grow. The door was opening and all of a sudden a man was standing over her.

"Nocturne..." he whispered.

The room went black and ice cold.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

"Agent Bristow," the nurse said as she saw Sydney starting to wake up, "You fell out of bed while you were asleep so I put up the bedrails. There's bruising on your hips, but otherwise you're fine."

Sydney looked around the room confused. The ceiling wasn't leaking and the floor was dry. Perhaps it should have been obvious that it was another nightmare, but it was exceptionally vivid that even now it made her stomach turn in knots.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Jain asked as he walked into the room.

"Fine. I want to go home." Sydney replied adamantly.

"We've finished with the test results. They've indicated nothing is wrong with you. My assumption is that what happened was a reaction to the medications you were taking as part of your recovery from Nocturne. I've discontinued the meds as Nocturne no longer appears to be in your system."

"So-"

"Yes, you can go home. But I feel it is necessary for you to rest for a few days before coming back to work." Sydney nodded and proceeded to get dressed and out of there. She hated passively lying in a hospital bed while the world around her continued to need her help.

Sydney walked into her apartment for the first time in a couple days. Nadia was still at work, so the place was empty. She really would much rather have just gone into work but her father wouldn't allow that to happen. She fought with him for a few minutes over it, but gave in as his stubbornness surpassed her own on this occasion.

Walking towards her bedroom, Sydney realized how much she missed her own bed as she flopped down on it. Sighing deeply, she noted how tired she was. In fact she was a little dizzy too, the room slowly rotating as she lay on her back in the comfortable bed. Sydney curled up in it, kicking off her shoes and pulling the comforter over her body and up to her shoulders. Her mind slowly drifted off into a dozing state, but she couldn't quite fall asleep. Instead she stared at the wall, though her eyes blurred and her lids heavy.

After an hour, Sydney was shaken out of her drowsy state by the sharp ringing of the phone. She quickly grabbed the black cordless phone by her bed, not even getting up.

"Hello?" she asked, a slight fatigue in her voice.

"Syd, its me," Nadia said, her voice bright, "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright. Tired." Sydney said, her own voice dull in comparison to Nadia's.

"Do you want me to bring you anything to eat?"

"No, I really have no appetite right now," Sydney said feeling bland.

"Are you sure you're okay? I can come home if -"

"Seriously, I'm fine," Sydney insisted.

"Alright. I'll see you when I get home then," Nadia said, believing Sydney, who was always quite strong and resilient.

Sydney quickly hung up the phone and got out of bed. She figured a shower might be refreshing, so she stripped off her clothing and turned on the water. The water was hot as she got in, soothing the aching in her body as she stood against the stream. She didn't know why she was so tired or achy. Perhaps she still wasn't well from what happened.

Leaning against the tiled wall of the shower, she took a deep breath. A few tears came out. She was baffled by them. She just felt so... she didn't even know. It was like everything had gone dark after she was infected with Nocturne. Her father and Vaughn insisted they didn't blame her for almost killing them, but it still shook her deep to the bone - the idea of what she did, how psychotic she had become. She wished she couldn't remember it but everything played back vividly in her mind everyday.

Sydney turned the water on hotter letting her skin feel the intense but soothing heat. She stood there for awhile, just letting herself feel the hot water as it drowned out her thoughts.

Finally Sydney got out of the shower and wrapped herself up in a warm and cozy housecoat. As she walked to the living room, the room spinned a little. As the dizziness got worse, she found her way to the couch and lay down. She closed her eyes quickly, letting the dizziness spin itself out. Sydney soon fell asleep.

A vivid dream began to spark through her mind. She was walking down the same alley as before. It was well shadowed as rats grew into gigantic figures of darkness against the light on the red brick wall. She continued to make her way over to the row of silver garbage cans, careful of each step.

Suddenly a black figure appeared behind her. She spun around quickly, her gun drawn. He pushed her down and her head splashed hard against a dirty puddle. Looking at him as she held her down, she could see the violent sparks in his eyes. It was Vlachko, the man from their briefing the other day. She struggled but soon stopped as he began to speak.

"You know the truth," he spoke in a low reverberating tone. She eyed him widely. "You know."

"What do I know?" Sydney yelled at him as his grasp pained her shoulder.

"You know its him."

"Who?"

"Him..." the man pointed to someone standing under the orange light that partially illuminated the alley. She recognized him.

The phone rang, waking her up abruptly. She answered it quickly only to find dead air on the other end. Annoyed she flopped back down on the couch. Her thoughts quickly drifted to the dream she had. As crazy as she knew it was, she felt like it was telling her something. She however pushed those thoughts to the back of her mind as the door opened to reveal Nadia.

"Hey Syd, I brought dinner," she said cheerfully, as Eric followed her in, "Its from that Japanese place on the corner."

Sydney smiled, "I'll grab some plates. So how was work? Did you guys get any more intel on Vlachko?"

"Yeah," Eric started.

"But," Nadia said cutting in with a smile, "You're supposed to be resting."

"You sound like Vaughn," Sydney replied rolling her eyes. The three of them continued to eat their food, whilst talking and laughing, for the rest of the evening.

"I'm pretty tired. I think I'll go to bed." Sydney said as the clock on the microwave read 9:36pm with its green glow.

"I guess I should get going," Weiss said as Nadia kissed him on the cheek goodbye.

"Night" Sydney waved. She went into her bedroom and closed the door behind her. As she rest her head on the pillow, her mind started to buzz with images of Vaughn and her gun pointed at him.

_"You need to give me the gun, all right?" Vaughn negotiated.  
_

_"I said stop!" Sydney desperately yelled in return.  
_

_"Just give me the gun... Sydney, don't do this."_

Sydney's mind was relentless. She could vividly remember everything that night. Her father unconscious. Vaughn trying to get her to give up the gun. The words she said to him. She thought he was lying. She couldn't believe what he was saying, see that he was real, genuine, not there to betray her. Her mind was a mess that night and it would continue to haunt her.

_"Sydney don't do this... No!"_

He took out the bullets. Her father took out the bullets. She would have killed him. She pulled the trigger and shot at him. If there were bullets... her mind continued to remind her, if there would bullets... He'd be dead.

Sydney's eyes opened wide as a tear slid down her cheek.

He'd be dead.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Sydney opened her eyes, her head pounding with a dull pain in the left side. The clock glowed 9:39am in crimson numbers. She struggled to get out of bed, her sheets twisted around her after a night of tossing and turning.

She could hear her cell phone starting to ring, so immediately she got up and grabbed it off her dresser. It was Vaughn.

Sydney answered it with a weary smile on her face, hoping that he wasn't phoning just to express his worry over her health.

"Hey," she said brightly.

"Syd, hey," Vaughn greeted her, a warm smile on his face. "Are you feeling any better?"

"I feel fine. I really should come back to work."

"Syd, the doctor told you to rest for a few-"

"Vaughn," she interrupted, "I really just need to come back to work. You have no idea how boring it is around the house." It was entirely the truth, she thought.

"Jack is not going to be happy if you show up for work," Vaughn stated seriously. Jack had already instructed Vaughn to make sure Sydney stayed home.

"When has that ever stopped me?" Sydney replied with a smile. "I'll see you soon."

"Syd-" Vaughn tried to interject, but she hung up before he could speak.

Sydney decided to screw sitting around and letting her thought control her day. She quickly had a shower and got ready for work. Besides, she wanted to know more about this case they were working on. Something about it seemed striking to her even though she didn't quite know what yet.

Walking into APO after being away for several days was a refreshing breath for her. This was exactly what she needed, Sydney thought. She saw that everyone was in the briefing room so she quietly went in and took a seat at the end of the table, everyone glancing over at her with their surprised looks. Jack had a displeased expression on his face, and after looking at her briefly, he quickly moved his eyes over to Vaughn with a glaring look. Catching his glance, Vaughn immediately looked away and met Sydney's eyes with a warm smile.

"Sydney," Sloane started with a radiant smile on his face, "How nice of you to join us." Sydney simply nodded in return. Sloane flashed her a smile and continued, "We were just discussing the intel on The Guildiya. It seems that Vlachko has orchestrated an arms deal between them and another terrorist faction. The deal is to go down in 39 hours at a warehouse in Moscow."

"Do we know more about the leader of this organization?" Sydney asked. She felt like there was something they weren't telling her. Something more she had to know.

"No. We haven't managed to get any intel on their leader yet. Our only link to them is Luri Vlachko," Jack stated factually.

"Well there has to be more intel than that. We need to learn more about their leader," Sydney said impassionedly.

"What do you want me to say? There is no intel at the moment," Jack replied with a callousness to his voice.

"Well, I just think its something we need to look into more," Sydney stubbornly asserted.

"Sydney-" Jack started with a hard irritation in his voice.

"We'll get what info we can," Sloane continued, cutting off Sydney and Jack. "Dixon, you'll head up the team to Moscow. This is a reconnaissance mission only. We need to gather as much info as we can on The Guildiya before we make our move. Vaughn, Weiss, Nadia, go with Dixon to Moscow. The jet leaves in an hour."

"I'm going with them," Sydney spoke adamantly.

"Sydney, you're not going on any missions until Dr. Jain approves your field status," Sloane informed.

"Then I'll get his approval right now," Sydney replied wilfully as she quickly got up and headed for the infirmary before anyone could protest. However, Jack quickly followed her, catching up with her at the elevator.

"Sydney, this is not a good idea." Jack stated inexorably.

"Dad, I'm going."

"Why is this so important to you. You haven't even been around while we've been investigating The Guildiya."

"It just is," she replied with a hard tone.

"That's not an explanation," Jack replied with insistent irritation, not understanding why it was so important to her.

"Dad, you can't control me. I'm going as soon as I get Dr. Jain's approval." It was important to her, only she didn't know why. But she wasn't going to let anyone stop her. It was ridiculous to even assert that she was incapable of this mission, Sydney thought.

"Sydney-"

"Dad, no! I'm going." She stated unbreakably in a harsh tone. There was just something about this. She kept having recurring dreams about it, about the leader of The Guildiya. Her mind was telling her there was something more to it, something she herself had to find out. She couldn't trust anyone else to do it for her.

The second the elevator opened she got on. Jack caught the door and pushed his way onto the elevator, his eyes filled with an intense relentlessness. Sydney sighed as he stood next to her, glaring forward. His eyes didn't even need to meet hers for her to know exactly the look they held.

"You're not going to stop me." She stated plainly, her face unyielding.

"I hardly think the doctor is going to approve your field status." Jack replied confidently. They both fell silent with great tension. There was nothing left to say until they saw Dr. Jain.

As soon as the elevator opened, Sydney swiftly made her way out of it, walking briskly towards the doctor's office. Jack followed her adamantly as the tension of the elevator followed them.

Sydney knocked on the door as Jack hovered behind her, a glare in his eyes. Dr. Jain opened to door with a warm smile on his face, completely unaware of the tension that ensued between his two guests.

"Agents Bristow, how can I help you?" He asked.

"I need you to approve me for field duty," Sydney politely stated.

"Agent Bristow, I really think its unwise of you to go back in the field this soon."

"I agree," Jack said stubbornly.

"I'm fine, really," Sydney said, continuing her politeness, as she ignored her father.

"Agent Bristow, I'm sorry. I really can't do that," the doctor replied

"But I-" Sydney started.

"You've only been out of the infirmary a day. I still need you to come in in a few days for a check up to make sure you're alright. Until then, I cannot approve you for active duty," The doctor smiled regretfully at Sydney.

Sighing, Sydney replied "fine," and walked away.

"Thank you," Jack said to Dr. Jain, then following Sydney back to the elevator, he began to speak, "I think he's right, Sydney."

"No doubt you think that," she shot back at him. Jack sighed, and silence ensued. As soon as the elevator opened at APO's main floor, Sydney jetted out of it and towards her desk to grab her purse.

"Leaving?" Jack asked.

"I might as well. You won't let me do anything here, as if I'm some kind of child."

"Sydney-"

"Save it," she said walking past him to the door. He stood there and watched her leave. He couldn't help but feel at least a little satisfaction in succeeding to keep her off the mission, but at the same time, he didn't want to anger her so much. She was stubborn though. It wasn't hard to cross her path if you went against something she wanted.

Sydney walked towards her car, pressing the button on her key chain to unlock it. As soon as she sat down at the steering wheel, she immediately regretted how harsh she'd been with her father. He deserved better than her, she thought. For a moment she just stared straight ahead, not sure how to feel, except to feel guilty.

Suddenly she saw someone staring at her from the far corner of the parkade. Her heart pounded as her eyes focused in on him. His figure was blurry though, she couldn't make it out. Out of no where, he disappeared.

Sydney ran out of the car after the man, who had been in a corner with no exits. She searched the area and kept an eye on the only exits in the parkade. But he was gone. Vanished.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Sydney quickly made her way back up to APO. She found her father in his office.

"Dad," Sydney started, out of breath, "There was someone in the parkade."

"Who?" He asked unworried.

"I don't know, but I saw someone there, he, or she maybe, was in the corner and suddenly gone." Sydney felt confused. She still didn't know how the person had escaped from her search.

"Sydney, any one of our employees could have been down there. What makes you think it was an intruder, especially with all our security measures?" Jack asked, unsure of Sydney's concerns.

"Dad, I just," she started, not really knowing what to say. "I don't think it was one of our own."

"Fine, I'll have Marshall go through the security footage. Alert Sloane immediately. If someone is here, we'll have to go in lockdown." Jack commanded his daughter. They both quickly went into action and Sloane ordered an immediate lockdown of the facilities.

"Marshall, have you found anything?" Jack inquired after 30 minutes of searching.

"So far, I've gone over everything and um, nada. Oh, uh, that means nothing in Español," Marshall replied, emphasizing Español. Jack gave him the look.

"Check it again," Jack ordered, and briskly walked towards Sydney. "Are you sure you saw someone? There's nothing on the surveillance footage, and we've searched the premises."

"Dad, I saw someone. Maybe they looped the feed," Sydney replied adamantly.

"Sydney, Marshall has already checked for that. There's no one there."

"You asked him to check it again. Obviously you believe there is something to be found."

"I merely did that as a precaution. But honestly, I don't think there is anything on that footage." Jack paused for a moment, softening his tone, "Sydney, you're tired. You need some rest. Go home as soon as lockdown has been lifted and get some rest."

"Dad, there's something there. I'm not crazy," she replied desperately.

"I never said you were. You're tired. I can see it in your eyes." Jack put his hand on her shoulder to comfort her. Sydney took a deep breath and walked towards Marshall.

"Nothing?" She asked him in disbelief.

"Syd, if there was something here, I would have found it. Marshall's your man, I wouldn't let you down," Marshall answered, his apologetic eyes sympathetic to her plight. Her eyes met the floor in defeat and she walked towards her desk, sitting down with exhaustion.

"Syd," Vaughn said, resting his hands on her shoulders, "Sloane's lifting the lockdown. Do you want me to give you a ride home. I could ask for the rest of the day off and we could just go hang out at your apartment." Sydney remained silent. "In bed perhaps," Vaughn said in an attempt to make her smile. She looked at him, her eyes sad and tired.

"I saw something and no one believes me, not even you, Vaughn."

"Syd, I don't know what to say. I want to believe you, but there is insurmountable evidence going against what you claim. You're tired. Maybe your mind was playing tricks on you."

"Maybe," she said in defeat, looking and the floor. "Let's go home."

Sydney sat up in bed with the case file they were currently working on laid out in front of her. She held up the picture of Vlachko, eyeing it carefully for anything remarkable. There really wasn't anything in that picture to be found, but Sydney remained stubborn in her pursuit of the smallest useable detail.

Vaughn walked into the room briskly, looking around, "Have you seen my cell phone?" he asked, "I thought I left it on the kitchen table."

"On the dresser. I moved it when I was cleaning up," Sydney unemotionally replied without moving her eyes from the work in front of her.

"Syd, what are you hoping to find on this case?" Vaughn asked with a weary curiosity.

"I don't know. I just think we're missing something," she eyed the picture closer. "Look, what do you make this out to be?" She pointed to a dark figure in the far corner of the picture.

"Syd, its a blurred figure in the background of a picture. We can't be sure its anything. It could be a random person walking down the street." Vaughn replied with skepticism. Sydney sighed and put down the photo. She sifted through the pile of papers to find another photo, this time of Luri Vlachko and another man whose back was turned to the camera.

"If only we could figure out who this man was," she said discouraged.

"Syd, there is no way to ID the man in that photo. Look, why don't you get some rest. Its been a long day."

"Just let me do this Vaughn," She said with irritation.

"Syd, you're being irrational here. There is nothing more to be found in that case file that we don't already know," he said with great frustration. She gave him a cold look of fury."

"I know," she started with emphasis, "there is something here."

"Sydney, its late. I want to go to bed. You can work on this tomorrow."

Her tone of voice went onerous, "This is important Vaughn. And yet again, you don't even believe me. Just like today."

"Sydney, that's not fair," he exclaimed "How can you expect me to believe you when there is so much evidence against you? I tried to, I really did. But there was nothing to support your claim."

"Its called faith, Vaughn," she replied in a harsh low tone, "This is just... not even surprising."

"What's that supposed to mean!" he yelled.

"You not having faith in me. It wouldn't be the first time!"

"How have I not had faith in you before!"

"Lauren," she said, her tone of voice going dead.

"Sydney, I thought you were dead. I had to move on. I thought we were past this," he pleaded to her with frustration.

"Its just..." she started as she forced the tears to stay away, "I'm just waiting for the betrayal."

"Sydney," Vaughn paused taking in a gasp and slowly letting it out. He went and move towards the bed, sitting on the edge of it next to her. "What you said before when you were under the influence of Nocturne, you said you didn't mean it. Are you saying that was a lie?"

Sydney immediately looked down, not wanting to meet eye contact with those green eyes that were staring at her with love and anger. Meeting those eyes would be too painful, she thought.

"Sydney?"

She took in a long deep breath and held it in momentarily. She felt a hand on her shoulder. She didn't like it there, she shied away from it.

"Sydney, what is it?" he asked as she moved away from his touch, "Are you angry with me?" His eyes stared straight at her with loving concern. But she continued to avert him. "Talk to me, please."

"Its late. Why don't we just go to bed," she said finally with a gapingly tired tone, her face reading the hurt and pain and confusion in her eyes.

Vaughn stared at her for a moment, her own eyes staring past him towards the floor. He sighed and gave in.

"Alright."

It was like climbing up a mountain, she thought as she made her way up the unlit staircase that ascended up the side of the apartment building. Finally, as she laboured heavy for her breath, she made it up the fire escape to the roof. The moon cast an eerie glow on the top of the six story apartment building.

Sydney walked towards the other end seeing her contact waiting for her there. His face was lit up by the light of the moon. His expression was cold, his eyes piercing.

He spoke in low tones. "Sydney Bristow."

"Why did you call me here. You know I can't have the CIA know I am meeting you," she replied seriously.

"Believe me, you'll find this worth your while. Do you have what I asked for?"

Sydney quickly handed him a suitcase. He opened it as his eyes grew wide with excitement at the sight. He smiled with a creepy grin and breathed in the allure of it. After a moment he closed it and looked at her, his face returning back to its cold posture.

He handed her a large envelope. She quickly opened it with curiosity and found pictures inside. Taking them out, she noticed that one of them was of Vlachko and the man with his back towards the camera. She quickly flipped to the next photo, the same one at a different angle. The man was clearly shown. She realized she knew him. Her eyes grew wide with fury at the sight. She looked back at her contact and he smiled.

"I told you it would be worth it. Of course, when he sent me here, he told me you could never leave knowing the truth."

"What are you talking about. Who sent you here?" Sydney asked with confusion.

"The man in the photos, the man you knew, the man you never quite trusted, the man that goes by the alias Korsakov"

"The head of The Guildiya," Sydney said, her eyes growing wide. Suddenly she heard a loud bang and fell to the ground. She had been shot. Blood was pooling all around her. She started gasping for breath.

"I told you. You couldn't leave here knowing the truth."

Everything went black as she suffered for her last breath. Suddenly her eyes opened again, this time to find the darkness of her own bedroom with a contrasting glow of red coming from her alarm clock. 5:56am. Sydney sighed hard, tears forming in her eyes. Another nightmare to beat down on her.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sydney lay awake as the clock slowly changed from 5:56am to 6:30am. Her mind had grown dull and her eyes simply stared ahead at the wall. It was a numbness that grew alongside her early morning sleeplessness. It was finally at half past six that she gave up and got up, careful not to wake Vaughn who slept peacefully in the bed next to her.

Her body was stiff as she arose, each muscle drained as the fatigue grew more evident with each step. She wasn't quite sure why she felt so tired. The sleeping problems alone, which she'd had before, didn't seem like enough to cause her body such exhaustion.

Sydney walked to the kitchen slowly, turning on the lights as she went. Caffeine. It was something she could use right now. She quickly prepared some coffee and sat at the counter waiting for it to be ready. She gently tapped her finger nails on the hard surface during the agonizing wait for her morning pick-me-up to come. She stared at it drip by drip until it was finally done a few minutes later. A few minutes when your tired feels like a lot longer, she thought, as she wished she could be fast asleep in her warm cozy bed.

After fifteen minutes of downing a couple cups of coffee, Sydney heard footsteps walking towards her. She turned around to see Nadia gasping in a big yawn.

"Hey," Nadia said walking straight for the coffee. After getting herself a cup, she sat on a stool next to Sydney.

"Morning," Sydney replied with a faint fatiguing smile.

"You're up early. You couldn't sleep again?" Nadia asked, her eyes growing brighter with each sip of coffee.

"No, I couldn't," Sydney said in a dead tone. A moment passed and Sydney turned to Nadia, "So why are you up so early?"

"I told Eric I'd meet him for breakfast on our way to work," Nadia answered, flashing a smile. Her warm feelings for Eric were evident as she spoke.

"You're going on a date in the early morning. You must really be crazy about him," Sydney replied with a grin.

"I am." Nadia said with a sparkle in her eyes, "I need to get ready." Nadia got up off the stool as she brushed her hand past Sydney's shoulder, "I'll see you at work." They both exchanged smiles.

Sydney continued sitting there, staring at the wall with dead eyes and a hot cup of coffee in her hands, as she felt Vaughn's hands grace her shoulders. She turned around and smiled at him. It was a tired smile though. It lacked the warmth of the smiles she gave Nadia. She was still annoyed about last night.

"Morning," Vaughn said with a bright smile as she kissed her cheek.

"Morning," she said in return, her voice filled with apathy. Vaughn grabbed a box of cereal from the cupboard and two bowls. He passed Sydney a bowl of frosted mini wheats as he seated himself next to her. "Thanks" she said.

Sydney took her spoon and swirled it around the cereal. She wasn't really hungry. Wasting it didn't seem like an acceptable option so she took a spoon full and forced it into her mouth, chewing and swallowing it reluctantly. She continued to do that with each bite.

"Do you want to ride into work together?" Vaughn asked. Sydney hesitated for a moment and then nodded, again forcing another mouthful down. Vaughn seemed oblivious to her breakfast plight as he entertained each bite of his frosted mini wheats.

Sydney felt like the morning was moving entirely slow as she pushed in the last bite and made her way over the sink.

"We should get ready to go," she said breaking the silent peace that had ensued for the last few minutes. Vaughn nodded and they both got ready.

She leaned back onto the headrest as Vaughn drove the car towards APO. The traffic out the window blurred as her mind fell into a daze. Her thoughts went stale and she drifted off briefly. After a moment she opened her eyes, realizing she was falling asleep. She quickly sat up straight and took a sip of her coffee.

As the car glided into a stop at a red light, Sydney noticed a man wearing a black hoody. He was staring at her. She focused her eyes on him trying to make out who he was. He started to approach the car, she panicked.

"Vaughn!" she exclaimed pointing towards the man.

"What?" he asked in confusion.

"There, that man, he's coming towards us!" She said in a blaring voice.

"What? Sydney, there is nothing but cars out the window," Vaughn replied looking at her with perplexion. Sydney looked out the window again. He was gone. She immediately rushed out of the car as the light went green and cars sped past her.

"Sydney!" Vaughn yelled as she stood there, turning her head all around the car. Vaughn leaned over and grabbed onto her arm, pulling her back into the car.

"What are you doing!" he exclaimed as she resisted his pulling.

"Vaughn, there was someone there!" She exclaimed, yanking her arm away.

"Get back in the car! You're gonna get yourself killed!" Sydney took one final look at sat back down, her eyes rattled.

"Vaughn, I swear someone was there," she said as she heard the honking behind them. Vaughn proceeded to drive, his own eyes filled with bafflement.

"I didn't see anyone, Syd."

"You don't believe me? Again!" She yelled shaking her head.

"Look, when we get to work, we can pull the traffic cams and see what we find, okay?" he replied, trying to reconcile her. She simply nodded, staring forward with anger.

"Marshall, have you finished with the footage from the traffic cams?" Vaughn asked with insistence.

"Yeah, there's nothing on them. I know, I know, you want me to check again. I triple checked. And from every angle. There's definitely no one there. The thing with traffic cameras is-" Marshall explained.

"Thanks," Vaughn said, interrupting him. He walked towards Sydney who was sitting at her desk staring at a picture of the dark blurry figure.

"Syd, there's nothing on the camera footage." Vaughn stated, standing over her as he rested his hands on her shoulders.

"You don't believe me." She stated in a matter-of-fact way, her tone of voice dead.

"Syd, I want to, but there's no one there. You're seeing someone who isn't there." Vaughn explained insistently.

"Fine." She said as she gathered up the case file and walked away. After a moment she turned to face him. "There's a meeting in the briefing room."

The two of them walked into the briefing room, seating themselves next to each other as everyone else made their way to their seats. Sloane took the floor, speaking in a matter of fact tone.

"For the past week, we've been looking into Luri Vlachko, someone with a confirmed link to The Guildiya. This morning his body was found in Moscow, a single gunshot wound to the head," Sloane explained.

"What's our mission?" Sydney eagerly jumped in.

"He was found in an abandoned warehouse. Vaughn, Dixon, you'll go there and gather any evidence you can find. Perhaps we'll find something to lead us to The Guildiya. That is all." Sydney was about to respond but Sloane cut her off, "Sydney, I know you want to go, but Dr. Jain has refused to approve you for field duty for at least another week."

Sydney frowned with bitterness as she looked at the floor. She felt too tired to fight. Rubbing her fatigued eyes, Sydney turned to Vaughn.

"I guess I'll see you when you get back," she spoke with a mock smile. He smiled warmly as he bent down to kiss her goodbye. He took her hand in his as their kiss lingered on a moment. Vaughn squeezed her hand gently and let it go.

"I'll see you." He said, walking towards Dixon. She watched him leave with unhappy eyes. After a moment, she sighed and went back to work.

Sydney flopped down on the couch as soon as she returned home. Nadia was still at work, she assumed. Sydney lay back on the couch to relax. The fatigue she had been feeling lately was getting to her. She blamed it on her crappy sleep.

She started to drift off slowly, her mind quietly going blacker and blacker, as the sounds of the world turned off. It was obvious how eager her body was for sleep, as she soon fell deeply into it. Her breathes were slow and steady as her chest rose and fell. Her arm fell to the side of the couch as her muscles relaxed.

The phone rang. Shrill rings breaking her peaceful sleep. She quickly got up and grabbed it.

"Hello?" she asked groggily. No one answered, but she could hear the sound of breathing. "Hello!" she asked with frustration. It must have been a prank call. As she began to hang up, a voice came over the receiver.

"Nocturne..."

She froze.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Sydney stood there frozen, her hand still clinging to the phone as her eyes grew wide and then narrow. She withdrew into her mind, breathing shallow at first and then deep into a gasp. What the hell just happened. She hung up the phone quickly and sat back down on the couch. But immediately got up again and looked out the windows in the living room, each one scanning methodically for anyone around, anyone that could be looking in and watching her. She could see no one, nothing. She got her gun and began sweeping her house. Still no one. Suddenly the door opened. Sydney spun around and pointed the gun straight at the door.

"Sydney!" Nadia yelled, dropping her bags and rushing towards Sydney, who immediately dropped the gun, quickly letting out the deep breath that she had been holding in relief.

"Sorry, I just... I uh..." Sydney scattered words, trying to explain herself

"Sydney, what?" Nadia asked with utter concern, as she stared at her.

"I heard something. I guess it was just you." Nadia nodded, and went back to pick up her things.

"I got us some dinner from Rosario's," Nadia said with a smile, motioning to the white cardboard containers filled with good smelling pasta smothered in a creamy tomato sauce. Sydney returned the smile and they both seated themselves at the table with their food.

"So have you heard about anymore leads on Korsakov since I left work today?" Sydney asked.

"Korsakov?" Nadia looked confused. Korsakov had never come up, except in nightmares.

Sydney stared at her briefly before catching her mistake, "Sorry, its been a long day. I mean Vlachko."

"Oh. No, no there haven't been," Nadia responded matter-of-factly. Noticing Sydney look down at her plate in disappointment, Nadia added "were you expecting something?"

"I just..." Sydney shook her head, lost for words. She gave a faux-smile. "Its nothing. Let's just eat. I'm starved."

Nadia took a bite of her food as she watched Sydney pick at hers. Despite claiming to be hungry, she wasn't really eating. Nadia could tell something was wrong, but Sydney had been so closed off lately. She had heard her fighting with Vaughn last night and figured maybe they were having problems. It pained her to think that. As the two stared at their plates, both deep in thought, silence ensued.

Suddenly the phone rang and Sydney stopped and stared straight ahead, frozen in the moment. She couldn't move to answer it. Instead, her breathing went shallow and slow. She listened for sounds. Any sound. Movement. Someone. A person, a man, Vlachko or Korsakov or anyone. She just waited for it to come. Meanwhile, Nadia got up to answer the phone, the whole time watching Sydney from the corner of the eye in suspicion for her behaviour.

"Hello?" Nadia answered the phone, "Hey Eric... yeah?" she smiled with a glow, "Right now, um, I don't know if I can right now." Sydney suddenly snapped out of her pseudo-trance, and motioned for Nadia to go. She didn't want Nadia to worry about her, to notice how nervous she was. Having her go out with Eric would be the perfect distraction. "Alright, I'll be there in a half hour," Nadia said as she hung up.

"Where are you guys going?" Sydney asked, trying to feign normal.

"Bowling." Nadia said with a smile. Sydney returned it. After a moment, Nadia realized Sydney might be lonely with Vaughn away on a mission. "You can come if you want?"

"No, no," Sydney said shaking her head. She didn't want to impose.

"Are you sure?" Nadia asked sympathetically.

"Really, I'm fine. I'll just catch up on some work." The truth was, Sydney didn't want to be alone. She took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "You should probably get ready. Don't want to keep Eric waiting."

"You're right, " Nadia replied with a smile as she walked into her bedroom, leaving Sydney to feel the aloneness of her apartment. She got up and reclined on the couch. The news would probably be on at this hour, she thought, as she flipped it to the right channel.

After a half hour, Nadia emerged from her bedroom. She was wearing a clean pair of jeans and a dark blue t-shirt. Her hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail, her face freshly made up lightly.

"I'll see you," Nadia said as she grabbed her purse and walked out the door. Sydney was all alone. She sighed and lay back on the couch letting herself drift off to sleep. It wasn't a restful sleep however. She continued to toss and turn for an hour, having nightmares and weird dreams, all with the same theme: The Guildiya. They were the same every time. There was someone she was supposed to know - Korsakov. But every time she woke up, she couldn't remember who it was she had seen. Nonetheless, it was wearing on her.

Sydney had been home from work for an hour as she sat at the counter reading the newspaper for that day. She had only been skimming the news however as her mind was completely preoccupied on the phone call she was waiting for. Vaughn. He was expected to arrive home today from Moscow. It had been 2 days since he left. She missed him. Finally her cell phone rang. Her heart jumped up with excitement as she read Vaughn's name on the call display.

"Hey," she said with a rosy excitement. A large smile grew on her face.

"Hey Syd," Vaughn replied, "I missed you." He was smiling warmly as his green eyes brightened at the sound of her voice.

"I missed you too. Did everything go alright?" She asked curiously.

"Yeah, it was pretty routine -" Vaughn started.

"I'm coming over." Sydney said interrupting him, her voice filled with excitement.

"Right now?"

"Why not?"

"No, I want you to come. I'll see you when you get here."

"I love you," she said warmly.

"I love you too," he replied as she hung up the phone. Sydney quickly grabbed her car keys and headed out the door.

She smiled widely as he answered the door to his apartment. His face held a warm grin as he stared at her for a moment.

"Hi," he said softly, their eyes in a lingering meet.

"Hi," she replied, as she leaned into a kiss. They stood there for a moment, locked in each others arms.

"So, do you wanna order in some dinner. I don't have much in the house," Vaughn asked as he lead her into the living room.

"I'm not really hungry right now. I have other things in mind," she replied with a mischievous smirk on her face.

"Oh," he replied knowingly.

Sydney gently took hold of his hand, leading him towards his bedroom.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Vaughn gently cradled Sydney's warm and soft body as they lay under a mess of sheets in his bed. The moonlight peaked into the bedroom, lighting up the sparkles in both their eyes. Sydney smiled brightly as Vaughn caressed her shoulder with a feather touch.

"Vaughn," Sydney spoke up in a soft voice.

"Yeah?" he ask with a easy tone.

"I'm hungry."

"Yeah, I think we worked up an appetite." He grinned widely, "What do you want?"

"I don't care. You get whatever you want and I'll share it with you."

"What if I don't want to share?" he said smirking as he stroked his finger over her nose lightly.

"I'll make you," she giggled.

"Alright, I'll go order something," he said as he grabbed his boxer shorts from the mess of clothes strewn across the floor.

Sydney proceeded to pick up her black bra and panties of the honey-coloured wood floor of his bedroom. She dug through some of his clothing to find her dark blue jeans and taupe tank top. Finally she found her socks. After getting dressed, she made her way to the kitchen where Vaughn was on the phone, presumably with a restaurant. After a moment, he hung up.

"I ordered us some sandwiches from that place on the corner you like. They'll be here in a half hour. Do you want some wine while you wait?" Vaughn explained to her.

"Sure"

Vaughn grabbed a bottle of red wine off the wine rack and poured it into two wine glasses. He passed Sydney hers as he took a sip of his own. She smiled.

"So, did anything happen while I was gone?" Vaughn asked. He didn't want to say it outright, but he wanted to know if she'd seen anymore mysterious people coming after her.

"No. It was pretty quiet. Why? Where you expecting something?" She asked, slightly annoyed. She realized right away what he was getting at.

"Sydney, I just. I was a little worried about you. You kept seeing -" He said trying to say it gently.

"Say it Vaughn, seeing things that weren't there," she cut him off in a hard tone.

"Yes, that was what I was getting at," He replied, still remaining gentle with his voice.

"Vaughn, I'm not crazy. There was a person, presumably the same person, there both times. And no one believes me. Moreover, i_you/i_ don't believe me!" She exclaimed, ending in a yelling tone.

"Syd, its only that I am worried about you. I care." He said trying to convince her of his concern.

"No, you simply think I've lost it," She replied, her voice growing louder. "I knew it. I knew I shouldn't have trusted you. Ever since Lauren, I've been waiting for this. You, this betrayal, I knew it would come-"

"That's not fair!" Vaughn shot back. Sydney glared at him with hurt eyes. It wasn't fair, she thought. He'd hurt her, stabbed her deep into the heart and he didn't even understand it.

"Vaughn," she said with an angry sigh, "You don't get it. You have no idea how hard it was seeing you with her, and here you are now," her voice growing, "not even caring about what you did to me!"

"Sydney, that's not true. I do care about you!" He pleaded with her.

"Then show it!" She shouted, her face going red with anger, her eyes mad with rage.

"How!"

"You could actually believe me! Have faith in me!" She yelled, putting extra emphasis on faith. She wanted to cry, she thought. But she couldn't. She couldn't let him see the tears fall from her eyes.

"Sydney, I do, I do have faith in you," he said, calming his voice as he put his arm out towards her shoulder. She quickly knocked his hand away.

"No you don't" she growled.

"Sydney-" he tried,

"No! Just stop!" She cried out, as she turned around and headed for the door. He ran after her, meeting up with her in the hallway, and grabbed onto her shoulder to stop her.

"Sydney, wait!" She quickly turned her shoulder away from him and ran off, tears beginning to fall in her eyes. "Sydney!" He called out, but she relentlessly ran. He didn't know what to do. Vaughn took in a deep breath and rubbed his forehead which was filled with deep wrinkles of worry. As she disappeared from his sight, all he could see was the madness in her eyes. Vaughn's own eyes held a look of plague as he turned around and headed back into his apartment, half-slamming the door.

Sydney made her way out of his apartment building with tears streaming down her red shot face. He didn't get it, she thought. He hurt her so bad and he didn't even understand. Her eyes shot with anger at the thought.

Lauren.

That name made her skin crawl and madness strike in her eyes. She would always be there even if she was dead, she would always be there lingering in the shadows of their lives, never leaving them alone. It didn't matter. It was him that mattered. He was the one that didn't believe her. He was the one with no faith in her.

Her face glimmered with streams of tears in the moonlight as she sat in her car and cried. After about 10 minutes, she stopped and started the car, pulling away from his building without even a look towards it.

She swallowed hard as the tears choked her. She couldn't even remember the drive home, she thought, as she pulled into her driveway. She quickly got out and made her way inside, rubbing her face dry with her hands. Nadia. She thought. She didn't want Nadia to see her like this. Sydney headed straight to her bedroom and shut the door behind her.

"Syd?" Nadia called out as she heard a door shut, "Are you home?"

"Yeah. I'll be out in a few minutes. I was just about to jump in the shower," Sydney answered, trying to conceal the upset tone in her voice.

"Alright." Nadia replied.

Sydney walked into the bathroom and sunk down on the ground against the wall. She felt defeated. She was tired and overwhelmed and a fresh set of tears began to fall.

A faint knock came to the door.

"Sydney? Are you okay?" Nadia asked softly having heard her crying. Sydney got up and opened the door. Her face was streaked with tears. "Oh, Sydney," Nadia said, pulling her into a gentle hug. After a second, Sydney pulled away, wiping her eyes.

"I'm fine, really." Sydney lied.

"No you're not," Nadia replied softly, "Why don't you come to the kitchen and I'll make you some tea." Sydney nodded and headed towards the stools at the counter. There was silence as Nadia made the tea. She didn't want to push Sydney to talk if she wasn't ready, but after a few minutes, Sydney began to speak.

"I had a fight with Vaughn," Sydney said, her voice low with sadness.

"I'm sorry. What was it about?" Nadia asked, her eyes empathetic.

"I just... he has no faith in me."

"How do you know that? He really seems to care about you."

"I don't know. I mean, sometimes I think he does," she started with a sniffle, "but then he doesn't believe me when I claim something happened to me."

"You mean the man approaching you?"

"Yeah. I mean, I don't know how to explain it, why the traffic cameras didn't show it. Why there was no evidence, but I'm not crazy." Sydney said desperately at the end.

Nadia sat down next to her and put her hand lightly on Sydney's back. "If it makes you feel any better, I believe you."

"You do?" Sydney asked with a slight and brief brightness in her eyes.

"Maybe he knew the angle of the traffic cam and managed to hide between the cars to avoid them. I mean, I don't know. Its hard to explain, but stranger things have happened and turned out to be true. The one thing I do know is that you wouldn't lie. You're a credible and intelligent and honest person." Nadia said, pulling Sydney closer to her.

"Thank you," Sydney replied. "You're the only one who believes me though. But it does make me feel a little better." Sydney wiped away the last tear as her face began to dry. She took a sip of her tea and felt the warmth glide down her throat. It was comforting. A few moments of silence past.

"I never did have dinner. Are you hungry?" Nadia asked, realizing Sydney might appreciate a change in subject.

"Yeah, I missed dinner. We could order something." Sydney replied.

"Nah, there's food in the cupboards," Nadia said as she got up and dug around in the cupboard full of cans, "What about some nice hot soup?"

"That would be nice," Sydney said with a slight smile on her face.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

It was Saturday evening and the digital clock on the microwave read 6:40 in bright green numbers. Sydney had spent most of the day alone, reading and catching up on some work. However, she did go shopping with Nadia for a couple hours, returning with a couple hundred dollars worth of new clothes - something to brighten her mood.

Sydney could hear Nadia in her bedroom talking on the phone. She had been talking to Eric for the last half hour. She could faintly hear the last couple words of Nadia's side of the conversation.

"Dinner then?" Nadia asked, "Yeah, I can be ready in a half hour..." after a moment she giggled, "Yes, I bought something new to wear... Oh its very sexy... No no, you'll just have to wait until I see you," she said, giggling brightly some more. "Okay, I'll see you when you arrive, bye." Nadia hung up the phone and returned to the living room where Sydney had been reclining on the couch with a novel.

"I'm going to dinner with Eric in about a half hour. Do you mind?" Nadia asked politely.

"You don't have to ask. Of course its fine if you go out." Sydney said with a smile.

"I just meant if you minded being alone."

"I'm fine, Nadia, really. Being alone is fine. I'll catch up on some work and order some dinner." Part of Sydney was being honest. She wanted Nadia to go out and have a nice time with Eric. But another part of her was not looking forward to the loneliness that would ensue without her. Normally Sydney was fine alone, but after her fight with Vaughn last night, she had been feeling sad and alone. Her sister was a great comfort to her.

"If you're sure then. I know things have been hard on you. If you need anything, you can just call me." Nadia explained. She cared deeply about Sydney and knowing that she and Vaughn were having problems concerned her. Vaughn was like Sydney's tether to life, to keeping herself sane in a crazy reality. To loose that, Nadia thought, it would be devastating.

"What restaurant are you going to anyways?" Sydney asked, moving past the concern about her.

"He said it was a surprise but I should wear something nice. I'm going to wear that red dress I bought today. Do you think he'll like it?" Nadia asked

"Believe me, he will like it. Its very sexy. You looked gorgeous in the store when you tried it on."

"Thanks," Nadia replied, blushing a little.

"You two are getting really close aren't you."

"Yeah, I think I'm falling for him," Nadia said, her cheeks rosy and her eyes filled with love. Sydney smiled widely at her. "I better get ready," Nadia spoke with a smile as she headed off to her bedroom.

Sydney was really happy for her sister and Eric. It made her think of Vaughn. She loved him, but he was so suspicious of her, assuming she was not okay. He had no reason to worry except for her safety. A man had been watching her and yet no one seemed to care about her, just the fact that there was no evidence. Regardless of that, she didn't really want to be angry at him anymore. Sydney took a deep breath and sighed. She thought about calling him. Maybe she could convince him she was fine if they went out and had fun, she thought, grabbing her cell phone.

"Hey," Syd said warmly as Vaughn answered the phone, "Let's go out."

Vaughn waited in the restaurant for Sydney, as she wanted to go out with him for some dessert. She was late though, by a half hour. He was getting ready to call her as she walked in the door, dressed in a sexy black dress and cardigan. Her legs looked long as they transcended down to the floor underneath her mid-thigh length dress. A string of pearls adorned her neck, and her face was made up with a perfect amount of make up to be sexy but not whore-ish. Vaughn swooned over her, looking her up and down and smiling deep as she sat down next to him, her own face portraying a warm smile.

"Sorry I'm late."

"It's alright." Vaughn responded admiring her beauty. "You look great by the way." Sydney smiled in response.

"So, dessert then?" Vaughn said passing Sydney the dessert menu, his foot caressing hers underneath the white tablecloth.

"Let's have some wine first." She said with a twinkle in her eye. Tonight was going to be special. It was going to allay his worries, make him enamoured by her, and ultimately, the night was to end with an unforgettableness in bed. That was her plan. She had conceived of it all as she got ready to meet him. She motioned for the waitress and soon after, a bottle of their finest red came to the elegantly dressed table. Sydney held up her glass to his. "Cheers," she smiled.

"What's the occasion for all of this anyways?" Vaughn asked, delighted by the evening so far.

"Nothing. Just us." Her eyes shone with both love and cunningness, she was deceiving him into her will perfectly. It was not that Sydney was in fact a deceitful person. She was just smart. She knew she had to get Vaughn off her back. And moreover, she wanted him, she wanted things the way they were before the drug had temporarily turned her life upside down. She wanted him to love her and forget about how she almost killed him and the fights they've had since.

"So-" Vaughn started just as he was interrupted by a loud ringing sound coming from Sydney's purse. "Aren't you going to answer your phone?" Vaughn asked after a moment of Sydney sitting there in silence. She seemed to pause at the sound of the phone, as if everything inside of her stopped as she remembered the mysterious phone call from the other night. Noticing this, Vaughn became suspicious. "Syd?" Vaughn asked again, as Sydney suddenly looked up at him with a questioning look, "Syd, your phone, aren't you going to answer it?"

Sydney shook her head slightly as Vaughn eyed her with wariness. She then continued her dessert, not once giving a look in his direction. Vaughn followed her lead, picking up his fork and hesitantly taking a bit, his eyes fixated on her. After a moment, she dropped her fork and motioned for the waitress.

"Our bill please." She instructed.  
"Syd, I haven't even finished. What's going on?"

"I have other things planned," She said forcing a smile onto her face. This evening had to go as planned. She had convinced herself that everything was dependent upon this night, as if she feared she would loose him if she couldn't convince him of her sanity. Vaughn's thoughts were in stark contrast to hers, however, thinking deeply about how to help the woman he loved, the women he would never leave. His thoughts were stopped abruptly as Sydney grabbed the bill and went up to pay.

After a moments look, Vaughn caught up with Syd. "Syd, I can pay."

"Vaughn, just because your the guy doesn't mean I can't treat you."

"Alright," he replied, trying to feign a look of trust over her behaviour. However, he soon found himself once again trying to catch up with her as she briskly walked out of the restaurant after leaving a couple bills with the waitress.

"Syd," Vaughn called reaching the darkness of night outside the restaurant. She wasn't there. "Syd?" He looked around and she wasn't there. She wasn't anywhere. "Sydney!... Sydney!" he called, rushing around the parking lot in search of her. Suddenly he spotted a figure heading for the highway. He ran as fast as he could after her as she started to walk towards the cars. "Sydney!" He cried out, but she wouldn't stop. The blatant honking of cars were drowning out his screams for her. She kept walking as cars swerved off the road to avoid her. All of a sudden he heard a crash.

Vaughn stood there. Numb for a moment, then Panic-stricken.

"Sydney..."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

The lights flashed to the very edges of her retina, blinding her as the screeching of tires spread around her stiff body. She stood there unmoving. Frozen. Bound as if the air itself was holding her captive. The air was filled with honking from cars and SUVs and minivans all around. And none of it got to her, she just stood there looking at him.

"I know you!" She suddenly cried out, still unmoving amongst the chain of cars.

"Sydney!" Vaughn continued to call out as he ran towards her.

"I know who you are!" She continued to yell. Vaughn looked to the stretch of darkness beyond her on the other side of the highway. He could see no one, not even a shadow of a man underneath the cast of light from the street lamps.

"Syd! Syd stop!" He finally reached her, throwing his arms around her and dragging her to the side of the road as her body remained stiff and her eyes fixated on the other side of the highway. "What the hell are you doing!" He asked, shaking her, "Sydney!"

She suddenly perked up. "He was there, Vaughn!" She exclaimed, her voice filled with inflamity. She continued to look towards the stretch of empty space beyond the highway, her eyes wide and fixated.

"Who? Who was there Syd!" Vaughn inquired with exacerbation. Sydney looked confused for a moment. Who was there? Who did she think was there. Who had been haunting her. She shook her head out of amazement for what she had just been doing. It was if all of a sudden, sense was shaken into her. She couldn't believe any of what was happening. She just shook her head over and over again.

"Syd?" Vaughn asked gently. But she didn't respond. She stared across the road into the distance. She could see nothing but darkness as she looked on. There was nothing there. She panicked. Her eyes grew painfully wider, tears forming in her eyes, her stomach suddenly tied in knots. She could hardly breath for a moment, but managed to suck in a large gasp of air, forcing it in and holding it there. As she let go of the air, she quickly broke free of his grasp.

"I gotta go," Sydney spoke as she abruptly started to walk away. She only got two feet before she stood over and hurled into the long grass that grew beside the stretch of road. Sydney fell to her knees, tears in her eyes. She was sick from the thought of what she had been doing. It was a nightmare, but she was awake. She had really been standing on a highway at night staring and yelling at a mysterious nonexistent man.

Mascara ran down her face as the tears rushed down. Her breathing came to an erratic pace as she tried not to wail. She was entirely overwhelmed and had no idea what to do. She didn't really understand how she got to this place. How could she go from being a semi-normal person to being someone who stands in the middle of a highway practically in a trance, putting her life and everyone else's life on that highway in danger.

Vaughn came up behind her, rubbing her back. After a moment of feeling his soothing hands on her, she stood up and looked at him in the eye, stared at him as fresh tears began to fall. She didn't know what to say. It was all too hard. Words were impossible to form, and the eye contact they had was painful, so she suddenly turned away, breaking eye contact and just walked away, fast and straight. He followed her.

They ended up at his car a few moments later. He opened the car door for her and she sat down on the seat gently, wiping the tears from her face, which was a mess of smeared makeup and wet redness. As the car pulled out, she sat there silently, her eyes peering down to her lap. She was afraid to even look out the window at what she might see this time, what her mind might trick her into seeing. She closed her eyes with intense anguish, as the car ride home fell silent. She couldn't find words or energy or will to speak. She kept her eyes closed tightly as the car glided down the street towards her apartment. At some point, she just fell numb.

Vaughn caressed Sydney's hair as she lay asleep in her bed. She didn't say anything about that night when she got out of the car or went into the house. She simply took off her shoes and curled up in bed, a look of shock on her face as she drifted away, still fully clothed in a now dishevelled looking black dress. Vaughn took his cell phone out of his pocket and walked into the kitchen, dialling Jack's number.

"Yes?" Jack answered in an emotionless tone.

"Jack, its Vaughn. Look, something happened tonight with Sydney" Vaughn started, his stomach queasy at the recollection of tonight's events.

Jack's eyes blurred for a moment at the news. "What happened?"

"We were at a restaurant and as we were walking outside towards the car, she disappeared suddenly and I found her standing in the middle of the highway as cars were screeching past her."

"Is she alright?" Jack asked quickly.

"She wasn't hurt." Vaughn paused. "Jack, she just stood there in the road completely oblivious. Then she started calling out to someone, but there was no one there I could see of. It was terrifying." His voice quivered.

"Are you sure there was no one there?"

"I couldn't see anyone, Jack, but it was dark. Nonetheless, that doesn't explain why she would risk standing in the middle of a highway while cars rushed past her."

They both felt speechless.

"Jack, I think she's sick. I mean its happened three times now that she has seen someone that wasn't there."

"I know," Jack replied in a regretful tone.

"Do you think its Nocturne?" Vaughn asked with concern. It was the only think he could think that would explain this, even if she was supposed to be cured of it.

"I don't know. But keep an eye on her. I'll get Dr. Jain to look at her." Jack stated, trying to keep his composure of complete rationality as he hung up the phone. After he hung up, he made his way to the couch and sank down on it, rubbing his hands across his face. His worry was felt deep in the pit of pit of his stomach.

Vaughn sighed deeply, rubbing his forehead. A moment later, Nadia and Weiss returned.

"Hey," Nadia greeted Vaughn as she walked in the door.

"Vaughn, you should have seen us tonight! Perfect score! That's right!" Eric roared doing a little dance.

"Where's Syd?" Nadia asked as she laughed at Eric.

"Uh, she's in bed," Vaughn stated, too tired to explain to them the night's events.

"How did the dinner go?" She asked with a smile.

"You know, I'm pretty worn out. I think I'm gonna turn in for the night." Vaughn said in avoidance as he quickly headed for Sydney's room.

"We were great tonight weren't we. I loved the look on that guys face! He doubted my abilities. If he knew me, he'd know-" Nadia stopped him with a deep and lingering kiss.

She could hear breathing, slow and heavy, as she lay there, the air cold at her face. She could see her own breath stream out as a fog. Chills froze her body, which was only covered in a thin and skimpy nighty. Sydney sat up slowly, realizing she wasn't in her bed. She could feel the asphalt beneath her. Ahead of her was a light, it was dim and faint. She got up and walked closer to it, her bare feet feeling the harsh road beneath her.

"Hello?" she asked in a quivering tone. She stopped dead as she could see someone moving in the light. Sydney looked closer, realizing it was herself she was looking at, the light was being reflected in a mirror that stood there dead in the middle of the road. She approached it with a nervous curiosity. Suddenly she noticed something in the mirror. A man was standing behind her. She froze for a moment, her eyes widened with fear. She felt something sharp scratch across the skin on her neck, a pool of blood forming below her, around her, above her. She was drowning in a red sea.

"No!" she screamed, waking up.

"Syd!" Vaughn said, reaching out to her.

"Vaughn?" Her voice shook.

"You're okay. You were just having a nightmare." He said, rubbing her back as she sat there with crystals of sweat across her forehead.

Sydney took a deep breath as she stared straight ahead, then turned to him, a dead look on her face.

"I know who it was."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Vaughn stared at Sydney for a moment with a look of bafflement on his face. She was making no sense, he thought.

"Sydney, you were just having a nightmare. It wasn't real" He said gently stroking her back as she sat there wide eyed and nervous.

"Vaughn, you're not listening. I remember now! I saw him. He cut my throat this time, but I remember him in the other dreams too, but I kept forgetting who he was when I woke up. I remember now" she explained, her eyes wide with fiery sparks in them.

"Sydney, you're not making any sense."

"I am though." She said, putting her hands firmly on both of his shoulders, and staring deep into his eyes.

"Okay, then who is it? Who was in your dream?"

"Sloane."

There was a moment of silence that seemed to last an eternity for both of them.

"Sydney, what are you saying?" he asked hesitantly with deep concern.

"Sloane is Korsakov," her tone of voice was completely dead and her eyes stared straight into him with only the rare blink.

"Sydney, who is Korsakov?" Vaughn asked wearily.

"The leader of The Guildiya."

"Syd, how do you know this?" Vaughn questioned, realizing she was in a much more serious condition that he had thought.

"I just..." She paused, not really being able to explain how it was she knew, "I just do." She believed it whether she could explain it or not.

"Sydney," he started. He looked to the side as he searched for the right words. He was really dumbfounded at what she had to say. Its not that he ever trusted Sloane, but to say he is Korsakov, someone who no one but her knows about. It just seemed implausible. Vaughn took in a deep breath and then started again. "Sydney, I don't understand where you are getting this information. How do you know Sloane is the head of The Guildiya?"

Sydney broke eye contact with him and began shaking her head in a great frustration. She looked up at him with piercing eyes. "You don't believe me."

"I want to Syd. I really want to. But I don't know how to." He replied, not knowing how to avoid angering her.

Sydney stared at him with a cold hard look. Her eyes grew furious. "You don't believe me, again." She said slowly in a harsh low tone. Vaughn looked at her with sympathy as she shook her head. "I can't believe you!" She screamed. She abruptly got up off the bed and grabbed her pants off the chair they were slung over, slipping them on quickly. Vaughn watched her with concern.

"Where are you going?" He asked desperately as she grabbed her tank top and slipped it on over her head.

"Anywhere but here!" She growled as she slipped on a pair of shoes.

"Syd, its the middle of the night, you can't possibly think its a good idea to just leave," he said trying to reason with her.

"Leave me alone," her voice becoming rabid as her eyes flashed fury at him. She ran out the bedroom door, slamming it in Vaughn's face as he attempted to stop her.

Nadia arose from her room as she heard the shouting and door slamming, "What's going on," she asked with concerned eyes.

"Its Sydney, I don't know what's wrong with her," Vaughn replied to Nadia with a desperation in his voice. Nadia looked at Sydney with wide eyes of worried curiosity as she ran out the door, no coat in hand.

"Sydney, wait!" Nadia yelled. They both proceeded to run after her, not bothering to change into regular clothes. Sydney was already in her car and pulling out of the driveway by the time they got to the door.

"My car," Vaughn yelled to Nadia as he pointed towards his vehicle. She jumped in the passenger seat and Vaughn quickly drove off after Sydney.

"Where do you think she is going?" Nadia asked, as Sydney's car disappeared around a corner and into the darkness, driving rapidly with no lights on.

"I don't know," Vaughn said with a faint quiver. He gulped hard as he turned around the corner and realized he'd lost her. Vaughn ended up driving around, taking any turn he saw, trying to find her. But they both knew it was useless. She was gone, they weren't going to find her.

The tires on Sydney's car screeched around the corner as she sped down the roads. She had no idea where she was going. She just needed to get away. Her face remained tough though, as she drove, stone-cold with anger.

After about 15 minutes of driving, she pulled into a parking lot at the beach. She had no idea why she was there. It just looked inviting. Sydney got out of the car and slipped her shoes off as she walked in the sand towards the water. The sand felt soothing as it squished in between her toes. As she made it to the water, she swept her hand across the ocean, coldness on her finger tips. She sighed and took a few steps back to dry land and sat down.

Suddenly a feeling of guilt penetrated her stomach. Vaughn and Nadia must be so worried about her, she thought. Sydney sucked in a deep breath and let it out slowly. A tear trickled down her cheek. She felt so confused. And moreover, she felt alone.

She thought about Nadia for a moment. She said she believed her. But she would never believe the notion that Sloane was the head of The Guildiya. She would be angry at even an insinuation about it. Vaughn had probably already told her too. Maybe she could deny it. Say she was confused by her dream, and in the meantime, she could do her own investigation. Sydney thought deep and hard about this. It seemed logical.

Sydney got out her cell phone and pressed Vaughn's number on the speed dial. She listened to his frantic voice as he answered.

"Sydney!" Vaughn exclaimed, as Nadia's eyes perked up beside him, "Where are you? Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry," She started as she wiped the tears from her eyes. She didn't want to do this, to lie and make herself look stupid, to say it was all a misunderstanding, a confusion from her nightmares. But she had no choice, she thought. "I was confused. I just keep having nightmares and they confused me. I was daydreaming both times I saw those people and it just felt so vivid, I thought it was real. But I realize now that I was wrong. Vaughn, please believe me," she pleaded, her voice quivering.

"Sydney, I do believe you. Come home okay and we'll talk about it then, just come home." He said, his voice going soft to sway her.

"Alright, I'll be there soon." They hung up and Sydney arose from the sand. She took a long look out at the stars and the ocean as it swept up against the shore and tickled the tips of her toes. She took in a large breath of ocean air and let out a large sigh. Sydney walked up towards the water and bent down to swirl her hand in the water for a moment. She saw her reflection. It startled her. There were tears streaming down her face and a confused and terrified look in her eyes. As she watched herself in the water, new tears fell. Finally she took her hand and stirred up the water so her reflection would disappear. She got up and walked to the car quickly and drove home.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

"Oh Syd!" Vaughn exclaimed with relief as she walked through the doorway of her home. He quickly grabbed hold of her in a tight hug. "Are you okay?" He asked gently.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Sydney replied as he squeezed her. She pulled away from him as she saw Nadia standing behind them with a relieved but fraught look on her face.

"Syd," Nada said quietly and she walked up to her and pulled her into a gentle hug. Tears fell from both their eyes. "Sydney," Nadia started as she let go of Sydney, "what happened? Why did you run off?"

"I..." Sydney tried to start but Vaughn's green stare caught her eye. She looked down and swallowed hard. "I've been having these nightmares and when I'm awake, I'm just so tired that I get irritable... and confused." Sydney sighed as the partial lies seeped from her mouth.

Nadia took a strand of Sydney's hair and pulled it away from her eyes. She looked deeply at her as tears fell from Sydney's eyes.

"Syd, we're here for you, for anything you need. Next time just talk to us. We love you." Nadia gently said.

"Nadia is right Syd. We care about you and tonight you scared us deeply. Maybe you should see Dr. Jain about this. I know your father thinks its a good idea," Vaughn explained with concern.

"You talked to my father?" Sydney said with worry. She was trying to hide her anger at the idea. She didn't want her father to know any of this.

"I called him while you were sleeping tonight," Vaughn replied.

"Oh. I see."

"Syd, I'm sorry, but I was worried after what happened when we went out tonight."

"Its fine Vaughn. And really, you don't have to worry about me." No, he didn't. It was Sloane they all had to worry about, Sydney thought. "I think I'll go to bed. Its almost 2am." Vaughn and Nadia both nodded and left her to go to her room.

Sydney closed the door to her bedroom behind her as she stripped off her clothes and put on an old pair of grey sweat pants and a white tank top. She sat on the bed, sighing deeply and then lay down. She was so tired. She closed her eyes to fall into a world of darkness as her body went to sleep.

The road was black. Still hot with freshly laid asphalt. Above was the wavy air of the desert heat. The road stretched long into the distance as the California hillside enclosed it on each side. Sydney could see the trucks in the distance continuing to lay fresh road as she turned off the pavement and onto the dusty path cars seldom took. Sweat beaded from her pores as her old truck without air conditioning roughed its way through the desert. Half a mile down the road, she saw him there waiting for her. Her contact, the one who had inside connections to The Guildiya and would tell her more about Sloane.

Sydney pulled over and quickly got out of the truck. A blond man was watching her with a smirk on his face.

"Sydney, how nice to meet your acquaintance once again," his blue eyes captured the daunting light of the bright sun as he spoke in a British accent.

"Sark," Sydney replied in a dead tone. She cared little for pleasantries. She was here for one reason - info on Sloane so she could eventually take him down.

Sark smiled at her, "I suppose you don't wish to catch up on old times."

"You know why I'm here," she said insistently with irritation. "Sloane."

"Yes, The Guildiya," Sark began, "They began as a small terrorist faction on the rise. In hiring them for his own purpose Sloane ended up killing off their leader, Korsakov, and continued to use his name as an alias."

"What is his purpose?" Sydney asked.

"Do you really need to ask me that," Sark replied tilting his head to the side.

"Rambaldi."

"Yes. He convinced the members of The Guildiya of Rambaldi's significance, converting them to his so called faith." Sark continued to explain.

"And you?"

"Oh, I'm merely in it for the money," he replied with a smile, one Sydney didn't return.

"You're going to help me," Sydney spoke callously.

"Take down Sloane?" Sark asked with slight surprise. He'd never thought of Sydney as one to come to him for more than information.

"Yes." She replied plainly.

"And what's in it for me? I assure you, I am paid quite well as it is," Sark asked with skepticism.

"I wont kick your ass. How bout that for a start," Sydney answered seriously, her tone remaining dead. Sark smiled.

Sydney was about to speak when the heat waves of the desert air began swirling. The dizziness took over her as her head began to pound. Deep pains digging down into her skull and crippling her to the ground. She blinked. Sark was gone. Her eyes shut tight and she opened them again. The desert was gone. Suddenly she found herself sitting in her sedan pulled over on the shoulder as heavy traffic passed by her. She shook her head. She couldn't remember why she was pulled over or where she was going. She must have been coming back from the desert, she thought. She must have lost track of time.

Sydney released the brake on her car and pulled the gears to drive. She quickly swung back into traffic as a car honked at her. Her head still hurt. She swept her hand back over the top of her head and into her long brown hair, sighing hard. She drove home as the light pierced into her eyes and made her head pound worse. Finally she pulled into her driveway. There were no other cars. No one was home.

As Sydney walked into her house, she quickly went for the Aspirin. At first she took 2 but her head throbbed hard so she took 2 more and lay down on the couch. She felt exhausted.

Suddenly everything went blurry and then back. She sat up quickly realizing she was in bed. She wasn't sure what had just happened. She must have lost track of time again. She hadn't been dreaming, she insisted to herself. She was wrong.

As Sydney lay back down, she noticed Vaughn's sleeping body next to her. It was 5:58am. She couldn't remember how she'd gotten there. Lost track of time, she thought, lost track of time, she repeated again in her mind as she shook her head. She closed her eyes and let herself fall back asleep.

It was Sunday, she thought to herself. It must be for the alarm clock read 11:28am. Still, she didn't want to get out of bed. Her eyes felt strained just looking at the world, at the sun peaking in through her bedroom window.

Something felt wrong about today, she thought. After a moment she realized what it was. She felt hollow. Her life had become about someone else, about fighting Sloane, and she was doing it alone. She felt alone, hollow and alone. The truth was she had felt alone for awhile now. The loneliness seeped in the minute she pulled the trigger on him, on Vaughn. Everything else after that wasn't the same. He never showed it, but the feeling was innate in at least her. Sydney took in a deep breath and let it out as she heard footsteps coming into her room.

"Syd?" Vaughn said quietly, poking his head through the door.

"I'm awake," she replied in a dead tone. At that, he opened the door fully and walked into the room, seating himself next to her body on the bed.

"Do you want breakfast?" He asked with a smile.

"No." She replied unemotionally.

Vaughn raised an eyebrow as he noticed her apathy. "Are you sure?"

"Yes." Sydney slowly got up and walked out of the room, not even bothering to change. She sat down on the couch and turned the TV on. After a moment, she felt fatigued and lay down. Vaughn, lifted her legs up and seated himself on the sofa next to her. He stared at her as her dazed eyes watched the news lifelessly.

"Syd, are you okay?" he asked gently.

"Vaughn, I'm fine." She replied with irritation, not breaking her gaze away from the multitude of colours coming from the TV.

"Fine," he replied with frustration as he took his eyes off her and set them on the TV. It bothered him the way she was acting that morning, but he figured it was because she hadn't been sleeping well. And after taking off last night in an emotionally fury, he figured she must have exhausted herself.

Sydney watched the TV with dead eyes. After a few moments of watching the news, she realized there was something odd about what they were saying, as if there was a message there. She peered hard at the TV, her ears tuning into it as well as she could. There was a sound, a dit dah dit dit dah sound coming from the TV. She followed it, realizing it must be Sark with a message for her.

dit dit dit dit dah dit dit

Her eyes came alive as she listened to the code.

dah dah dah dit dah dah dit dit

Sydney's eyes widened.

"Sloane" she whispered.


	13. Chapter 13

-1Chapter 13

Sydney sat up with determination, leaning forward to the television with her ears on high alert. The Morse code continued, repeating the same name over and over. Sloane. Was he planning something? She thought. What was Sark trying to tell her?

"I have to go out," she said abruptly, turning to Vaughn who looked at her with unease.

"Where?"

"I just need to pick up a few things at the store," she lied as she quickly rushed to her room and threw on the pants and tank top piled on her chair. She cared little about the fact that she had already worn them yesterday. Sydney grabbed her keys and rushed out the front door, not even bothering to brush her hair. She noticed there was already someone in her car. It was Sark.

"What are you doing here? Someone might see you," Sydney said with apprehension as she got into the driver's seat and started the car.

"Don't worry, Vaughn hasn't seen me. I take it you got my message. Rather creative of me, don't you say?" Sark asked with a cocky smile.

"Yeah, I got it. What do you know?" She asked eagerly, her eyes wide.

"Sloane. He's planning on sending some of you on a field assignment to gather info on some of his enemies. He'll say they are part of The Guildiya, but really he is just using you guys to gather info on his rivals to stay one step ahead of them," Sark explained.

"How do you know this?" Sydney asked.

"Now Sydney, a man never reveals his methods," Sark replied with a spark.

All of a sudden, Sydney heard Vaughn's voice calling to her as she saw him step out of the door to her home. She quickly turned to Sark who had already disappeared. She sighed with relief. Vaughn could not know about her turning to Sark for help.

Sydney turned her head towards Vaughn as he knocked on her car window, a look of bafflement on his face. She knew this was a problem. What if he had seen something! she thought with panic.

"Sydney?" he asked as she rolled down the window, "Sydney, what are you doing?" His face has fraught with concern. He had watched her sit there for several minutes animatedly talking to herself in the car.

"I was just about to go to the store," she replied hiding her alarm.

"You've been talking to yourself."

"No, I was just going over my shopping list," she replied nonchalantly, reading his eyes with her blunt stare.

"Um, okay," he said dumbfounded. He really wanted to believe her.

"I better get going," she said immediately, noticing his uneasy eyes.

"Syd, is there anything you're not telling me?" He asked hesitantly.

"What are you talking about, Vaughn?" Sydney spoke defensively, "I really should be going." Vaughn backed off as she released the break and began to pull out. He watched her drive off with confoundment written all over his face. He really did want to believe her.

After an hour of driving aimlessly, Sydney happened to find herself heading to APO. She really wasn't sure why, but unconsciously she had headed there. She pulled into the parkade and quickly went up to the offices. As she walked in past all the desks, she saw her father sitting in his office working. He noticed her immediately and came out with a surprised look hidden within his face.

"Sydney," he said, "What are you doing here?"

"I just felt like catching up on some work." She replied nonchalantly as she continued walking towards the file cabinet.

"I talked to Vaughn last night, Sydney," Jack spoke as he followed her, "he told me what happened."

"Oh." Sydney replied unemotionally as she pulled out the file on The Guildiya.

"We're both worried about you. I think you should talk to Dr. Jain. I can page him right now."

Sydney gave him a brief look, "That's not necessary," she then proceeded to walk past him towards her desk. She pulled out her laptop from a sleek black shoulder bag she had been carrying with her.

"Sydney, I think it is necessary," Jack insisted adamantly as he stood in front of her. She opened up her laptop and then began thumbing through the file, completely ignoring her father. Something she normally would never do. But at this moment, she simply found other people, regardless of who they were, to be a profound irritation.

"Sydney, look at me," Jack spoke with a blatant assertion. She didn't. Instead she spoke in a dead tone as she began to type at her computer.

"Dad, it's fine. I'm fine. Now leave me alone so I can get my work done." Jack grasped hold of her shoulder lightly and pivoted her to face him.

"Sydney!" he spoke up loudly with a fixed stare.

His hard but concerned gaze wasn't enough to shake her, though. She simply pushed his arm off her shoulder forcefully and went back to her work, not uttering a word.

"Fine, be stubborn, like your mother." Jack stated finally and walked away. He had never seen her so disregarding. As he walked into his office, he opened his cell phone and called Dr. Jain, explaining his concern for Sydney to him.

An hour lately, Dr. Jain emerged through the door to APO. He immediately spotted Sydney seated at her desk, completely enthralled in her work. He walked up to her, startling her as he spoke.

"Sydney," he greeted warmly. Her look was belligerent as she turned around to catch the eye of her father through the window of his office. She couldn't believe he had called the doctor on her.

Sydney shook her head as she spoke, "I don't know what my father told you, but I am fine."

"While that may be true, perhaps we could go down to the infirmary and talk." The Doctor held his calming tone as he spoke to her.

"That is not necessary!" Sydney spoke hard as she gathered up her materials, shoving them in her bag in disorganization. She abruptly rose, pushing past the doctor. Jack, who had arisen from his office, quickly walked after her, grabbing hold of her arm as gently as he could.

"Sydney, you will see the doctor," Jack spoke with intense insistence.

"Leave me alone!" She yelled out, forcing his hand away from her.

"Sydney, stop," Jack said, calming his voice, "Please, we just want to help you."

Sydney looked at him for a moment, reading his eyes. She realized she had to do this. She couldn't risk further suspicion from him and Vaughn if she was to pursue a secret investigation into Sloane. Sydney nodded reluctantly and followed Dr. Jain down to the infirmary.

Jack stood there, watching them leave, with worry hidden deep behind the feigned coolness on his face. He realized in those moments of her fighting him, that Vaughn was right. There was something about her. She no longer had the bright look in her eyes that spoke to the passionate good-hearted spirit she was. She simply looked tired, exhausted actually, he thought. And he had noticed the wrinkled clothing she was wearing and how her hair looked like it had only been finger-combed that day. Jack took a deep breath as he walked back to his office, shaking his head with worry over Sydney.

She sat there in a crimson red hospital gown as the doctor pricked the vein in her arm with a piercing needle. Scarlet blood spurted into the vial filling the bottom of it. He pulled the vial off and withdrew the needle from her arm gently. He sat it next to the other vials of blood had taken from her, apparently in an attempt to be thorough, she thought to herself.

"Next I'm going to have you take an MRI," Dr Jain spoke warmly to her.

"Why? I really don't see the point in all these tests. I'm fine." Sydney spoke with skepticism.

"You're father spoke to me about your recent behaviour and affect. We just want to make sure there isn't anything physiological wrong with you. Perhaps something internal is throwing you off-balance and making you feel-"

"I feel fine" she spoke adamantly, cutting him off.

"Alright. Well, you're father has still asked me to do this, so it would be much easier on you if you just relaxed and complied with his wishes," Dr Jain explained trying to coax her into going along with all the tests. Sydney didn't speak. She simply lay her eyes down on the floor, realizing she had little choice here. She reminded herself, though, that there was nothing to find, their fears would be allayed when the test results came back inevitably negative.

"Why don't you come with me and we'll get ready for the MRI," the nurse said to Sydney, lightly guiding her out of the exam room.

Sydney lay down on the table of the machine as the nurse explained what would happen. After a couple minutes, she found herself slowly receding into the bore of the machine. Sydney tried to lay as still as she could in the horizontal tube as the banging sounds started. It was a continual and rapid hammering sound as if she were on a loud train going through a tunnel. She shut her eyes and tried to escape from the sound by concentrating on her breathes. In and out, slowly, deeply, she thought as she breathed. After a few moments she felt light-headed and dizzy. Her eyes blurred as she felt like she was spinning all around, hammers jamming into her head.

Suddenly something dark came into vision. There were shadows all around her, wisping across her eyes and she soon found herself gasping in breathes rapidly as her vision went dark and the room spun around her head at high speed. She tried to steady her breathes, calming herself in the machine as the giant magnet rotated around her.

All of a sudden, she could hear a voice. It was Sloane's voice. She couldn't make out what he was saying above the banging sounds but it made her skin tickle. They were talking about her, she knew it, she could feel it as it made her stomach crawl.

He was planning something, she thought. The doctor. Sloane was putting the doctor up to something. Sydney stopped her breathing in order to listen intently on what he was saying. She could hear stray words.

Blood. Gun shot. Dead.

After a few seconds, her body forced breathes to come sucking back into her lungs. She let herself breath rapidly as her heart started palpitating, beating hard and loud alongside the hammering. She gulped hard. Sloane was planning something. Something big.


	14. Chapter 14

-1Chapter 14

Sydney's heart was beating rapidly as she lay there trapped in the MRI machine that surrounded her body, giant magnets rotating around her head and hammering sounds deep into her brain. Finally, after 20 minutes, the table retreated from the machine's horizontal tube. She took a deep breath and quickly looked through the glass at the adjacent room for Sloane. He was gone.

"Where is he?" Sydney asked distressfully.

"Dr. Jain is in the other room," the nurse answered as she helped Sydney sit up.

"No, not him," Sydney replied with frustration as her eyes darted around the room for any sign of the man she despised.

"Agent Bristow, no one else has been here," the nurse spoke. Sydney peered at her with bafflement.

"Sloane?"

"He hasn't been here," the nurse responded. Sydney looked around one last time and then back at the nurse. What did she mean he hadn't been there. She must be lying, Sydney thought.

"Who do you work for?" Sydney asked with determined accusation.

"I work for The CIA, for APO. Why are you asking me this?" The nurse answered with confusion.

"Who asked you to lie to me?" Sydney asked in a forceful tone. Her eyes went stone cold.

"Agent Bristow, I don't know what your talking about. I did not lie to you." She replied defensively.

"Sloane was here. I heard him when I was in the machine."

"Agent Bristow, the machine is loud. There is no way you could hear anyone in the other room. I assure you, he wasn't here." The nurse explained with resentment at the accusation. Sydney peered at her with harsh eyes.

"We're all done here. Why don't you get dressed," the nurse requested trying to get away from Sydney's glare. Sydney got up quickly and left the room, giving the nurse a nasty look as she went.

Sydney quickly made her way up to her father's office, briefly peering around for Sloane on her way. She couldn't see him, but she had no doubt he had been there. Meanwhile, Jack was sitting in his office thumbing through some files.

"Dad, we need to talk," Sydney said as she breezed through the door.

"Sydney, if this is about the tests, I was only looking out for your best interests." He replied stubbornly not wishing to fight with her about it anymore.

"Its not that," Sydney said as she turned her head around, looking for any sign that anyone else was there. No one was. At that, she walked up to him, coming within inches of him and whispered to him in a low tone. "Its Sloane."

Jack's eyes opened wider at the utterance of that name. "Let's go somewhere else." He cautioned and they briskly walked down to the parkade together, getting inside Jack's car. As he started the car and pulled out of the building, he began to inquire more.

"What about Sloane?" he asked.

"He's the head of The Guildiya, dad. And he's planning something," she spoke with interest.

"Where did you get this intel?" Jack asked with skepticism.

"Sark." She replied.

"You went to Sark in prison?"

"No," Sydney replied with confusion, shaking her head, "Sark's not in prison."

"Yes, Sydney, he is." Jack replied confidently. He hadn't received any reports of Sark escaping and he was sure he'd know the minute such a thing happened.

Sydney looked at Jack with deep confusion. She remembered. He was captured months ago. She shook her head, she couldn't understand it. How had she seen him, met with him.

"He must have escaped," she asserted.

"Sydney, I would have heard."

"I have to go," she replied with haste. Sydney quickly started to get out of the car that had been pulled over at an empty lot of warehouses.

"Sydney, wait," Jack said, getting out of the car after her. He grabbed her arm and she swung around to face him.

"Dad, I really have to go!" She exclaimed desperately.

"Where? where are you going to go?" He said with frustration.

"I just need to go figure some things out."

"What things?" He insisted. Sydney met his eyes with a desperate confusion. She didn't understand it. She needed to see him - Sark. To contact him. To know he was real.

"Can you just give me a ride back to my car. I... I'm really tired. I just want to go home." Sydney explained, trying to allay his worries. Jack was skeptical. He knew she was up to something, but he couldn't really do much with her refusing to talk about it.

"Fine." He replied. He would figure out another way to find out what she was hiding. He got back in the car with a distasteful look on his face. Sydney followed his lead and he drove to her car, which was parked in the APO parkade. The car ride was silent.

As soon as the car pulled up beside her own, Sydney got out with haste and headed towards her own car, grabbing the car keys out from her purse.

"Sydney," Jack said. She looked at him wanting to say so much but being unable to tell him the truth. Her eyes were regretful as they met his concerned stare. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Dad, I'm fine. I'm just tired." It wasn't a lie. Jack nodded as she got into her car. He watched her pull out of the parking spot and quickly got into his own car intending to follow her.

Sydney drove around, not completely sure where to go. She couldn't remember how she had contacted Sark. She wasn't even sure if she had or if it was him who had contacted her. After about an hour of driving, she found herself driving down a long stretch of highway out of the city. Suddenly she saw him. He was leaning up against his black jaguar at the side of the road. No one else was around. Sydney pulled up behind him and proceeded to get out of her car.

"Sydney." Sark smirked suavely.

Sydney looked at him with anger and confusion, "I don't understand how you're here. You were in prison. This... this makes no sense," she spoke with an exhausted confusion in her voice.

"Sydney, you must know me better than this," Sark asserted with disappointment.

"Explain it to me!" She exclaimed, tired and irritated.

"That's not me in prison, Sydney. Its a double," he explained. After a moment he smiled. "I always thought you, Sydney Bristow, would have figured that out sooner."

Sydney sighed. She wasn't crazy, she thought. He was there in front of her. Sark. The real Sark.

"Fine. What info do you have for me?" she asked, moving on.

"Sloane's in Saint Petersburg meeting with a man named Alexander Miranov over some Rambaldi artifacts."

"Do you have any idea what his end game is?"

"Sydney, Rambaldi itself is an endgame for him. You must know this." She nodded. It was true.

"Do you know anything else?"

"Not right now. I'll get back to you the minute I do."

"Fine," she replied in a dead tone as she started getting back into her car.

"Sydney, you know you're eventually going to have to pay back this favour," Sark said with a callous smile. Sydney eyed him coldly as she got back into her car.

Meanwhile, Jack was sitting in his car that was pulled over on the same stretch of highway. He watched her from around a bend, his car hidden in the shadows cast by the hillside. He watched her. She was standing there by herself, her car pulled over in the middle of nowhere. He could see her animatedly talking. But no one else was there. Jack's eyes grew with worry. He quickly got out his cell phone and called Dr. Jain.

"Hello?" Dr. Jain said answering the phone while he sat there looking at Sydney's MRI.

"This is Jack Bristow. We have a problem."


	15. Chapter 15

-1Chapter 15

Sydney arrived home in the late afternoon to find Vaughn's car still parked in her driveway. She sighed knowing he was probably wondering where she had been all day since she had left around noon only to quickly pick something up at the store. She grabbed her shoulder bag and walked into her home, her eyes entrenched with dark circles and tired lines. She immediately noticed Vaughn who was talking on his cell phone. His expression was a bothered one as his eyes conveyed the seriousness of the conversation. As she walked in, he saw her and quickly hung up.

"Sydney, I've been wondering when you'd get back," Vaughn said to her immediately, coming up to her and giving her a light kiss on the cheek.

"Oh, yeah, I um... got side tracked," she replied, not really knowing what to say. She was too worn out to think of a good cover story.

"Right." Vaughn nodded to her as he concealed the fact that he had just been on the phone with Jack. "You look tired, why don't you go lie down." Vaughn smiled warmly as he lead her to her bedroom.

Sydney immediately sensed something was wrong, "What are you doing?" she asked with an agitated tone.

"What do you mean? I'm just trying to be nice," he spoke, trying to keep a smile on his face to coax her into resting.

"No, you're hiding something," she snapped at him in a harsh tone. "Who were you talking on the phone with!"

Vaughn looked down and sighed. "Your father."

"My father? Why!" Her eyes were mad with fury.

"Sydney, you're not well," he replied trying to reason with her.

"I'm fine! Can't everyone just understand that I am fine!" Her face went red as she screamed at him.

"Sydney, calm down!" Vaughn exclaimed.

"Don't tell me what to do! I can't believe you. You go behind my back to my father!" she yelled.

"I did what I had to do. Sydney, we're both worried about you," Vaughn replied, trying to calm his tone.

"Well don't be!" she said in a low hard tone, her eyes portraying rage.

"Sydney, I need to be. Your behaviour, its cause for concern. A lot of concern."

"How would you know? Have you been following me?" she asked with anger

"No, I don't have to. Its right here in front of me. You look exhausted and-"

"So, I'm tired. That doesn't make me crazy!" she said cutting him off.

Vaughn continued, "You're irritable. You talk to yourself as if someone else is there."

"You're wrong," Sydney yelled in defence of herself.

"I'm not. I saw you. And then you're father saw you drive to the middle of nowhere and have a conversation with no one at the side of a highway."

"He followed me! You two have been conspiring against me!"

"We're not conspiring against you Sydney. And that's another thing. You're paranoid and obsessed with The Guildiya case, for no reason I can understand," he explained in a frustrated tone.

"I have good reason! You have no idea what I know, Vaughn."

"I don't think you know anything Sydney. How can you when you're sources are imaginary people. You're loosing it Sydney and you need help."

"Go to hell!" she screamed as she grabbed something off her dresser and chucked it at him. It just missed his head and smashed against the wall into shattered pieces of sharp porcelain.

"Sydney... Sydney, just calm down," Vaughn said with a softer tone. Sydney stared him deep in the eye, her own eyes red with fire. After a moment, she looked away and shook her head.

"You know, this is just..." She couldn't find the words so she just stared at him as tears tried to form in her eyes. She forced them away.

"Sydney," Vaughn said softly as he approached her getting ready to put his arm on her shoulder gently. The minute he touched her, though, she swatted his arm away.

"Just leave!" she screamed, pointing to the door to her room. Vaughn stared at her with soft pleading eyes. She stared him down and screamed again, her voice turning shrill. "Leave!"

"Sydney, no. You're not okay. Can't we just sit down and talk about this?" he asked gently.

"Leave!" her eyes went dark with madness and she started shoving him out the door. "Leave now!" Vaughn refused, trying to stand his ground in the room.

"Sydney, please," he replied desperately. Suddenly, he found himself being swiftly thrust out of the room as the door slammed behind him. On the other side of the door, Sydney found herself brimming with tears as she sunk down to the ground against the door.

"Just leave me alone," she whispered. Her eyes stared forward hollowly as they watered up. Finally a single tear started to fall and then quickly, an army of tears fell, streaking her cheeks with fine shiny lines. Her eyes were puffy and red as she wiped away the tears. She took a deep breath and suddenly she couldn't hold back her cries any more. She tried to muffle them with her hand over her mouth, but she was sure Vaughn was standing on the other side listening to her.

"Sydney, please let me in," Vaughn asked gently through the door.

"Go away," she said crying.

"Please," Vaughn tried to open to door slowly.

"Go away!" she said louder as she pushed herself against the door.

"Sydney, I need to come inside," Vaughn pushed the door harder, but Sydney managed to pull the dresser that was beside the door against it, locking him out. "Sydney!" he said in frustration as the banging of him trying to push the door opened against the dresser could be heard loudly.

"Vaughn, just leave!" she cried louder.

"What's going on!" Someone exclaimed behind Vaughn. It was Nadia, who had just come in from the front door to see him banging against Sydney's door.

"Sydney locked herself in here. She's... she's not well." Vaughn explained.

"Sydney?" Nadia asked softly as she knocked on the door gently. Sydney didn't answer. Instead she sunk down against the wall beside the dresser. She didn't know what to do. She was lost. She was truly lost, she thought as fresh tears fell from her sorrow stricken eyes.

Reality hit her hard as she sat there. She had locked herself in the bedroom from two people she loved as Vaughn and her father conspired against her. Or so she thought with paranoia.

She was so exhausted, but she couldn't let them get in the way of her fight against Sloane. Too much was at stake. She had to save the world from him, she thought. Too tired to sit up anymore, she slunk down to the ground, resting her head on top of her folded arms. Tears continued to fall, leaving little droplets on the floor below her. Sydney took a deep breath and let it out hard, staring forward, her eyes glazed over.

She was lost.


	16. Chapter 16

-1Chapter 16

"I'm calling Jack," Vaughn said immediately after he had given up on trying to force his way through the door. Nadia nodded with worried eyes.

Vaughn got out his cell phone and dialled Jack's number.

"Jack, its Vaughn. Sydney, she's..." he paused as words like gone crazy and insane ran through his mind, "She's locked herself in her bedroom. Needless to say, I'm very worried about her." Vaughn sighed hard as he rubbed his forehead, wrinkles of worry deeply portrayed.

"I'll be right there," Jack replied with concern as he immediately put down the files he was working on and rushed to his car.

"Vaughn, what happened?" Nadia finally asked.

"She's sick. She's just... sick," he said shaking his head in disbelieve. The women who he knew to be strong and who could fight through anything was now mentally unwell, he thought.

Nadia looked at him with worry-stricken eyes wanting to know more. "I don't understand," she replied with confusion.

"She's been talking to people that aren't there. I think she's loosing it." His eyes grew stricken with terror at the idea. It made his stomach crawl to see Sydney like that.

"There must be a mistake. You've actually seen her?" Nadia said in disbelief, having faith in Sydney, knowing her older sister was strong and wise. Someone she looked up to.

"I wish it was a mistake. I've seen her. Jack's seen her." Vaughn replied, shaking his head.

"I don't know. It just doesn't make sense. There must be another explanation." Nadia asserted.

"Nadia, look at her, she's locked herself in her room after screaming at me. I've never seen her scream at anyone like that before." Vaughn tried to explain.

"I know you two have been having problems. She's just frustrated and she hasn't been sleeping well. Its making her irritable. But she's not crazy. I mean, this is Sydney we're talking about," Nadia said refusing to believe anything different.

"I want to believe you Nadia, but I've seen too much. I mean, remember how she just ran off before. She's been acting so strange. I just know there is something very wrong."

Nadia shook her head and walked over the Sydney's bedroom door, knocking lightly. "Sydney, will you at least let me in? We can talk if you want." Nadia said gently, knowing Sydney needed someone on her side right now.

"I can't Nadia," Sydney replied quietly, just loud enough for the sound of her voice to seep through the door to Nadia's ear. Sydney pulled herself off the floor. She realized they must have called her father by now. The cavalry was on its way, she thought. As exhausted as she was, she knew she needed to escape from the house.

"Sydney?" Nadia asked.

Sydney didn't respond. Instead she looked towards her bedroom window, seeing her escape. She grabbed her bag and quickly made her way over to it, opening it and climbing out. She was lucky enough to be on ground level. Sydney quickly snuck around her building, crawling below any windows and made her way to her car.

"Sydney, I want you to know I'm here for you if you need me, okay," Nadia said in a gentle tone as spoke through the bedroom door.

All of a sudden, Vaughn and Nadia heard a car start. They both looked at each other with bafflement. Vaughn jaunted quickly over to the front door, Nadia tracing behind him, and opened it to see Sydney speeding off in her silver sedan. Vaughn's face melted into dismay as he watched her leave. He looked at Nadia, his eyes staggered.

"Should we go after her?" Nadia asked with alarm.

"I don't know. I just..." he paused, "I don't really know what to do anymore."

"I'm sure she'll be back. She just needs to clear her head," Nadia tried to reassure though even she was worried.

"Good, Jack's here," Vaughn said as a black government issue sedan pulled up. Jack immediately got out of the car with a concerned look of inquisition on his face.

"What happened?" Jack asked trying to burry the signs of his trepidation.

"Sydney took off in her car," Nadia stated.

"She must have climbed out of her bedroom window," Vaughn added, rubbing his forehead with discouragement.

Jack nodded with an element of despair. "I talked to Dr. Jain. He has some preliminary findings to report regarding the tests he preformed on Sydney this morning. We should head there now," Jack explained. "Nadia, you stay behind and look for Sydney." Vaughn then joined Jack in his car as Nadia got into her own. The both drove off, apprehension filling both cars.

Sydney didn't really know where she was heading, she just continued driving down the highway, one that contoured the shoreline. Her eyes followed the beach as she drove, the waves crashing up against the shore looked so entrancing. Not knowing where to go, she decided to just follow the Pacific Coast Highway. After awhile, the beaches got less people filled and eventually she pulled off the highway to an empty spot on the shoreline.

The fresh ocean air hit her the moment she stepped onto the sand. The sun was hitting the bottom of the horizon, bright orange and red painting the landscape. She plunked herself down in the sand about a foot from the edge of the water and listened to the sound of the waves crashing down. A cool breeze brushed past her and she lay down, her dark hair piling down on the beach floor beneath her head. She just watched the ocean, and lay there, too tired to move.

After about an hour, the sky had turned navy blue and the first stars were coming out. Sydney hadn't moved since she had lay down, her eyes open however and fixed on the horizon in front of her.

After a moment, she noticed a light reflecting in the water. She looked up to the sky to see if it was the moon, but it was moving. Sydney pulled herself up, sand falling off her already messy hair and dishevelled looking clothing. Turning around, she realized it was a flashlight, someone was walking along the beach towards her. Quickly she got up and ran towards her car.

Sydney peered out at the person from behind her car, crouching down. She couldn't tell who it was. For all she knew, it could have been Vaughn or her father looking for her. She didn't want to wait there and find out. She needed to get away, she couldn't let them capture her and lock her up in some hospital. She assumed that would be the result of their conspiracy.

As she pulled back on the road, she noticed a police car parked about a 50 feet away. Driving past it, she noticed it was empty. Perhaps they'd sent out a police car to search for her. It didn't matter, she would be long gone by dawn, she thought as she continued driving aimlessly north on the highway.

As day broke, Sydney felt the sharp sun on her eyes. She shielded herself from the brightness briefly, while she felt around for her sunglasses. Putting them on, she spied the empty parking lot for any signs of people. No one was there. She looked at her watch to see that it was nearly 6am. She had pulled into the parking lot several hours earlier after exhaustion stalled her ability to continue driving. She had no idea how far she had driven. The only thing she knew was that her stomach was growling with the pains of hunger. She hadn't eaten anything yesterday. Sydney started the car and drove around looking for something opened. After a few minutes she found a diner that was open at 6am.

"Hello," a lady called from behind the counter as Sydney walked in. Sydney smiled and took a seat at a booth, the sun pooling light around the table.

Opening the menu, Sydney sighed. Nothing looked appetizing to her.

"What'll you have?" The lady asked in a rugged tone, her eyes filled with that droopy 6am fatigue. Sydney noticed her nametag read Sue Anne.

"Um, I guess I'll have the pancake breakfast with some coffee," Sydney replied unsure.

"Sure thing deary."

"Wait." Sydney called out as Sue Anne was about to leave. The heavy woman with greying hair in a sea foam green restaurant uniform turned back around. "Do you know any good hotels around?"

"I don't know about good, but there's a decent one a couple blocks north of here. Its a Motel 6."

"Thanks," Sydney replied and Sue Anne quickly headed back to work.

After an hour, Sydney pushed aside what was left of her breakfast. She found herself to have no appetite despite her earlier hunger. She put out some bills on the table and quickly took off for the motel.

While Sydney had been taking off up the coast, Jack and Vaughn had immediately rushed over to APO to speak to Dr Jain. They were both silent with nervous despair as they walked towards the infirmary. The doctor greeted them at the end of the hallway, Sydney's file in hand.

"As you know, I have some preliminary results," the doctor started as he walked them into his office.

"What did you find?" Jack asked eagerly in a solid tone.

"When Sydney was affected with the Nocturne, her blood levels showed some anomalies. Specifically there were elevated Melatonin levels. Her current blood work shows the same." Dr Jain explained.

"So she's still affected with Nocturne?" Vaughn asked with confusion.

"No. But when I ran the MRI on her, I noticed that her pineal gland is enlarged-"

"But it wasn't before?" Jack asked suspiciously, wondering if the doctor had missed something.

"No. But the Cahill's pineal glands were both twice the regular size upon autopsy."

"That makes no sense. Why would Sydney be showing signs of Nocturne and have an enlarged pineal gland when she hasn't had Nocturne in her system for weeks?" Vaughn asserted with frustrated bafflement.

"I suspect that there have been lingering effects of the drug. It is not unheard of for a drug to permanently change the brain. In Sydney's case, it is likely that Nocturne altered the function of her pineal gland and as its chemical balance was thrown off, changes in her brain have continued to take place," Dr. Jain explained.

"And this is permanent?" Jack inquired with a deep worry hidden behind his steady voice.

"The change in her brain structure is. However, there is a possibility that with medications we can attempt to balance her brain chemistry and normalize her behaviour. Illness resulting from this sort of thing is very uncommon, however, and so there are no standard treatments available. But we can try."

"First we have to find her," Vaughn stated with a misery in his edgy voice. The three of them exchanged fretful looks, not knowing where Sydney could be.


	17. Chapter 17

-1Chapter 17

The stale air was sucked into her lungs as she yawned. The motel room was bare and dingy. Sydney lay on the bed, overtop of the stained floral bed spread, as her eyes slowly opened and closed. Her eyelids were heavy with the exhaustion of having travelled all night. Even though day had broken hours before, Sydney felt an intense need to sleep. Her eyes slid into a peaceful daze.

Just as she neared a state of sleep, Sydney felt her skin crawl with the presence of someone. A hand was on her shoulder. Touching her. She forced her droopy eyes opened as the hand shook her shoulder. She could hear her name being called with insistence. Looking up, she could see it was Sark.

"Sydney, get up," Sark said, persisting in waking her.

"What do you want?" She asked groggily. After a moment, she sat up, coming to her full senses and aroused herself out of that dazed state.

"I figured you'd want to know the information I had immediately. It concerns Sloane," Sydney's eyes perked up.

"What do you know?"

"Remember the high-energy pulse weapon Sloane used to incinerate those people in the church a few years back. The one he intended to use on Alia Gizabi?" Sark inquired.

"How could I forget it?" Sydney said feeling the doom associated with it.

"Sloane's men reacquired it." Sydney's eyes widened.

"What is he planning?" her voice brimming to the edge with worry.

"He's going after the CIA this time," Sark explained with significance.

Sydney's eyes grew tense, widening to show the terror she felt. "What's the specific target?" she asked with exacerbation.

"APO."

Sydney held in a gasp, as she looked away, her eyes burning with the need to cry. She couldn't take this anymore. Sloane. She had to stop him. People could die. The people she loved were going to die! she screamed to herself, ringing through the depth of her mind.

"You have to help me stop him," she replied, her voice quivering.

"What's in it for me?" Sark asked glibly.

"Do you have no heart!" She asked with a loud harsh tone.

"People die everyday Sydney. This is no different than any of those other times," Sark replied with little emotion.

"Yes, people die. You kill them. These..." she stuttered emotionally, "these are people I know and love!" She stared at him with intense fire in her eyes. She wanted to cry. She wanted to hurt him in fact, as he stood there so callous in front of her. But she needed him. And she could never let him see her cry. Sydney took in a deep breath as she eyed him hard.

"Sydney, do you really think you can take down Sloane?" Sark asked seriously. "I mean, no offence, but I like to come out on the winning side."

"I can and I will take him down," she asserted in an arduous tone.

"You already know where you can find him. I don't think you need my help to eliminate him."

"I need backup. No one else believes me. You're the only person I have."

Sark smiled at the idea of being the only person she had, but stood his ground. Money was more important. "Sydney, you don't need my help. Sloane trusts you. It will make him an easy target."

"Fine, don't help. Why would I ever expect more from you!" she replied harshly, eyeing him with a piercing look.

Sark smiled. "I have to go. I have business to attend to." Sydney gave him a crude look as he briskly walked out the door. Before he left, he turned to her, "good luck."

As soon as his figure disappeared through the door, Sydney crashed down on the bed, lying face up at the ceiling. She gasped in a laborious breath and held it there, scrunching up her face with furious emotions. Tears began to brim her eyes. She let out the gasp of air forcefully and sucked in another breath and let it out again. Tears finally fell. She had to do it, she thought. There was no other way. But she'd never killed anyone, not like that. She wasn't a murderer like him, like Sloane.

What if he's there now?

What if the weapon is set up?

What if they are all about to perish?

Sydney briskly sat up at that thought, her mind rushing with the sounds of her own anxious thoughts. She grabbed her stuff and headed for the car.

She swerved onto the lane that drove up to Sloane's mansion. She had been driving for hours, her forehead beaded with sweat as the heat of the afternoon had swept over her. Her pale coloured tank top was noticeably dirty and her black pants wrinkled. She had been wearing them for 2 days strait. She was dishevelled looking with her hair unwashed and only finger combed in the last couple days. She never had taken notice of it herself, she simply brushed on in survival mode.

Sydney stopped the car just before she was in vision of the large house. She breathed deeply and slowly, wiping her forehead as she turned to rear view mirror to reflect her face. She swallowed hard as she looked at her worn face. It looked so tired and desperate. Lost. Sydney felt a tickle in her throat as a tear formed in her eye. Sucking in her breath, she forced it away. Still, her eyes were lost.

Trying to gather her self up, nerves and rampant thoughts into focus, Sydney took out her gun and held it up on its side. She stared at it, the shiny black catching the light of the hot sun. It would be too loud. She put the gun down. She needed something else. She came prepared. She took out the string instrument, simple fishing line with two wooden handles at the end. She'd choke him. That was the way. Sydney traced her finger across it. Her breath quivered. She looked back into the mirror, her eyes hardened. It was time.

Sydney started the car again and drove up to the gate of Sloane's estate where she met with an intercom voice demanding to know her identity and business with Sloane. It was simple. She was a colleague. And to him, a friend, the daughter he never had. She hated him and yet he still thought of her in high regards. And she knew it. It was her advantage. The gates opened and she continued to drive, parking up at the front of the house.

As Sydney got out of her car, she was met with two guards. She knew they were heavily armed. It didn't matter, not yet, she reminded herself.

"Mr Sloane is awaiting you in his office," a man said greeting her in a refined tone. The man, dressed perfectly in a black suite, walked her towards Sloane's office. He eyed her while he lead the way as she was far removed from the dignified looking people who usually attended Sloane's presence.

Finally they met the dark wood doors of his office. As Sydney walked in, she noticed him standing behind his large mahogany desk. He was smiling. His eyes twinkled with delight to see her. It made her sick. Her stomached crawled as their eyes met. Sloane immediately walked towards her.

"Sydney," his eyes warmed as he spoke her name, "How nice it is to see you. Quite a surprise as well." Sydney smiled back deceitfully as she nodded her head. Sloane motioned her to the brown leather couch. As she sat herself down, he quickly seated himself next to her, inches away from her.

"So, tell me, what brings you here?" He asked curiously.

Sydney realized at that moment that she didn't quite have a plan of action. Was she going to just go for it? Was she going to make small talk?

"Um," she started. Suddenly she brought her hands to her eyes and started to weep. "I'm just, I'm lost, and Vaughn and my father, they don't understand. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so lost. I know, this is silly, me coming to you like this. You must think I've lost my mind. I'm just so tired." She looked up at him, her eyes portraying the exhaustion that she felt. Tears were streaming down her face.

Sloane wasn't at all taken aback by this. Instead, he was filled with an odd sense of fatherly satisfaction. She had come to him. He felt close to her, as if he was the father she never had. A warm, loving person unlike her own father. That was what he told himself anyways, as he put his hand on her shoulder.

"Sydney, I'm here for you."

"Its just, I've been having these nightmares. I am just so tired and lost. And... and..." she sobbed into her hands. Sloane rubbed her back gently as his insides tickled with a sense of pride over his fatherliness.

After a moment, Sydney spoke through her tears. "I'm sorry I'm coming to you like this. I know its so unlike me. I should pull myself together. I'm horrible for being so weak, but..." she sniffled.

"Sydney, its okay. I've always thought of myself as a father to you, someone you could come to in your time of need," Sloane replied softly as he pulled her into a hug. While his ego soared, Sydney felt like she was going to be physically ill, but she had to keep the facade going, even if she felt the need to crawl out of her own skin and burn it.

"Thank you," she muffled in between sobs as she took her arms and gathered them around his back, hugging onto him tighter. She started to pull the fishing line out from her sleeve.

"Sydney, I'm glad you came to me." Sloane whispered into her ear, and then gently kissed her forehead. Her eyes flashed with rage as her fiery insides burned. She grasped onto the line, swiftly knotting it around his neck, and pulled tight.


	18. Chapter 18

-1Chapter 18

His eyes flashed with alarm as the line pulled around his neck, as Sydney gripped onto it tighter and pulled with all her strength and rage. Her own eyes portrayed the violent madness within, her face red with fury.

Crimson shades washed over his face. He struggled, swinging his arms around, knocking over a lamp and sending some priceless artifacts crashing to the ground.

Sydney sucked in a full breath and held it as she pulled harder, steadying her nerves and focusing her mind. She stared deep into his eyes.

Purple boiled onto his face as his blood darkened without oxygen. His hands found hers and began fumbling around to loosen her grip.

Sydney's eyes narrowed as her face scrunched up in an exacerbated determination. Her hands began to hurt from pulling so hard. Her head began to throb. She continued pulling despite his hands digging away at hers.

His eyes went dark with a confused betrayal as he stared at her. Light was sucked away from his vision into a void of blackness, of nothingness as his brain suffocated. His hands grew weaker and his fingers loosened from around her own.

Her eyes widened and she let out the breath she had been holding as his arms flopped down to the side and his body went limp. He slumped over her. She quickly swallowed hard and pushed him down the ground with a thump. Sydney's breathing went rapid and shallow as the colour seeped from her face. Beads of sweat were adorning her forehead. Tears began to form in her eyes.

He was dead.

She didn't know whether to smile or cry.

Sloane was dead.

Sydney stood up unsteadily as she looked at his heavy body, clothed in a fine suite, limp on the floor. Tears fell and rage formed. She wanted to throw her fists at him and beat him to death with all her anger for everything he'd ever done to her. But he was already dead. She was so angry she didn't know what to do.

Suddenly something shiny caught her eye. It was an elegant letter opener glimmering in fine silver. In an exhausted fury, she grabbed it, tears streaking her face, and jabbed it hard into his neck. She paused as she watched for blood. There was only a small trickle as his circulation had already stopped. She wanted to see him bleed to death. But he was already dead. She'd already killed him, watched the life seep from his eyes.

Quickly she let go of the letter opener in his neck and stood up, wiping away her tears. There was a mirror in the corner of his office. Peering into it, she noticed her red eyes. She stared at herself in awe and shock. He was dead. She'd killed him. He was dead. She'd killed him. It repeated over and over in her brain.

After a moment, she realized she needed to get out of there. She put on the sunglasses that had been hanging off the top of her shirt, and casually walked out of the office, glimpsing at his body as she left. A smile crept on her face. Sloane was dead. Sloane was dead. She walked coolly down the hallway where a guard dressed in a black suite was standing. She smiled lightly to him.

"Sloane requested he not be disturbed," she stated, her voice casual. The guard nodded and stood aside as she walked out the front door. Quickly, she got into her car and pulled away. As soon as she exited through the gates, she sped up, racing down the lane towards the main roads. She had done it.

As Sydney drove onto the busy highway, she noticed the small patch of Sloane's blood on her pinkie finger. Suddenly, all the blood drained from her face at the realization. She'd killed Sloane, her mortal enemy. But he was more than that. He was a person, and she sucked the life out of him. She murdered him. But he was evil. She was meant to kill him. It was all so hard to wrap her mind around. Sydney kept on driving as her body went numb and her eyes glazed over. She swallowed hard, her mouth dry from breathing through her mouth. Spotting a gas station, she pulled into it.

Sydney walked out of the car, her legs jelly beneath her. She went into the washroom and washed the blood off her hand. Seeing herself in the mirror, tears felt like they needed to fall, a lump in her throat, but she couldn't cry. She was too numb for the tears to fall. Too dried up. Bending down to the sink, she splashed cold water over her face, sweeping away the sweat. Without looking back in the mirror, she quickly left and went back to her car and headed back onto the highway.

After an hour of driving, Sydney pulled over. She found herself to be falling into complete exhaustion. Her eyes were red, but long dried up from the tears that had fallen before. Her lips were pale, her skin pallid. She felt cold and had no extra clothing to cover up in. No blanket. Nothing but herself, vulnerable against the breeze of the sea as it brushed past her.

As she walked from her car towards the empty beach at the side of the highway, she felt some sense of calm. The sun was low in the sky, falling closer to the horizon as it started to cast off paintings of light gold and orange over the distance. Taking her black leather boots and socks off, she placed her tired feet into the fine nude sand.

Sydney stumbled a bit as she walked towards the shoreline, her legs clumsy below her draggy body. Finally she reached the tip of the water, after what felt like a long bogged-down distance, though no more than 100 feet. She let the gentle waves of the evening sea wash up against her toes and after a few minutes, flopped down hard on the sand, just inches away from the water line.

Her head felt heavy, her eyes dozing and her brain dazed. She could feel nothing as her body was bathed in the ocean air except the cold tracing around the inside of her body. Fatigue felt like it was heaving over her so she gently lay her head down on the sand. Watching the waves of the water in the distance tranquilized her to her surroundings. She was entranced in the ocean.

Sydney continued lying there as the sun descended into the horizon and the sky went stark red, bathing her own body in warm colours. She remained completely still, only breathing in and out slowly and shallowly. Her eyes remained blurred as they stared out over the ocean, its peace consuming her and gently cradling her into an ensweetened numbness. The night went black and soon the moon's light glowed over her pale skin. Sydney remained still, her body lying like a dead weight in the sand. The trance that had overcome her was too heavy to wake from, the numbness too engrossing, and so she lay in the sand alone on an empty beach as stars appeared and the world grew into darkness.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

The darkness crowded her eyes with looming visions as she tossed and turned in her sleep. Suddenly a piercing light cast itself upon her retina, blinding her as it grew. Peering out, she noticed a black figure moving against the light. It was coming closer to her. Faster. Running. Yelling. Screaming. Sydney quickly got up, trying to hear the person, a woman. As she neared, Sydney noticed her bathed in red. Her face was shadowed except for her eyes. They were dark, sinister looking and devious. Her hair long and scraggly. She was noticeably dirty, brown and muddy against the red blood seeped into her clothes from head to toe.

Sydney's heart began to race, pounding hard into her chest. Her eyes narrowed and her breathing quickened. The woman began reaching out to Sydney as she came within feet of her. Quickly Sydney turned around and started to run, stumbling in the sand as her legs were stiff beneath her. The woman pursued her, screaming louder.

"You..."

Sydney gulped hard as she ran faster, not saying anything in return, but the woman continued to near her.

"You... Sewn... I know..."

Sydney sprinted faster as the woman's voice grew behind her. She felt a light touch on her shoulder, peering behind her, she realized the woman was within arms length. Sydney simply galloped, barrelling over logs and stones, and kicking up a trail of sand. The screaming ensued, still incomprehensible.

"I know... Mer ... Sewn... you..."

Suddenly, Sydney's legs collapsed beneath her as she tumbled over some driftwood. Trying to get up, she inched her way ahead, but fell face forward into the sand as she felt her ankle sprained beneath her. Sydney tried to claw forward, but it was useless. The woman's body barrelled into Sydney's as she grabbed onto her with bloody hands. The mysterious women's eyes dug into Sydney's with her ensnaring glare. Suddenly, Sydney understood what she was saying.

"I know..."

Sydney's eyes widened as the woman spoke. What did she know?

"I know..."

The woman suddenly began choking as dark scarlet blood began gaping from her mouth and onto the nude sandy beach. Sydney quickly tried to scatter away, her leg sending out a crying pain as she put weight on it, but the woman grabbed hold of her. As she coughed, words came flying out of her mouth.

"I know! It was you!" she coughed.

Sydney stared at her as the woman grasped onto her arm with a strong hold. She continued coughing and choking on her own blood.

"You..." she gagged.

Suddenly the woman fell down to the ground, facing up towards the sun as it burnt down on her face. She gurgled up some more blood as she struggled to get out what she needed to say. Finally she turned her eyes towards Sydney, piercing into her with claws. Sydney gasped at the sight of her as she unhooked the woman's grasp from her arms.

"You murdered Sloane."

Sydney's eyes widened as she stared into the woman's deviant eyes, bloodshot and black. She knew.

All of a sudden everything went black. Sydney woke up, her head pounding, as the quiet waves of the evening brushed up against the shore. Looking around, she realized she was alone. She was alone.

"Jack," Vaughn spoke in a cautioned tone, "We've been looking for two days and we still haven't found her."

"We will." Jack stated simply, as he continued thumbing through some papers. In actuality, he was quite concerned about Sydney.

"We've already tried to follow her trail and its come up empty. How are we going to find her! Every minute she is out there, alone and sick, there is a chance that she's in danger. If she isn't already."

"I realize that is a possibility," Jack replied in an annoyed tone. Underlying his tough exterior was a mind frantic with the same concerns as Vaughn. They had already searched traffic camera footage looking for her car. Nothing. She wasn't on any surveillance footage at train stations or the airport. Nor had she used her credit or bank card. There were no sightings of her by any agents or police as they scoured their region of California. She was Sydney Bristow and she knew how to cover her trail.

"Jack, I'm worried." Vaughn said, changing his tone, a hint of terrified sorrow in it. Instead of letting himself fill with annoyance, Jack looked at Vaughn's concerned face and matched it inside. He felt like his cool exterior were to crumble as the fluttering inside his stomach grew. His daughter was sick. Psychotic and paranoid. Lost. And he couldn't find her, save her.

"Jack," Weiss said nervously as he walked into Jack's office. His eyes were grave.

Vaughn's stomach immediately dropped as Eric stood there. She was dead wasn't she, he thought with desperate despair. His eyes watered a little as he sucked in the tears and looked up at Eric.

Jack reluctantly looked up at Agent Weiss, his head pervaded with images of Sydney lying dead in a field, gun shots in her, or floating in the ocean face down. He swallowed hard as he put on his tough facade.

"Yes?" Jack asked. Weiss looked at Vaughn briefly and back at Jack, not really looking him in the eye.

"It's Sloane." Weiss answered. Jack and Vaughn both grew curious but confused looks on their face.

"What about Sloane?" Vaughn asked with immediacy.

"He's dead."

Vaughn stared at Eric with wide eyes and then peered over at Jack, whose own eyes had gone stale. Jack didn't know what to think. He quickly put on his game face and resumed his CIA role.

"What happened?" Jack asked coolly.

"He was found murdered in his office."

"How?" Jack proceeded to ask. It was curious to him. Sloane, his rival, yet associate was dead after all these years. And it wasn't even by Jack's own hand.

"Strangled."

"Do we know who killed him?" Jack asked.

"Um, that's the thing." Eric started with a touch of nervousness in his voice.

"What!" Jack prompted with irritation.

"It was Sydney."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Jack's eyes went fraught with dire concern. Sydney. It was Sydney. She'd killed Sloane. Jack shook his head at the idea. Was there even concrete proof, he thought? But then again, she suspected him of being the head of The Guildiya, of being their enemy and after everything he had done to her it would take a lot of strength for her not to kill him. Jack pondered over this for a moment as Vaughn immediately questioned Eric.

"There must be a mistake!" Vaughn stated desperately. This was Sydney. Syd. She would never do anything like that except in self-defence. She was above Sloane. Above murdering him. There must be more to it, Vaughn thought nervously.

"There's surveillance footage that clearly shows her entering and exiting his property at the time of his murder. And the guards saw her. She had been in his office for awhile before leaving," Eric explained.

"But they didn't see her? If she killed him, why wouldn't they have intervened?" Vaughn questioned.

"She was alone with Sloane in his office. Sloane had welcomed her in. And as she left, she told them he had asked not to be disturbed. Its not exactly like they would consider Sydney a danger. They believed her. I know it makes no sense, but the evidence is pretty concrete," Eric continued, a fraught look on his face. He too didn't want to believe it. He was also thinking of Nadia. She didn't know yet. She was expected in soon though and he asked to be the one to tell her. Sloane was her father and Sydney was the sister she loved with all her heart. It wasn't exactly something she would take even remotely easily.

"Jack, this makes no sense," Vaughn said turning to him.

"Vaughn, I don't want to believe it either, but its true. Look, Nadia's gonna be here any minute, I need to be there when she arrives." Weiss stated direly. Jack nodded and Eric left.

Jack turned to Vaughn with a hard look on his face, "I'll review the footage and talk to the guards personally. Keep looking for Sydney."

Vaughn sighed hard and nodded to Jack as he left to pursue any trace of a lead he could find.

As Jack arose from his chair, he felt a sick pain in his stomach. He could only hope there was a mistake as he headed towards Marshall to review the footage. His face was marked with a grave expression as he headed around the corner of APO into the tech room. As Marshall noticed him, he gulped nervously. He himself knew it wasn't a mistake as unbelievable as it was. Syd had killed Sloane.

Nadia swiftly entered APO with a tired look of concern on her face. They had called her in, her pager indicating she needed to get there immediately. She thought of Sydney, trying not to let emotions overcome her, as she readied herself for the bad news. They hadn't found her. They had and she was hurt critically. They had and she was dead. Nadia's stomach churned as she walked in.

Eric stood at the opening to the office. His face portrayed a deep sorrow on it as he saw Nadia walking towards him. As she noticed him, she quickly rushed over to him, a questioning look on her face.

"Sydney?" she asked. Her eyes trying to hold back the worried tears.

"Uh, we haven't found her yet," Eric stated, his voice tired and beaten by what he was about to say. "Its your father."

Nadia's face turned into a whole new grim. She hadn't entirely trusted him. To find out he had betrayed them, it was not something she could bare to take. He was her family, her father, he loved her. And she felt compelled to love him back. Nadia's eyes widened as she looked into Eric's.

"What?" she asked anxiously. Her stomach was filled with fluttering sickness.

"Um, why don't we go over here." Eric said, leading her to a quiet corner of APO.

"Eric, what is it?" She asked desperately.

"He was killed."

Nadia's eyes went dark with pain and swirling emotions. She immediately looked down to the depth of the ground as her eyes brimmed up with tears. Her tears fell right away, hard, splashing to the ground. She didn't know what to think. All she could think was it hurt.

"Nadia," Eric whispered quietly as he lightly put his hand on her shoulder in comfort. She looked up at him, her eyes desperately sorrow filled.

"What..." she stuttered, "What happened?"

Seeing the pain in her eyes, Eric looked away, not wanting to cause her any more with the grimness as to how her father had died, as to who had killed him.

"Eric?" She insisted, her eyes red and puffy.

"Sydney."

"What about her?" Nadia asked with confusion.

"It was her."

"What do you mean?"

"She killed your father." Eric said finally, swallowing hard as he waited for her tears to worsen, for the flood of pain to overcome her.

Nadia stared at Eric, her eyes confused at first, then filling with more tears. Looking at him deep in the eyes, she started shaking her head and uttering no... no... quietly

Eric quickly pulled her into a tight but gentle hug and rubbed her back softly with feather hands. She whimpered into his suite, choking on her tears, her cries. At that moment, she felt completely lost and desperate. It made no sense. After a moment, Nadia pulled out of the hug and looked at Eric, wiping her tears away.

"Eric, it doesn't make sense. Why? Why would Sydney kill my father?" Nadia asked broken heartedly.

"I don't know," Eric responded, shaking his head.

"I know she hasn't been well, been acting strange, but this? I mean its not something she would do. Despite everything my father has done to her, she would never just go out and kill him." New tears began to fall as Nadia's heart filled with confusion.

"Nadia, I'm sorry," Eric said gently, stroking her back. Nadia nodded exhaustively, not knowing how to process any of it. Her father was dead. Sydney had killed him. He was dead and she'd killed him. Nadia's heart ached.

Sitting up from her cozy spot in the sand, Sydney yawned. The moonlight cast an eerie glow over the water as waves gently crashed against the shore. Looking at her watch, she realized it was only a few hours past midnight. Stretching out her arms and yawning some more, Sydney realized she should probably get off the beach before day break, before someone found her there alone and realized she had spent the night there. She didn't really know where to go though.

As Sydney got up off the beach and brushed the sand off her clothes, she noticed a figure standing over her. Darkness crowded around the person's face, not letting Sydney know their identity. Her heart raced as she thought it could be a cop or someone from The Guildiya after revenge for killing their leader. Sydney gasped as the person put their hand on her shoulder and quickly went to run.

They knew, she thought, and they were there to get her. The Guildiya, Sloane's henchmen, someone. She was caught.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

The dark figure loomed over Sydney. Her heart pounded rapidly into her chest wall as the light of the moon disappeared behind the person's head. A cold hand reached out for her shoulder and she shuddered, then quickly moved to get away. But the hand latched onto her, pulling her back. All of a sudden, the figure stepped out of the way of the moon and its eerie glow was cast upon the person, half lighting up their face. Eyes shone with a twinkle of the stars as a wide smirk appeared on the face.

"Sydney," the person spoke casually.

"Go away!" she crowed in return as she grabbed onto the person's arm and began twisting it, releasing it from her shoulder as the person, a man, groaned in pain.

"Sydney, stop!" he urged. "Its me!"

"Go the hell away!" she growled at the man, twisting his arm tighter and pushing him down into the sand. Despite her body having been unfed and overworked, her strength grew strong, adrenaline rushing throughout it. Burying his head into the sand, she lowered her tone, "What the hell do you want with me?"

"Sydney, its Sark!" he cowered beneath her force. Suddenly, Sydney's eyes went wide with realization and she released her grip. Sark quickly sat up, composing himself.

"Had I known you'd attack me in the dark, I'd have come in daylight," he scoffed.

"Well what did you expect? I didn't know it was you. You have no idea whose after me!" She replied with agitation.

"Its funny. You'd think after murdering a man like Sloane, that the world would thank you, put you on a pedestal. And yet, here you are hiding out."

"They think I'm crazy!" she gnarled, grabbing onto his shirt, and looking him deep in the eye. "They're after me!"

"Who thinks your insane? I mean I'm starting to think you are. But I promise you, I won't lock you up. I much prefer you this way, desperately fiery. Its very sexy." Sark's face grew with a cocky smile as he thought of what she'd look like if she stripped her clothes off then and there and went skinny dipping in the ocean. Suddenly his face stung with the sharp slap of her hand whipping against it. Sydney glared at him as if a devilish beast had undertaken her.

"Don't even think about me! Don't even imagine your hands on me, or your mouth inches from mine. It will never happen!" She snide at him. It only made him smile more, think more eagerly.

"Sydney, resist me all you like. But when it comes to the men in your life, whose the one here with you now? Vaughn? Its rather peculiar that he is the one you're running from. And here I am," Sark pointed out with his cocky demeanour.

Sydney's eyes grew dark as she grabbed onto Sark's neck and squeezed just enough to see his eyes cower. Speaking in a low and harsh growling tone, Sydney spoke "don't ever speak to me about Vaughn again." She threw him down the sand, ignoring the contemptuous smirk that wouldn't disappear from his face, even as his eyes portrayed a level of cowardliness to her. "You will never have me. The thought of you makes me want to vomit. I am only here with you now because you are a professional resource to me. That is it. That is all it will ever be. So take your sick little mind and look at someone else. Someone pathetic enough for you."

Sark's smile faded into resentment as her bitter words etched into him. As much as he loved her fiery side, he didn't love her insults, her contempt for him. He was helping her after all and she showed no professional courtesy towards him, let alone the gratefulness he felt he deserved to be shown. His face grew irritated as his eyes sulked.

"You know, I am doing you a favour here. Helping you out. In fact, you owe me."

"I owe you nothing!" her voice grated.

"You know, I may be your resource, but I have my own resources. One's that will come after you and kill you in a second of my command," he spat back at her. Her eyes flashed wide with fury.

"You!" she started. "You evil little bastard. You're going to carry on Sloane's work, aren't you!" Her face had grown with madness.

"Sydney, I assure you, I have no interest in Rambaldi, other than the money it can bring for me. Anything I do to you from this point on has no reflection on Sloane. It simply reflects the irritation you have brought to me," Sark said stubbornly.

"I don't believe you."

"Believe what you want. It really doesn't matter to me anymore. Don't call me for help anymore. And don't expect me to come to your aid."

Sark turned to leave but Sydney quickly grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him back. "Don't you walk away from me!" she exclaimed.

"Sydney, let me go. I swear, I wont hesitate to kill you," he threatened as his eyes filled with frustration.

"You couldn't. You're too weak, too pathetic to kill me. You're just a cocky little man who works for someone bigger than you. Someone with power. You have none."

"Then why are you worried that I might carry out Sloane's plans to end the world. If I am too pathetic, what concern do you have?" Sark frustratedly stated, his tone filled with irritation.

"You still work for The Guildiya."

"Sydney, without Sloane, there is no Guildiya."

"You're wrong!" she replied with stubborn grimace. "They are out there planning their next move. Sloane is out there readying for attack!"

"Sloane is dead. You murdered him in cold blood!" Sark replied, emphasizing murder.

"You're the cold blooded murderer. How dare you even insinuate I am on your level. You make me sick!" Sydney replied, spitting on him. As he wiped the spit off his face, his face went red, changing his baby blue eyes dark with anger.

"You're exactly the same as me, except you're the one whose insane!"

Sydney's eyes suddenly turned a fierce shade of ebony. She stared deep into his eyes as her hands grabbed hold of his neck. Instead of cowering away, Sark grabbed onto her hands and began pulling them away from her neck, his fingernails digging into her. Both of their faces went furiously crimson as they groaned and growled in the struggle.

"You're..." Sark tried to speak as he struggled to breath. "You're insane!" All of a sudden, his force surpassed her own and he managed to shove her to the ground, his own hands grasping onto her neck.

"I swear to God, I will kill you," she spoke grimacely as her hands prevented his from suffocating her.

Swiftly, she kicked up her leg and hit him hard in the back, knocking him off her. Sydney got up and ran towards a wall of rocks, looking for anything she could use to fight with. Sark quickly pursued her. She grabbed onto a large piece of driftwood and swung it at him. He ducked. She swung at him again, this time knocking herself off balance. Falling face forward, she scratched up her forehead on the rocks. Blood trickled down the side of her face as her head pounded with mild concussion. She got up and lunged at Sark, hurling her body on top of him. They wrestled against the floor of sand, punching and jabbing at each other.

Finally, Sydney broke free and ran to grab a jagged rock about 5 inches wide. She hurled it at him, but he managed to dodge it. Sark ran towards her and pushed her down to the ground. As her face met the sand, his body on top of hers as he grasped his large hands around her neck, she felt around. Her hands felt something sharp. A large rock, just small enough to be able to lift. Struggling, she managed to grip onto the rock and hurl it backwards above her head, crashing it into Sark's. He quickly went limp as his body piled down onto sand.

Sydney took in a deep breath as she sat up and peered over at his body. He didn't move. Her heart felt like it would explode with raging beats. She gasped for breath as her lungs went into hyperventilation. She'd killed him and someone might find her there next to his body. She had to get away before they came after her, the cops, The Guildiya, her father and Vaughn. She had to run.


	22. Chapter 22

-1Chapter 22

Sydney awoke with a throbbing headache as she found herself sprawled out over the rocks. She felt her forehead, feeling the scrapes from the night before. The sun pierced into her eyes and suddenly, she realized she was still on the beach, and day had broken. She found herself widely confused. She remembered getting into her car and driving off in a fury, yet here she was sitting on the beach right where she remembered killing Sark.

Looking around, Sydney noticed his body was gone, as was the blood that had seeped out of his forehead and onto the sand. There were no traces of a fight and a death having occurred that night. Sydney found herself even more confused. She didn't know why he was gone or why she was there still. Nothing made sense. Perhaps she hadn't killed him at all. Perhaps she had fallen on the rocks, knocking herself unconscious and dreamed she killed him. She had no idea. Her head ached.

Suddenly, Sydney noticed a man shadowing over her. He was dressed in a police uniform. She immediately noticed his gun in its holster sitting at his waste. She grew anxious, not knowing if he was a man from The Guildiya in disguise or someone sent by her father and Vaughn to pick her up. Or worse, maybe they had found out she killed Sloane and he was about to arrest her. Thoughts went on a rampage in her mind as the police officer eyed her suspiciously.

"Ma'am?" he said in a confident tone. Sydney simply eyed him, frozen by what she should do. "Ma'am, you're hurt. Have you been here all night?"

Sydney nodded, "Yes." Her voice was quiet.

"What are you doing out here?" He prodded.

"I... I don't know." She realized it was true. She had no idea what she was doing on the beach. In fact, her memory was fragmented as to what had been going on the last few days. She remembered killing Sloane, and then suddenly she was at a beach, and Sark was there. She remembered killing him. At least, she thought she had. Why she was here now and not miles away, she didn't know. Her mind filled with confusion as the police officer eyed her with suspicious curiosity.

"Maybe you should come with me," he spoke again. Sydney's eyes grew wide. Someone had sent him. He was not a random man here on the beach. He was sent here to get her. She had to get away from him.

The police officer offered his hand out to her in order to help her off the rocks, but she quickly shoved it away and tried to get up. Her balance was unsteady and she tripped, falling straight into him.

"Ma'am, I really should get you some medical help. If you'd please just let me help you."

"No!" she shouted as she managed to get up, wobbling in her balance. He grasped onto her in attempt to steady her. Taking it as a threat, Sydney pushed him over and started to run away, tripping over her feet slightly as she went. She managed to keep running though. She headed towards her car.

The police officer quickly got up and ran after her, catching up with her a few feet later. He grabbed onto her arm and pulled her to face him.

"I just want to help you, so if you'd just come with me," he said in frustration. Having noticed her dishevelled appearance and frightened demeanour, he wondered if she had a mental illness in need of treatment. He felt hurried to get her to the emergency so she could see the psychiatrist on duty there.

"Leave me alone!" Sydney growled as she tried to loosen his grip. But she was weak, not having eaten or slept soundly in a couple days. She was dehydrated and dizzy as well, making her more unsteady and weak.

"Come on," he said calmly, as he forced her towards his cop car. Sydney sucked in a deep breath and gathered up all her strength. She quickly hurled her body into him, knocking him down to the ground. He lost his grip on her and she quickly ran as well as she could.

Sydney sprinted across the sand, tripping over her own feet as she went. She kept running though, not letting herself completely fall to the ground. She was quickly being chased by the cop, who was far faster than her. She ran towards the rocks and climbed over them, one by one, careful not to slip and fall. Not having any shoes or socks on, her feet felt the sharpness of the rocks, but she continued on.

The police officer made his way over the rocks, swiftly, almost catching up with her. As she made it over the top of the wall, she saw the sand on the other side of the rocks. Sydney jumped for it and crashed into the soft sandy beach. She quickly got up and continued running, not looking back.

Suddenly, Sydney felt a hand on her shoulder, pulling her back. It was him. She struggled to remove it, but he was much stronger than her and managed to pulled her backwards and onto the ground. He sat yanked her onto her stomach and grabbed her arms, pulling them together as he sat on top of her. Before he could cuff her though, her strength grew with the rush of adrenaline and she managed to force him off of her and down to the ground. She sat on him and grabbed his cuffs, gathering his hands up and putting them on him. Sydney then took his gun out of the holster and held it at him.

"Don't even try to come after me!" she gnarled at him in an uneven tone.

"Please, I just want to help you," he said trying to negotiate with her.

"Then why did you try and cuff me?"

"To get you to a hospital. Its obvious you need help."

"Leave me the hell alone!" she shrieked as she got up off of him and turned around to leave.

"Ma'am, you need help!" he said with stubborn insistence. She felt bitter at the insinuation. She was not a mental patient, Sydney thought. Suddenly, she found herself turning back around and throwing herself onto him, punching into him.

"I don't need help! Why can't you all just leave me alone!" She cried.

"Stop!" he urged. But she couldn't. She was lost in a fury as her fists beat into his chest. After a moment, she pulled back, tears streaming down her face.

"Please," he said gently, as he watched her. Sydney looked at him desperately. She needed to get away.

Sydney ran away towards her car, taking his gun with her. He got up, running after her, cuffs on his hand. But she managed to reach her car before he could get to her. She started it and drove off as she yelled at her.

Tears continued to fall down Sydney's face as she drove faster and faster down the highway. She just wanted to run as far as she could. Outrun her problems. She didn't know what to do, so she just drove.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

Several hours of driving had past as Sydney pulled into one of California's more northern towns. Her stomach burned and curst after a few days of almost no food. And her head felt woozy. She was still dressed in the same clothes - a very dirty tank top stained with sweat and dirt. Her pants were wrinkled and also noticeably dirty. She had lost her shoes and socks at the beach, not having thought of picking them up as she ran from the cop. Sydney's hair was a mess as well. Not having been washed in 3 days, nor properly brushed. Her messy appearance was unapparent to her however, being quite oblivious to how suspicious and awful she looked.

The sun was high in the sky as she drove. She had misplaced her sunglasses along the way so the brightness of the sun invaded her eyes. It was another hot California day. Sydney's skin was slightly red - both flushed from the heat and slightly burned from having been out in the sun without any sunscreen. Sydney's head ached as the air conditioning was blasted high, fighting the heat.

Taking in a gaping breath and letting it out slowly, she realized how dire her situation was. She knew she needed to change the situation. Driving aimlessly wasn't helpful anymore. She pulled over on a smaller street that was lined with busy shops. It was then that she realized she had no shoes on.

Noticing a dollar store with flip flops piled in a bin out front, Sydney gathered up a few dollars and got out of her car. As she briskly walked across the street, the pavement burning them in the sun, she got odd looks from people. Wondering if they knew she was a fugitive of sorts, Sydney grew worried. Quickly the grabbed a pair of plain baby blue flip flops out of the nearest bin and headed into the store.

"Miss, you can't come in here with no shoes," a small woman with red hair pointedly stated contemptuously from behind the counter.

"I can explain," Sydney said insistently.

"We don't want homeless people like you comin in here to get out of the hot sun. You'll just have to go somewhere else."

"Please, I lost my shoes, I'm not homeless. I have money!" Sydney pleaded.

"You look rather homeless to me," she woman said stubbornly, looking up and down Sydney with a disrespectful glare.

"I swear-"

"You aren't welcome in here. I will call the cops!" She threatened.

"Fine, I'll leave," Sydney said defeated as she rushed out of the store. She tossed the flip flops on the ground and made her way back onto the hot sidewalk with a disgruntled attitude.

Stepping back onto the burning pavement, Sydney realized she didn't know what to do. No one would let her in anywhere without shoes. She was starving as well and running out of money. Feeling the dizziness of the heat, she sat down on the ground against the side of some hardware store. Her head was beaded with sweat and she was exhausted. People passing her by were shooting out glances of dirty contempt for her. Sydney felt desperately alone.

A lump grew in Sydney's throat as she felt the desperateness of her situation. The people she loved were ready to lock her up and the police were out to get her, she assumed. The Guildiya was probably looking to take her out after killing Sloane.

Suddenly she remembered how Nadia said she believed her. It was one of the most touching moments of the last month. Everyone was against her and suddenly she wasn't alone. Would it still be that way? Sydney had no idea. A lot had happened since that moment. But it was Nadia, her sister, her solace amidst their own dysfunctional family, the sister she had hoped for her entire life and the one she had now, the one person she felt she could trust. Ever since the moment she rescued her, laid eyes on her, she realized she wasn't like their mother, she wasn't like Sloane. She was Sydney's sister. And Sydney felt a trust for her that had been growing ever since. She had to call her. Nadia was her only chance at the moment.

Nadia sat on the edge of her bed, her face filled with sorrow. She had left APO the minute she found out about her father's death. It was all too much to take. She felt so lost that she just sat there numb and shocked. Eric had insisted on being by her side the whole time. After a few hours of sitting with him, feeling the comfort he tried to bring her, she realized she needed to be alone. It was painful being with someone she loved and feeling nothing but a stinging sorrow that he couldn't take away. Nadia sent Eric back to APO, ensuring him that she would be fine. As she sat there, alone and confused, she wasn't sure if that was really the case. She wasn't sure she really wanted to be alone at all. It was much to bitter for her to face.

As the moments passed, Nadia was overwhelmed by thoughts of her father. He had done so much to Sydney. But he swore he had changed. She believed him. Sydney never did, as much as Nadia tried to convince her otherwise. Sydney's suspicions never let up. No one's really did. Even Eric doubted Sloane's change.

Nadia wanted so much to believe that he had changed though. He was her father and to think he was an evil horrible man, one that had jeopardized her own life, was something she couldn't bear. Her whole life, she had looked forward to meeting her parents, to having them save her from her life as an orphan and bring her home. She tried to cling to parts of that dream as she tried having faith in her father.

At the same time, Sydney was a good person, Nadia thought. She wouldn't just kill someone out of revenge. She needed a reason. Could it be that her father really did turn bad? Or was something seriously wrong with Sydney as Vaughn and Jack insisted.

As Nadia's thoughts mulled over the bewildering situation, her cell phone rang. She gasped slightly as she noticed it was coming from Sydney's cell. She quickly answered it.

"Sydney!" She cried emotionally. The air over the phone was almost dead except for the vague sounds of uneven breathing. "Sydney, are you there?" Nadia swallowed hard as emotions verged through her body. She knew Sydney was there not knowing what to say, perhaps not being ready to say anything, so she waited a few moments.

Sydney sat on the burning sidewalk as she thought of what to say. Her mind went perpetually blank. After a moment of dead-minded silence, Sydney whimpered out sound beneath the tears that had started to form. "Hi," she said, simply and near silently in a whisper.

"Sydney," Nadia replied with feeling enthusiasm. After a moment, Nadia snapped out of her shock at hearing Sydney's voice for the first time in days. "Are you okay! Where are you!"

"I... um..." Sydney started. But there was too much to say. And in all honesty, she didn't know where she was. She never bothered to read the road signs coming into town. She was just there. Somewhere. Somewhere away from home.

"Sydney, you can tell me," Nadia insisted as she worried over Sydney.

"I really don't know where I am," Sydney stated with a trace of lost hope in her voice. Nadia sighed. She wanted to help Sydney, but she couldn't if Sydney didn't help her first.

"Well, how did you get there?" Nadia asked, continuing her insistence of prodding answers from Sydney.

Sydney hesitated for a moment. "I was drove alongside the shoreline.."

"Okay." Nadia didn't really know the geography of California well not having been there for more than a few months. She realized, nonetheless, that Sydney could be in any number of cities and towns by now.

"Summerland," Sydney said all of a sudden.

"Summerland?"

"I remember this place. Its on the way to Santa Barbara," Sydney replied, as she remembered the significance of Santa Barbara. Though she had never made it there with Vaughn, she had went there once with Will and Francie for the weekend. She remembered how they stopped in Summerland on the way to get something to eat. It was a bittersweet memory.

"That's good. I can meet you there. Whereabouts in town will you be?" Nadia's eagerness showed deeply in her voice as she tried to help Sydney.

"I don't really have anywhere to go. I have no shoes."

"What happened to your shoes?" Nadia asked with a questioning concern.

"I lost them. I'll be in my car. I'm parked beside a cafe, Summerland Beach Cafe." Sydney replied as she looked around. Noticing the street sign, she added, "its on Lillie Avenue."

"Okay, wait there for me. I'll be there in a few hours," Nadia said as she quickly went to grab her car keys.

"Wait-"

"What?"

Sydney's voice went dead, "Don't tell anyone."

"Sydney," Nadia started, knowing she needed to let the others know where Sydney was.

"Please Nadia," Sydney pleaded as her voice suddenly filled with emotion that had seeped away before. She couldn't bare to have Vaughn and her father find her, put her in a hospital. "You're the only one I can trust."

Knowing that broke Nadia's heart. "Alright," she replied reluctantly. "Just don't do anything until I get there."

"Just come. I need you." Sydney hung up the phone as Nadia's heart fell. She wanted to be there for her desperate sister. She quickly grabbed what she needed and headed out the door, not bothering to tell anyone where she was going.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

It felt like one more day in the drama of her life. Of being in a family of spies. Of having a father who was once a murderer and terrorist. Of growing up in an orphanage and always wanting that man, the murderer, to come save her and love her. Of wanting a sister.

She got a sister.

She loved that sister.

That sister murdered her father.

There was no use wiping away the glossy tears that streaked her face. They kept falling, berating her face in a waterfall of sorrowful emotions. Her red puffy eyes, filled with loss, continued to watch the highway roads as the stretching of ocean in the distance filled up with the sunny reflections of the California sky. The sun pierced into her body as if it were trying to revive her from the numbing storm she felt. She couldn't be revived. She couldn't be touched as the heavy rain inside bogged her down. The rain stretching down her face, clouding her eyes and her mind. Nadia felt truly lost.

Eventually Nadia pulled into Summerland and onto the long stretch of Lillie Avenue. She had no idea how far up the road the cafe that Sydney's car was parked out front of was, so she kept her eyes wide and searching. Eventually she noticed a white Victorian house with an American flag flying high out front. There was a sign that said Summerland Beach Cafe on it. As she pulled into a parking space amongst many empty ones, she noticed it was closed for the evening.

Nadia sat in her car for a moment as she wiped away the tears and gathered in a deep breath. As she let it out, she stared forward, her eyes glazed over, as her emotions brewed within. Swallowing hard, she composed herself and got out of the car. As she stood up, she noticed a silver sedan at the other end of the empty stretch of parking spaces.

Immediately, a distraught-looking Sydney arose from the car, her gaze staring deep into Nadia's eyes. She quickly moved towards Nadia and gathered her into an emotional hug with her tight grasp.

"Thank you," Sydney said in an exacerbated whisper, "Thank you for coming."

Nadia let Sydney continue hugging her tight for a few moments as she tried to gather herself. Taking in a deep breath, she pulled out of the hug and looked deeply at Sydney as if she were trying to read the whole situation from Sydney's eyes, eyes that stared forward at her in a desperate attempt to find hope. There was a silent moment between them.

A disjointed smile crept up on Sydney's face as she peered at Nadia, not realizing the torment she had put her through. Sydney could only feel her own torment and try to find hope in the fact that she finally had someone there standing in front of her. Someone tangible. She wasn't alone. Sydney relished in that idea, looking at Nadia with the ideal light of a saviour amidst the horrible storm.

Finally, Nadia broke the silence, "Sydney..." She tried to find the words, but honestly, she didn't know what to say.

Suddenly, Sydney cut in, "Not here."

"Oh, right. We should go somewhere. Maybe a motel?"

"Yes. I think... yeah, there's one on Ortega Hill Road. I saw a sign coming into town. Let's go there." Nadia nodded and headed towards her car. "Wait, let's take mine." Sydney said stopping her.

"Okay," Nadia replied, a little thrown by the idea.

"Come on," Sydney told Nadia with impatience. They quickly got into Sydney's car and drove towards the motel.

Nadia felt uncomfortable as they drove. Both of them were silent, not really knowing what to say at this point. Sydney's mind was enveloped in what she was doing. She felt she needed to get them somewhere private before she was spotted by anyone.

As she sat there, Nadia spied over at Sydney. Sydney's clothes were dirty, and her hair a mess. It was apparent that she hadn't groomed for the two whole days she had been missing. And she was noticeably frazzled as she sped along the street. Nadia felt a worried curiosity as the what had been going on inside of her, why she left, what she's been doing, what made her kill Nadia's father.

"Wait here," Sydney said as she pulled into the inn. She grabbed some cash out of her bag and headed towards the office.

As Nadia waited there, she felt her cell phone vibrating in her bag. Pulling it out, she noticed that it was Eric. She wanted to answer it but she told Sydney she wouldn't tell anyone where she was. Nadia felt a need to uphold that promise. It was her sister after all. Nadia couldn't betray her.

Noticing Sydney quickly heading back to the car, Nadia shoved her cell phone back into her bag. Sydney motioned for her to come, as she held up the keys and pointed towards their room, which was situated on the first floor, a couple rooms past the car.

As they headed into the room, Sydney locked the door behind them, and closed the partially opened curtain. She sat down on the bed and immediately buried her head in her hands. After a moment, Sydney took a deep breath and looked up at Nadia who had been standing there with a worried look on her face.

"I'm sorry," Sydney said as a tear formed in her eye.

"Sydney, I don't understand what happened?" Nadia started, "You need to tell me."

"Its a long complicated story, Nadia." Sydney said as she rubbed her face in exhaustion.

"Sydney, I need to know," Nadia insisted with a hint of emotion brewing behind her voice. Sydney immediately looked into Nadia's eyes and saw her confusion.

"Its The Guildiya. Sloane, he is... was there leader. I had no choice but to eliminate him before he carried out his plans," Sydney said, shaking her head.

"My father was the head of The Guildiya?" Nadia said in disbelief.

"Yes."

"He can't be. Sydney, how do you know this? What... What intel do you have? I need to know the truth."

"Nadia," Sydney started, looking pointedly into her eyes, "I know." Her eyes were filled with an unbroken confidence.

"How!" Nadia exclaimed.

"You wouldn't believe me if you knew my source. But I assure you, he was."

"Sydney, tell me!"

"Sark."

"Sark?" Nadia's confusion grew.

"Yes. He works for The Guildiya. He came and told me Sloane's plan. He was going to use this Rambaldi device to incinerate APO."

"Sydney, that's crazy!" Nadia replied gruffly. "My father would never do that."

"He did once. What makes you think he wouldn't again?"

"He's changed. Sydney, I know you don't trust him. But I do. He's my father. He was my father until..." Nadia choked on her words. She couldn't bare to say it, "until you killed him." Tears began to stream down Nadia's face.

"Nadia, I had to! You need to listen to me. I had to do it!"

"No. It makes no sense!"

"He would have killed us all!" Sydney yelled back, her eyes filled with a stubborn fury.

"You're wrong!"

"I'm not wrong!" Sydney said with a furiously low tone. "I know the truth."

"How! How can you know the truth. How can Sark be your source? He can't work for The Guildiya. He's in prison."

"No, that's his double. Project Helix."

"Sydney, your making no sense."

"Nadia, I need you to trust me. I did what I did to save us all."

"No," Nadia replied shaking her head.

"Yes," Sydney said calmly, as she got up off the bed and walked over to Nadia. She put her hand on Nadia's shoulder in comfort. "I'm sorry. I know the truth is hard."

Nadia looked up at Sydney with her tear filled eyes. As she looked into Sydney's own eyes, she tried to burry her anger. Her eyes portrayed a stubborn fury, an insistence and utter belief that she was right. They were fraught with paranoia over The Guildiya and Sloane. And behind the tears, her eyes shined with fear and broken sanity. Looking at Sydney, she realized how right Jack and Vaughn were. Sydney was sick and she needed to help her. She had to stop fighting with her and get her home.

"Sydney, you're right," Nadia said in a calmed voice.

"I knew you'd believe me." Sydney replied with a hopeful smile.

"Look at me, I'm a mess from crying. I should go have a shower. It might be soothing." Nadia said with a tired but upbeat face.

"Of course." Sydney said, smiling at her warmly. Nadia quickly went into the bathroom and locked the door behind her. Without taking her clothes off, she turned the shower on and pulled out her cell phone, pressing a number on her speed dial.

"Hello?" a man's voice answered.

"Jack," she replied in a whisper. "I've found her."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

Sydney sat on the bed of the motel room while Nadia showered. She had a sinking feeling in her stomach that everything was about to go wrong. Worried, she went and looked out the window, peering around at the parking lot to see if there were any cops outside, anyone watching their room. She couldn't see anyone. Still, she felt unsettled. It was a feeling she had been plagued with most of the time in the last few weeks actually, and she was never quite sure what to think of it, whether to trust her instincts or not. She just felt like people were out to get her, to capture her and torture her and kill her violently. Her mind was burdened by these thoughts most of the day.

As Sydney stood at the window, she suddenly had a thought. She looked towards the bathroom. Why did Nadia so adamantly need a shower? She wasn't dirty. She wasn't all sweaty and sticky. She was dressed in fine work clothes that were only slightly wrinkled. Sydney felt suddenly suspicious of her.

Sydney quickly went up to the bathroom door and placed her ear up against the door. Amidst the water running, she thought she could vaguely hear a voice talking. Suddenly a feeling of stupidity came over her, enthralled over her. How could she trust Nadia so easily? She was surely working with Vaughn and her father.

A crushing pain fell upon Sydney's stomach. The only person she had, Nadia, was in the bathroom right now betraying her, giving her up so she could be imprisoned, or held captive in a hospital by people so adamantly assuming she was insane. Suddenly, all the thoughts of betrayal dissipated as she realized she had to take action.

Turning the handle of the bathroom door, Sydney noted it was locked. She could just leave now. Take the car and run, she thought. But once they got to Nadia, she would join forces with them to help capture her. No, Sydney had to take Nadia with her. Grabbing her gun that was tucked in the pack of her pants, Sydney started to think of a plan to get Nadia out of the bathroom.

Suddenly, Sydney yelled out loudly, "Oh my God!" A few seconds later, Nadia emerged from the bathroom with a worried look on her face.

"Sydney, what's wrong?" She asked with fraught concern.

Suddenly, Sydney lunged at her and pulled her to the ground, sticking her gun in Nadia's face.

"Sydney!" Nadia cried out, "What are you doing!"

"I know what you were doing in there," Sydney replied gruffly.

"What are you talking about Sydney?" Nadia asked, realizing inside that her plan had backfired.

"You called them!" Sydney said harshly, continuing to point her gun at Nadia's frightened glare.

"Sydney, stop! I was just trying to help you. You're sick. You need help. That's all I want-" Nadia pleaded as she was cut off by Sydney's grave voice.

"I am not insane," she growled, her eyes furious, her face reddening with rage.

"Please stop!" Nadia continued to plead, seeing that Sydney truly wasn't herself. She worried Sydney had become dangerous as she saw the look of madness in her eyes.

"Shut up!" Sydney screamed harshly as she whacked the gun hard into Nadia's forehead.

It wasn't enough to knock Nadia unconscious, but she was certainly shaken by it. She just stared at Sydney in horror for how sick she had become.

"Get up!" Sydney commanded, as she pulled Nadia's arm, forcing her to rise. "Don't try anything." Sydney said in a low tone, as they headed out to the car, a gun concealed at Nadia's back. As she forced Nadia into the passenger's seat, she dug out some plastic binding from the glove compartment and bound up Nadia's hands. Sydney then proceeded to get into the car herself, and sped out of the parking lot, driving recklessly around the corner and onto the street as a car swerved out of her way.

"Where are we going?" Nadia asked quietly.

"I can't believe you would do this to me," Sydney exclaimed, a few tears in her eyes.

"I just want to help you. Maybe if we get you to Dr. Jain, he can reverse this and you can go back to normal."

"You don't know what your talking about. I saved your life. I saved all of your lives!" Sydney said spitefully.

"You killed my father!" Nadia replied harshly.

"I had to. Why won't anyone believe me!"

"Because its not true Sydney. My father wasn't part of The Guildiya, he wasn't a threat."

"Yes he was!" she screamed furiously as her eyes flashed with rage. She quickly swerved around the corner and up a more secluded road.

"You don't know where you are going do you?" Nadia asked pointedly, "You have no plan. You should just stop now before you do something you will regret."

"I know what I'm doing. I always know what I'm doing," Sydney replied trying to appear confident amidst the crumbling of her own mind. She had no idea what she was doing. She was just driving somewhere, anywhere. She had to find somewhere where they wouldn't find her.

"I love you. Why can't you see I'm just trying to help you," Nadia said warmly, though with fear and deep concern in her eyes.

Sydney looked at her deeply for a moment, and then turned her eyes back to the road. She was too confused to think about Nadia. Suddenly, Sydney noticed someone in the rear view mirror. It was Sark. Sydney gasped. What was he doing there? He was staring at her with his cold blue eyes. Sydney looked away hoping he would disappear. But soon, he spoke.

"You know what you need to do," he said pointedly.

Sydney's stomach fluttered. She looked over at Nadia. It appeared she never heard him. It made no sense.

"She's going to make sure you spend the rest of your life locked up," Sark spoke again. His voice was plain and calm as he spoke.

Looking into his eyes, at his skin, his face, Sydney noticed how cold and pale he looked. She wondered if he was a ghost out to haunt her. To get revenge on her for killing him. But at the same time, what he was saying was true. She didn't know if he was trying to trick her or help her.

"You'll never stop The Guildiya, you know, if you're locked up. Though, they are a growing organization. I doubt you could stop them," he spoke again, "In fact, they are making plans right now to eliminate you and everyone you love since you killed their leader."

Sydney's eyes widened. She looked over at Nadia. It was a horrible thought that she could be leading Sydney to her end, to everyone's end. Sydney had to stop The Guildiya and Nadia wasn't going to let her. Sydney's stomach churned gravely as her mind thought furiously of what to do.

"You need to get rid of her," Sark spoke. Sydney trembled at the thought. "If you don't, she'll end up killing you and everyone else, even if she doesn't do it with her own hand."

Sydney swallowed hard as her stomach fluttered and tears formed in her eyes. She didn't know what she should do. Looking again in the rear view mirror, she noticed Sark was gone. She was all alone in what to do. She felt her skin crawl and a lump form in her throat.

Sydney headed down a road leading to a less populated area. There were few houses, mostly of which were hidden behind trees. Driving fast, Sydney took a sharp turn, heading up a somewhat winding street amidst an array of trees. Quickly the paved road turned to dirt as they passed a sign saying Ortega Reservoir. Sydney drove around until she came to the end of the road, which ended up being at the far end of the reservoir. Quickly, she got out and went around and dragged Nadia out of the car.

"What are we doing here?" Nadia asked, having no idea what Sydney was planning at this point. Her voice was nervous with concern though, knowing it couldn't be good.

Sydney didn't answer, instead she dragged Nadia along towards the water with tears beginning to form in her eyes.

"Sydney, what are you doing!" Nadia asked with trembling fear as they neared the water.

"It has to be done," Sydney said with a dead tone as she tried to blink away the tears that wanted to fall.

"Stop!" Nadia commanded. But Sydney didn't. She continued to pull Nadia along until they reached the edge of the reservoir. Sydney then stopped and looked down at the water and back up at Nadia. Her eyes portrayed a burdened terror about what she was planning. Her stomach filled with painful fluttering. And her face scrunched up in emotional pain.

"Why did you have to call them?" Sydney asked as emotions brewed over her.

"Sydney, listen to me. Whatever you are doing, you don't have to do. We can talk about this," Nadia said trying to be calm and reasoning, though traces of fear brimmed her voice.

"You just had to call them. You just had to do it. You've ruined everything. I don't want to do this, but you've ruined everything and I just-"

"Sydney, stop, please," Nadia cried, as tears fell from her terror-stricken eyes.

"I don't want to, but you're going to get in the way of what I need to do."

"What! What do you need to do. Maybe I can help you, if you'd just stop this."

"I need to stop The Guildiya, I need to stop Sloane."

"He's dead, Sydney, you've already killed him." Suddenly, Sydney looked at Nadia with confusion and then she remembered the blood on her finger, the letter opener in his neck, the little trickle of blood and the fear and betrayal in his eyes as she strangled him.

"It doesn't matter," Sydney said, swallowing hard as she looked down into the water.

"It does. Sydney, he's no longer a threat. There is no need for this. Please listen to me!" Nadia pleaded emotionally with tears streaking her face.

"Everything's a threat. Don't you realize it. People are after me and you won't let me run. They will kill me. I have to get away and you're not letting me do that," Sydney explained with a saddened frustration.

"Sydney-"

"I'm sorry, but I have to."

Sydney cried hard as she suddenly pushed Nadia over the edge of the reservoir, sending her splashing into the water. Tears bitterly overflowed as she watched Nadia struggle.

"I'm so sorry," Sydney whispered in sobs, "I'm so sorry."


	26. Chapter 26

-1Chapter 26

As Nadia struggled in the water, her hands still bound together, Sydney immediately turned away and ran back to her car, the pain aching through her body for what she had just done. As she turned the car back on, she seeped into a numb state of shock. She quickly headed back to the paved streets, not having any conscious thought, her eyes blurring in a semi-focus on the road.

Meanwhile, Nadia tried to stay afloat, but within a few seconds, her head submerged in the water. Struggling as her body sunk to the bottom, Nadia felt panic. She was drowning. There was nothing else to think or feel except sheer panic and desperation to breath.

As Nadia was in the water, a worker of the Ortega Reservoir, was doing a routine check when he noticed a black figure quickly sinking in the water. He yelled out for help and ran towards the edge of the water. Upon closer inspection, he realized it was a woman.

"There's someone drowning! Get Help!" He yelled as loud as he could. He then immediately removed his shoes and jumped into the water, swimming furiously towards her. Taking a deep breath as he reached the spot where she had begun to sink, he dove down into the water, and grabbed hold of her clothing. He struggled as he tried to pull her up, her body weighing much more in water. Eventually he managed to pull her up to the surface. Nadia immediately gasped for air as her face rose above the water. She continued to cough hard and breath in exacerbation as the man got her to the side of the reservoir and the other workers pulled them out.

"Are you okay, Ma'am?" a tall, dark-haired man asked. Nadia continued to breath hard as she nodded her head. "An ambulance is on its way anyways, so you just sit here and rest for a few minutes," he told her.

After a moment, the man noticed her arms bound together. "Get some scissors," he commanded another person who had been standing there. "What in heavens are you doing with these on?"

Nadia avoided his question and looked towards the other man who was soaking wet, and spoke sincerely, "Thank you."

He nodded. "You shouldn't have been out there. If I hadn't been doing my checks, you'd have drowned," he replied

"I know," Nadia said, with a desperate look of anguish on her face as she thought about Sydney and what she had done. She tried to kill her. The pain of it stung deep.

"Why don't we get you inside now. I can get you both blankets," the tall dark-haired man said. Nadia and her rescuer both nodded as they got up and walked towards the main building.

Sydney headed north up a tree-filled street and within 5 minutes, she came to a fork in the road. Not knowing where to head, she sat there for a moment, trying to gather her thoughts. It was at that moment that she felt a solo tear stream down her cheek. Sydney brought her hand to her face, blotting away the tear. Suddenly a stream of them came rushing down as Sydney realized what she had just done. She scrunched her face up hard in pain and let out a wail. Soon she was sobbing roughly into her hands, her whole body shaking with each cry.

"Oh my God," she cried, "Oh my God, what have I done! Nadia!" Sydney's face was red and her eyes puffy and streaming wet as she continued to cry. "Nadia... Nadia! No!"

Suddenly, Sydney looked up into the rear view mirror, turning it to face her. She looked deep into her eyes with horror, realizing the monster she was. She had no idea what to do. She had no idea who she was anymore. She had just murdered her sister and she didn't understand how anything could possibly be worth killing someone she loved so dearly. Sydney's eyes went into a dark sorrow as she stared at herself, her face cringing as she did.

"I have to go back," she whispered to herself. "I have to go back."

Sydney wiped her face with her hands, and screeched the car around in a sharp U-turn, soon driving furiously down the road towards the reservoir. Because of her speed, Sydney reached the reservoir within a few minutes. She quickly got out, stumbling slightly as she ran as fast as she could towards the water.

Standing at the edge of the reservoir, Sydney looked desperately for Nadia, hoping she was still there struggling to stay afloat. There were no signs of her. Sydney couldn't even see her body. But there were 21 million gallons of water before her, she couldn't see every inch of the bottom.

Suddenly a man called out. Sydney couldn't hear what he was shouting, but it rattled her as she realized she needed to get out of there fast. Sydney sprinted furiously towards her car, but as she did, she tripped over a rock and fell rolling to the ground. Having hit her head on the pavement, her forehead trickled with blood. Sydney ignored the pain as adrenaline rushed through her blood. She tried to get up, but pain shot up through her leg. She lifted up her pant leg quickly, but it didn't look broken. She must have sprained it, she thought.

The man was nearing her quickly, so she gathered up her strength and tried walking towards her car, limping roughly as she muffled her screams of pain behind her tightly closed lips. As she climbed inside her car, she realized it was her right ankle. There was no time though, so she started the car anyways, and whimpered painfully as she used her sprained ankle on the petals.

Sydney drove erratically up the street, ending back at the fork in the road. She quickly yanked the steering wheel right onto East Valley Road. Not knowing where she was going, she followed the tree studded road, as she drove unsteadily, her ankle shooting out sharp pains as she tried not to cry.

As Sydney drove west down the windy road, her thoughts suddenly went to Nadia, as her skin crawled. She could feel her. She swore she could feel her hands all over her neck, choking her in revenge. Sydney kept driving as the ghost hands tried to mangle her, or so she thought. Her driving became even more erratic as her mind was taken off the road by whispers of how she was going to die went into her ear. Sydney shivered hard as her face cringed in a whimper.

"Go away," Sydney cried as her eyes portrayed the terror inside her mind, "go away."

"You killed me. You murdered me and left my body to sink to the bottom of a cold reservoir," whispered Nadia into Sydney's mind.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Sydney sobbed, her eyes only partially on the road as she drove roughly.

"You're evil! You have Satan inside of you!"

"No," Sydney whimpered, shaking her head.

"Yes. Why do you think you are so different? Its because you're a part of the devil now. You deserve to die." Nadia's voice as cold and eerie as she spoke.

"No," Sydney continued to cry.

"I'm going to kill you and make it as bloody as you wanted my father's death to be. All your veins will open up and seep blood out, pouring out all the evil."

"Stop! You're not Nadia. She wouldn't do this to me," Sydney insisted desperately.

"You murdered me!" Nadia screamed in a shrill voice. Sydney covered her ears with both hands and wailed loudly, closing her eyes tightly, as the car headed towards some trees. Opening her eyes, Sydney noticed and quickly swerved the car back on track. Her heart palpitated loudly and beat rapidly through her chest as terror took over her. Suddenly sirens sounded behind her. Looking in her rear view mirror, she noticed a cop following her. She couldn't get caught, she thought, as she hit the gas. The police car chased her as she sped hectically down the winding road. Sirens screamed in the background.


	27. Chapter 27

-1Chapter 27

Sydney drove fast, swerving around the other cars, the cop car fast on her tail. She took a sharp left. The road turned to dirt. Sydney cranked the steering wheel furiously as she went around the bends. She headed towards the wooded hillside, her foot steady on the gas, her ankle sending out sharp stabbing pains, and her eyes watering up.

The sirens screeched in the background.

Sydney glanced at her mirror. He was close. Her foot pressed deeper onto the gas as she drove erratically up the road.

Suddenly the road winded sharp. Sydney was unable to keep the car steady as she tried to race around the 180 degree bend. Her car hurled towards the trees as she quickly turned the steering wheel the other direction, back onto the road, slamming on the breaks with her left foot.

Her car was too out of control. It flew into some trees.

The airbags inflated hard into Sydney as she flopped forward into them.

After a moment of shock, Sydney realized she wasn't seriously hurt, except for her already sprained ankle and some pain where the airbag hit her chest, so she opened the car door and climbed out, almost screaming as she stepped forward onto her right foot. She quickly hopped back onto her left foot, and started limping forward as the cop car pulled up beside her car. She hobbled fast, trying to get out of the cop's sight as he got out of the car, his gun raised.

"Stop or I'll shoot!" He yelled.

Sydney cocked her gun and fired shots back at him, being careful not to actually hit him. Even in the midst of all her madness, she knew murdering a cop was much worse than Sloane.

As bullets flew in his direction, the cop took cover behind his car door. He quickly grabbed the radio and called it in. After a moment, a voice came back over the radio. It was Jack's. He was using the radio at the local police station, having come there for intel and help in finding Sydney. Nadia and Vaughn were beside him as he spoke into the radio.

"I am an agent of the CIA. Do not fire on the suspect. She is wanted alive and unhurt by the CIA," Jack commanded.

"She's going to get away!" The cop yelled into the radio, annoyed at the CIA getting in his way of enforcing the law.

"Do not fire!" Jack insisted.

"I want to speak to my superior. This is ridiculous. You're letting a suspect get away."

Quickly a woman's voice came over the radio, "Officer Barkley, its Sergeant Hux here. We have orders to listen to the CIA on this one. Don't fire on the suspect. What is your position?"

"I'm on the north-west part of Toro Canyon Road, past where it turns to dirt. The suspect's car has crashed into a tree after overtaking a sharp turn. She's taken off on foot into the woods, however, she appears to be injured in the leg."

"Alright. We're sending a team out your way."

"Rodger that."

Meanwhile, Sydney walked roughly as fast as she could through into the forest, tripping several times along the way.

"Ouch!" she whispered as a branch scraped across her face. She ignored the scratch as she pushed forward, remembering all her training in her perseverance. She was heading up an incline, however, making it even harder.

As Sydney looked behind her, she realized the cop wasn't following her anymore. Suddenly she tripped over the large root of a big tree, sending herself hurling into the ground. As she winced in pain, she noticed a pair of feet beside her. Thinking it was the cop, she tried to scatter away on her hands and knees.

"Sydney," the man said in a cold dead voice.

Looking up, she realized it was Sark. He had come back to haunt her, she thought.

"Leave me alone!" She cried, all her frustration bundling up inside her.

"They'll execute you when they find you," he replied coldly.

"So, what do you care?" Sydney said, getting up slowly, her face scrunching up in pain as she started to hobble, her arms reaching out for the trees for balance.

"He's evil, just like you. A murderer. He wants to collect you and take you back to his master, the devil," another voice whispered into Sydney's ear. Turning around, she could see no one else there.

"Leave me alone, whoever you are," Sydney said meekly, as her eyes became stricken with terror.

"I can't because you took my life. I'm forever attached to you, watching you until you die a horrible death like you gave me."

Sydney looked forward and noticed Nadia standing in front of her, her skin grey and her eyes dead. There was no emotion in her face. Behind her, Sark stood there, much in the same manner, grey with dead eyes and no emotions. They watched her.

Trying to ignore them, Sydney started forward, but they followed her, eyeing her gravely as she tried to get away.

"They're going to kill you." Sark whispered, his cold breath meeting the back of Sydney's neck.

"Go away!" Sydney screamed as tears glided down her face.

"They're going to murder you." Nadia whispered, her dead glare staring forward at Sydney.

"Stop!"

"That's what I screamed as you killed me," Nadia spoke louder and more intensely.

"I'm sorry. I did what I had to do to save the world," Sydney pleaded emotionally as she limped forward.

"You're no saviour!" They both yelled out in growingly intense voices, as their cold breath swept over Sydney, giving her deep chills. Suddenly, she crumbled to the ground, hugging her knees and burying her head in them.

"You're a wimp. You're a failure," Nadia started as she bent down and whispered into Sydney's ear.

Sark quickly joined her, staring straight into Sydney's eyes with his cold gaze of death. "You're going to die."

"And be tortured in hell by my father," Nadia taunted.

"Go away!" Sydney screamed, her voice muffled as her head burrowed itself between her knees.

"We can't. You murdered us and now we need our revenge," Nadia said grimly.

"We're going to make sure you die a blood-filled death," Sark added, his eyes staring at her in a creepy glare.

"And then we're going to watch as your life is sucked away."

"And you're sent to hell."

They both smiled grimly as their eyes pierced into Sydney, making her cry, muffled whimpers falling into her knees. Nadia and Sark both laughed as their dead body's swished away in a strong gust of wind.

Their voices echoed into the distance.

"You're dead."


	28. Chapter 28

-1Chapter 28

Sydney whimpered into her lap for a few moments before she realized the ghostly images of Sark and Nadia were gone. She shivered from her overwhelming fear. Her heart stung and her eyes watered. Nadia would never forgive her for what she did. She wasn't even sure she could forgive herself. It seemed like everything she had been working for, the whole mission, was rapidly falling to pieces, and somehow had lost its meaning at that moment.

Latching onto a tree branch, Sydney pulled herself up off the ground and tried to steady her footing. She knew she needed to get out of there before the cop found her. It seemed unlikely that he would have just given up. He probably had called for backup, she thought. The whole situation made her skin crawl. Ghosts were after her, cops were after her, people that thought she was crazy were after her. It was likely The Guildiya had their executioners on her trail as well. She had to run, run from everything and everyone. As the hillside covered in thick trees stood before her, she knew it was the only place she had to hide.

Sydney pushed forward, stumbling towards freedom on her sprained ankle, as her head pounded and her body shivered widely with anxiety. Her heart raced, and she felt like she wasn't alone. They were on her trail. She tried to rush toward, but she only stumbled more.

Suddenly she saw a light ahead of her, the sun was poking through the trees and calling her forward. She climbed her way up the hill towards it, grabbing onto branches as she pulled herself upward. As she got there, it overwhelmed her, flooding her with brightness. Sydney was blinded by the light. Tripping over something, she found herself falling to the ground before the light. No, she was in the light and it was consuming her. All of a sudden, a piercing sound was clutching onto her ears, screaming loudly. Sydney rolled onto her back and peered upward, holding her hands tightly over her ears. She shuddered widely as the sound consumed her. She couldn't think anymore. She was frozen. Stunned.

All of a sudden, things went dark and the trees started to appear, but swirling all around her as dizziness took over. Sydney curled up into herself, rocking back and forth in terror. She had no idea what was going on, but she assumed hell was coming to take her. It tricked her into coming towards the light, but now it had its hands holding tightly onto her as she lay there dying. Sloane. Sark. They would be there to torture her. Suddenly everything flashed red. There was blood and fire all around her. She curled further into herself, covering her face and her ears, and simply shivered, mindless and numb with terror.

The black SUV drove rapidly down the stretch of dirt road, letting up a trail of dust behind it. A cavalry of other agents in other SUVs followed close behind, while a black helicopter searched the sky. Jack cranked the wheel as he drove around the windy bends of the road, Nadia, Vaughn and Weiss in the vehicle with him. Suddenly, they turned the corner to see a police car sitting in the middle of the road with its lights flashing. A cop immediately arose from the car upon seeing the team approach.

"I'm Agent Bristow," Jack said as he flashed his CIA badge at the cop.

"Officer Barkley," the cop replied. "The suspect took off on foot into the woods about 25 minutes ago. She was carry a gun, and was driving that car." He motioned towards the car.

Jack nodded, as he began to speak, "We will be using tranquilizer darts to capture her. She is not the be hurt otherwise."

"What's the deal with this suspect anyways?" The cop asked.

"That's classified," Jack replied.

"Jack, we're ready to go," Vaughn said as he came towards Jack. He had been organizing the rest of the teams. "Here." Vaughn said, handing him a bullet-proof vest. Jack frowned as he put it on. He knew they needed it, but it was hard nonetheless to know his daughter had become such a danger.

"Alright, let's move in. Everyone knows their positions," Jack commanded to the team, as he motioned for the cop to come with him, "Do you know these woods?"

"I've pursued suspects in them before," the cop nodded.

"Alright, you'll stick with me," Jack replied. "Okay, move in."

With that, each team headed into the thick woods armed with their tranq guns in search of Sydney. A helicopter hovered in the sky, looking for her from above.

Sydney could hear voices coming towards her as she lay there on the ground. Tears brimmed over her eyes as she shuddered, knowing Sark and Nadia were back to torment her as she lay there dying.

"They're coming for you." Nadia whispered, her cold breath on Sydney's ear.

"Why are you doing this?" Sydney said meekly.

"You killed me. You murdered me in cold blood and now I'm giving you to the devil. Its what you deserve," Nadia said in a breathy tone.

"We're going to watch you die, writhing in pain, like you did to us," Sark said coldly, his eyes piercing into hers.

"Go to hell!" Sydney screamed loudly, echoing through the woods.

"You're the one going to hell," Sark laughed.

Suddenly Nadia jumped onto Sydney, holding tightly onto her neck and strangling her. Sydney struggled to fight her off as Sark continued to laugh evilly in the background, his face filled with a cold amusement. Sydney pushed Nadia off her and started to run away, limping as fast as she could. All of a sudden, she could hear more voices following her.

"Sydney?"

She shivered, not knowing who else was there to terrorize her.

"Sydney!" Someone said as they suddenly appeared behind her.

"Go away!" She screamed shrilly as she tried to run.

"Stop! Sydney, its me!" the voice yelled.

"Go away," she cried as she fell to the ground and curled up into herself, rocking back and forth as she felt tortured by the ghosts around her.

"Sydney, its me. I'm here to help you," the voice said softly, reaching out towards her. She could hear someone else there, someone with a radio. She looked up. Vaughn was kneeling before her, his face tormented with fear and love for her. Sydney's eyes widened. They were there to take her away.

"No!" she yelled getting up. "You can't take me!"

"Sydney, stop. We're just trying to help you," Vaughn said calmly, reaching out for her. She pushed him away as she began to run. "Sydney, don't make me do this," Vaughn said as she raised his tranq gun at her.

Suddenly, Sydney pulled out her gun and fired shots towards him as she tried to run. The bullets missed him.

"Sydney!" Vaughn yelled as he chased after her, not wanting to shoot her with tranquilizer darts.

"Vaughn, go away!" she cried as she ran forward on her sprained ankle, pain jilting up her leg. "I'm not going to prison or a hospital. I'm not getting locked up!"

"We just want to help you, Syd. Please. Let me help you. I love you."

"Go away! You don't know what I've done. You wouldn't love me if you knew."

"I know about Nadia and Sloane. But Syd, it doesn't matter."

"I killed her! Vaughn, I killed my sister," Sydney collapsed onto the ground, crying harshly into her lap.

"Sydney, she survived."

Sydney looked up with wide frightened eyes, "She can't be. She's been here haunting me. Her ghost. Its trying to kill me."

"No, Sydney, no. Its just a hallucination. Its Nocturne. Its done something to your brain."

Sydney stared forward for a moment, her face stained with tears. She didn't know what to think. Everything was so overwhelmingly confusing. Suddenly, she felt Vaughn's hand on her shoulder.

"Get off me!" She screamed as she got up to run.

A sharp pierce went into her back. She turned to look at Vaughn with pained eyes, betrayal staining them, as he held onto the tranq gun. Suddenly, her body flopped hard to the ground and she went unconscious. Vaughn's eyes filled with sorrow as he ran towards her body and held it in his arms while the agent accompanying him radioed it in.

"Sydney, I'm so sorry," Vaughn whispered into the ear of her unconscious body. "I'm so sorry."


	29. Chapter 29

-1Chapter 29

The air was cold as her body felt frigid against it, chilling her to a shiver and forcing her to curl up for warmth. She felt naked. Moving her hands over her chest, she felt a thin layer of fabric covering her. Feeling around, she couldn't find anything else. Not a blanket, or a sweater. She wasn't even wearing pants. Her legs were freezing. She gathered them up beneath her arms and hugged herself tightly while she lay there, wondering where she was, her stomach fluttering slightly with nerves.

As she moved her head, she felt the piercing sharpness throb inside it. Her whole body ached. She wasn't sure if it was from days of being on the run or from the uncomfortable thing she was lying on. She felt beneath her and realized it was a mattress laying directly on the floor. It felt hard. There was a thin fitted sheet covering it, but beneath it, she could hear the crinkling sounds of a plastic covering.

A bright light caught her eyes as she slowly opened them, making her head throb more. She brought her arm up to her eyes, and shielded herself. After a moment, she looked above her arm towards the light source. It was a small window. She didn't know where it lead to, but it was an unnatural and hard light.

The room itself was dark. It was chilling to her, making her suspicious with fear for what was to come. Looking around it, she could barely see anything. She couldn't tell what sort of room it was. She assumed it was some sort of makeshift cell and soon they would be coming to torture her. She didn't know who. She had trouble remembering how she got here. She had no idea how long it had been.

She imagined herself being taken to a room and strapped down to a chair. The room would be dark like this one, with only a dim light overhead. And there would be a tray of tools beside. She could feel each one pressing against her skin, crawling over her, cutting through her. She shuddered widely for a moment at the thought. Her stomach churned nervously.

Sitting up, she pressed her hand against her head as it ached. She went to the window and peered out. It was a door in fact and the window looked out into a hallway. It was a splash of white everywhere as the florescent lights washed over the place. As she looked across the hall, she could see clipboards in little slots beside doors. All around there were people rushing around busily. They looked like nurses. Suddenly she recognized someone. It was the doctor who had been treating her amnesia after she returned from her missing two years. It was a hospital. A psychiatric ward. She was in an isolation room.

Suddenly, she felt like the world was falling upon her. She was trapped. Locked up. They thought she was crazy and she would likely be locked here for the rest of her life while they drugged her up and gave her shocks.

Sydney felt around for a door handle. She knew the room had to be locked, but she needed to try. She couldn't not try. But there was no handle. Nothing. She moved her hands over the entire room. The walls were smooth and unadorned. The corners were rounded. There was no padding on the walls though. She thought there would be padding everywhere. There wasn't. Just a cold floor beneath her bare feet.

As she looked around at the empty room, she felt a sort of numbness inside. She felt as empty as the room. As dark inside as the room. The feeling, or lack of, had been there since she had awoken. All she felt was a drowsiness that hung over her and a fear for what was to come.

Sydney took in a deep breath and sunk into the floor. She was locked up in a psychiatric ward. Suddenly, she remembered Vaughn. He had a gun. It wasn't a regular gun. It was a tranquilizer gun. He shot her. He tranquilized her. He put her here.

Suddenly, the brightness in the room grew. Sydney looked to see the door opening. She huddled into the corner, burying her head in her lap. She didn't want to see anyone. She wanted to forget everything and give into the drowsiness, let it take her into a deep sleep.

"Agent Bristow?" A female voice said softly. She ignored it and only huddled into herself further. "Sydney?" She spoke louder. Sydney didn't speak. "I'm Doctor Bowen. I'll be treating you while you're here."

Her voice was confident. She didn't sound afraid at all of the killer before her. She knew though. Sydney could feel that she knew all about Sloane and Nadia. Maybe she even knew about Sark and the police officer, all the violence, whether she killed them or not.

As Sydney spied out at the doctor, she noticed people standing behind her. Security guards. There were two of them. She was dangerous. They knew it. Even she herself knew it. All the violence. All the regretful violence. Only, she didn't want to hurt anyone now, she didn't want to fight back, escape. Nothing. She didn't want to do anything but crawl inside herself and sleep.

"Would you prefer it if I called you Agent Bristow or Sydney?" The doctor asked. What did it matter, Sydney thought. Nothing mattered. It felt like her life was over and even that didn't matter. She was certain that Sark's ghost would come to take her away to hell soon. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. It was all emptiness. Dead numb emptiness.

"If you're not ready to talk to me, I can come back later." Sydney ignored her. She didn't even look at her. She didn't even know what she looked like. She didn't care.

"Alright. I'll come and talk to you later."

Suddenly, the darkness grew and she heard the sound of the door latching and being locked. Sydney got up and walked across the room towards the mattress and plopped herself down on it, closing her eyes tightly. She wanted to sleep. She buried her head into the mattress and let the drowsiness take over.

"I want to see my daughter," Jack insisted as he talked to Dr. Bowen. They were seated in a conference room within the Stafford Naval Hospital. Vaughn and Nadia were seated beside him.

"I'm sorry, Agent Bristow, but I don't want her having any visitors right now. She's been through a lot and she needs to rest. And furthermore, its unlikely she will agree with your decision to bring her here. Its likely you will have to deal with some resentment on her part," Dr. Bowen informed.

"I understand," Jack nodded. As much as he wanted to see Sydney, he knew she probably didn't want to see him.

"How is she?" Vaughn asked. Seeing her in the woods was terrifying for him. He only wanted to be there with her now, holding her tightly and telling her, showing her, how much he loved her.

"She's sedated right now. I tried to speak with her, but she wasn't forthcoming so I told her I would come back later. It will takes some time before we know if the current regiment of treatment is working."

"What are you treating her with exactly?" Jack asked.

"10 mg of haloperidol to start. Its an antipsychotic that also is acting as a sedative for her agitation."

"But you don't know if its working?"

"She is sedated and no longer agitated, but I don't know its effect on her psychosis yet. Its difficult to treat because the cause is unusual."

"Is she still violent?" Nadia asked quietly. Until now, she had been sitting there staring at the floor as she listened. She didn't want to face the fact that Sydney tried to kill her, or in fact had killed her father. She wasn't even sure she wanted to be there at all and not at home with Eric, far away from Sydney. It was very conflicting.

"I have her in isolation because I believe she still is a risk to herself and others."

"She's never been a danger to herself though, has she?" Vaughn asked insistently. The thought of Sydney hurting herself was sickening to him. He felt a strong urge to run to her now and save her. Only he couldn't. He was powerless.

"No, but there is still a possibility. I don't want to take any risks. It is policy that we place involuntary patients in 24 hour isolation, even though she spent the first few hours in Emergency being treated for dehydration."

"I just don't see how putting her in isolation is the best thing for her," Vaughn stated, trying to calm his emotions.

"Agent Vaughn, its only temporary. And it is a necessary step in her treatment." Vaughn nodded reluctantly, trying to belay the image of Sydney locked in some padded room alone. He could only hope she didn't have a straightjacket on.

"How long until we can see her?" Jack asked again.

"I can't say," the doctor responded.

"You must have some idea," Jack replied with irritation.

"Agent Bristow, I don't like to give estimates because it gets people's hopes up. In all honesty, she may not want to see you for awhile given what happened and I wont force her to see anyone she doesn't want to see."

"I see." Jack felt the bitterness of the situation. They all did as their minds burned impressions of an insane Sydney locked up in a mental ward, screaming and banging, having lost her mind. It was a scary image, but all three of them shared it in their minds as they felt a deep hurt for her.


	30. Chapter 30

-1Chapter 30

Her skin crawled with the sensation of spiders ravelling their way around her body. It sent chills down her spine, through her feet and out her toes. Her hands trembled. She could feel him breathing. Inhale. Exhale. Cold veiling over her in shivers.

Fingertips met with her hair, entangling it strand by strand within each digit. Combing. Petting. Soon, his nails were etching lightly across her shoulders and over her back. Tickling... harder... scratching... even harder... scraping and scarring. Stinging. She shivered wildly, tucking her head into her lap and rocking back and forth.

Suddenly, his bold hands fiercely grabbled over her neck, strangling her breath away. She tried to scream. She couldn't scream. She was dying. He had her in his clutches as he was rabidly sucking her life away. She was going to hell.

"Sark" she mouthed without breath. His eyes swirled around her body, a smile creeping on his face. She shuddered, violently shaking for breath. "Please."

"Hush." He replied in a long drawn out whisper. His eyes went dark and longing as he looked deep into her. His desire filled him.

"No." Sydney whimpered.

His laugh was wicked and sharp. It pierced through her skin, through her flesh and her heart. Her eyes filled with tears that rapidly streamed down her face.

"Shh..." Sark whispered into her ear, his cold breath creeping into her. All of a sudden, his eyes went hollow. His skin went bluey grey, dry and scaly. He stared at her as his ghost started to seep away.

Suddenly, he screamed. Shrill. Piercing. "Die!"

And he was gone.

Sydney scattered into a corner, when all of a sudden, white light flooded the room.

"Go away," she cried.

"Agent Bristow."

"Go away!" she screamed.

"Agent Bristow." The voice said more pointedly as Sydney buried into herself. "Do you know where you are?"

"Hell?" Sydney said quietly as her head sunk deeper into her lap and tears filled her face.

"You're in a hospital Agent Bristow."

Sydney looked up, her face streaked with tears. It was true. She was locked in that tiny seclusion room.

"Who are you?" Sydney asked quietly.

"I'm Olivia. I'll be your nurse for the night."

"Oh."

"Who were you talking to before?" The nurse asked. She was insistent, but not crude. Sydney nonetheless felt threatened.

"I can't tell you." Sydney said shaking her head.

"I need you to tell me," Olivia asked unsympathetically.

"No!" Sydney screamed at her.

The light abruptly went away. Sydney let out a deep breath and went to the mattress and lay down. She huddled up into a ball, rocking herself back and forth, as she tightly closed her eyes. Her breathing went shallow and rapid as her heart rate picked up. She started to cry, weeping loudly. Wailing almost. She was all of a sudden terrified. She had no idea what it was. It was just everything. She didn't know what to do, so she cried and screamed, not moving from the mattress. Her body simply lay in a violently shivering ball.

Bright light pierced her eyes.

She couldn't see anything.

Suddenly strong hands gripped onto her arms.

There was a sparkle in the mass amount of light.

Sharp.

It was a needle.

"Agent Bristow, I need you to hold still." Olivia said as she nodded to the two security guards holding Sydney down tightly.

"No!" Sydney screamed and struggled. "No!" Her voice went to a shrill rasp as she yelled at the top of her lungs, using up each breath fully and rapidly.

"We're just giving you some medication. It will calm you down and make the voices go away," Olivia explained calmly as her face remained concentrated on giving the injection.

Sydney kicked wildly as the guards held her down. Soon, they were gripping onto her legs too with one hand each. Their strength was greater than hers. She was weak and thin. Exhausted. Drowsy with medication. She couldn't fight any longer. Her body stopped. Still. Tense but still.

A pierce into her arm.

Tears fighting their way down her face. She was still. Her breathing was uneven and shallow. Her heart was rapid. Her eyes were terrified. But she remained still. Frozen. She stared into the ceiling, her mouth moving, uttering something.

Please. Please. Please! She cried. Please.

Suddenly the light went away. She was surrounded by the darkness. It was as terrifying as the light. It was colder. Creepier. Filled with demons and ghosts.

Sydney lay there, staring up at the ceiling, her mind in a numb shock. Violated. Trapped.

Her breathing steadied. Each breathe grew deeper. Quieter. Calmer.

A single tear wept from her face. She just breathed. Everything grew quiet. The loudness of the hallway, the raging of Sark's voice, the whispers of devils, they all went away as her eyes drifted closed, her eye lids leadened. She was carried away into a deep and numbing sleep.


	31. Chapter 31

-1Chapter 31

Nadia sat there staring numbly at the television. Evening news. Murders. Government cover ups. A fair coming to town. None of it really touched her, spoke to her, or made her wake up from her frozen state. She wasn't really watching it in fact. Just staring forward as the colours and lights flashed at her eyes.

She was sitting in Eric's apartment. She couldn't go back to her own, to Sydney's after everything. When she had came home after they caught Sydney, after she nearly drowned, she stood in the entranceway of her home and felt the bitter pain that seeped into her. After a moment, she turned around and walked out the door, not even locking it. She drove to Eric's a few blocks away and found herself falling into his arms with tears filling her cheeks. Now he had gone over there to get some of her things. So she sat there alone in his home.

Chills seeped over her as her mind hurled thoughts at her. Dead. You're father, he's dead. Sydney, she killed him. Sydney murdered your father. Sydney tried to kill you. You almost died. You're almost dead now. It all feels like death.

She felt like she was meeting an existential battle, hanging at the edge of nothingness and facing the front of meaninglessness. Every direction felt like emptiness, like bitter betrayal. Life had betrayed her. Would it betray her more? Find more ways to hurt her? Her whole life, she hoped for a family, for someone to love. They've just been ripped away from her. She has no family now. She has Eric and nothing else.

Darkness. Bitter bitter darkness jabbing itself into her back.

"Nadia?" a voice said softly from behind her. She was too lost in thought to hear it though.

Suddenly she felt a light touch on her shoulder. It startled her and she turned around fast to see Eric. Her face melted into relief for a moment, and then seeped back into sorrow.

"I got your things. I'll just put them in the bedroom, okay?" He said quietly, trying to exude sympathy. He himself felt sorrow over the situation. To see someone he loved falling apart, to see his good friend locked up in a hospital. To know Sydney tried to kill Nadia. He nearly had lost them both. He fretted over it deeply in the back of his mind as he tried to keep himself sane and together for Nadia.

"Thank you," Nadia replied with a tiny and dead voice. Eric sat down next to her and turned off the television. He pulled her into a hug, holding onto her tightly and desperately, letting his love flow over her, letting her know she wasn't alone. She still felt bitter and alone.

"I talked to Vaughn. Sydney's still in a seclusion room, but they are probably going to try putting her in a regular room on the ward soon. She'll be watched, but at least..." He trailed off as Nadia's eyes gazed away. He could tell she wasn't interested in hearing what he had to say. It was all too dark and confusing for her right now.

Eric held onto Nadia tightly, her eyes fixated on the wall with a deep look of sorrow on her face. She felt frozen in time, frozen in the hurt, in the pain. Eric stroked her back slowly, his own eyes filled with empathy for her. They just stayed there, tight in embrace, for a long while.

Sydney sat on the mattress as she stared at the darkness. At one point, they asked her if she wanted the lights on, but it only seemed a more dire situation to see the room around her. To see how enclosed she was. So she sat there in darkness just staring forward.

Suddenly there was a rush of light as someone opened the door. It was a woman. A different one than before. She walked into the room calmly, followed by two security guards. They stood by the door watching her with an eager eye.

"Its time to take your vitals, Sydney," she spoke in a soft and welcoming voice, much nicer than Nurse Olivia.

"What's the point. I'm not physically ill?"

"Its proper procedure," the nurse answered with a smile as she motioned for Sydney to lift her arm. She put the blood pressure cuff on Sydney as she started to pump it up. "We're going to move you to a different room soon, Sydney."

"Where?" Sydney said with eagerness. She never imagined she would get out of this room. She figured she'd been sentenced to spend her time here for the rest of her life, only coming out for supervised showers and bathroom breaks.

"In this ward. Just to a regular room. I don't know if its going to be a private room or not, yet. We'll see, I guess."

"Okay." Sydney felt hesitant. She didn't know if she should get her hopes up.

"Open," the nurse prompted as she stuck a thermometer probe under Sydney's tongue. There was silence for a few moments until the sound of beeping came from the device.

"Alright, we're all done here," she said with a smile.

She quickly left, followed by the two guards and soon, Sydney's world filled up with the darkness again. Instead of going back to the mattress, Sydney went over to the door and peered through the window. She watched everything that was going on in the ward. It looked alive out there unlike the death inside what felt like her prison cell.

Sydney had been peering out the tiny window for an hour when suddenly someone's face appeared. It was the same nurse as before. Sydney immediately stepped away from the door, nervously. She wasn't quite sure what she was anticipating, whether it was slightly more freedom, or whether they were taking her to a more hellish place.

"Alright, Sydney, you can come with me and I'll get you settled in your new room," she said, smiling, as she motioned Sydney out of the room.

The hallway was a bright white, with florescent lights lighting up the ward. As Sydney stepped out into the hallway, she felt blinded for a moment. She squinted her eyes as she walked forward. Her stomach churned with nerves.

"This way," the nurse said, guiding Sydney with a light touch on her back. It felt weird to her. She hadn't been touched like that in so long. Only held down and jabbed with needles, or had vitals taken. This was the first real touch, sympathetic touch, caring touch, she'd felt in so long. She didn't know whether to like it or not. Somehow she felt a warmth come over her though.

Sydney continued to walk down the hallway, her feet feeling cold against the floor. She was wearing thin little hospital slippers, but the coldness stung through them.

She passed several people as she made her way down the ward. Some were nurses, she assumed, but the one's that really grabbed her attention were the other patients. They were clothed in plain hospital pyjamas of beige colour, though one was wearing a blue gown like hers. The girl looked awkward in the gown, her arms hugging herself as she slowly walked down the hall. Their eyes met. The girl's eyes were filled with an intense look of fear and sadness. Sydney's heart felt for hers.

"Alright, here we are, Sydney," the nurse said as they arrived at a room.

In it there were a single twin bed, a table, a dresser and a cabinet. There was a window to the outside world with natural light flooding the room. It had bars on the outside of it. But it was real natural light. Sydney felt it bath over her pallid skin as she walked in.

"You're belongings are locked in the cabinet, except for your valuables. They are locked in the nurses station for safe keeping. If you need any of it, just ask."

"Okay," Sydney said quietly, still overwhelmed by the feeling of light bathing over her.

"I'll be down the hall if you need anything. Feel free to wander the ward. There's a dining room and a lounge. You can get to know some of the other patients if you want." Sydney nodded and the nurse left, smiling sweetly at Sydney.

Walking over to the bed, Sydney sat down on it. It was much more comfortable than the mattress. There were sheets. She finally had sheets to cover herself up in. And then, she noticed something even better. A pillow. She grabbed it and hugged it. She had a nice soft pillow to lay her head on.

After a moment, Sydney felt the ridiculousness of the situation. She was thrilled by the fact she had proper bedding. It was pathetic. But after spending the last 24 hours in the darkness of the seclusion room, this place felt so much lighter, freer. Somehow, she actually felt a small smile creep onto her face. She was free of the dark prison cell.


	32. Chapter 32

-1Chapter 32

Sydney stood at the barred window of her new room, gazing down at the life outside the Naval Hospital. She was several floors up and had a view of front entrance. At the moment, there was an ambulance pulling up with several nurses and doctors rushing to attend to the victim inside. Sydney could see the blood spilling out of his wounds. It looked like gunshots to his chest and abdomen. She wondered if he would survive. She didn't really have a reason to care, except some part of her humanity inside ached for each life she saw arriving injured at the hospital. Too, it was something to take her mind off her current situation. A view into the lives of someone else, the mortal wounds of someone else. A view into the real world from her little prison above.

"Agent Bristow?" a voice spoke from the door of her room. Sydney turned around to see her doctor. She hadn't seen her for a day. At least, she thought it was a day. Not since she had first met her while she was in that horrible room.

"Hi," Sydney said plainly as she walked over to her bed and sat down. She kept her gaze on the window, her only solace.

"How are you feeling?" Dr. Bowen asked with a professional but slightly caring tone.

"Fine."

"You're feeling better then?" The doctor probed.

"I guess."

"When is the last time you heard voices?" She asked intently.

"Last night." Sydney realized at that moment, that she hadn't in fact seen Sark since night time when she was in seclusion. Perhaps he'd come back when it got dark.

"Who did you hear?"

"Sark."

"Who's Sark?"

"The devil." Sydney paused for a moment. "No, I thought he was a demon. Maybe he isn't. I don't know. I killed him though. It was his ghost."

"You seem confused."

"I am."

"What exactly are you confused about?" The psychiatrist asked.

"I saw Nadia's ghost. But Vaughn said she wasn't dead. That makes no sense." Sydney stared out at the window, her eyes perplexed.

"She isn't dead. I saw her for myself yesterday. I'm told a worker rescued her from drowning in the reservoir," Dr. Bowen explained.

"Then why did I see her ghost? It makes no sense." Sydney continued to stare out the window as if it held the answers somewhere in it.

"It was a hallucination, Agent Bristow. It was caused by an imbalance of pineal gland hormones."

"That makes no sense!" Sydney snapped.

"Remember the drug Nocturne, Agent Bristow. It caused an enlargement of your pineal gland that didn't show up until further testing. Dr. Jain found it when he did an MRI."

"No. I was cured of Nocturne," Sydney remarked stubbornly.

"Apparently you weren't," Dr. Bowen stated. "Agent Bristow, I know this is hard and confusing, but you are on medication now to control the psychosis. I think you will find things more clear as the days progress."

"Okay," Sydney said, turning away with disappointment. Nothing made sense and now there was another person who wouldn't believe her.

"Agent Bristow-"

"You don't have to call me that."

"You'd prefer Sydney?"

"It doesn't matter. I am not an agent anymore. I am someone locked in a mental patient's ward being talked to as if she were crazy." Sydney's disgruntled attitude grew.

"I don't think you are crazy, Sydney. And I just want to help you. It would help me if you were more cooperative," Dr. Bowen explained, trying to remain unthreatening.

"I answered all your questions honestly. I am cooperating."

"Alright," She replied. "I appreciate your honesty."

Sydney stared out the window hoping she would just go away.

"Sydney, you're family has been hoping to see you. Now if you don't want to see them, just say so."

"They don't want to see me," Sydney replied with bitterness. Why would they want to see her? They'd locked her up here after accusing her of being insane.

"They do. You're father and Agent Vaughn are very eager to see you."

"I don't want to see them. Its all... very complicated." Sydney paused. "What about Nadia?"

Dr. Bowen was stopped in her tracks. Nadia didn't seem to want to see Sydney. She didn't want to tell her that. But honesty was important.

"Sydney, I don't know whether or not she wants to see you. It may take some time before she wants to. A lot has happened to her-"

"Because of me."

"Because of your psychosis."

"I killed him for a reason."

"Why did you kill Arvin Sloane?"

"Because he was the head of a terrorist organization. He was going to kill everyone I love, the world even, for the sake of his endgame."

"The CIA seems to disagree with that notion."

"They wouldn't believe me! That's why I had to take matters into my own hands!" Sydney said with exacerbation.

"And Nadia? Why did you try and kill her?"

"She was getting in the way. I didn't want to. But I had to save the world and she wouldn't let me."

"You thought the world needed saving? From Arvin Sloane?"

"Yes," Sydney replied with frustration.

"But he was already dead."

"He's never dead! Don't you see. It never ends. None of this ever ends. There is always an Arvin Sloane out there. Some touch of him, someone like him, someone bent on destroying everything I ever loved, everything I've ever worked towards!"

"Sydney, are you getting worked up again?"

"Go away! I don't another injection to dope me up!"

"The medication is intended to help you."

"Please, I just want to go to sleep. Can we be done now?" Sydney pleaded.

"Alright. Get some rest." Dr. Bowen said. Despite Sydney's attitude, she felt they had made good progress. Sydney had given her lots of insight. She was satisfied for now.

As the door shut, Sydney immediately went back to the window. There was another ambulance pulling up. More blood. Doctors and Nurses running to aid her. A women. Her head was bleeding. She was unconscious.

"I don't think she is going to make it." Sydney said plainly to herself.

She stood there for a moment thinking about the women. Suddenly, she grew cold and shivery. She could feel the death. She woman was dying. She knew it.

A single tear formed in her eye as she whispered to herself, "Death..."


	33. Chapter 33

-1Chapter 33

Sydney lay on top of the mess of sheets in her bed when a woman came barging in. It was the nurse from the night before, Olivia. Sydney had grown to dislike her even in the short time she had known her. She wasn't a sweet and friendly nurse. She seemed robotic and forceful. She didn't care. All she wanted to do was get through her shift. Sydney could tell, and she despised it.

"It's time for your medication," Olivia stated.

"I don't want it," Sydney said stubbornly.

"None of that. Here." Olivia handed her a little paper cup with single round pill in it.

"At least tell me what it is," Sydney asked with skepticism. For all she knew, they could be giving her rat poison to kill her off and be done with her. Perhaps it was all part of a conspiracy. She needed to learn more.

"Olanzapine, 5mg," the nurse said matter of factly.

"What's that?" Sydney asked.

"An antipsychotic."

"I'm not crazy."

"Sydney, if you don't take your medication, you'll go to seclusion."

"I don't get any choice in the matter?"

"This is for your own well-being."

"Fine," Sydney grabbed the cup and tossed the pill into her mouth, then grabbed the other cup with water. Her face was filled with stubborn disappointment for giving in. But she couldn't go back to seclusion. It was too hard in that horrible prison cell. And maybe being a "good" patient would help her learn more about what's going on. If there is a conspiracy against her or not. And then she couldn't figure out how to get out of this place.

"Alright, you can go to bed now."

"What time is it?" Sydney asked curiously.

"10pm."

"But I'm not tired," she said in defiance. She felt like a child being told what to do. It was ridiculous, she thought.

"Lights out at 10pm. If you want to sit here and stare at the wall in the dark, fine by me. But lights out," Olivia stated without sympathy. The nurse then left and turned off the lights as she shut the door behind her. Sydney's eyes narrowed at her as she left.

Sydney curled up in her warm bed, getting cozy amongst the sheets. She felt fear for this place. For the darkness. For the loneliness. She was alone. When nights came, she much preferred to huddle underneath her sheets, as if she were afraid of the dark, when really, she was just afraid of what came with it.

Sark.

She knew he was coming. She breathed quietly as she listened for him, readying herself for his fierce ghost to appear. As she waited, her eyelids grew heavier and started to sag down over her eyes. She pried them open over and over again, not wanting to be asleep and unprepared for the ghost to appear. Her breathing became deeper and rhythmic and she struggled to stay awake. Soon, her world fell into complete darkness as she slept There was no Sark tonight, only a dreamless heavy sleep.

The brightness flooded the room as someone suddenly opened the old yellow curtains. A prison shadow was cast over the room as the sun shone past the bars of the window. Sydney lay huddled underneath her covered as she continued to sleep. The sleepiness the drugs brought hadn't fully worn off yet.

"Sydney?" A soft voice spoke. Sydney groaned as she turned over under her covers, cuddling up inside them. "Its 8am. Breakfast is here." Sydney didn't move. "Sydney, don't you want breakfast?"

Sydney pushed the covers off her head and squinted into the light as it rushed over her eyes. She sat up slowly and opened her eyes, looking around to see the same room she had been in yesterday. Beside her stood the same nurse who had taken her to her new room yesterday. Sydney looked up at her with groggy eyes.

"Come on," the nurse spoke encouragingly.

Sydney moaned. "Sleep."

"Come and get your breakfast," the nurse said again, keeping her voice sweet and encouraging.

Sydney got out of bed and immediately shuddered as her feet touched the cold floor. She stood there clothed only in her hospital gown, feeling almost naked and vulnerable against the cool and stale hospital air.

"Why don't you go get some hospital pyjamas and slippers from the linen room. Might make you more comfortable. Come, I'll show you where it is."

The nice nurse proceeded to guide Sydney down the hallway towards the room where all the fresh clean linens were stored.

"You can come in here and take what you need when you want. There's extra blankets. Here's the pyjamas and over in that drawer are the slippers," the nurse said handing her a pair of the funny looking blue slippers that looked like they were made of thin papery cloth and elastic. "Just help yourself. There's a bathroom down the hall with a shower in it. You can get all your toiletries from the nurses station. Don't hesitate to ask for some help. But first go get some breakfast while its warm."

Sydney put the slippers on her cold feet and made her way down the hall towards the dining room. Out front, there were two carts full of food trays, each with a piece of paper that listed a name and the contents. Sydney dug through them and soon found one with her name on it. She took it and went to sit down by herself. There were several other people in the dining room, much like yesterday at lunch and dinner. A few of them socialized, but most of them sat alone with their food.

Sydney took the lid off her tray to find some plain toast with some containers of strawberry jam and margarine next to them. There was also some porridge and a packet to brown sugar. Then there was some orange juice, milk and a mug full of coffee next to a container of cream and some packets of sugar. Nothing there looked appetizing but Sydney nonetheless took a few bites of the bland hospital food. Her hunger forced her to eat it all as bad as it tasted.

After breakfast, Sydney grabbed some linens and toiletries where the nurse said they would be and went to the shower. It was the second shower she'd had while she was there. She barely remembered the first time, feeling quite out of it from the medication. There was a nurse watching her the first time. She felt solace now that she was alone in the shower. She drew back the curtain and took off her clothes. As she got under the warm water, she let it pour over herself. It was utterly refreshing.

Suddenly Sydney felt a chill. Her eyes went red and watered with fear. She turned around to see no one. She peeked out the curtain into the rest of the bathroom. She could see no one there either. But still, she felt a frightening sense of cold over her. She could feel him. He was breathing over her. But he wasn't there. Not visible anyway. But he was there.

"You look so good naked," his voice whispered. Sydney shuddered as his cold breath took over her.

"Go away," she cried meekly.

"I can't. Not when there is such a sight to see. Not when you're here in front of me giving me exactly what I want, what I deserve." His voice was an eerie whisper over her ear. But still, she couldn't see him. She knew, nonetheless, that he was staring at her even from his invisible stance.

"You deserve nothing!" she whispered harshly as she grabbed the towel and covered up away from the stream of water that she never turned off.

"You killed me. You owe me."

"I don't!" she quietly shouted, not wanting anyone else to hear from the hallway.

"You're mine."

"No," she shuddered.

Suddenly, she heard the door open to the bathroom. She scattered into the corner of the shower with fear. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest and her breathing turned rapid.

"Who is there?" Sydney asked in a quiet whimper.

"Its me."


	34. Chapter 34

-1Chapter 34

"Who's you?" Sydney quivered as a girl's voice answered from the other side of the curtain.

"Meaghan," the girl answered quietly.

"Where did you come from?" Sydney questioned, her heart still racing.

"I'm a patient here. Just like you."

"Oh." Sydney said as she went over and peered through the slit between the curtain and wall. Standing on the other side was a thin scraggly girl with long unwashed brown hair, wearing only a blue hospital gown that covered down to her knees. She looked like she had just entered into adulthood, maybe 18 years. She had the same fear in her eyes that Sydney had.

"I saw you before in the hall," Sydney said as she recognized the girl from yesterday.

"What's your name?" Meaghan asked as she watched the eyes peer out at her from behind the curtain.

"Sydney."

"Hi," Meaghan said softly. Sydney opened up the shower curtain, a towel covering her up and smiled lightly.

"Hi," Sydney said in return.

They both stared at each other with sympathy and fear for a moment just before a loud knock came at the door, sending Meaghan scattering over to the corner.

"Meaghan, its time for your medication," a male voice said from behind the door. Sydney quickly hid behind the curtain. She drew it open just enough to watch what was going on.

Meaghan didn't answer. Instead, she went and hid inside one of the bathroom stalls. Sydney saw her feet disappear under the door as she obviously went to stand on the toilet.

"Meaghan, I saw you go in there. Now come out and take your medication or you'll go in seclusion," the male nurse called out.

Sydney could hear Meaghan sigh as she opened the door to the stall and walked out of the bathroom, a tear falling from her eye. Sydney's heart dropped for her. She instantly saw her life in front of her. Being forced to take medication that made her feel dopey. Being threatened with seclusion, with that horrid prison cell.

A tear fell from Sydney's own eye as she turned around and looked at the hospital pyjamas laying folded on the bench of the shower stall. Her eyes welled up with water. Tears crawled down her face one by one. Whimpers soon came out of her mouth and she quickly muffled them with her hand, her face scrunching up in pain. Sydney needed to get out of there. But she didn't know how. She could only think that being good and showing them how sane she was would get her out soon. Hopefully.

Suddenly the bathroom door flew open. Sydney wiped her tears quickly and peered out from behind the curtain once again.

"Sydney?" a female voice called. Sydney recognized it. It was her nurse. The nice one.

"I'm here," Sydney said quietly, trying to hide her fear and crying.

"Are you almost done? You've been in here awhile."

"Um, yeah. I just... I like long showers."

"Can I see you?" The nurse asked with suspicion.

"I'm not dressed," Sydney answered nervously.

"Cover yourself up with a towel. I'd like to see that you're okay." The nurse's voice got more commanding, but she never lost her sense of caring.

"I'm fine really-"

"Come on, Sydney," she prodded.

Sydney opened up the shower curtain, covered up in a wet towel. The water was still running. The nurse quickly turned it off and looked around the shower stall and up and down Sydney. She immediately noticed the redness of her eyes.

"Have you been crying?"

"No," Sydney said defensively.

"Its alright it you have been. You can talk to me, Sydney. I'm here to help you." The nurse's voice was sweet and caring. Sydney felt instantly warmer to hear it.

"I'm fine, really," Sydney said, forcing a light smile on her face.

"Alright. But remember, if you need to talk, I'm around today until 7pm. Then Olivia will be your nurse."

Sydney almost cringed at that. She hated Olivia. She swallowed her disappointment and asked the nurse a much deserved question.

"What's your name?"

"Faith," she answered with a warm smile.

"Oh." Sydney smiled back. "Can I finish my shower now?"

"Alright, but be quick. Other patients need to use it." Sydney nodded and the nurse promptly left.

Sydney let out a sigh as she turned around to see the hospital clothes awaiting her. She quickly dried herself and slipped into the thin beige hospital pyjamas. At least she felt less naked, she thought, as she finished up and walked back to her room.

Jack sat across the table from Dr. Bowen in the conference room of the hospital. Next to him sat Vaughn, whose eyes eagerly awaited what the doctor had to say.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Bristow, but I can't let you see Sydney until she agrees to it," the doctor told him.

"She's my daughter," Jack replied insistently.

"I realize that. But its only the 3rd day. You need to give her time. She's been through a lot."

"She needs her father," he said even more insistently.

"And me," Vaughn added.

"I know you both are eager to see her, but she hasn't agreed to it and Sydney is my primary concern. I'm sorry."

"How is she doing?" Vaughn asked after he and Jack both sighed with frustration.

"Better than she was. I think the medication is helping."

"I feel she would do even better if we were there to support her," Jack emphasized.

"Agent Bristow, I've already told you-"

"I don't care. I can go over your head with this," Jack replied forcefully.

"Jack-" Vaughn started.

"Quiet," he replied to Vaughn.

"Look. You can try and go over my head with this, but I don't think it will work. There are policies here that protect patient's rights. Its Sydney's right not to see you."

"I'm sure she wants to see me," Jack replied harshly.

"I will ask her again today when I see her, but until she agrees, you cannot see her," Dr Bowen replied with frustration.

"We'll see."


	35. Chapter 35

-1Chapter 35

Sydney sat in the dinning room breaking crackers into her vegetable soup. There were only two packets of crackers. Hardly enough. She thought about sneaking over to the other trays and taking some. It was so unlike her though. She didn't have the heart to steal like that. Sydney took her spoon and stirred up her soup as she noticed a shadow passing by her.

"Can I sit here?" a meek voice asked. Sydney noticed there were some empty tables, but when she looked up, she noticed it was Meaghan.

"Sure," Sydney answered. She smiled lightly at her before going back and taking in her soup.

As Sydney ate, she noticed another patient out of the corner of her eye. It was a young woman with died black hair. She was staring at Meaghan with bitter eyes. Meaghan looked nervous, as she tried to pretend she didn't see the woman.

"What's your problem?" Sydney said to the woman with a dirty look.

"Mind your own business," the woman said with a piercing look in her eyes.

"Do you want me to come over there?" Sydney said in a harsh voice as she stared into the woman's eyes.

"She's the one you should stay away from. She's a freak. Now leave me alone." The woman had pointed to Meaghan. Sydney looked at Meaghan's tearful blushing expression. She felt sorry for her. Everyone else in the room were staring at them.

"Leave us alone," Sydney told the woman with her fierce look. The woman stared back a moment and then looked away. She took her tray to a distant table and resumed eating.

"You okay?" Sydney asked Meaghan.

"I'm okay," she replied. "Thank you."

"No problem."

Sydney went back to eating her soup. After a moment, Sydney noticed the solemn girl picking at her food, hardly taking in a bite of any of it.

"Hospital food is terrible, isn't it," Sydney commented as Meaghan's face stared grimly at her tray.

"I'm just not hungry much," Meaghan replied in a low tone.

"Oh."

"You can have my crackers if you want," Meaghan said quietly as she watched Sydney eat the soup.

Sydney smiled at her as she took the crackers and broke them into her soup. She realized how sad it was that such a little thing made her day brighter. There wasn't really anything else in this sterile place to brighten up anyone's day. Except people. Visitors. Sydney saw how other people's faces brightened up as their loved one's visited them.

Sydney swallowed the lump forming in her throat and blinked away her tears. She didn't know if she could see them, her father, Vaughn, after everything. They were the reason she was here. They locked her up on a psychiatric ward. She had been there for 3 and a half days. As lonely as she was, she didn't know if she could see them. She only wanted to see Nadia, make sure she was okay. She couldn't imagine Nadia wanting to see her though. Why anyone would want to see her is something she couldn't understand. Not after everything that happened.

"Sydney?" she heard the voice of her nurse calling for her. She looked behind her to see the blond haired young nurse dressed in normal clothes gazing at her. She immediately got up and followed the nurse out of the room, smiling lightly in goodbye to Meaghan. "Your doctor wants to talk with you. You can finish your lunch first."

"I'm done," Sydney replied plainly in subservience as she knew the importance of complying and what could happen if she didn't.

The nurse guided Sydney to what looked like a conference room. She sat across the table to her doctor as the nurse took a seat next to Dr. Bowen.

"Thank you for meeting with me Sydney," Dr. Bowen said with a professional smile. Sydney nodded. "How have you been feeling?"

"Fine."

"Better? Worse? The same?"

"Better." It was only a partial truth. She felt terrible being in a hospital like this. She felt frightened by her experience in the shower. But really, things weren't as bad as when she was on the run. It was the first time she really thought about that fact. It was better. Things were actually slightly better.

"That's good. Have you heard any voices or seen anyone no one else could see?"

"No." It was a lie, but she feared the consequences of the truth. She feared the needles and the locked room and being stuck in the hospital forever. She needed to do what she could to get out of there. And for now, complying was all she could do.

"Okay. Have you been adjusting to the ward?"

"Its fine." Her voice was plain and uncomplaining.

"Your father and Agent Vaughn have been eager to see you. Would you object to seeing them?" Sydney didn't answer. Instead she stared forward past the doctor who eyed her hungrily for an answer.

"Sydney?"

"I don't know," Sydney finally answered in a quiet conflicted voice.

"If you don't want to see them, its alright. Maybe you just need some more time," Dr. Bowen suggested.

"I'm afraid."

"Afraid of your family?"

"Of seeing them. I can't imagine what they will want to do to me after everything that's happened."

"Sydney, I have only gotten the sense that Agent Vaughn and your father love you and want to support you," the doctor explained sympathetically.

Sydney stared passed the doctor towards the door. She felt trapped inside the room, berated with questions, pressure, obligation. She wanted to run free out that door, out the locked doors of the ward, free, fresh air and freedom. But it was a far off dream and she knew it.

Maybe they did still love her.

Maybe they would get her out of here if she let them know she was okay, if she convinced them she was normal, sane.

Maybe.

"Okay," Sydney spoke finally after a moment of the doctor staring at her in silence. Her nurse just sat there listening to them.

"Okay what?" The doctor asked unsure.

"If they want to see me, its fine," she replied in defeat. She felt like she was giving up, even though it might be her ticket to freedom if she was careful about it.

"Are you sure?" Sydney nodded. "Alright. I'm sure they will be happy to hear that-"

"Nadia," Sydney spoke quietly in a low tone as she eyed the floor with sorrow-filled eyes.

"What about her?"

"I want to see her. I know she won't want to, but can you ask her. I really need to see her and tell her..." Sydney paused as she tried to suck in the tears, "how sorry I am."

"I'll see what I can do. Thank you for talking to me Sydney. You can go back now," Dr. Bowen said with a smile.

Sydney quickly left, shutting the door behind her. The nurse and the doctor stayed behind, presumably discussing her case. Sydney sighed hard at the idea. She hated being talked about, but she imagined everyone must be talking about her. It was an embarrassing thought.

As Sydney walked toward her room, she noticed someone staring out at her from inside a doorway. Approaching the doorway, she noticed it was Meaghan, still dressed only in a hospital gown. She smiled at Sydney lightly, her eyes hollow.

"Hi," Sydney said to her with a light smile.

"Hi. Um..." the girl paused as she got up the guts to speak, "do you want to hang out in here. Its quiet." she seemed utterly nervous as she spoke. Sydney got the sense that she had no other friends on the ward, and maybe even in her regular life. She was so quiet and awkward. A part of Sydney couldn't help but reach out to her, she was so young and vulnerable and scared.

"Sure," Sydney replied as she followed the skinny girl into her room.

Meaghan immediately sat on her bed and grabbed a stuffed bear that had been on her bed. She hugged it tightly as she stared forward, not really looking at anything. Sydney grabbed a chair and sat down across from the bed as she looked around the room. It was plain and unadorned much like her own room. Some of the other patients had their rooms decorated with personal artefacts, pictures and drawings. There was nothing in either of their rooms. Except a picture. There was a single picture sitting on top of her dresser. Sydney got up to look at it. There was a black fuzzy kitten in the picture. Sydney smiled immediately and looked over at Meaghan.

"Is this your cat?"

Meaghan nodded. "Whispers."

"Cute. You must miss it."

"Yeah. She's all I have now."

"You don't have any family?"

"Not anymore." Meaghan's face filled with a confused sorrow. Sydney noticed it and immediately felt sympathy for this girl. She wanted to know more about her.

"Oh." Sydney replied, not really knowing what to say.

"What about you?" Meaghan asked with curious eyes.

"Oh. I don't know. Its complicated," Sydney replied with sadness as her eyes filled with confusion over the whole situation.

Meaghan gave her an empathetic look. "Its always complicated."


	36. Chapter 36

-1Chapter 36

Sydney sat at the edge of her bed as the sunlight flooded into the room. It was just after lunch, however she had barely eaten any of it. Her stomach was fluttering, her mind buzzing, everything spinning around in an anxious hell. She knew what was coming and she didn't know what to think or how to deal with it. She was terrified.

Today was the day her father was coming. It was the first time she had seen him in days. She couldn't remember how long it had been, but any minute, he would be here. Sydney didn't have any idea what to expect. Would he be angry? Would he think she was insane? Would he still love her?

Sydney sat there deep in thought, not even noticing as the nurse, Faith, stuck her head in the door.

"Sydney?" Faith asked.

Sydney looked up at her with grave eyes, already knowing what she was about to say.

"Your father is here. Can I send him in?" She asked warmly, understanding the anxiety fluttering its way through Sydney's mind.

Sydney nodded, not saying anything. She was speechless. There was just too much inside her head to say anything. So she just sat there, staring out the window as the sunlight flooded her eyes.

Suddenly there was a quiet knock at the door. Sydney froze.

"How are you?" Jack asked a bit uncomfortably, not really knowing what to say, as he appeared through the door.

She didn't say anything. She could feel him staring at her though. Everything was silent. Finally, she looked over at him. It was a quick glance, and soon her eyes made their way back to the window.

Jack had been thinking deeply of what to say next. When Sydney glanced at him, confused and scared, words immediately came to mind.

"Sydney... None of this changes my feelings for you. I love you. I... I just want to be here for you, whatever you need." Emotion was brimming inside Jack, his eyes intensely staring at her. He swallowed hard waiting for a response.

There wasn't one.

Instead, Sydney was staring out at the light as if it was her solace, her escape to take her away from this hell. She was frozen in the moment, tensely scared, her body frozen and her breathing shallow.

"Sydney?" Jack prodded quietly. She stiffened further.

Jack wasn't sure how to approach the situation. He watched her for a moment, his eyes grim and hurting for her. Finally, he took in a deep breath and walked over to Sydney, lightly putting his hand on her shoulder.

Sydney swallowed hard and she tried to make the tears go away, but they quickly rushed down, a sea of sorrow over her face. His touch was like a jab into her, a knife piercing through her heart. He said he loved her. She heard it. But... her mind was at a loss for thoughts.

"Sydney?"

"I..." She finally responded quietly, solemnly. She tried to find words, but there were none.

"Its okay," Jack replied as he stoked her back.

Tears streamed down her face even harder.

"I..." She choked out, trying to speak. She wanted to say something, anything, but her mind was bogged.

"You're going to be okay," Jack said comfortingly.

"No." Her voice was plain as she said it. Her head started to shake back and forth slowly. "No."

"Sydney, it will be okay again," Jack insisted.

"No. No it won't be." Her eyes never left the light, and her voice stayed plain as if she were in her own shock, lost in the situation, in that moment of intensity.

Jack sat down next to her, pulling her close to him. She was frozen as he touched her. Her breath stopped. Everything stopped. Even her tears. The moment was stilled.

All of a sudden, Sydney took in a deep gasp and pulled out of his arms as if electricity had just aroused her to the whole situation, to the rambling thoughts that were trying to speak to her. She quickly walked over to the window and stared out it intensely, hugging herself tightly as she stared at the blue sky.

"Sydney? What is it?" Jack asked baffled.

"I don't understand," she replied harshly, still staring out the window.

"What don't you understand?"

"You!" she screamed.

"Sydney, I'm here because I love you. I only want you to get better," Jack insisted.

"Then why am I here?!" her voice was rising.

"Because you are sick. But you will get better and in time, you will get out of here."

"No," her head shook, "No!" she screamed loudly.

"Sydney!" Jack said, standing up.

"You put me here! You can't possibly love me!"

"I do! I just want you to get better. Sydney, I love you," he tried to assure her.

"No! Just... Just go to hell! I can't stand the sight of you! Maybe this is all part of your conspiracy against me. Make me think you love me, when really you just want to..." She paused. She didn't know what he wanted. Nothing made sense anymore.

"Sydney, what do you think I want?"

"I don't know!" She screamed.

"I just want to help you. Please," he pleaded.

"Leave!" her shrill voice screamed.

Just then, Nurse Faith rushed into the room.

"What is going on here?"

"He's trying to hurt me, Faith!" Sydney cried.

Faith looked at Jack with confusion.

"She's not well," Jack replied, looking at the nurse with grim eyes.

"Faith, stop him!" Sydney screamed.

"Sydney, you need to calm down," Faith replied.

"Don't you see what's going on?! I thought... I thought you cared about me, you wanted me safe. Don't you see, its all a conspiracy. That's why he is here. You have to stop him. Get him away from me!" Sydney ranted on, tears streaming down her face.

Soon another nurse entered, followed by two security guards.

"Faith?" The other nurse asked, looking at her questioningly.

"Wait here with her," Faith replied.

"Where are you going?!" Sydney screamed as she ran after Faith, pushing Jack aside. "What the hell is going on here?!"

"Sydney, calm down," Faith said calmly as she walked quickly to the nurses station. The guards and the other nurse followed closely behind Sydney. Jack stood at her door, dumbfounded.

"Faith!" Sydney screamed, but the nurse soon disappeared into another room in the nurse's station.

As Sydney stood there with anger brimming her face, she felt the closeness of the security guards behind her. She quickly turned around and looked at them intensely in the eye.

"Go away!"

"Sydney," Faith said as she emerged from the nurse's station, a filled syringe in her hand.

"No!" Sydney yelled as she saw it. She tried to run away but the guards grabbed her arms and held her there as the nurse injected Sydney.

Sydney stared at her with dark eyes, tears staining her face.

"Take her to the seclusion room," she instructed the guards. "Sydney, I gave you a sedative to calm you down. You can spend an hour in seclusion until your calm, okay." The nurse maintained a nice tone of voice, but Sydney saw through it.

"Go to hell," Sydney replied as they dragged her.

Within a few minutes, Sydney found herself back in the dark prison, alone, the door shutting away her freedom. She had messed up her whole plan, her anger taking over. Everything was so confusing and hard.


	37. Chapter 37

-1Chapter 37

Light flooded into the darkness, white and harsh, drowning into her eyes as she squinted them. Her head felt wobbly as she lifted it up off the mattress and sat up. There was a dark figure standing in the light. It frightened Sydney. Her heart raced as she tried to make the person out. She could only think that they had come to torture her, to bring her to the room with all the painful instruments and force whatever information they wanted from her trembling mouth.

"No," Sydney groaned as the person's shadow drew closer over her.

"Sydney, are you ready to come out now?" a soft voice spoke.

"Wha-? Who are you?" Sydney asked, her face wrought with confusion.

"Sydney, its your nurse, Faith," the nurse said in a pleasant tone as she smiled at Sydney. "How are you feeling?"

"Um, I don't know. Sleepy," Sydney replied groggily.

"Why don't you go to bed for a few hours then."

The nurse helped Sydney off the mattress and guided her down the hall towards her bedroom. As soon as she got to her room, she immediately flopped down on the bed and went back to sleep.

It was a deep and dreamless sleep. She woke up to the sound of someone's voice in the distance. She tried to get out of bed, but her grogginess caused her to stumble a bit.

"Ouch!" She said as she stubbed her toe on something.

She felt annoyed as she walked forward, muttering how much that hurt and how people should be quiet.

As she got to the door and opened it slightly, she froze. She could hear the voice crisp and clear. Her breathing nearly stopped as she stood there. She couldn't move.

An hour earlier, Vaughn had been lounging on his couch brooding over Sydney. He loved her so much that it pained him to see her like that. Images ran through his mind of her in the forest. She shot at him. He shot her. She fell to the ground. Vivid images. They made his heart feel like it was stopping, being told it couldn't beat anymore. He swallowed hard as he took another drink.

Vodka.

It burned as the last little bit of each shot trickled down his throat. It was a good burn, a soothing burn, as if it would burn away all his problems. But it didn't. So he took another drink. And more.

Soon his head was swimming in a mix of vodka and bitter emotions.

"Damn it!" Vaughn said pounding his fist into the coffee table.

Across from him was a picture of him and Sydney together. He stared at it, his eyes longing and pathetic, tears stinging his eyes.

"I miss you," he said to himself. "Damn it, Sydney, I just wish..." He shook his head. "Damn it!" Vaughn sighed as he poured another shot.

The phone rang.

"Yeah?" Vaughn said as he answered it.

"Hey, its me. How'd your visit with Syd go?" Eric asked.

"What? What time is it?" Vaughn asked in confusion.

"2pm. Didn't you see her?"

"No. I lost track of time. Look, I gotta go." Vaughn slammed down the phone.

He couldn't believe he had forgotten. The minute he heard he was allowed to see her, he couldn't think of anything else. But as he sat down and thought about it, about seeing the person he loved locked up in a psychiatric ward, his emotions went hard. It hurt him to think of her like that. He tried to take the edge off with a drink, but it turned into several and now he sat there thinking how stupid he was. He needed to see her.

Vaughn immediately got in his car and drove to the hospital, completely negligent of his unsober state. Still, he managed to make it there, though with sloppier driving than normal.

As soon as he found a parking spot, he quickly rushed up to the ward she was in. He rang the buzzer to get in and waited there for a nurse. His nerves were buzzing in his stomach as he stood there.

"May I help you?" a female nurse asked as she answered the door to the ward.

"Yeah, I'm here to see Sydney. I'm a little late."

"Oh, I'll go check with her nurse. Just wait here," she replied politely.

"Yeah, sure," Vaughn answered with irritation.

After a moment Faith emerged from the nursing station. Her face held a regretful look on it as she approached him.

"I'm sorry, Sydney isn't to have any visitors," she told Vaughn.

"What?! Her doctor told me I could see her today," he replied.

"I realize that, but things didn't go well with her last visit. We've decided it would be better if she had no visitors right now."

"I want to see Sydney."

"I already told you, its not a good idea."

"She would want to see me. We're together."

"I'm sorry but I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"I'm not leaving until I see Sydney."

"Sir, we will call security if you don't leave now-"

"Wait," a voice called from a few rooms down the hall. They both turned around to see Sydney standing at the door to her bedroom, a hesitant look on her face.

"Sydney?" Vaughn said, slightly in awe as he saw her for the first time since it happened.

"Its okay. He can come in," Sydney told the nurse.

"Sydney, I think you should go back to your room."

"Please," she said to Faith, her eyes portraying a longing sadness for the man who stood before her. As much as she was afraid to see him, as much as she was angry at him, she felt she needed to be with him at that moment.

"Fine, but I want you to keep your door opened so I can hear if there are any problems, alright?" Faith said.

"Okay," Sydney replied.

Vaughn immediately followed her back to her room. She sat on the bed and stared at the floor, too scared to know what to say. Everything fell silent.


	38. Chapter 38

-1Chapter 38

"Sydney?" Vaughn said hesitantly as she sat on her bed. She didn't look up.

Sydney wasn't sure what she should be doing. The moment they stepped into her room, she realized how scared she was to be with him. But things had to go well. She couldn't go back to seclusion. She couldn't stay in this hospital forever. Things had to go well.

"Sydney, how are you?" Vaughn asked as he neared her, his shadow hovering over her body.

"I'm okay," she said quietly as she continued to stare at the floor.

She could feel him coming closer to her, standing over her. She tried to stop her hands from trembling, but they wouldn't. She just kept reminding herself that this had to go well. But really, it was incredibly awkward and nerve-wracking.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"I'm just... tired. That's all." she replied. She couldn't tell him the truth, how scared and lonely she was, how drugged she felt, how angry she was at him.

"I miss you. Sydney, you gotta know that."

"I know."

"Sydney, I just want to be here for you. I need you to let me be here for you," Vaughn told her as she sat down next to her. Her body froze as his neared hers. She felt sick to her stomach with anxiety.

"Okay." She didn't really know what to say. A part of her just wanted to scream at him to go away for what he did to her. But she had to restrain herself.

"Sydney, talk to me."

"I am."

"You're not though. You're so closed off. Sydney, I'm on your side," he replied as he pleaded with her.

"Vaughn, I just need some space right now. I'm not ready to open up about all of this. Its just... painful right now."

"I understand," he replied sympathetically.

Vaughn stared at Sydney as her eyes remained fixated on the floor. He put his arm around her shoulder and pulled her close to him. Sydney forced her body to relax next to his, but all she wanted to do was push him away. Suddenly, he put his arms on her shoulders and turned her to face him as his lips dove into hers. Sydney immediately pulled out of it and got up off the bed.

"What's wrong?" Vaughn asked in confusion.

"Vaughn, I'm not ready to be close to you yet."

"What are you saying, Sydney?"

"That I'm not ready. A lot has happened and I just need space," she tried to explain.

"Sydney, that's ridiculous. What you need is me. I'll make it all better." Vaughn immediately went over and hugged her tightly.

"Vaughn, no," she said struggling against his arms. "What's wrong with you?"

"Sydney, I love you. I just don't understand why you're trying to deny what we have."

"Vaughn, I'm not. Will you just get off of me!" She said as she pushed him away.

"Syd!" He exclaimed with offence.

"Are you drunk?"

"I had a few drinks, but Sydney, I'm perfectly fine. Obviously you're not," Vaughn replied harshly.

"You are drunk. Maybe you should just go."

"Syd, I'm not going to leave. I love you too much to just leave you here like this."

"Love? I don't understand how you can love me after what you have done to me in the last few weeks. I don't feel your love, Vaughn," she replied with anger.

"Sydney, how can you question me like that? I searched for you day and night. And I've stuck by you despite your mental state."

"My mental state?"

"You're sick, Sydney. A lot of people might have abandoned you for that, but I haven't. I'm still here. I don't understand why you wont let me be here with you."

"Just go! You don't get it at all. Just go!" She pleaded with him.

"What is your problem?!"

"You! now get out!" Sydney yelled as she pushed him towards the door.

Suddenly Faith appeared in the doorway. "Sir, you need to leave now. I will call security."

"Fine," Vaughn said angrily as he walked away. Faith followed him out as Sydney stood there trying to fight her tears. She couldn't believe he showed up drunk. She was afraid to see him at all, but he made it even worse. She was infuriated at him.

After a few minutes, Faith returned to Sydney's room.

"Are you alright?" Faith asked with concern.

"I'm fine," Sydney said in a low tone.

"Sydney, its okay to not be fine," Faith replied with feeling.

"I just don't want to see anyone anymore. Its too hard," Sydney said.

"I understand. I don't think you should have any visitors right now. You're not ready." Sydney nodded.

"But wait," Sydney said as feeling suddenly came to her. "Nadia."

"What about Nadia?"

"I want to see her. I need to see her. I know she doesn't want to see me. But I really need to see her," Sydney explained.

"Sydney, I don't think its a good idea for you to see anyone right now," Faith warned.

"But you don't understand. After everything I did to her, I need to see her, to explain... to apologize."

"Its up to Dr. Bowen. I'll talk to her when I see her."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome. Let me know if you need anything," Faith said as she walked out of the room.

Sydney sighed and walked over to the window. She let the light of the day flood into her body, her mind, and just take over her. It felt so good, so soothing. As she stood there, she realized things were never going to be the same again. Her stomach pierced with pain as she thought of it. She looked up into the sun and let it wash over her. She needed some light in her life again. She needed light


	39. Chapter 39

-1Chapter 39

Sydney sat on her bed fighting the tears that were forming. She didn't want to cry, but everything about today was wrong. First her father, then seclusion and now Vaughn. She felt deeply betrayed by everyone. It wasn't fair that her father and Vaughn put her in this place, she thought. And it wasn't fair that they would lock her up for getting upset. She wasn't even allowed to feel anything for they might think she was getting too worked up and lock her up again.

Then Sydney though of Vaughn. Inside, she felt so angry that he came to her like that. He thought everything should be the same after all that had happened. How could things be the same? she thought. He put her there. He tranquilized her. He betrayed her. Things could not be the same. She sat there shaking her head as she swallowed her tears.

"Are you okay?" a quiet voice asked.

Sydney, startled, looked over at the door. It was Meaghan. She stood there meek and longing. When Sydney saw her in the dining room the other day, she got the sense that Meaghan wanted to reach out to her, that she was lonely and had no ally here. Neither of them did.

"Bad day," Sydney answered.

"Oh." Meaghan looked at her with solemn eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Its okay. I'll be fine," Sydney assured her.

"You're so strong. I wish I could be like that," Meaghan told her.

"I'm not strong." Sydney looked down at the floor regretfully. Nothing she did was strong. Not in her eyes at least.

"I think you are."

"Seriously, I'm not. I've done a lot of things that are just... not something a strong person would do. I mean, I'm here aren't I. They don't put strong people here," Sydney told her.

"I don't know. I guess. I just thought you seemed like a strong person. I look up to you."

"Oh." Sydney blushed. She didn't know what to think. It didn't seem right that anyone look up to her, not after everything. If she were strong, The Guildiya wouldn't be a threat anymore. She would have taken care of it. She couldn't have let everything get out of control. Most of all, she wouldn't be here, captured like a lame animal.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable," Meaghan said regretfully.

"I'm not uncomfortable. I just don't think I'm anything special. I had a mission and I failed. That's the sort of person I am. I let a lot of people down."

"I don't care about any of that."

"Thanks," Sydney replied.

It was odd to her. Someone actually looked at her as she was and thought highly of her, cared about her. Meaghan didn't seem to want to change her, make her someone else, make her into the person that everyone seemed to think she should be. And moreover, she didn't see her as some insane person. Maybe it wasn't so bad having someone look up to her. She could be an ally. An asset.

"If you want to sit down you can," Sydney told Meaghan as she realized that she was still standing in the doorway.

"Okay." Meaghan walked over and sat down on the chair across from the bed.

"So how long have you been here?" Sydney asked, wanting to know more about her.

"Six weeks, I think. Its hard to keep track."

"What happened? Why are you here?" She needed to know everything she could about her if she were to be an asset to her.

"My parents put me here. They said I was sad. I guess I was. I know I was. But I didn't want to come here. I didn't need to. I think... I think they just wanted to get rid of me. I haven't seen them since it happened." Meaghan stared at the floor with grim eyes as she talked about it.

"They abandoned you?" Sydney felt appalled. Meaghan nodded. "I was put here too." Sydney's tone went bitter.

"Why?"

"They keep saying I'm sick. That I'm paranoid and I'm seeing things. They don't get it. All I tried to do was save everyone. Because of them I didn't. I tried and I failed. They made me fail. But its not over yet. I need to get out of here. Everything depends on that." Sydney's eyes filled with a need to complete her mission. She felt driven. But at the same time, she was getting no where. It was so frustrating.

"Are you going to try and escape?"

"I don't know. No, not yet anyway. I figure if I can convince them I'm sane, they will let me go. They haven't been making it easy though. My family, I mean. When I saw them, they looked at me as if I was sick. I'm not sick."

"You seem okay to me. You deserve to get out of here. I know you can do it."

"Thanks."

"I know you don't know me that well, but if you try and escape, will you take me with you?" Meaghan looked at her with longing eyes. Sydney felt her heart fall for the girl. But she couldn't risk taking her with her.

"I don't know. I'll do what I can."

"Thanks."

As the girls sat there, Sydney suddenly felt a cool breeze brush over her and envelop around her body. She shuddered.

"What is it?" Meaghan asked as she noticed Sydney's look of discomfort.

"They're listening," a voice whispered from a distance.

Sydney recognized it. Her eyes widened in terror as she looked around the room. She couldn't see him. But he was there. She could feel him all over her, his breath gazing her skin.

"Sydney?" Meaghan asked.

"Shh," Sydney replied softly as she got up and looked behind the door. Not there. She then looked outside the door into the hallway. There was no one there.

"Sydney, what's wrong?" Meaghan asked again.

"Shh!" Sydney said louder as she eyed every corner of the room for him. She knew he was hiding somewhere. He was a ghost. He could be anywhere. He could be any shape, any size. She knew he was there.

Suddenly, Sydney felt the room go dark. She looked at the window and saw his cold blue face appear staring at her with crisp eyes.

"Go away!" Sydney yelled towards the window.

"Sydney, who are you talking to?" Meaghan said with concern.

"Go away! Please, just go away!"


	40. Chapter 40

-1Chapter 40

Sark's visage stared through the window at Sydney. His eyes were cold and glaring, and his skin a blue shade of death. Sydney shuddered as she looked at him, while Meaghan looked at her in confusion.

"Sark, go away!" Sydney whispered loudly to the ghostly image.

Suddenly he appeared behind her as his hands made their way over her skin. She jumped away from him immediately as she looked for something sharp to grab. She needed anything that could be used as a weapon.

As she searched the room, he spoke in a chilling tone. "Sydney, I've missed you. The doctors are trying to drown me out. But I'm always here even when you can't hear me, see me."

"Sark, leave me alone! I won't let you have me. I'm stronger than you!" Sydney yelled in a whisper, trying not to draw attention from the nurses.

"You're weak, Sydney. Vulnerable. If I don't get you, they will. They already have you in fact. You're a prisoner here. But I won't let the doctors keep me from you."

"Go!" Sydney yelled.

"Sydney, please, what's wrong?" Meaghan asked frightfully.

"Meaghan, its alright. I won't let him hurt you," Sydney replied.

"Who?" she asked.

"Sark," Sydney replied.

"Who?" Meaghan asked again.

"Him!" Sydney said loudly as she pointed towards him. He stood there smiling eerily at her, his eyes glaring.

"There's no one there, Sydney," Meaghan said.

"You can't see him?" Sydney asked.

"Who, Sydney?" she replied.

"Of course! He's a ghost. That's why you can't see him," Sydney explained. Her eyes flashed with a terrorized furor.

"What? A ghost. What are you talking about?" Meaghan asked, her eyes fraught with worry.

"I killed him and now he is haunting me. But I am not going to let him take me to hell with him. I am stronger than you!" She yelled out in a whisper.

"Sydney, I think you're seeing things. I mean, ghosts? I just think that's... not real," Meaghan said.

"You don't believe me?" Sydney said as her eyes flashed with fury.

"I want to. But ghosts?" Meaghan replied. She was nervous as she saw the look in Sydney's eyes.

"You said I wasn't crazy!" she said.

"I didn't think you were. But..." Meaghan replied.

"But what?!" Sydney screamed loudly.

"I'm sorry," Meaghan said meekly.

"Go! Get out of here!" Sydney yelled as she pushed Meaghan out of the room.

Sark stood there laughing as this was happening. As soon as Meaghan was out of the room, Sydney shut the door and turned to him. She eyed him furiously.

"Sydney, that was quite a sight. She was your only friend and you just shoved her out of your room. I'm proud," Sark replied.

"Don't be. Now leave," Sydney growled.

Sark laughed at her. The rage inside her was growing. She sucked in a breath and threw herself forward at him, trying to push him down. But she fell through his apparition and hit the ground. He laughed some more, his face growing with a smile and his eyes piercing at her.

"I hate you!" she cried. He just smiled. "Go to hell!"

"Not until I can take you with me," he said as he neared her.

Suddenly, he dove in for a kiss. Sydney tried to swat him away just as the door to her room opened.

"Sydney, is everything alright?" Faith asked.

"I'm fine," Sydney replied, trying to appear normal. But in reality, her heart was pounding and she was flushed with panic and rage.

"Are you hearing voices again?" the nurse asked.

"No, of course not!" Sydney replied loudly.

"Sydney, don't get yourself worked up."

"I'm fine, I swear. Please."

"Stay here," Faith said.

"No!" Sydney yelled as she left. She feared what was coming. Sydney got up off the floor and ran after the nurse. "Please, I'm fine. I don't want to go to seclusion."

"I'm not going to put you in seclusion. I'm just going to give you some medication. Then you can calm down."

"I am calm!"

"You're not calm Sydney. Now if you're going to get violent, I will have to call security to put you in seclusion."

"Okay."

Sydney stood there, trying to fight the tears, as the nurse disappeared into the medication room. She soon emerged with a little paper cup with a round white pill in it and another small cup with some water. Sydney took down the medication reluctantly. She knew she had to. She reminded herself of her plan to get out of here.

"Okay, why don't you go back to your room and relax, or go to the lounge and watch some TV," Faith said.

Sydney walked back to her room defeated and sat down on her bed. She sighed. She felt so lost being here. It was growing evident that her plan to get out of here wouldn't go as smoothly as planned. And now she had lost her only friend. No one believed her. She had no one. A tear rolled down her cheek as she stared forward. She was alone.


	41. Chapter 41

Chapter 41

It was a cold day out. The wind blew strands of her black hair over her eyes. She didn't bother struggling to keep her hair tame. It didn't matter at that point. All that mattered was the casket in front of her. She watched as it descended into the ground taking her father to his lonely grave. A tear fell down her cheek as she silently said her goodbye.

Nadia walked up to the 6 foot deep hole in the ground that had just been laid with a casket and looked down it as her head filled with a bitter sorrow. She held the red rose in her hand a moment, praying on it, praying for forgiveness for him, for peace, for heaven. Then she let go of it as it fell and ended up resting on top the dark wood casket. He was gone.

She took a deep breath and walked back to the other people that stood at his grave. Jack. Eric. They were the only ones that had come. She knew Eric had only come to support her. As she walked over to him, he gathered her up into a tight hug. They stayed there for a moment as tears fell from Nadia's eyes. Eric's own eyes were filled with a worried sorrow for his girlfriend, and for Sydney.

Beside them stood Jack. His black suite matched the dark look of grief in his eyes. He was conflicted between memories of the friend he used to know, the good Arvin, and the one he had known now. It was the one he had thought about killing many times. The one he thought he would be happy to see dead. But the memories of the past wouldn't fade, wouldn't let him be happy for this moment. It was all bittersweet.

Moreover, the situation was that Sydney had killed him in a ill state. It wasn't the right way for him to die, it wasn't the right way for her to have killed him. As much as he knew Sydney wanted him dead, Jack also knew that one day she would regret what she had done, knowing it wasn't the right thing to do, it wasn't something the regular Sydney would have done. It would be a remorse she would feel for the rest of her life. She had killed someone. She had hurt her own sister. She would never forget it.

"Nadia," Jack spoke, turning to her. She pulled out of Eric's arms. Jack paused a moment and then looked her in the eye. "I'm sorry for your loss."

It was all he could say. There were no comforting words at that moment, and both of their minds were filled with the thought of Sydney, of her illness, of her actions. It was a deep sorrow for both of them, and neither of them wanted to speak of her.

Jack quickly turned around and headed towards the car. There was no reception to be held in Sloane's honour. They would simply go home and be alone in their dark thoughts. Even though Nadia had Eric, inside she truly felt alone. She had lost her father. And at that moment, she felt like she didn't have a sister.

It had been hours since the funeral, but Nadia had been in the same place since she got home. She simply sat at the chair by the window in Eric's house and watched the world slowly go by. Everything was quiet. She was numb.

"Nadia, you should eat something," Eric told her in a solemn understanding tone.

"I'm not hungry."

"But you haven't eaten anything at all today. There's lots of nice food. Some people from work brought some over."

"No, really, I don't want anything."

Eric pulled up a chair and sat down next to her. He gently rubbed her shoulders, giving her a light massage. Nadia started to relax under his touch. She closed her eyes.

Suddenly there was a knock at the door that rattled her back to reality. Eric went to the door and answered it. He smiled as he greeted the person at the door. He motioned for the person to come in. It was Vaughn. He looked over at Nadia and she smiled lightly to him, trying to cover up the darkness inside.

"So what brings you to our neighbourhood?" Eric asked.

"I was hoping to talk to Nadia," Vaughn replied as he looked at her. She nodded towards Eric and he left the two of them alone.

Vaughn sat down in the chair next to Nadia. He was a mess. He hadn't been sleeping hardly at all. He had been haunted by images of Sydney that day in the woods when they finally found her. And now, he had new images of her in the hospital to haunt him. The only thing that gave him any peace was having a drink. It was something he was doing a lot of whenever he wasn't at work. But even with the alcohol flowing through his body, he was still consumed with thoughts over Sydney. He wanted to make her better. Its all he thought of now.

"What's going on," Nadia asked.

"I wanted to talk to you about Sydney."

"I don't want to talk about her," Nadia replied as her eyes went dark.

"I know you don't. I know its hard and she's done a lot of things to you recently, but you have to understand that wasn't Sydney."

"It doesn't matter," Nadia said insistently.

"It does. Don't you want her to get better?"

"Vaughn, she killed my father. She tried to kill me."

"I know that. But she needs you. She's been asking to see you."

"I can't see her."

"I know its hard, but you can do this. Sydney needs you to do this."

"And what about me?!"

"I know you're grieving, but you have to think about Sydney. She's sick. She needs our help, our support," Vaughn explained.

"No. I'm not seeing her. I can't. Can you just go. I don't feel like talking anymore," she said stubbornly.

"Nadia, please," he pleaded.

"Vaughn, she wants to be left alone," Eric said as he walked back into the room.

"Eric, Sydney needs her. She's your friend too. Why doesn't anyone care about her?" Vaughn replied.

"Look, I care about Sydney too, but today is not a good day to talk about this. Didn't you remember it was Sloane's funeral today. I'm sorry, but you picked a really bad time to come here, Vaughn. Why don't you just go. I'll see you at work tomorrow," Eric explained.

"Fine. Forget about Sydney then. I know that's what you want. She's your sister, but just forget her!" Vaughn yelled just before storming out. Eric quickly went after him.

"Vaughn, I know you are worried about Sydney, but you're being really insensitive. I don't appreciate you yelling at Nadia," Eric said with anger.

"What if it was Nadia in the hospital right now, Weiss? What would you do to save the person you loved."

"Nadia's hurting right now, just as much as Sydney, and I'm trying to help her, to keep her together," Eric replied bitterly.

"Its not the same. Sydney is sick."

"Yeah and she killed Nadia's father, she tried to kill Nadia."

"I know that!" Vaughn yelled.

"Just go!"

Vaughn shook his head angrily and walked towards his car. Eric sighed and went back into his house. As he got in, he noticed the tears rush down Nadia's cheek. Eric quickly went to her and pulled her into a hug.

"I'm sorry, Nadia. I'm so sorry for everything," Eric whispered into her ear. She didn't say anything. She just hugged back tightly as the tear streamed down.


	42. Chapter 42

-1Chapter 42

A week had passed and nothing really changed for Sydney. She had gotten into a routine at the hospital. Everyday was filled with breakfasts too early in the morning and then lunches and dinners, always at the same time each day. In between was always filled with a shower in the not private enough girl's bathroom, and hours filled with television in the lounge and talking to Meaghan. And then there was staring out the window of her bedroom hoping for freedom. Sometimes there were arts and crafts, but Sydney hated going to those. There was morning medication and bedtime medication and occasional injections when she got worked up. And finally there was going to bed at 10pm. Much too early. Days always were always filled with the same dullness.

Sydney had made up with Meaghan near the beginning of the week. After two days of feeling guilty for how she treated Meaghan before, Sydney went into her room and apologized. Meaghan had no hard feelings. She was glad just to have her friend back.

Sydney had been getting slightly better. She only spent an hour in seclusion on 2 occasions. Both times she had seen Sark and the nurses discovered it and she resisted them giving her an injection, so they put her in seclusion. Other than that, hadn't had any hallucinations or any trouble. Although there was some trouble with another patient bothering Meaghan. Sydney got into a fight with the woman on a few occasions, but the nurse always stopped them before it escalated.

At the moment, Sydney was sitting in the lounge watching some show on TV she had never heard of before. She was completely bored when suddenly she could hear screaming coming from the hallway. She ran to look and saw that it was Meaghan being dragged into seclusion. Sydney rushed over to her.

"What are you doing?" Sydney asked the nurse.

"Sydney, this isn't any of your business," the nurse, who Sydney hadn't seen before, answered.

"She's my friend. It's my business," Sydney replied.

"Go back to your room right now," the nurse insisted.

"No!" Sydney yelled. "Now leave Meaghan alone!"

"Sydney, there are two seclusion rooms on this ward, would you like to spend time in the other."

"No." Sydney sighed. They always had something to threaten her with. "At least tell me why she's going into seclusion."

"You can talk to Meaghan about that when she gets out. For now, I'd like you to go back to your room and settle down."

"Fine." Sydney walked back to her room in anger. She had to get out of there. She was tired of all of this, of seclusion and needles and threats. There was no way out though, except being good. Maybe soon they would increase her privileges and then maybe she could escape. But for now she would have to wait. She wished things didn't feel like forever in there. Time passed slowly. Everyday was the same, dull and dead.

Sydney had been sitting in her room for the past hour. She was worried for Meaghan. As she sat there, she listened intently to the noise in the hallway so that she would know the second Meaghan was freed. It was a few minutes later when she heard a nurse talking as she walked up the hallway.

"I want you to go in your room and rest for awhile. I'm going to be checking on you a lot. And your room has already been searched, so don't get any ideas," Sydney heard the nurse explain. As Sydney poked her head out the door, she saw that it was Meaghan the nurse was talking to. As soon as the nurse left, Sydney walked over to Meaghan's door and knocked lightly.

"Who is it?" Meaghan asked.

"Sydney."

"Come in." Sydney went inside the room and shut the door behind her.

"Are you okay?" Sydney asked.

"I guess." Meaghan's eyes were sad.

"Why did they put you in seclusion?" Sydney asked. Meaghan looked down in shame. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. I was just worried."

Meaghan looked up at Sydney's warm eyes and realized she could trust her with this. "Its okay, I'll tell you." Meaghan paused for a moment and then spoke, her eyes looking at the floor. "I was caught hurting myself."

"Hurting yourself? What did you do?" Sydney's voice was filled with genuine concern.

"I took the tab off the pop can I was drinking and scratched up my legs with it." Meaghan pulled up her hospital gown to expose the scratches across her upper legs.

Sydney's heart ached at that moment. She'd never hurt herself like that before. She couldn't imagine doing such a thing to herself. All she could think was poor Meaghan. She must hurt so much inside to do that.

"What made you do that?" Sydney asked hesitantly, knowing it was sensitive territory.

"Sometimes..." Meaghan took a deep breath. "Sometimes I just have to. Its like all the darkness inside my head goes spinning out of control and I just have to bleed it out. Bleed out the darkness. Its hard to get blades in here. Sometimes there are tacks on the bulletin boards, but I couldn't get one so I got inventive. It was pretty inventive wasn't it?"

Meaghan stared up at Sydney with a look of almost pride in her methods. Sydney didn't know what to say. It made her feel sick inside to think of someone cutting and scratching up themselves like that. But at the same time, she couldn't judge Meaghan. She was hurting. She needed a friend.

"Are you legs sore now?" It was the only thing she could think to ask.

"They sting, but its a good sting," Meaghan replied. Her voice had gone from shameful and lonely to sounding as if she had pride and fascination in what she had done. Its almost as if she loved it. It felt disturbing to Sydney. She felt even more a loss for words.

"I heard the nurse say they searched your room."

"Yeah, they were looking for anything I could hurt myself with. There really wasn't anything. Now that I've been caught, I doubt they will take me on anymore trips to the vending machine to get pop."

"Wait, you were allowed to leave the ward?" Sydney asked with surprise.

"Yes. I was on level two privileges. Basically, you are allowed to go out to smoke. But I don't, so sometimes the nurses take me to the vending machine instead. I'm back on level one now though," she explained.

"I didn't know about the levels of privileges. How do you get on a higher level?"

"Good behaviour. Your doctor sets your level. If she thinks you're not a danger and not gonna run away, then she lets you have more privileges. That's why some people get to wear their own clothes. That's a level three privilege."

"Oh, so there's hope in my future, I guess," Sydney said, all the while thinking about the possibilities of escape that greater privileges would give her. "Thanks for the explanation. This is good to know. Definitely good to know." Sydney's eyes narrowed as her mind filled with ideas for escape. For the first time since she had gotten there, she felt hope. Her mind was alive with ideas. She was going to get out of this place. It would take time, but at least there was hope.


	43. Chapter 43

-1Chapter 43

Nadia sat at her desk in APO staring at her laptop screen. She was supposed to be researching background information on the current case they were working on, but her mind was wondering more than reading. Every so often, her eyes would shift to the main office, formerly occupied by her father. It was now Jack's office.

Nadia was thinking about how Jack deserved to be head of APO. He had respect. That was something Sloane never had. She thought about how everyone there was probably glad Sloane was dead. She may have questioned his intentions on many occasions, but she couldn't be glad for her father's death. She felt betrayed over it.

Nadia's eyes moved to the desk in front of her. It was Sydney's desk and obviously had been empty for weeks. Nadia come remember times when they would sit at their desks and chat while doing their work. It had been so convenient having their desks next to each other. It meant Sydney was always there when she needed something. Sydney was always there. And now there was just an empty reminder that she was gone. A bitter reminder of everything Sydney had done to her, taken away from her.

Nadia looked behind her, hoping Eric was at his desk quietly working away, but he wasn't there. She could use him right now. She imagined he was in the coffee room and would be right back. She hoped he'd hurry.

"Nadia, I need the file on Leonid Petrov," Jack said as he approached her desk, startling her from her thoughts.

"Oh, I haven't looked at it in awhile. Isn't it... No, wait. I think I left it in my room at Sydney's house. With all the recent chaos, I must have forgotten about it," Nadia explained"

"I know its been hard, but you can't be leaving files laying around."

"I know, Jack. I'm sorry. I've been-"

"Preoccupied," Jack interrupted. "I know, I can't say I haven't been either. But I need the file. Some new intel has come forward and I need to cross reference it with some information in that file."

"I'll go get it now."

Jack nodded and left briskly. Nadia watched him leave as she sighed. She didn't want to go back there. Just then, she noticed Eric coming around the corner.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Eric asked.

"I need to go back to Sydney's apartment to get a file."

"I'll go."

"No, I'll go. You don't know where it is."

"Then I'll come with you," Eric said as he put his hand on her shoulder.

"Weiss," Dixon called as he came around the corner.

"Yeah?" Eric asked.

"Jack needs us in the briefing room ASAP," Dixon stated.

"I gotta go get the file. I'll see you later," Nadia said in a solemn tone.

"Call me if you need anything okay," Eric said, as he rubbed her back gently. Then they both went their separate ways.

Sydney stood at the window in her room watching the people coming into the building. She had been on the psychiatric ward of Stafford Naval hospital for 2 weeks, though it felt like forever. She didn't even know what was happening at APO. The only view into what was happening with the world was the news on TV. She wanted to know what was happening with Nadia. Sydney could feel the guilt churning in her stomach as she thought about how sad Nadia must be. She needed to apologize so badly. Sydney sighed as she peered out the window. When would this end? she thought.

As she stood there, she could hear echoes from down the ward. A person was yelling and banging on the door in the seclusion room. She hated listening to it. It was a bitter reminder of all those times she'd spent in there. Almost everyday, there always seemed to be someone in there screaming and yelling. Sydney tried to drown out the noise by letting her mind just drift to the people coming into the hospital. She tried to imagine what their stories might be.

It seemed like an especially busy day. The emergency entrance was flooded with people. Two ambulances had pulled up in the last five minutes. She could see a woman crying as she rushed into the building. Sydney wondered what her story was. She imagined that maybe her husband was an agent hurt in the field and had been taken to the ER there. The woman must be filled with worry.

Suddenly, she noticed a black haired woman walking towards the hospital entrance. She blinked hard and strained her eyes to focus on the woman. She reminded her so much of Nadia. Her heart fluttered with hope that her sister might finally have come to see her.

A moment later, Sydney's heart was crushed. It wasn't Nadia. Sydney felt stupid for her blind hope. Of course it wasn't Nadia. Nadia hated her. Every night Sydney went to bed with the image of Nadia falling into the reservoir, drowning before her eyes. Of course Nadia didn't want to see her. Sydney couldn't even forgive herself for almost killing Nadia. How could her sister ever forgive her?

Nadia turned the key to Sydney's house and pushed the door open. She didn't look around. She refused to. The sight of anything Sydney pained her. She had to look away, get the file and go. Nadia quickly made her way to her old room. Everything was just as she left it, except for the few things Eric had gathered for her when she moved in with him.

Nadia couldn't really remember where she had put the file. She decided to check her night stand drawers first. She flipped through the papers in the top drawer. As she reached the bottom, she realized it wasn't there. Frustrated, she moved onto the bottom drawer, meanwhile thinking about how much she wanted out of there.

The place felt haunted. Not with ghosts, but with memories. There was an air of Sydney there. Nadia could remember when she first stayed there. She could remember how warm Sydney was, how kind. She could remember the nights when they stayed up late talking. Sydney would talked about Vaughn and she would talk about Eric. Sydney was so happy she was with Eric. Nadia could feel how happy Sydney was for them.

"Stop it!" Nadia said under her breath. She didn't want to think about Sydney.

As Nadia opened the drawer, she noticed a pile of pictures on top. She had meant to frame some of them. There were pictures of her mother that Jack let her keep. As she flipped through them, she came to one of her and Sydney. She immediately felt a sorrow pierce through her. Tears wanted to fall. Nadia took in a deep breath as her mind flooded with memories of that moment. They were at a party Sydney was having. Everyone was so happy. They were happy. The memory slipped away as she remembered seeing Sydney standing at the top of the reservoir as she was falling backwards into it. She could remember Sydney's image disappearing as she went under the water, as she struggled for breath and everything became about surviving at that moment. A tear fell down Nadia's cheek. She quickly wiped it away.

Suddenly she noticed that the next picture in the pile was of her and her father. She had been having dinner at his house and one of the servants took their picture. It was one of the happier times in her life, when things with her father were going well. When she actually felt like they were really a family and he really loved her. She knew he really did love her, care about her. She was his daughter and Nadia knew how much he treasured that. Despite everything, she was his daughter. Images of his funeral flashed through her mind. It made her feel so angry, so hurt. She had lost all the family she had. Her parents were dead. And Sydney was dead to her. Nadia felt an intense rage brewing inside as she thought of it. Nadia swallowed hard and ripped the picture in half and tossed it into the waste bin. Tears tried to stream down her face but she quickly wiped them away.

Look for the damn file, she reminded herself. She saw it laying in the drawer and quickly grabbed it. But as she turned to go, she dropped it. Frustration raged inside her as the air of the house haunted her. She was on the verge of more tears. Nadia bent down and picked up the file and put its contents back together.

Just as she went to get up, her eyes fell upon the torn up picture in the waste bin. Her heart ached. She picked up the pieces of the picture and held them together. A tear trickled down her cheek.

"No," she said quietly to herself.

She shook her head. She needed to get away from that place. She shoved the picture pieces in the file and left. She was never coming back, she promised herself. Never.


	44. Chapter 44

-1Chapter 44

Sydney gazed out the window opposite her in the conference room as she waited for her psychiatrist. Three weeks had gone by since Sydney was first admitted to the hospital, since she was captured and locked up in this place. Every two to three days, she would meet with her psychiatrist, Dr. Bowen. The meetings were always the same and Sydney felt indifferent to them. They were only an opportunity to hear the same things over and over. "No, you're not ready to leave the hospital;" "No, I don't think you are ready for level three privileges."

Dr Bowen stepped into the room, an air of confidence surrounding her as she seated herself across from Sydney. A nurse followed her and took a seat corner to Sydney. It was the nurse Sydney had for that day. Sydney always preferred to have Faith sit in on the meetings, as if she had an ally with her. But Faith only worked a three 12 hour shifts a week.

"How have you been feeling, Sydney?" Dr Bowen asked.

"I've been fine. Everything has been fine," Sydney replied hastily. The answer was always the same, not that Sydney would say anything different. She knew better than that. If they knew she was having problems, they would only lock her up longer, take away her privileges even more.

"What have you been up to the last couple days?"

"Nothing. I'm stuck here. There really isn't anything to do."

"I really think you should try going to the group activities. It will give you something to do and a chance to talk with other patients," Dr Bowen encouraged her.

"I hate group. Its boring. Crafts and talking about my feelings aren't my thing." Sydney detested going to group activities and group therapy. She hated sitting there with all those patients, all those people that really were sick. She didn't belong with them. And the activities were so childish. Colouring, arts and crafts, they were a far cry from the work she could be doing at APO if she were there now.

"Well have you been socializing with the other patients on the ward?"

"Just Meaghan. I don't really like anyone else. They are hard to talk to. She isn't." Meaghan seemed like the only other sane person on the ward to Sydney. She noticed Meaghan was sad, but at least she wasn't talking to voices or yelling at the other patients and nurses. And she thought Sydney was normal. She felt like an ally to Sydney.

"So you and Meaghan have become friends?"

"Yes."

"That's good."

"I guess," Sydney shrugged.

"You don't think so?" the doctor asked with a hint of surprise.

"I think I'd be better off elsewhere. I'd be better off back in my real life with my friends," Sydney replied stubbornly.

"Things aren't the same, Sydney. You can't go back to your regular life as if nothing has changed."

"I could try," Sydney said harshly.

"What about your family? You have been refusing to see your father and Agent Vaughn. Your sister has refused to see you. Do you really think things will be the same?"

"They will be in time. But they won't ever be the same if I stay in here forever."

"If you continue to improve, you may eventually be moved to a less restrictive facility. But let's not get ahead of ourselves, alright," the doctor said in a calm tone.

"At least give me some more privileges." Sydney felt her lack of freedom was ridiculous. They had no right to tell her she couldn't go outside and she couldn't wear normal clothes. She felt bitter about the way things were on the ward. They weren't fair, she thought.

"Sydney, you were in seclusion a few days ago. I'm told you got into a fight with another patient."

"That's because she was picking on Meaghan."

"Still, I can't be giving you increased privileges if things like this happen. I need to know that you can handle increased privileges and you won't be a danger to yourself and others. You haven't proven that yet."

"This is ridiculous. I'm a prisoner here."

"You are a patient. If you weren't here you would be in prison. Sydney, you killed a man. You father was able to secure a deal. You are to remain in treatment until it is decided that you are alright to be released. Your father worked hard for that deal. You would be in prison for murder otherwise," Dr Bowen explained. Sydney didn't know about the deal. She paused for a moment. Her father had done that for her? It didn't matter, she thought. No, she was locked up here against her will for murdering a mass murderer, a terrorist.

"I'm sure very few people shed any tears over Sloane's murder. The CIA was probably happy. I did the world a favour."

"The CIA was not happy. Mr Sloane was a resource for them."

"He was a terrorist."

"Do you still believe there is an organization called The Guildiya trying to destroy the world."

"There was never a question that The Guildiya existed."

"Nevertheless, you thought they were more of a threat than your colleagues thought."

"They are a threat," Sydney replied stubbornly. She didn't even know what The Guildiya was up to now. She had no way of checking on them. She only hoped they weren't going to destroy everything while she sat there locked up in the hospital. It was something that was always on the back of her mind, along with finding a way to secure her freedom from this place.

"Even without Mr Sloane?"

"I don't know. How can I know when I am locked up in here."

"Sydney, I think you are still having paranoid thoughts. Perhaps we can increase the Olanzapine."

"It makes me tired." The truth was that Sydney despised the Olanzapine. It made her more than just tired. It made her lethargic and doped up. She felt like she was only half alive because of it. And moreover, she felt she didn't need it. They just wanted to keep her calm and sedated so she wouldn't give them trouble.

"Would you like to try a different medication then?" Dr Bowen offered.

"If it doesn't make me tired."

"Alright." The doctor turned to the nurse and began giving her instructions to put Sydney on another drug, one Sydney had not heard of. "Sydney, I'm decreasing the Olanzapine and starting you on another antipsychotic."

"Why can't I just stop the Olanzapine?"

"Its not safe to just stop a medication."

"Fine."

"Have you had any other side effects?"

"No."

"Have you been hearing any voices?"

"No."

"Have you seen Sark again?"

"No." It was one pointless question after another, she thought.

"One more thing, Sydney. You're father has been asking when he could see you again. I know you said no last time, but I told him I would ask you again."

"What's the point of seeing him?" Sydney said pessimistically.

"He's your father. He cares about you a great deal. It would be the first step in mending your relationship with him."

"He thinks I'm insane."

"He does not think that. He wants you to get better. Do you want to see him or not?"

"Fine." Sydney wasn't sure why she had said that. She didn't want to see him. Or did she? Despite being friends with Meaghan, she was terribly lonely and she missed her old life. She missed the father she knew before all this. She missed Vaughn, Nadia, Eric, Dixon, Marshall. All of her friends.

"Alright. You can go now," Dr Bowen stated with satisfaction. Sydney quickly got up and left the room, while the doctor and the nurse continued to discuss things.


	45. Chapter 45

-1Chapter 45

Jack had been sitting in his car for the last five minutes. He had arrived at Stafford Naval Hospital to see Sydney. It wasn't like him to hesitate doing something. But as he thought about Sydney and their last meeting, he realized how badly this could go. He didn't want to upset her again. He didn't want her to have to go into seclusion on account of his visit or for any other reason. When the doctor called him to tell him Sydney agreed to his visit, he was surprised. He wasn't sure if the doctor had to convince her or if she had actually wanted to see him. Nonetheless, he was relieved to be given another chance at seeing her.

Taking in a deep breath, Jack got out of his car and walked towards the hospital entrance. His face was cold and unemotional as it usually was, but inside he felt many emotions. He was excited to see her. He was worried he would upset her. He was nervous to see her in hospital pyjamas locked up in a psychiatric ward. The emotions all stirred together as he reached the elevator.

"You're going to visit a colleague?" a woman asked as she stood next to him in the elevator, noticing his professional appearance.

Jack immediately felt uncomfortable. He never liked small talk, especially with strangers. Small talk was only useful when feeling out a person and their motives.

"I'm visiting my daughter," Jack replied, not making eye contact.

"Oh. That's nice. I'm visiting my daughter as well. She just had a baby."

"Oh," Jack replied. He felt relief as the elevator doors finally opened.

"What's your daughter in for?" the woman asked with a curious smile. Jack suddenly felt both annoyed and unsettled. She had no business asking him such a question. But what was upsetting was the answer to his question. My daughter is in a psychiatric ward. Jack felt his stomach churn.

"This is my floor," Jack said as he immediately stepped out and walked quickly away, leaving the woman with a look of dissatisfaction.

Jack finally reached the doors to the ward Sydney was on. He rang the buzzer and a nurse quickly appeared.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"I'm here to see Sydney Bristow," Jack replied with his poker face on.

"You're her father?" Jack nodded. "She's been waiting for you. Do you know where her room is?"

"Yes," Jack nodded.

"Alright, go on in," the nurse said warmly.

Jack walked solemnly towards Sydney's room. Just before reaching her door he took in a deep breath and tried to hide his unsettled feeling. This was Sydney, he reminded himself. She would always be Sydney regardless of anything.

Reaching her door, Jack knocked lightly.

"Come in," a voice replied.

As Jack opened the door, he noticed Sydney sitting on her bed reading a magazine. She glanced at him briefly, her face portraying no smile or any warmness towards him. At that moment, he realized she didn't want him there. His heart suddenly felt itself drop into his chest. It hurt him to know she had come to resent him so much. All he ever wanted to do was protect her and now she hated him. But it wasn't just that. She had hated him before when she was younger. But now she not only hated him, she was sick and she wouldn't let him be there for her, protect her. He could do nothing to protect her.

"Sydney," Jack started, not really knowing what to say. "How have you been?"

"Fine." She didn't want to talk at first. She didn't know what to say. She wanted to be grateful to him for securing the deal for her. But at the same time she resented him because she knew he thought she was insane. She hated being thought of as that. She was Sydney Bristow, a spy, a CIA agent, a strong person. She was always strong but now she was here and it seemed like there was nothing she could do. She felt pathetic. She was nothing compared to the person she was before. And it was his fault. He put her here. No, wait, she told herself. She would be in prison if it wasn't for him. It was all so confusing. She didn't know how to feel.

"I realize you don't want me here. I can go if you want," Jack said apologetically. As much as he wanted to see her, he didn't want to upset her. He was her father and he swore in his mind he would always do what was best for her. Seeing her when it would only upset her would go against that.

"No, its fine. Stay," Sydney said, not really sure if she wanted him here or not. She felt she owed him a chance at least. She realized how hard he must have fought for her to get that deal. When the doctor told her, she didn't know why she was surprised. He protected her. He was her father. She grew up thinking he was a bad person, that he didn't care about her. But over time she learned more about him, she learned that he cared deeply about her and that he protected her. Knowing that overrode those childhood memories of him not being around. She wanted to feel that way still. But now that she was stuck in that hospital, she didn't know what to think.

"How are they treating you here?" Jack asked.

"I don't know. Okay, I guess."

"If they ever treat you wrongly, you know I'm here for you right?" Jack replied insistently. It was true. He would never stand for anyone mistreating his daughter. He would find another doctor, another hospital. If it came to it, he would break her out. In some ways he wishes he could do just that, but he knew she wasn't going to be okay again. She needed to be in hospital. She was still sick.

"If you're really here for me, you'll get me out of here," Sydney said harshly.

Jack looked down, his face apologetic. Sydney immediately felt bad when she saw how her words hurt him.

"I'm sorry. I know about the deal that you made with the CIA. I know you can't get me out of here. I'm sorry I haven't been very understanding. I didn't know about it until a couple days ago," Sydney said as she read his face. She wasn't sure if he also wanted her here because he thought she was crazy or if he just didn't want her to go to prison. "Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Do you think I'm insane?" she asked as she looked into his eyes.

"Of course not. Even if you were, I'd still love you. You'll always be my daughter," he replied.

"You don't think I'm crazy, then?"

"No, I don't." His eyes were filled with sincerity even with his poker face on.

"Do you think I need to be here?" she asked, looking at him hard.

"Sydney--"

"You do, don't you?"

"You aren't crazy Sydney,"

"But?"

"You're still not well. You need to be here for treatment."

"I'm not sick," Sydney replied stubbornly.

"Sydney, you are not well. I don't understand how you can not see that after everything that has happened," he lectured her stubbornly.

"I was trying to save everyone, all the people I love, you, the world."

"I know you were, but you didn't need to. There wasn't a threat. Sloane wasn't a threat."

"You still don't believe me!"

"I'm sorry, Sydney. There's just no evidence to support-" Jack tried to explain.

"What about my word?" Sydney replied harshly.

"You were not well. It was obvious. I couldn't trust your word, not when you were like that. I'm sorry." Jack looked down at the ground, not wanting to see the look in her eyes as he told her he basically didn't trust her.

"If you loved me, you would have believed me," Sydney replied with anger.

"This isn't about love, Sydney. I love you. There is no doubt about that. But I am a rational person capable of seeing when you are not well," Jack replied looking her in the eye.

Sydney was about to say something when she suddenly stopped and just breathed. It felt like the exact same fight as last time. She was tired of this fight. It happened over and over in her memory, in her dreams. She didn't want to fight anymore. Sydney discreetly glanced her eyes over at Jack for a second, then quickly turned them back to the floor. She could see the hurt on his face. He tried to hide it, but she knew she was hurting him. She knew what he looked like when he was hurt. She had hurt him before. She had tried to kill him when she was on the drug Nocturne. But she wasn't now. She was sane. And she didn't want to see it. She didn't want to see his pain. She wanted her father back. She wanted peace. Everything that was going on between them was too much. She was so tired.

"Do you want me to leave?" Jack asked her. He wishes she could just see reason, but he knew he couldn't expect that from her at this point.

"It doesn't matter." Sydney felt like crying, but she couldn't let him see her like that.

"Sydney, I'm sorry. I want things to be different for you. If I could take your place I would. But I can't. I want to fix all of this for you but at this point, all I can do is let you be here so the doctors can help you. Its the only way. I wish you could see that. I am trying to help you," Jack explained.

"I know you are trying to help, but I don't need it!"

"Don't you remember what it was like before you got here. You were sleeping in your car on the run. You hadn't eaten in days. You hadn't showered. You were delusional, dangerous even. They could have put you in prison for what you did. But I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't see my daughter go to prison. I made sure you ended up in a good hospital. I made sure you wouldn't be locked in here forever. I made sure you had a chance."

"I don't have a chance. Not in here!"

"You do. You can make things better for yourself by being in here. You can get well and then you can get out. All you have to do is get better, but you won't. You won't let yourself see what you've become, how sick you've gotten. If you could only see-"

"I can see fine! I can see how everyone but me has become irrational. I can see how everyone has labelled me as insane. Its like some sick joke. The only thing I can't see is why?!"

"Sydney, you are not fine. And things outside of here are not fine. Nadia is broken because of this. You tried to kill her. You killed her father. Do you think you will get out of the hospital right now and everything will be the same? It won't be. I can promise you that."

"It will be in time."

"Yes, if you get better. This is the only way. This is your only option. Please, just take it and get better. I will help you in any way I can. Just take this chance." She was silent. She didn't know what to say. Everything ran through her mind. Nadia, Vaughn, her father. She thought about all of them. She thought about APO and the last mission she went on. She thought about Danny and Francie and Will. She thought about her childhood and her mother and how everything should have turned out differently and it didn't. It was all unfair. All she was asking for now was to just go back to her life, despite how unfair it had been. But they wouldn't let her. Everything should have turned out differently.

"Sydney, talk to me," Jack said stubbornly, though trying not to sound angry. It was so frustrated that she wouldn't see the way things weren't. But he reminded himself that she couldn't. It wasn't her fault. She wasn't just being the stubborn girl she always was. She was sick and he had to help her.

"Sydney, I want you to know I'm here for you. I love you."

"I know." She didn't want to look at him.

"You should get some rest," Jack said, knowing he had overstayed his welcome.

"Yeah."

"Sydney, would it be alright if I came to see you again? Maybe in a week?" Jack asked despite knowing she likely didn't want to see him. Nonetheless, he wanted to see her, to keep trying to convince her that he was on her side. He wanted to be there for her even if she couldn't see it.

Sydney looked at her father's face and saw the desperate need of a father on it. He was her father. She knew he loved her. She knew he just wanted to protect her, even if he thought she was sick. She nodded her head.

"Okay. I'll see you soon then." He turned around and left, his heart beating loudly at her answer. Maybe there was hope after all.


	46. Chapter 46

Chapter 46

Sydney sat deep in thought when a voice suddenly said hello. It was Meaghan. Sydney instantly felt a little better at seeing Meaghan standing there in front of her. She was someone who was on Sydney's side. She was a friend, the only friend Sydney had right now.

"Hi," Sydney said in return.

"Was that your father who was just here?" Meaghan asked.

"Yeah," Sydney said, looking down.

"Didn't go well?"

"Not really. I guess it could have been worse though."

Meaghan went and sat on the chair across from Sydney and looked at her sympathetically.

"I'm sorry," Meaghan said.

"Its okay. Its just that I hate people thinking I am crazy."

"I know. My family thinks I'm crazy too. I don't even talk to them now. They don't want to see me because of it. I don't think I want to see them either."

"It must be hard having your family abandon you like that. I could never do that to someone."

"Its because I tried to kill myself and because I cut myself. They got so disgusted with me that they just wanted to get rid of me. They had me put here. I don't know when I will ever get out. And if I do, I have no where to go."

"I'm sorry," Sydney said. "Everyone says things will be different for me if I got out of here now. I guess they would be, but that's only because people are letting things change. People don't trust me. If only they would see what I was doing, maybe they would understand. They would see me for who I am, the same person I have always been. But no one wants to see it like that. They all just think I am crazy now. Its stupid."

"Yeah, it is. I mean, there are a lot of people that need to be here. But I don't think you need to be here, even if you have been seeing ghosts."

"I never believed in ghosts until I killed him. Now he haunts me. I haven't seen him in awhile though. I guess that's a good sign. He's leaving me alone."

"Yeah, that is good. But still, I can tell you're unhappy being here."

"I just wish people would see that I am fine. I am the same Sydney I have always been. And I wish I could see my sister. I did do something bad to her and I regret it. I just got so caught up in what I thought I had to do. I just want to see her so I can apologize to her."

"She won't see you still?"

"No."

"Have you tried calling her?"

"I don't want to apologize over the phone. I owe it to her to say it in person."

"True, but if she wont see you, do you have any other choice? Maybe you can call her and convince her to come see you. Then you can apologize to her in person," Meaghan explained.

"Maybe you're right. I've never called anyone from here. I don't even know how. Do the nurses listen in on us?"

"They say its private. There's a little room down the hall with a patient phone in it. I guess there could be hidden cameras, but I've never heard of it."

"I'll have to watch what I say. I don't trust the staff here."

"Neither do I," Meaghan agreed.

"Okay, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna call her." Sydney was nervous just saying it. But she felt like she had to do it. She had to get Nadia here somehow and this was the only way she could think of now.

"Good luck," Meaghan told her as she walked out of the room and headed down the hall towards the phone.

Sydney's stomach fluttered as she got the room with the phone. It was the size of a phone booth. It had a door with a window. Sydney opened the door and turned on the light. She could see the walls filled with graffiti. People had written different phone numbers on the wall. There were some doodles and some gossip. In a few spots, she could see "I'm not crazy!" or "Get me out of here!" written in large letters. She could imagine patients coming in here trying to convince people to get them out of here. Most of them probably had no one who would help them though. They were frustrated just like her.

Sydney went into the phone booth and sat down, shutting the door behind her. Her whole body felt jittery. She took in a deep breath and picked up the receiver. Suddenly someone knocked on the door. It was another patient.

"I'm busy," Sydney told him.

"I'm waiting for a phone call," the patient insisted.

"I need to use the phone. Leave me alone," Sydney said annoyed. That particular patient, John, had annoyed her like that on several occasions. He was interruptive and selfish, always wanting everything for himself.

Sydney turned back to the phone and hesitantly dialled Nadia's cell number. Her heart was beating hard and loud. It was ringing. Each ring made her cringe with nervousness. Suddenly a voice answered. Tears flooded Sydney's eyes as she heard the sound of Nadia's voice for the first time in weeks.

"Hello?" Nadia asked.

Sydney didn't know what to say. She froze, breathing hard into the phone.

"Who's there?" Nadia asked, wondering if it was a prank call, or perhaps one of her contacts.

"Its me," Sydney said quietly.

Nadia froze. She immediately recognized the voice. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to think. She was in shock. Her heart suddenly started pounding in her chest, each beat making her more on edge.

"Nadia?" Sydney asked.

Nadia's eyes filled with tears. She thought about hanging up. She thought about screaming and crying. She didn't know what to do. She was frozen in the moment and she just stood there. Frozen. Cold. Numb.

"Please, talk to me," Sydney said, her own eyes filling with tears.

"I can't," Nadia whispered through her shock.

"Don't hang up!" Sydney insisted.

"Don't do this," Nadia said quietly into the phone.

"Nadia, please. I just want to see you. I need to see you." Sydney felt her heart ache in her chest. It hurt to know that Nadia didn't even want to talk to her. It hurt to know she had hurt Nadia that much. Tears streamed down Sydney's face. "Please." She choked on her tears.

"I can't," Nadia said, still in shock, still frozen. Her eyes just stared forward, blurred over. The whole world disappeared and all she could see was herself falling into the reservoir, seeing Sydney getting smaller and smaller as she descended into the water. She felt like her heart was being stabbed at that moment. She was so overwhelmed. She wanted to hang up right then and there but her arm wouldn't move. Her whole body wouldn't move.

"Nadia, I love you. Please, just give me a chance," Sydney cried.

"Please, don't do this to me," Nadia said as she began to sob. Suddenly, her whole body came awake and all she wanted to do was scream and cry. Every part of her ached.

"Nadia, I'm so sorry. You can't imagine how sorry I am. Please just come here so I can apologize for real, so I can explain things. Please just give me this chance," Sydney said, choking on her words. Her own body ached as well. She shook as emotions riled through her.

Nadia was about to say something, but she couldn't get it out. There was just too much going on inside of her mind to speak anymore. She dropped the phone and collapsed to the floor crying.

"No," she whimpered. "No."

"Nadia?" Eric said as he walked through the front door. He dropped his bag and ran to her, hugging her tightly. She cried into him, her whole body shaking. "What happened?" She didn't answer him. She just cried.

Sydney sat on the other end of the phone sobbing. She still had the receiver up to her ear and she could hear Nadia and Eric on the other end. She could hear his comforting words. She could hear her cries. Sydney's heart ripped apart at that moment. She couldn't believe how much she had hurt Nadia. She wanted to tear into herself, take the pen and jab it into her heart. She deserved it. At that moment, she hated herself so much. Everything was falling apart. Sydney sat there and just cried, not even bothering to wipe away the tears. It was all falling apart.


	47. Chapter 47

Chapter 47

Tears streamed down Sydney's face as she sat in the patient's phone booth. Her body felt as if it were about to collapse onto the floor. She was jelly as she sat with the shock of talking to her sister, of hearing her sob through the phone, of feeling her pain.

Sydney tried to breath but every breath was a struggle as her body shook and her hands trembled. Her hear was loud as if it were torturing her with the reminder that she was still alive and completely undeserving of such in the midst of all the pain she caused Nadia. She had broken her and every breath Sydney took in felt like it was only feeding the monster she had become. It was making her sick and on the verge of disaster. It was all falling apart, she thought.

Sydney was suddenly startled when she heard a knock on the door. She could see it was a concerned Meaghan. Sydney opened the door, wiping her tears away, and looked for any sign of nurses. There were none, so she quickly went across the hall into the bathroom. There, she began to wash her face, wash away the tears and the mess she was. Meaghan stood and watched her sympathetically. Finally, Sydney looked up at her. Her face said everything.

"I'm sorry," Meaghan said.

Sydney looked at her, trying not to cry. She had no words for this moment, only a feeling of devastation.

Realizing the tears weren't done falling, Sydney walked into the shower stall and pulled the curtain closed. She sat on the bench as tears began to fall again.

"I hurt her so badly," Sydney finally said.

"Can I come in?" Meaghan asked from behind the curtain.

Sydney hated to have someone see her cry. She felt so vulnerable, but moreover, she felt complete shame at this moment.

"I hate myself. I hate who I've become."

"Don't say that," Meaghan replied gently.

"I've done such horrible things. I did them in the name of justice. I did them to save the people I love. But I haven't. I've only ruined everything. I'm horrible."

"No, you're not."

"I am."

"No. Everyone's mad mistakes. You're not a bad person for it, Sydney. I'm sure you've done a lot of good things too."

"It doesn't matter. I've hurt someone I love so dearly. I've hurt my sister in irreparable ways."

"She'll get better and she'll forgive you in time," Meaghan said.

"You don't know what I've done to her."

"What did you do?"

"I killed her father. I thought he was going to hurt her and everyone else."

"Was he dangerous?"

"Yes."

"Than you were only protecting her," Meaghan insisted.

"That's not all I did. I tried to kill my sister," Sydney cried.

"Why?" Meaghan asked.

"She wouldn't let me stop them. I had to save the world, but I went to far. I lost sight of everything for the mission and now I've done such damage. I don't think she'll ever be the same," Sydney explained remorsefully.

Meaghan opened the curtain and sat down next to Sydney, gently rubbing her back.

"The important thing is she survived. She'll get through this and so will you. In time, things will get better."

"It all seems so hopeless. I'm stuck here. Everything is falling apart. Its so hopeless," Sydney cried.

"Sydney, you'll be okay. I have faith in you. You can get through this."

Sydney turned to Meaghan and hugged her tightly. She felt so alone. She just held on tight as she cried. At that moment, it felt like Meaghan was the only person she had at all.

Eric held Nadia tightly in his arms as she cried hard. She hadn't said anything yet, but he knew it had to be something to do with Sydney or her father.

"Shh..." Eric whispered into her ear. "Its all going to be okay. I won't let anything happen to you. I love you."

"Make this pain go away," Nadia said quietly as she sobbed.

Eric hugged Nadia tight and then gently led her over to the couch, keeping her in his arms the whole time.

"What happened? Who upset you?"

"Sydney."

"What about her? Was it Vaughn on the phone trying to convince her to see you. If it was, I will... I don't know. But he'll regret it, even if he's my best friend," Eric said with anger.

"No, it was Sydney. She called from the hospital."

"What? Oh, Nadia, I'm so sorry." Eric kissed her gently on the forehead as tears streamed down her face.

"I didn't even know what to say. I wanted to hang up but my arm wouldn't move."

"What did she say?"

"She wants to see me," Nadia replied sorrowfully.

"Maybe I can ask Jack to tell her to leave you alone. Or we can get the ward's number blocked. Either way, I won't let her hurt you again."

"I don't know what to do." Nadia's eyes looked lost.

"You don't have to do anything. I will take care of everything," Eric insisted.

"I feel like I can't just sit here anymore. I feel like I have to do something but I don't know what."

"Whatever you want to do, I'll help you," he reassured her.

"I know you will. Thank you, Eric, for being so helpful. I can't thank you enough."

"I love you. I'll do anything for you, Nadia. I don't want to see you hurt again."

Nadia looked into his eyes and saw the love in them. She wrapped her arms around him and sighed. She was so lost, but at least she had him. He was all she had left.


	48. Chapter 48

Chapter 48

Vaughn walked into the APO offices at 9:43am and headed straight towards Jack's office. As he walked, his head pounded. He hadn't been able to sleep well in weeks and had taken to medicating himself with alcohol. Each morning was a new hangover, but it was the same struggle - coping with Sydney's illness. Vaughn headed into Jack's office now with Sydney on his mind.

"Jack," Vaughn started.

"You're late again," Jack pointed out as he looked up from the file he was reading. His stone cold face showed traces of his annoyance.

"Sorry. Look, I just wanted an update on Sydney. I'm sure you've talked to her doctor recently," Vaughn explained.

"I have," Jack stated plainly.

"And?"

"She thinks Sydney is making progress."

"You don't seem very enthused, Jack."

"Because I've seen Sydney for myself and made my own assessment," Jack explained darkly.

"You saw Sydney? I thought she wasn't seeing visitors," Vaughn replied.

"She agreed to see me."

Vaughn paused for a moment as he wondered about himself. Why didn't she ask to see him?

"Well, was she okay?" Vaughn asked eagerly.

"She was..." Jack stopped as he tried to figure out what to say. He didn't really know how she was exactly. All he knew was that she was angry and bitter. "She is making improvements."

"Is she still seeing things? Is she still violent? I need to know, Jack."

"As far as I know, she isn't."

"Well, I want to see her."

"She doesn't want to see you."

"Did she say that?"

"No, but I know my daughter. I know they almost called security on you when you last visited her." Jack's eyes looked at Vaughn with contempt.

"Jack, that was all a misunderstanding."

"It doesn't matter. I'm not putting her at risk for any more problems by letting you see her," Jack replied.

"Its not up to you! Ask Sydney. She has a right to make that choice for herself," Vaughn said.

"You can try and see her, but you won't get any help from me. And I'm sure the hospital staff isn't going to help you either," Jack stated.

"You don't have the right to keep me from her!"

"I don't care. I will protect Sydney. If you ever hurt her, you know what I will do to you."

"She doesn't need protection from me. She loves me. She needs me in her life."

"That's opinion. Now I have work to do, so if you'll leave now." Jack said in a hard tone, his eyes threatening.

Vaughn shook his head and stormed out of the office. He felt lost for what to do. He needed to see her. She needed him. His head pounded harder as he walked towards his desk in despair.

Nadia walked into APO with Eric. Both their faces were solemn and exhausted.

"Are you sure you want to be here? You could have called in sick," Eric said to Nadia.

"There was no reason to," she replied.

"You're exhausted. You hardly slept last night and when you did, you had nightmares."

Nadia sighed at the reminder of her very long night. But as tired as she was, she couldn't stand staying at home. It only gave her more chances to think about everything, to think about that phone call from Sydney yesterday.

"I'll be fine, Eric," Nadia said as she gave him a light smile. Eric put his arm around her and led her towards their desks.

"Nadia," Vaughn called out from across the room.

Nadia immediately felt grim as Vaughn approached her. She knew exactly what he wanted.

"What do you need, Vaughn?" Nadia asked politely despite her annoyance.

"I need to talk to you about Syd."

"Stop! I'm not having this conversation," Nadia replied stubbornly.

"Just listen to what I have to say, please," Vaughn asked. Nadia just stared at him.

"Vaughn, this isn't a good time," Eric warned, giving him a dismissive look. It was something he had rarely done before all of this mess had happened.

"Weiss, Sydney is your friend too, or have you forgotten that now that she is mentally ill?"

"You know I haven't forgotten her as a friend, but what she did to Nadia wasn't okay. Nadia is my priority."

"And Sydney is mind! Right now, Nadia is the only chance she has at getting better."

"She has doctors and medication and Jack. She doesn't need Nadia," Eric replied.

Vaughn looked straight into Nadia's eyes. "She needs you," Vaughn said. Nadia didn't say anything. Instead, she looked away from him. "Look, she wants to apologize to you. If you see her, it will make her happy and that will make her more open to treatment and to people trying to help her."

"I'm sorry, Vaughn. I do care about Sydney, but Nadia isn't ready to see her yet," Eric said stubbornly.

"Nadia?" Vaughn prodded.

Nadia looked into Vaughn's eyes for a moment and then looked to the ground. She didn't know what to do. After a moment, Nadia suddenly felt angry. Sydney had done so much to her. None of this was fair. She wanted to love her sister again, but there was just too much anger. She looked up at Vaughn.

"No," Nadia said and turned around, walking away.

Sydney sat in the TV room staring at the screen. Some of the other patients were watching a soap opera. Sydney has no interest in it. Her eyes glazed over as she stared forward. Her thoughts had drifted to Nadia. She was trying to think of a plan to get a message to her. There were things she needed Nadia to know.

Getting tired of hearing the TV, Sydney got up and wandered down the hall. She realized as she passed Meaghan's room that she hadn't seen her all day, not even at breakfast. Looking in, she noticed Meaghan wasn't there.

After sweeping the ward, Sydney felt a concern over her friend. She headed towards the nurses' station.

"Where's Meaghan?" Sydney asked the nurses.

"Seclusion," they answered.

"What? Why?" Sydney asked confused.

"We really can't discuss that with you." Sydney sighed. She knew they'd never tell her because of patient confidentiality.

Sydney walked down the hall towards the lounge and sat down, looking out the window.

"Bored?" an older female patient named Annie asked her.

"I'm thinking about Meaghan. She's in seclusion."

"Its because she was cutting herself. I don't know what she used, mind you," Annie explained.

"Oh," Sydney replied as her heart ached for Meaghan.

"When the nurse tried to stop her, she threatened to slit her wrists so they put her in seclusion. Not the first time that girl has tried that. She's a very messed up little girl," the woman said.

"She's also my friend," Sydney pointed out.

"Yes, but don't think you can fix her. I've seen her type before. Those depressed ones, they are always on the verge of taking their lives. Its sad really."

"Meaghan's not like that."

"You think that all you want, but she's got a darkness inside. I wouldn't be surprised if she oft herself tomorrow."

"Shut up! You don't know anything," Sydney yelled.

"Is there a problem here?" a nurse asked, appearing out of no where.

"No," Sydney said as she glared at Annie.

"Then why don't you two go somewhere else... separately," the nurse warned.

"Fine." Sydney sighed and went back to her room.

She was worried about Meaghan. She was worried about Nadia. And she didn't know what to do. She was lost.


	49. Chapter 49

Chapter 49

Sydney sat in her room while Meaghan was in seclusion. She was worried about her. The thought that she had cut herself, that she had threatened to slit her wrists was distressing to Sydney.

Sydney decided to see if Meaghan was going to be out of seclusion soon so she went to the nurse's station. She noticed Faith was just getting on for the night shift. She hadn't seen her in awhile and it made her feel good inside to know that she would be on for the next 12 hours.

"Sydney, can I help you?" Faith asked with a smile.

" I was just wondering how much longer Meaghan will be in seclusion," Sydney asked.

"She should be out soon assuming she doesn't do anything that would prompt us to keep her in seclusion longer. But she's probably tired. I imagine she will be going to bed for the night once she comes out. Why don't you go find something else to do instead," Faith explained.

"I was just worried about her. I wanted to make sure she is okay."

"That's very kind of you Sydney. You can talk to her in the morning, alright," Faith said.

"Okay," Sydney said as she turned around and headed back to her room.

Suddenly, she stopped and turned back around to see Faith heading back into the nurse's station. The seclusion room was diagonally across the hall from the nurse's station, just enough that she could go to the door without being seen. But she would have to be quiet.

"Meaghan?" Sydney said as she opened the door to the small window.

The light in the hallway allowed Sydney to see Meaghan's figure slumped down in the corner of the dark room.

"Meaghan?" Sydney called out again quietly.

She saw Meaghan look up. The girl smiled as she saw Sydney's face in the window and immediately went to the door.

"Are you okay?" Sydney asked.

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? I heard what happened. I was worried about you."

"I'll be fine. I was just upset and kinda lost my temper but its fine."

Sydney could see the ashamed look on Meaghan's face as she tried to pretend everything was alright. Sydney knew differently.

"If you want to talk about it, we can. I mean when you get out of seclusion," Sydney offered.

"Thanks," Meaghan smiled lightly overtop of her shamed look.

"What's going on here?" a nurse asked as she emerged from the nurse's station.

"I just wanted to see if Meaghan was alright," Sydney confessed.

"Sydney, you know you're not allowed to talk to patients in seclusion, now go on," the stern nurse explained.

Sydney waved lightly to Meaghan as she left. Sometimes she really hated the nurses there. They had stupid rules that frustrated Sydney. Hopefully, she would be out of there soon, Sydney thought. She was doing her best not to fight with anyone, and she hadn't seen Sark or any other ghosts in awhile. She was hopeful and already had a plan in mind. All she needed to do was get level three privileges, then her plan would be set in motion.

It had been a couple of days since that day Meaghan had been in seclusion. Sydney had been keeping a close eye on her. It pained her to see the long red cuts across her forearm. Meaghan didn't to want to talk about it, so Sydney decided she would just stay away from the topic.

"I hate it here," Meaghan said despondently as they sat in Sydney's room.

"So do I. But its not forever," Sydney said, knowing her future plans.

"It could be. This place makes me want to die. I feel dead in here!"

Meaghan was noticeably frustrated by being in the hospital. Sydney had noticed a change in her attitude since she had been in seclusion. She seemed more pessimistic and bitter about everything, like she was getting even more sick of this place.

"They can't keep us in here forever, I'm sure of it."

"But they can, Sydney. After a couple months in here, they can just ship you off to a mental hospital for life. This really is the rest of my life and I'm tired of it!"

"Don't worry. I'm here for you. I won't let them hurt you."

Sydney was hesitant to tell Meaghan about her plan as much as she wanted to. She couldn't risk telling anyone, even if she was thinking of taking Meaghan with her. She wasn't sure if she could, but hearing how much Meaghan hated this place, she felt like she owed it to Meaghan to get her out of here, to save her from this place. It was obviously killing her being here.

"You're a good friend, Sydney. I don't know what I will do when you get out of here."

"I told you not to worry about any of that. It will all be fine."

"Okay."

They smiled at each other lightly. Then Sydney sighed and looked out the window. Her thoughts may have been occupied by Meaghan the last few days, but she still thought about Nadia much of the time. Right now, the thought of her sister had flooded back into her mind.

"What are you thinking about?" Meaghan asked.

"My sister. I miss her."

"I know you do. I wish she could see what I see in you, the goodness, the remorse for what you did. Then she would be able to see past what happened and talk to you again," Meaghan explained.

"I need her to know some things, but I don't know how since she won't talk to me or listen to anyone else about me."

"What if you wrote her a letter? You're father could give it to her. I mean she might just tear it up, but there is a chance she would read it."

Sydney smiled. "A letter. That is a perfect idea! Thank you"

"I just want to help you all I can." Meaghan smiled.

"I think my father is coming this week. Maybe even tomorrow. I'm not sure," Sydney said thinking.

"I'll leave you to write it then."

Meaghan and Sydney smiled at each other as Meaghan left the room. Sydney sat down at the side table with paper and a pen eager to write. As she stared at the paper though, her mind went blank

"Damn it, I don't even know what to write," she said to herself.

Sydney stared out the window and let the light flood into her eyes and wash over her face. She closed her eyes and pictured the last happy time she had with Nadia. They had been sitting in her house talking about Eric and how Nadia was falling for him. Sydney smiled as she thought about it. After a moment she frowned. She didn't even know if Nadia and Eric were still together. She didn't know anything that was going on outside of the hospital. Sydney sighed and went back to her letter. Staring at the blank sheet of paper, she just let the words come to her.

_Dear Nadia,_

_I know you don't want to read this letter. But I'm asking you to just give me a chance and hear what I need to say. I know you don't owe me anything and I couldn't blame you if you ripped up this letter right now, but please just listen._

_I know I hurt you so much. Every time I close my eyes, I see you falling into the water and I just hate myself. I know that doesn't change what I did, but honestly, it sickens me to know what I did to you. I just wish I could go back and change things but I can't. I feel so much shame. You can't even imagine how much shame I feel at this moment, how much I hate myself for what I did to you. I don't expect you to forgive me ever. But I wanted you to know how sorry I am and how much I love you. _

_I want to explain why I did what I did even though its no excuse. I just got so caught up in The Guildiya and saving everyone. No one would help me and I went overboard and, I don't know, I just lost sight of everything. It was stupid. But in my heart, I was trying to save everyone. I know that doesn't change anything. It doesn't make it okay and it will never take away the remorse I feel. Nonetheless, I felt I owed it to you to explain what happened._

_Nadia, I'm so sorry. I know you'll probably never forgive me, but I am so so sorry. Please know that. I hurt you so badly and I can never forgive myself for trying to kill you. Nadia, I need you to know I love you. You are my sister. I spent my entire life wanting a sister and then I got you and you were perfect. I couldn't ask for a better sister but I went and ruined it. I'm sorry. Please please know how sorry I am. I love you. I'm sorry. I love you so much. _

_Sydney_


	50. Chapter 50

Chapter 50

Sydney let her index finger graze over the edge of the white envelope as she sat on her bed. It was a plain white envelope with the name Nadia Santos written on the front. Sydney held it firmly knowing that it held deep emotions within it. She imagined it would make Nadia emotional to read it and that idea pained Sydney. But nonetheless, there were things she needed Nadia to know and hoped that perhaps this was the first step in finding peace for both of them.

Sydney took a deep sigh as she sat there. She was waiting for her father. She wasn't really looking forward to seeing him except to give him the letter. She trusted him to take it to Nadia, knowing he wouldn't look inside and would ensure she got it. Sydney could feel her nerves twitching inside her, both for seeing her father again and for the letter. Sydney had seen her father about a week ago and she imagined it would be just as awkward today.

"Sydney?" Jack said as he lightly knocked on the door.

"Hi," Sydney said as she tried to steady her nervous breath. She realized at that moment how stupid it was that she was nervous at the presence of her father.

"How are you feeling?" Jack asked hesitantly, worrying that he might trigger her bitterness at being in the hospital.

"I'm fine. I've been fine, dad." As far as being sick was concerned, she was positive that statement was true, though she never thought she was sick in the first place. But nonetheless, she realized she was less distraught than when she first arrived. But still, things were not well. She was in the hospital after all and things with Nadia were not going well.

"That's good to hear. Have they been treating you alright?" Jack asked.

"I guess. I haven't had any problems really. Still, I don't think its necessary for me to be here."

"Sydney-"

"I know, dad. This is the only way you could keep me out of prison. But dad, I'm not sick anymore. I take my medication and I'm as clear headed as before. I promise you, I am fine now." She didn't mean it. She knew she was never sick. But she had to say it to get him off her back, to appease him and the rest of them.

"I'm glad to hear that. But nonetheless, you have to stay here until the doctors assess that you are ready to leave. I imagine it will be awhile until that happens," Jack explained.

"I don't understand that. I mean if I am no longer sick, than why keep me here?" Sydney asked with frustration.

"They want to be sure, Sydney. You have to understand that you murdered someone, regardless of who that person was. The CIA needs assurance that you are alright."

"And they can have assurance. Look at me. I'm okay now. I haven't hallucinated in weeks. I haven't been violent. I am insightful. Look at me, dad. Isn't that all the assurance they need?"

"You know it isn't, Sydney."

"No one trusts me anymore. It will never be the same anymore. Have I lost my status in the CIA forever?" Sydney asked with sorrow for her old life.

"I doubt the agency will ever allow you back after this," Jack said regretfully.

Sydney looked down at the floor as she swallowed her emotions. The idea that her old life was gone for good was something that she could never be okay with. She was Agent Sydney Bristow. The idea that she would never be that person again, the idea of that person being dead, was a harsh reality for her.

"I'm sorry, Sydney. I know it must be hard for you," Jack said.

She wanted to scream out that he could never know how hard it was, that he would never understand what it was like to have your whole identity ripped out of your hands, but she bit her tongue. She knew remaining calm and sane was the only way she could get out of this mess.

"I just wish things could be different."

"I know you do, Sydney. For what its worth, I will always be here for you. You won't loose me regardless of anything else you might have lost," Jack told her.

A tear formed in Sydney's eyes. At that moment, she realized her father was not her enemy. He was one of the only things she had left in her life. He was the only link she had to her old life. Perhaps he would help her once she escaped. He always swore he would protect her, she thought. Nevertheless, she had to keep her mouth shut about escaping. She had to behave herself.

"Dad, there's something I need you to do for me."

"What's that?"

"I wrote this letter to Nadia. Can you see that she gets it?"

Jack paused as Sydney held out the white envelope. He knew Nadia was in a lot of pain and giving her this letter would likely cause her more pain. But he had to do it for Sydney even if he knew it would probably never help. Nadia was done with Sydney. Jack doubted she would ever move on from this. He had little faith in people and this was no different.

"Okay." Jack took the letter and put it in his inner jacket pocket. "You probably want to get some rest don't you?" Jack asked, figuring he had outstayed his welcome.

"Dad, you don't have to go. I mean unless you are busy," Sydney said.

"I'm never too busy for you, Sydney." Sydney smiled at that.

She moved over and made room for her father on the bed. He was surprised at the gesture, but he quickly took the opportunity and sat down.

"So, what do you do here during the day?"

"Honestly, nothing. There really isn't much to do here."

"I'm sorry," Jack responded.

"Its not your fault. Mostly I just talk with my friend Meaghan."

"You've made a friend?" Jack asked.

"Yeah. Its nice to have someone on my side here. We've been growing close over the last few weeks." Sydney smiled as she thought about Meaghan.

"I'm glad for you, Sydney. You deserve to have someone in your life."

"I do miss everyone else though. Vaughn, Weiss, Dixon, Marshall… Nadia. How are they all?"

"Everyone is fine. Things at work aren't that much different, although we are a bit short staffed right now," Jack explained.

"Because of me and Sloane being gone?" Jack nodded. "Are Eric and Nadia still together?"

"Yes. Nadia has moved in with him." Sydney smiled. "Nadia found it too hard to be at your apartment." Her smile faded into a frown. She quickly looked down. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

"Its okay, dad. I can handle the truth. How is Nadia?"

"She's had a rough time of it. But Agent Weiss has been helping her through the rough times. I know you want to see her, but Sydney, I don't think its going to happen. She's just not in a place to see you right now. I'm sorry."

"I know, but I need to tell her some things. I tried to phone her but she wouldn't listen, hence the letter. I know she won't forgive me. Its not about that. I simply need to tell her how sorry I am, I need to explain to her what happened."

"I know you do, Sydney. I will give her the letter."

"Thanks, dad."

"You haven't asked about Vaughn," Jack noted.

"Things didn't go well when I saw him last. I mean, I think about him all the time. But I don't think I can forgive him yet for how things were last time we saw each other."

"Yes, I heard what happened. He's been asking to see you. I haven't given him the opportunity to see you though. I figured it would be too hard," Jack explained.

"It would be. Thanks." Sydney smiled. Things with her father were improving. She was actually starting to feel more comfortable around him. He was her father, not her enemy. She could feel that now.

"Sydney, if you don't want to see someone, I will make sure you don't have to," Jack said firmly.

"Thanks, dad." Sydney smiled lightly at him. For the first time in a long time, she actually felt love for him instead of bitterness. She had her father back. Her eyes lit up at that thought. She had her father.


	51. Chapter 51

Chapter 51

Jack felt uneasy in his stomach. It wasn't that he was nervous. He was rarely nervous. But he knew what he was about to do was going to hurt someone deeply, someone that mattered to his daughter, and to some extent him. He knew he had to give Nadia the letter though. He had to do it for Sydney. Jack watched as Nadia talked to Agent Weiss at their desks. She seemed like she was in a good mood, or at least Weiss was making her feel good. Jack got up and reluctantly approached her.

"Jack, do you need something?" Nadia asked, getting up from her desk.

"Can I see you in my office," his face was grim.

Nadia immediately felt unsure as she followed him. As soon as they were in his office, Jack handed her the white envelope with Sydney's letter inside it.

"What's this?" she asked confused.

"Its from Sydney. I realize your first inclination is to get rid of it, but I don't know what is in that letter and neither do you. It might be in your interest to read it," Jack explained.

Nadia stared at him for a moment, and then glanced down at the letter, the words Nadia Santos written on it in Sydney's handwriting. Just holding it, she could feel Sydney's presence. A part of her wanted to keep feeling it. She longed for her sister, the one she had before all this. She missed that Sydney. But this wasn't the same Sydney… was it? She thought to herself.

"Do you need anything else?" Nadia asked quickly as she tried to mute her emotions and shoved the letter in her pocket.

"No." She nodded and left his office, her eyes dim and staring down at the floor as she walked.

"What did Jack want?" Eric asked as Nadia walked back to her desk.

"I… I really don't want to talk about it here or now."

"Okay. We don't have to." Eric immediately knew it was about Sydney. He knew better than to push the subject. He hoped she would open up about it later. He worried when she kept things bottled up inside.

Sydney sat in the meeting room once again waiting for her psychiatrist. She had these meetings a couple times a week. They were never something she looked forward to. They were always the same questions. Nothing ever changed.

"Hello, Sydney," her psychiatrist greeted her.

"Hi," Sydney said in a less than cheery demeanour.

"How have you been feeling?" Dr Bowen asked as usual.

"I'm fine. I've been feeling good actually." Good was probably an overstatement. She was fine. She was bored. She was restless and wanted out of there.

"I've heard positive things from the nurses this past week. It seems you've been doing well lately."

"I have."

"So you agree then," the doctor confirmed.

"Yes. Which is why I think my privileges should be increased. I don't understand why I shouldn't be allowed to go out and get some air, or walk around the hospital grounds. It would be nice. I like fresh air."

"I realize that and up to this point I have been reluctant to increase your privileges. But I think we can try level III privileges for now. But if things don't go well, your privileges can be reduced."

"I'm not going to get worse. I can handle having more privileges," Sydney asserted.

"Alright. I'm not going to issue any day passes yet. Let's see how things go and then we can talk about day passes."

"Okay," Sydney said in an eager tone. She was finally making progress on her plans. She couldn't carry them out right away though. It would take time to ensure things worked. She had to be very careful at this point.

"Alright then. Thanks. You may go now."

"Thank you," Sydney said with a smile as she left the room.

Sydney immediately went to Meaghan's room to tell her the good news, though nothing about her plans.

"Guess what?" Sydney said cheerfully as she got to Meaghan's door. Suddenly her smile dropped and her heart ached. "What's wrong?" Sydney asked Meaghan as she saw the crying girl peer out the window.

Meaghan immediately wiped away her tears as she saw Sydney.

"I'm okay, really," Meaghan assured Sydney.

"You're not. You can tell me. Why were you crying?" Sydney sat down next to her on her bed and gently put her hand on Meaghan's shoulder.

"Life just feels so hopeless. I will never get out of here," Meaghan sniffled.

"That's not true. It just seems that way."

"I'm sorry, Sydney. I don't want to ruin your hope. But I've been here longer and I know that this place is forever. If you get out of here its only because they are shipping you off to a different hospital."

"I need to believe that there is hope Meaghan. Just hang on to that hope. I promise, things will get better in time," Sydney rubbed her back as she smiled to her.

She knew she would have to take Meaghan with her. She couldn't leave her closest friend in this place without hope. But she couldn't risk telling Meaghan the truth yet. No one could know.

"I feel so alone."

"You have me."

Meaghan looked at Sydney and wiped away her tears and just nodded. Sydney smiled. Neither of them had to be alone now and once Sydney and her escaped, things would get better for both of them, she thought.

"So what does this mean?" Sydney asked bright eyed.

"I can tell you're very excited about this Sydney, but remember your privilege level can be changed back to one or two if things don't work out," Faith warned her eager patient.

"I know, I know. I just want to know exactly what I can do now that I couldn't before," Sydney insisted on knowing.

"Well for starters, you can get rid of those hospital pyjamas and wear your normal clothes. I don't know what you were wearing when they brought you in but perhaps your father can bring you some clothes," the nurse explained.

"Okay, and what else?"

"You are eligible for day passes if your doctor approves them, which means you can take trips outside of the hospital."

"Dr. Bowen mentioned it was too soon for that. But what about going outside? Can I go outside?"

"There are limited grounds privileges. We usually let patients go down to a specific area once an hour for 10 minutes in order to smoke. Seeing as you don't smoke, you can just go spend those 10 minutes getting some fresh air. But you are not supposed to leave the designated area. Its just down in the courtyard outside the doors of this wing of the hospital."

"Do I have to go with a nurse?"

"No you don't anymore. But I strongly suggest that you don't leave the designated area. You will be found if you leave and you'll be back at level I privileges again."

"I won't. You can trust me. I just want fresh air. What about Meaghan, can she come with me to get some fresh air?"

"Meaghan is back on level I privileges so she isn't allowed to leave the ward."

"Oh, well how long until she is back on level III again? It would be nice to spend some time outside with her."

"Sydney, that all depends on Meaghan, but I suggest you don't get your hopes up. It may take her awhile to gain those privileges back."

"Oh. Okay. Thanks," Sydney said, letting the nurse get back to her duties.

All Sydney really cared about was being able to go outside by herself. Of course, when she did carry out her plan, it would be helpful to be able to wear regular clothes. But what about Meaghan? Sydney had no idea how she was going to do this if Meaghan couldn't go outside with her. Sydney would have to think about that. It would take time to scope out the area where she was allowed outside and determine an escape route. Perhaps she could convince Meaghan to start doing really well and get her privileges back in that time. Either way, Sydney knew at this point that she couldn't leave her closest friend behind in this place that was slowly killing her.


	52. Chapter 52

Chapter 52

Nadia's face was solemn as she ate her dinner. Eric glanced at her as he ate his linguini knowing that whatever happened in Jack's office today was weighing heavily on her.

"Are we gonna talk about it?" Eric gently prodded.

Nadia sighed. "I don't know. A part of me just wants to forget about it."

"But you can't. You know whatever it is, its something that is going to continue to upset you, especially if you try and burry it," Eric said.

"I know." Nadia paused for a moment. "Its Sydney. Jack gave me a letter from her today."

"Did you read it?" Eric asked, knowing this couldn't be good for Nadia.

"No. I haven't looked at it. I just shoved it in my pocket. All day I could feel it in there though. But I don't know if I can open it. I don't know if I should open it." Nadia looked into Eric's eyes for answers.

"I can't tell you what to do. I don't know if you should open it or not. I really don't."

"Okay," Nadia replied quietly as she looked down at her plate.

She took a few more bites but she could barely eat it. Her throat felt like it had a large lump forming in it. Her eyes burned as tears tried to fight their way out. She didn't want to cry. She had done that enough.

"Damn it," Nadia said under her breath as she tried to force away her emotions and failed. She took in a deep breath and held it for a moment. She knew what she had to do. "Excuse me."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Eric asked. She didn't answer him.

Nadia went into their bedroom to her coat that was draped over the chair. She pulled the white envelope out of the pocket and went and sat down on the bed. Her finger caressed the edges of the letter while she stared at it, not wanting to open it.

"You can do it," Eric said as he appeared in the doorway.

She looked up at him with tears glossing over her eyes. Then she looked back down at the letter and began tearing it open. She pulled the letter out of the envelope and staired at it until she finally had the courage a few moments later to unfold it. There she could see Sydney's handwriting flooding over the page. She could feel her sister as she stared at it.

_iDear Nadia,_

_I know you don't want to read this letter. But I'm asking you to just give me a chance and hear what I need to say. I know you don't owe me anything and I couldn't blame you if you ripped up this letter right now, but please just listen._

As she read the words, each word, images of Sydney flowed through her mind. She imagined her locked up in a psychiatric ward, her arms bound together in a white coat as she screamed out for them to let her go. Somehow, though, the words written on the page didn't sound like they were coming from anyone like that. They sounded like they were coming from a rational well thought out person, the sort of person Sydney used to be. She could feel Sydney's sensitivity, she could tell Sydney didn't want to hurt her. But she had already done that. Nadia read on, still wary of what was to come.

_I know I hurt you so much. Every time I close my eyes, I see you falling into the water and I just hate myself. _

Nadia felt like she was falling into the reservior at that moment. She could see it all so clearly. She could see Sydney's angry face staring down at her from the surface. She could feel herself drowning, struggling for air. She gasped.

_I know that doesn't change what I did, but honestly, it sickens me to know what I did to you. I just wish I could go back and change things but I can't. I feel so much shame. You can't even imagine how much shame I feel at this moment, how much I hate myself for what I did to you. I don't expect you to forgive me ever. But I wanted you to know how sorry I am and how much I love you. _

Tears were streaming down Nadia's face. The lump in her throat felt like it would suffocate her.

_I want to explain why I did what I did even though its no excuse. I just got so caught up in The Guildiya and saving everyone. No one would help me and I went overboard and, I don't know, I just lost sight of everything. It was stupid. But in my heart, I was trying to save everyone. I know that doesn't change anything. It doesn't make it okay and it will never take away the remorse I feel. Nonetheless, I felt I owed it to you to explain what happened._

The Guildiya. Nadia hated the sound of those words ringing through her head. It was all about The Guildiya and their plans to destroy the world. That's what Sydney tried to kill her for, The Guildiya. Were they really worth her life to Sydney? Nadia wondered as she sobbed.

_Nadia, I'm so sorry. I know you'll probably never forgive me, but I am so so sorry. Please know that. I hurt you so badly and I can never forgive myself for trying to kill you. Nadia, I need you to know I love you. You are my sister. I spent my entire life wanting a sister and then I got you and you were perfect. I couldn't ask for a better sister but I went and ruined it. I'm sorry. Please please know how sorry I am. I love you. I'm sorry. I love you so much. _

_Sydney_

Nadia let her finger grace over Sydney's name as her tears smeared it. She didn't know what to think. She felt like she was falling over the edge into darkness, into a strange place where nothing made sense. Sydney didn't even mention her father and how she murdered him. She didn't even care, did she? Suddenly Nadia felt rage seeping into her. After everything that had happened, she could tell Sydney didn't get it. She murdered her father and she didn't even understand what that did to Nadia. She sent Nadia flying off the edge to her death and yet she was asking for forgiveness and trying to explain how her desire to save the world made Nadia's life worthless. It made her so angry.

"Nadia?" Eric asked as he saw the rage in her eyes.

She just staired down at the letter as her face grimaced. Eric walked over to her and sat down next to her. He tried to touch her but she shook away. Suddenly she began to rip up the letter in an angry fit. She tore off each piece violently and threw it to the floor. She wished each peice were a rock so she could throw it hard but instead each peice floated down the floor like a feather. She wanted to scream. But she didn't. Instead, she let her head fall to her hands and she began to sob uncontrollably. Pain riled through her body like an earthquake.

Eric was at a loss for what to do. He had never seen her like this before. Each time he tried to touch her, she moved away. Nadia felt like she was entangled in thorns, in a mess that she could never get out of. She didn't know what to do. She felt dirty. She didn't want to be touched.

"I'm so sorry," Eric whispered. She didn't respond. She didn't know how to respond at that moment. She just cried.

Eric stared at the clock. Nadia was lying on their bed as if she were in a stupor. She had cried for what felt like forever, though only 15 minutes and then she exhausted herself and lay down. It was an hour later and Eric wasn't sure what to do. He just watched her and the clock as the room lay dead silent.

Suddenly, she spoke. "I hate this," she whispered.

"What?" Eric asked, not even hearing what she had muttered.

"I hate this," she said louder and more bitterly.

"I'm sorry," Eric replied.

"You aren't the one who should be sorry. You aren't the one who tried to kill me, who killed my father, who ruined my life!"

"What are you going to do?" he asked.

"I don't know." Eric gently rubbed her back. "I need to see her."

His eyes grew wide. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."


	53. Chapter 53

Chapter 53

Her stomach quivered with nerves. As she stepped off the elevator, she could see the sign reading Psychiatry pointing towards the set of double doors a few yards down the hall. There was a window in each door. She could see someone looking out the doors. A man. He looked desperate to get out. She could see someone else trying to shoo him away from the doors. A nurse, she assumed. Her stomach tossed around inside her gut. The majority of her felt like turning around right then and running back home to Eric's safe arms. But there was that tiny part of her that wouldn't let go, wouldn't let her leave, forced her forward. Why was she listening to this small part? She asked herself. Why wouldn't she just let this go, move on, forget about it.

As Nadia reached the doors, she noticed a buzzer next to them. She was about to press it when she hesitated. She looked through the windows at the man. He looked sad as the woman tried to pursuade him to leave the doors. He kept pointing out the doors and pleading with her to leave. Suddenly he looked straight at her. Her heart felt like it had stopped. She had dealt with a lot of people as an agent but somehow this man scared her more than them. Nadia turned around and quickly walked back to the elevator.

She couldn't breath. Each breath was forced in as she stood waiting for the elevator doors to open. They wouldn't open. There must be something wrong with the elevator. Nadia pressed the button a few more times impatiently.

"Come on," she muttered.

She felt like she was going to pass out as she laboured to breath. The doors opened. She rushed on. Pressed the lobby button. She took in a deep breath and sighed. She was safe. She was free. She could go back home to Eric and forget about this stupid thing. It was a stupid idea. She didn't belong here. Stupid indeed.

Nadia got back to her car and put the key in to open the door. Suddenly she could taste the saltiness of a single tear as it rolled over her life. She put her hand up to her face and felt more tears. She didn't even realize she was crying. She had been too numb, too rushed to get out of there. She hadn't been thinking since she left those double doors to Psychiatry. She wiped her face with a kleenex from her purse.

She was just about to open the car door when a sudden breeze tore the kleenex from her hand. She watched as it blew towards the hospital. All of a sudden, that was all she could see – the hospital. North 3. It was standing right before her. The patients looking out the windows on the 3rd floor. She could see them. She could see their desperation. She could feel Sydney. Images of her Sydney one of those windows desperate to escape flooded her mind. It was all she could see. Tears rushed down her face. Sydney. She needed to see Sydney.

Nadia put her keys back in her purse and went straight back to the ward she had almost entered before. She stood at the door, having wiped her face dry, and rang the buzzer.

"Can I help you?" A male nurse said as he opened the door.

"I'm here to see Sydney Bristow. I'm her sister, Nadia Santos."

"Oh, you're Nadia? She talked about you all the time. We didn't think you would come. Well, come with me. I'm sure she will be happy to see you."

Nadia followed him down passed the nurses' station and down a corridor. She looked into each bedroom as she walked past, curious to see what they were like and who was in them. The man stopped at a room and motioned her into it. The sunlight was flooding the room but there was no one in it.

"This is her room. I'll go find her for you." Nadia nodded.

As she looked around the room, she could see few touches of Sydney. There were no flowers, unlike some of the other rooms. There was just a made bed and a dresser with nothing ontop of it. The other rooms had some home made art taped to the walls. Her walls were empty. The room felt empty to her. Sad.

Nadia walked over to the window and looked out. She could see the entrance to the emergency from there. And a little further, she could see where she parked. As she looked up, she could see the sun shining in the sky. It invaded her eyes as she let it wash over her.

"Nadia?" she heard a voice behind her. It was a sad voice, a remorse voice, a familiar voice. She was afraid to turn around but she had to. That little part inside her forced her to.

"Sydney," Nadia said quietly as she forced the corners of her lips to turn upward, almost nearing a smile.

"I didn't think you'd come," Sydney said, a longing look on her face.

Nadia could see the heartache in her eyes. She could feel that they both wanted the same thing – for things to be as they were before, to have each other back. Nadia's smile faded. They couldn't have that, she reminded herself. Things weren't the same.

"I didn't think I would come either."

"I'm glad you did."

There was an intense pause. Nadia was looking away from Sydney while Sydney looked at the floor. Shame hung from Sydney's entire body. After a moment, she gathered herself together and reminded herself why she wanted Nadia here so badly, why she wanted to face her despite how hard it was.

"Nadia, I want to tell you how..." she choked on her words as tears began to fall. "How incredibly sorry I am. I can never express to you how sorry I am. I know I can never make it right. I know you can never forgive me. But please know that I am so sorry. I'm so sorry, Nadia."

Nadia half chuckled giving Sydney a perplexed look.

"I don't think you even know half of what you are sorry for," Nadia replied bitterly as she eyed her sister.

"I do. Please believe me. I am sorry. I know what I did to you. I'm sorry." Sydney stepped close to her and put her hand gently on Nadia's arm "Nadia, I'm-"

"Don't touch me," Nadia said as she pulled her arm back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to... I'm sorry."

"I read your letter. You know, you think you know what you should be sorry for but you don't. You don't get it at all. You murdered my father! Don't you get that. You didn't even mention him. You don't care about him or that you left me without him. You are glad you killed him. You got your revenge and it didn't matter what it cost me!"

"That is not true. Please believe me when I tell you that I am sorry. Nadia, I never wanted to hurt you."

"But you did! You tried to kill me and you tried to rationalize it with The Guildiya and how you wanted to save the world. I am so sick of hearing about The Guildiya. They were worth my life to you!"

"No, that's not it at all," Sydney tried to tell her.

"Oh, but it is. Do you realize that everytime I close my eyes, I see you. I see you as I am falling backwards into the reservoir. I see you walking away as I drown. That's what I see and you're trying to tell me you are sorry."

"Please, Nadia,"

"No. You don't get to beg me. You don't get to be the one everyone feels sorry for. You don't get to make this about you because it is not about you. It is about what you did to me! You ruined my life."

"I know."

"No you don't know. You don't get it at all. You don't know what its like at all."

"I do. I lost people I love because of your father. He killed my fiance. He killed my best friend. I know."

"No you don't. You still have your father."

"But I lost everyone else! Do you think they don't matter to me?"

"I can't believe you are trying to make this about you. You are trying to rationalize your murder of him. If that's all you have to say then I shouldn't have come here at all."

"Stop, don't go, please."

"Why shouldn't I? Why should I ever see you again? You are not my sister. You are not Sydney Bristow. You are a monster. You deserve this horrible place. You deserve to be locked up. I hope you never get out!"

"No, Nadia, please!"

Nadia walked straight past Sydney towards the door but Sydney grabbed on to her.

"You can't just leave!"

"Let go of me!" Nadia struggled but Sydney had her grabbed onto her arms tightly.

"I can't let you leave."

"You are crazy! Let me go!"

"No, not until you listen to me. I need you, Nadia. I love you. I am still your sister."

"Is that what you want to hear? Well, I can't say it."

"Nadia, please, I love you."

Nadia pushed Sydney off of her and sent her flying to the ground. Sydney just stared at her, tears strangling her entire face. She mouthed the word please over and over again as Nadia just stared into her eyes with bitter rejection.

"You are not my sister," Nadia said. She turned and walked out. She walked as fast as she could, not letting any tears fall down, not there, not in this psychiatric ward. She couldn't cry there. She wasn't crazy. She wasn't one of them. She wasn't that woman's sister. Nadia reached the doors and tried to push them open but she was locked in.

"Let me out!" She yelled at the nurse as she banged on the door.

Faith quickly came and unlocked the door, letting her out. The nurse noticed the pained expression on her face and quickly went to Sydney's room to find her curled up on the floor crying. At the same time, Nadia rushed down the stairs, not wanting to wait for the slow elevator. Her anger seethed inside her whole body. She ran faster and faster, thunking down on each step. Suddenly she went crashing head forward and hit the platform with a thud. Everything went black.


	54. Chapter 54

Chapter 54

"You should lie down," Eric insisted as he gently put his hand on her shoulder as he stood there in the ER next to Nadia. A nurse had called him about an hour ago and he immediately rushed to the hospital in a panic.

"I'm fine," Nadia replied stubbornly.

"You fell down the stairs. You're not fine."

Nadia sighed. She knew it wasn't worth arguing with him. She would just sit there on the hospital bed in the embarrassing gown that made her feel naked. She didn't want to lie down. She wanted to go home. But she couldn't argue, not with him. He was too important, too sweet, she loved him too much and she needed him.

"Does your arm hurt much? I can go ask the nurse to give you some more pain killers if it does."

"No. Its fine."

It was a lie. Her arm throbbed even with the pain killers they had given her. She looked down at the white cast that covered her wrist and lower arm. It was only a reminder of the whole incident. She needed out of this place. Too, she could still feel Sydney's presence, knowing she was only a few floors up and a wing over.

"What about your head? You must have hit it pretty hard. I looks painful," Eric observed.

Nadia couldn't help but feel annoyed at his constant questions about her well-being. But she didn't have the heart to get mad. And her head did hurt. There was a red bump on the top left of her forehead where the hairline was. When she toppled down the stairs, she tried to break her fall with her arm, but she ended up breaking it and then falling straight onto her head. She had lost consciousness for a few minutes. But she knew she was fine. It was just a bump on the head. It hurt, but she'd had worse. She'd been shot. She'd survived that. This was nothing. She was fine.

Eric looked at her head more closely as she held still for him. Just then, the doctor came through the curtain in the ER and smiled at Nadia.

"Good news, your CT scan came back negative for any abnormalities. But you said you'd lost consciousness for a few minutes so I'd like to keep you here a little while longer just to be safe," the man said.

"That's not necessary. I'm fine really. Please, I just want to go home," Nadia insisted.

"Nadia, if he says you need to stay, you need to stay," Eric told her.

"Ms. Santos, its important you stay. You may feel fine but you still have a concussion and things that might not show up on a CT can show up later," the doctor stated.

"Fine." Nadia looked passed him to the opening in the curtain. She could see the busy ER and all the patients hurt and dying and suffering. It wasn't a place she wanted to be in any longer.

"Do you have any questions?" Nadia shook her head. "I'll come check on you later. If you need anything, just ask the nurse." The doctor walked out.

"It won't be that bad. I already asked Jack to let me have a couple days off. I'll be here with you the whole time," Eric tried to persuade her.

"Thanks," Nadia smiled lightly.

"Sydney, do you want to talk to me?" Faith asked as she looked at the girl hugging herself as she sat on the floor. "Sydney?"

Sydney was silent. She had been that way since Nadia left 10 minutes ago. She hadn't even moved. It was as if she were in a state of shock.

"Sydney, I want you to say something, okay?" Faith said.

She didn't say anything. At that moment, she didn't know how to. She was trapped inside her head as it screamed. She was frozen in those last moments she had with Nadia. All she could hear was how she wasn't her sister, how she was a monster. Nadia kept screaming that in her head and Sydney screamed back. Her head was loud inside and on the outside, she was just numb. She wasn't there.

"Sydney, why don't you get off the floor and come and sit on the bed," she said as she gently pulled on Sydney's arm. Sydney followed her instructions, but she was like a robot. Her eyes stared forward as if she wasn't even there. Nothing was inside.

"Sydney, I am going to get someone to come and sit with you until you want to talk, okay?" Faith said, knowing she shouldn't be alone right now. She worried Sydney might try and harm herself. At that moment, Sydney was too frozen to hurt herself though. She felt too far gone to do anything.

Eric had gone to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee while Nadia sat in a bed in the ER. The curtain was closed so she could ignore everything that was going on. But it was still hard. It was a noisy place. In fact, she could hear someone screaming loudly. She couldn't understand what the person was saying. It was incoherent. But the yelling wouldn't stop. Curious, Nadia got up and peered through the curtain. Across the from her was a woman restrained to her bed. She looked like she was psychotic, or at least disoriented. Her face was red from crying. She was obviously agitated. Nadia could only make out stray words and sentences.

"Evil…The devil will devour us…Save us from the devil… He's hear watching you…"

Suddenly Nadia realized the woman was looking straight at her. She had creepy eyes that never broke from her stare. There were dark circles around her eyes and bruises and cuts on her face. Her hair was scraggly. She would easily frighten anyone. She just kept struggling to get out of the restraints as she eyed Nadia. Suddenly, she began to speak to her in a loud trembling voice. It quivered along with her pointing finger.

"You… the devil wants you! You, his servant… Evil! Evil!.." The woman screamed at Nadia as she struggled against the restraints. "Evil must perish! … perish! Everyone will perish!…"

Nadia felt shaky as this woman screamed at her. She felt like she was back on that psychiatric ward. She was trapped there and no one would let here leave. This woman wanted her dead. This woman would kill her, just like Sydney tried to. Nadia's heart began to pound. She felt flush and sweaty. She couldn't breath again. She struggled for air as she quickly pulled the curtain closed and turned around. She took laboured breathes over and over until she could finally get the air back in, until she was finally calm enough to think. She needed to get out of there. She wasn't trapped even if she felt like she was. No, she wasn't trapped. She didn't need to stay here. Nadia quickly grabbed a bag of her clothes out of the bedside table and began to get dressed.

"What are you doing?" Eric asked as he stood there with a coffee in his hand.

"Leaving," she said poignantly.

"What? No, you can't."

"I can. You can't keep me here. I can leave against medical advice. I will be fine."

"You told the doctor you would stay. What changed your mind?"

"Her!" Nadia said pointing to the woman who continued to scream.

Eric sighed knowing it reminded her of Sydney. He hadn't seen Sydney but imagined she could be just like that. He worried that was what Nadia saw when she went to see her.

"Its okay, Nadia. Its not her. Its not Sydney. She is locked up and she can't get to you. You never need to see her again."

"As long as I am here, she is with me and I don't want that. I need to get as far away from this place as I can!" Nadia's voice rose as she started to quiver.

"Okay, okay. Just don't get worked up," Eric said, noticing how shaky she was becoming. "We can go somewhere else. But you need to be in a hospital."

"I'm going home!" Nadia said as she finished getting dressed. She grabbed her purse and started walking through the door.

"Nadia, please." She kept walking.

"You need to talk to the doctor first," Eric insisted. She kept walking, going straight to through the ER doors and towards her car.

"Wait, you can't drive like this, Nadia. At least let me drive you." She stopped and sighed. It was true.

"Fine, but you have to promise me you will take me home."

"I will." He didn't see any other choice. He couldn't force her.

"Let's go." They both got in the car and drove off, a sombre written on both their faces.


	55. Chapter 55

-1Chapter 55

"Do you want some ice for your head?" Eric asked as he looked closely at the bump. "Its still pretty swollen looking."

"Sure," Nadia replied absently.

She was sitting in the kitchen sipping her chamomile tea. It was soothing as she drank it down. It felt warm against the numbness she felt in her body. Each sip awoke her throat and spread out over her chest. Even the smell was soothing as the steam seeped into her nose. She sighed. She was exhausted but the tea did help. Suddenly she could feel Eric staring at her. The soothing feeling of the tea instantly went away. As much as she loved him, as much as she knew he loved and cared for her, his stare hurt her. It wasn't because of him, it was because of what it meant. It was the concern, the thoughts of Sydney, the fear for her health, all of that was written in his stare and it reminded her of the dire situation.

"Eric, I think I want to lie down."

"Is it your headache? I could get you some aspirin."

"No. I mean yes it hurts but I'm really just exhausted. I just want to sleep."

"Sure. I'll come check on you in awhile." She nodded.

Eric's cell phone rang. The call display said it was Vaughn. He answered it.

"Hey," Eric said.

"Hey, I heard about Nadia, is she okay?" Vaughn asked with genuine concern.

"I don't know. She hit her head and her arm is broken. She's in pain. She left before the doctor could prescribe any pain killers and I know what they gave her in the ER is wearing off."

"She's strong. She'll pull through this," Vaughn replied.

"I know she'll get through the physical part. It's the emotion part I'm worried about. She saw Sydney and I know it was hard on her. Too hard. I don't know if she can get through it."

"You've got to have faith in her. If she sees that you think she can't get through this, she won't. I've gone through this with Sydney before with her mother. I worried about her, but then I realized how strong she was and I knew having faith in her would help her through it."

"This is different. Sydney hated her mother, Nadia loved Sydney," Eric replied with frustration. He knew Vaughn didn't understand the situation. No one did. No one understood exactly what Sydney had done to Nadia.

"Sydney didn't hate her mother, she only hated what she had become. She was conflicted over it just like Nadia is," Vaughn replied.

"Look, I know you're just trying to help but things are hard right now. You pushed her to see Sydney and it went badly. And now she is falling apart inside."

"You're blaming this on me? I was just trying to get them talking. They are sisters and they care about each other. They need to get through this together."

"I know you care about Sydney but you don't seem to understand what Sydney did to her. She's hardly her sister anymore. From what I hear, she is hardly Sydney anymore."

"She is Sydney, and she will get better. She's strong. She's sick, but she will get better. I know she will."

"Vaughn, you're being blinded by your love for her!" Eric shouted quietly as to not wake Nadia.

"If you don't want my help, that's fine. I'll see you at work." Vaughn hung up the phone, immediately sulking with rage after.

Eric slammed his cell phone down on the counter. He sat down on the stool and put his face in his hands. He felt so lost as to what to do. He just wanted to save the woman he loved but he didn't know how.

Sydney had finally gotten off the floor and moved to her bed. She had been laying in it for a few hours now as a male care aid sat on the chair reading a magazine. She didn't even care that he was there. At that moment, nothing seemed to matter. She was still numb. Tears weren't even falling despite the harsh emotions that brewed inside her. She could hear the words Nadia said repeating over and over in her head. They only made her more numb.

"Sydney?" a quiet voice said coming from the door to her room.

Recognizing it, Sydney slowly turned her head to the door. She gave a pained look towards Meaghan as her friend stood there, concern written all over her face.

"Are you alright?" Meaghan asked.

Sydney pulled herself up off the bed and stood in front of Meaghan. She felt like every muscle in her body wanted to collapse.

"Things are bad," Sydney said in a dead tone.

"What happened?" Meaghan asked.

"My sister." Sydney looked down at the floor.

"She was here?"

Sydney didn't answer. Instead she went and sat back down on her bed. She felt like her body couldn't stand up any longer.

"I'm sorry," Meaghan said.

She walked into the room hesitantly and looked at Sydney for a few moments and then sat down next to her. She didn't really know how to comfort her so she just sat there until finally she got up the courage to put her hand on Sydney's shoulder.

"It will be okay," Meaghan said quietly.

Sydney just stared forward. Meanwhile the care aid eyed them from over his magazine. Meaghan avoided his look uncomfortably. Sydney didn't even notice him. Her mind was cloudy and she couldn't think. Everything was becoming a blur.

"I don't think it will be," Sydney replied to Meaghan after a few minutes.

"What?"

"It won't be okay."

"You're the strongest person I know. Whatever happened between you two, I know you will get through it."

"Thanks," Sydney replied not believing a word of what Meaghan just said. She wasn't strong. She was a shell of the person she used to be. She had become a worthless person who wasn't even a member of society anymore. She was simply a patient locked up in the hospital away from the world.

Meaghan looked regretfully at Sydney. She had no more words. Only deep sympathy for the person she had come to rely on. It was a hard reality watching the person she looked up to fall apart. If Sydney couldn't get through it, how could she? Meaghan thought.

"I want to be alone for awhile," Sydney told Meaghan. The girl looked at her for a moment with concern and then got up and left leaving Sydney alone to fall deeply into her own world of pain and loss.


	56. Chapter 56

-1Chapter 56

Sydney lay face up on her bed feeling the seconds pass in slow motion. She didn't know the time. She had no means to know the time. But she felt the time. She knew it was slow going, that each minute was taking forever to pass. The moon cast a glowing line down the room as it shone through the slit in the curtains. Sydney stared at it. Her mind imagined the line as a barricade keeping her confined to her bed. She didn't want to step on it, she didn't want to break it. It was alluring to her. Such things had become alluring. She didn't know why. It was the boredom perhaps. Her mind needed something to occupy it. There was little to occupy it at this hour.

She wished she were asleep. But she couldn't sleep, not after the day she had. Every time she closed her eyes, she saw Nadia broken in her mind. Every blink meant another second of having to see her image. Sydney tried to keep the intervals of blinking far apart. She was concentrating on it hard as she stared at the line of light on the floor. She just blinked. An image of Nadia broke in. Her heart broke. She had to stop blinking.

Her eyes started to water as she strained to keep her eyes open. Her eye muscles started to ache. She needed to close her eyes but she could not blink. She could not take another moment of seeing Nadia torn apart. She could not take seeing Nadia standing in from of her with tears in her eyes. She couldn't stand watching her mouth utter those words.

[I You're not my sister. [/i

[I You're not my sister[/I

She could hear her screaming it louder and louder in her head. She could see the words flowing out of Nadia's mouth every time she blinked.

"Stop blinking!" she whispered to herself.

Sydney suddenly felt shivers over her body. She pulled the covers up to her neck and bundled under them. Her eyes continued to water and ache as she strained to keep them open.

[IShh… [/I

She jerked in bed. What was there? Her heart pounded. She looked around but saw nothing. Her room was black with night except for the moonlight line barricading her in her bed.

[IShh… [/I

She felt her heart stop for a moment. Her chest ached as it started beating louder and louder. It panged inside of her chest. Was it a who or a what? She wondered.

[IShh… [/I

It was a who she decided. It must be a person. Someone was there.

[IShhh… [/I

Her heart was nearly bounding out of her chest. She began to fear whoever was there would hear her heart beating, would know she was there. She pulled the covers over her head.

A moment passed.

Nothing.

The sound was gone. She began to breath again. Her heart was still racing loudly. She swallowed hard and shut her eyes forgetting all about what she would see if she did. Nadia. She was standing there in front of her crying. You're not my sister. You're not my sister! Sydney opened her eyes.

She didn't want to cry but everything about this made her want to cry. Her eyes burned as she stared forward with them tensed open. All she could see was the blanket over her head. She pulled it back down and looked around the room. There was no one there. Her mind was playing tricks on her, she thought.

The line began to move. It began to sway forwards and backwards. It was dancing across the room. Sydney watched it with horror. Sark was doing it. He was playing tricks on her. It was the only explanation. He was back.

Sydney shuddered. She could feel him in the room. He was breathing on her. His breath was cold as it graced her cheek. Her breath became unsteady. She felt like she was suffocating.

"I know its you," she whispered.

He didn't say anything. He didn't show himself. But she knew it was him. It had to be. She wasn't crazy, she was being haunted.

"Sark?" she spoke quietly. "Leave me alone."

[IShhh….[/I

"Go away!" She yelled out in a panic.

[IShhh… [/I

"Stop it!" She screamed.

She began to shake. She tried not to but she couldn't help it. She was terrified. She was cold. She could still feel his breath on her. She could feel it against the cold beads of sweat forming on her forehead. She pulled the blankets back over her head.

"Sydney."

"Go away!"

"Sydney?"

The voice was louder. It was female. She recognized it. She pulled the blanket down.

"We're you having a nightmare?" Meaghan asked.

"What?" Sydney whispered breathlessly.

"I heard you yelling in your sleep as I was walking back from the bathroom."

"Oh."

"Was it a bad nightmare?" Meaghan asked.

"Yes." Sydney nodded uncomfortably.

"I'm sorry. I get bad nightmares too," Meaghan told her with a sympathetic look.

"Did the nurses hear me yelling?" Sydney asked nervously.

"I don't think so. They would be here if they heard you."

"Okay, good." Sydney sighed with relief. She looked around the room. She was afraid to be alone in it.

"The nurses are doing checks soon, I better get back to bed," Meaghan said regretfully.

"Oh." She was going to be alone again.

"I'm sorry but I can hear them coming. I've got to go."

"Okay." Sydney swallowed hard as she left and shut the door behind her. She was alone again.

Sydney sat there staring at the wall. She was afraid to move. She was afraid to lie down. She felt frozen. Suddenly the door opened.

"Sydney?" the nurse said as she noticed she was still awake.

"I can't sleep," Sydney said.

"Do you want me to get you something to help you sleep?" the nurse asked her empathetically.

"Yes please." The nurse nodded. The door shut again. She could feel a twinge inside her as the darkness flooded the room. She noticed the light had moved. The moon had changed position. Time was passing at least.

"Here you go Sydney," The nurse said as she stepped back into the room. She held out a paper cup with a little blue oval shaped pill in it. They were the ones that tasted bad. She took it anyways.

"Thanks."

"Let me know if you can't sleep from now on. You don't have to just sit here in the dark." The nurse told her.

Sydney nodded and she left. The room was dark once again. She lay back down and pulled the covers over her head. Suddenly she realized Sydney Bristow would never hide under the blankets. Sydney pulled the blanket off her face. As she looked around the room, she realized Sydney Bristow didn't exist anymore. She lay there and stared at the ceiling until she finally fell asleep.


	57. Chapter 57

-1Chapter 57

She could see the daylight shining through the blankets as she opened her eyes. She pulled the blanket down from over her face to see the morning light flooding the room. Sydney felt relief that the night was finally over, that Sark was gone and she could go about her day without him. Even if he were to come during the day, there were lots of people around and that was a comfort to her. Nonetheless, Sydney didn't feel hopeful about the day. After yesterday with Nadia, she was in a particularly bad mood today.

Sydney got up and put on her hospital slippers and headed down the hall for breakfast. She was hoping to see Meaghan there but she wasn't. She was probably still in bed. Meaghan wasn't a morning person. The nurses usually forced her to get up. Sydney sighed and sat down to eat her breakfast alone. She opened her tray and found the same boring breakfast that she had everyday. She knew the routine, but still a part of her hoped they might give something else for breakfast for once.

Sydney quickly finished her breakfast and got up, taking her coffee with her, to see if Meaghan had gotten up yet. As she passed the nurses' station, she could hear the nurses a talking about a patient.

"How long has she been in seclusion?" one nurse asked.

"Since 3am I'm told. She was in there when I started my shift. The nurse on duty told me she had been screaming and threatening to hurt herself all night long. She finally fell asleep around 5am, after a few PRNs that is," the other nurse explained.

"I really haven't noticed any progress in her since she's been here."

"I agree. The doctor gave an order to increase her medications yesterday though. I personally think she needs to be on something else. The Zoloft hasn't been helping her."

"She cut herself three times last week too. That girl is inventive. She always finds a way to hurt herself even when we thought we've gotten rid of all the hazards."

"I know."

"Hey, did you see on the news last night?"

"What?"

Sydney listened to them for a few more seconds and realized they had moved on from their conversation about the patient. She walked over to the seclusion room and quietly opened the door to the window. She could see a girl sleeping face down on the mattress. Her long brown hair was covering her face. Sydney couldn't tell if it was Meaghan. It was too dark in there and a few other patients also had long brown hair.

Sydney walked over to the nurse's station.

"Where's Meaghan?" she asked.

"Sydney, have you had breakfast?" the nurse asked her.

"I asked you a question!" Sydney snapped at her. Both nurses exchanged looks.

"Sydney, I don't like it when you talk to me in that tone," the nurse replied with a stern look.

"Tell me where Meaghan is," Sydney said.

"What do you think happened to her Sydney?" the other nurse asked. Sydney knew they were trying to probe into her mind and see if she was paranoid. She was starting to know their tricks.

"I think she is in seclusion. I don't know why and I know you aren't going to tell me why. But if you don't tell me, I am going to walk up and down this ward looking for her until I find her. You should just tell me now and save me the trouble."

"Sydney, you already seem to think you know the answer, so why don't you go to the lounge and watch some TV or something so we can get our work done."

Sydney eyed her before leaving. Not all the nurses were that bad. Many of them were nice. But every so often, she would get a nurse with attitude like this.

Walking over to the seclusion door, Sydney started to knock on it. "Meaghan?" she asked.

"Sydney, what are you doing?" the nurse came out and asked her.

"You wouldn't answer my question so I'm finding out for myself," Sydney replied. She felt quite annoyed and her mood made her not care what trouble she got herself into.

"Sydney?"

The voice was coming from inside the seclusion room. She could tell it was Meaghan's voice.

"You woke her up," the nurse said annoyed.

"I wouldn't have had to if you would just answer my question," Sydney replied in a harsh tone.

"I think you should go to your room and rest Sydney. I will be there in a minute with something to calm you down," the nurse replied.

"I don't need it," Sydney said in a bitter tone.

The nurse walked back into the nurse's station without saying anything else. Annoyed, Sydney left and went to her room, slamming the door behind her. It was Nadia. Everything that happened with Nadia the day before had her tense. She couldn't stand to be around anyone at the moment. She couldn't deal with crabby nurses or her closest friend being put into seclusion. She just wanted out of there. She wanted to breath. Not just breath, she wanted to breath fresh air. She needed out and there wasn't a way at this point.

"Take this please," the other nurse said from behind Sydney.

Sydney took the pill cup and tossed the pill into her mouth and swallowed it. She didn't care anymore. If they wanted to drug her than fine. It didn't matter. She just wanted Nadia. And Vaughn. And Weiss. And her life back! She hated this.

"Thank you," the nurse said and quickly left.

Sydney lay down on the bed face up and stared at the ceiling. She let her eyes trace the outlines of water stains. Soon, she began to feel calmer. She didn't know how long. She didn't have a watch or a clock, but it felt like a half an hour had past. Her eyelids felt heavier. She knew she would probably feel unsteady, so she didn't bother getting up. She just stared up at the ceiling and let time slowly pass.

It was awhile later when Sydney heard one of the nurses talking to Meaghan as they walked down the hallway. She got up and watched them enter Meaghan's room. A minute later, the nurse left and went back to the nurse's station. Sydney quickly made her way over to Meaghan's room.

"Hey," Sydney said as she walked into the room and saw Meaghan lying in her bed.

"Hi."

"Are you tired. Because I can leave you alone if you are," Sydney said, noticing her friend's quiet demeanour.

"No, its okay."

Sydney sat on the chair opposite Meaghan's bed and watched her for a moment. Her face looked emotionless. She just stared forward at the floor. Sydney's heart ached for her, but she didn't know how to help her.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know. I'm tired. I just want this to end."

"You'll get out of the hospital eventually. You just have to have hope."

Meaghan sat up and looked at Sydney. "Do you have hope?"

Sydney was thrown by the question. At first, she didn't know what the answer was. She didn't know what to say. Things seemed hopeless. She'd lost her friends, her sister, her boyfriend. She'd lost the life she knew. It was hopeless. But she would get it back. She had to think that. She couldn't get up everyday if she didn't think that. She had a plan to get out of there, too. She was just waiting for the right time, but she knew somehow she would escape.

"Yes," Sydney answered finally.

"How can you have hope?" Meaghan asked with a dark and perplexed look on her face.

"I will get out of here. We will both get out of here. It just takes time."

"I don't have anymore time to give to this crap. I can't stand it anymore!"

"Just wait. Hold on," Sydney replied. "Trust me."

She wanted to tell her so badly about the plan. But she couldn't risk it. If Meaghan knew, that meant there was a chance someone else could find out about it. She couldn't take that risk no matter what it meant for Meaghan to know. Sydney couldn't give her that hope as much as she wanted to. She just had to be there for Meaghan and make sure she got through this.

"I want to but I don't there is anything either of us can do ," Meaghan said as she lay back down and let her eyes glaze over.

"Listen to me," Sydney started in a stern voice. "We are going to get out of here eventually. You just have to hold on."

Meaghan looked at Sydney. "I want to, but there isn't hope for either of us. I'm sorry Sydney. I want us both to get out of here. But we never will. You'll be locked up forever. Its the way it is. There is no hope for people like us."

"What happened to you? Why are you like this today? You were fine yesterday," Sydney asked concerned.

"Nothing."

"Talk to me!"

"Nothing happened. I couldn't sleep last night because I knew the truth, that there was no hope. That life was going to be hell forever, that it was never going to be worth living," Meaghan's eyes were bitter and angry. Sydney had never seen her like this before.

"Something happened to you. Something had to have. If you tell me, I can help you."

"I got a letter yesterday. It was from my mother. I didn't open it until last night because I couldn't bare to. But then I couldn't sleep so I opened it."

"What did it say?"

"It said a lot of things and it ended with 'I love you.'" Meaghan's eyes watered. "She hasn't bothered coming to see me. She is part of the reason I am here and now she is sending me a letter to say she loves me because a priest told her she needs to find forgiveness. God wants her to forgive me. Well, I don't forgive her."

"I'm sorry."

"I hate her!" Meaghan sobbed. "I really hate them all!"

Sydney knew Meaghan's family had abandoned her because she tried to kill herself. She remembered Meaghan told her that she fought with her family a lot before she tried to kill herself. She was never good enough for them. She didn't know why Meaghan had actually tried to kill herself though. She just knew she had been sad. There was something in particular about Meaghan's mother that bothered Meaghan though. Sydney could feel it. But Meaghan was guarded about things. And Sydney didn't want to push her. But she felt like she needed to know more in order to help Meaghan.

"What happened between you and your mother?" Sydney asked gently.

Meaghan looked up at her with tears in her eyes and then down at the floor. It took her a moment to answer. "That night I tried to kill myself, I had been fighting with my family. My father was really mad because some people had seen the cuts on my arms and were asking him about it. It bothered him a lot. He was so mad at me. He was screaming at me about how I should just leave, how I didn't deserve to live with them. I went to my room and locked myself in there. But my mother came to the door and I let her in. I asked her to help me. To get my father to leave me alone. I asked her to love me and not let him make me leave. But instead," Meaghan cried as she stumbled on her words, "Instead she told me I had brought shame on the family and I needed to leave. She basically gave up on me. She chose my father over me and at that moment I was so alone. After she left the room I took the blades I had been using to cut with and slit my wrists." Meaghan paused as she wiped her face and swallowed hard. "Before I got too out of it, I remember her coming in and screaming. She was screaming at me and asking my why? All she could say is why? Why would you do this to me? She didn't get it. She didn't get what she had done to me. I haven't spoke to anyone in my family since. Until last night, I hadn't heard anything from them or about them. They never tried to see me. Nothing. They had abandoned me."

Sydney watched Meaghan as she began to cry uncontrollably. "I'm sorry," Sydney told her.

She didn't know what else to say. It was a hard reality unfolding before her eyes. This was what this place did to people. It tore people apart. It tore families apart. It was tearing both of them apart.


	58. Chapter 58

-1Chapter 58

Her head ached as she sat there staring forward at her computer screen. She was looking up some information on a man suspected in a bombing that APO was looking into. But her mind couldn't focus on the screen. Nadia sighed and pulled out a bottle of Aspirin from her purse. She popped a few extra strength tablets into her mouth and swallowed them down with some water. She tried to go back to concentrating on her work, but her mind kept drifting to Sydney. Stressing about her had been giving her tension headaches a lot lately. It had been two days since she had seen her, but her mind was filled with thoughts about her.

I should move desks, Nadia thought to herself. Her desk was right behind Sydney's. It was currently being used by another agent. It was someone new who had been assigned to replace Sydney. She needed replacing. She wasn't coming back. There was no more Agent Sydney Bristow. It was a chilling thought to Nadia. She stared at the desk ahead of her until the new agent broke her gaze and sat down. She looked away. It was still Sydney's desk in her mind. It was the desk of the old Sydney Bristow she knew and loved. That Sydney is dead now and left is a sick woman who ruined her life.

"More Aspirin?" Eric asked as he hovered over her shoulder.

"I have a headache. But its just Aspirin. A few aren't going to hurt me," Nadia said annoyed.

"I'm just saying," Eric replied.

"You're worrying about me. I don't need you to worry about me." Nadia's tone was unpleasant.

"I'm sorry. Look, are you feeling up to dinner tonight? We could go some place nice," Eric asked, changing the subject.

"I don't care. Whatever you want."

"Okay. Look, if you don't want to go, I won't be hurt."

"Eric, I've got a lot of work to catch up on. We can do dinner tonight but for now I need some space!" She snapped at him.

Eric nodded and walked away. She had been getting increasingly irritable ever since she saw Sydney. He knew it was a stressful event for her. He didn't care if she was snapping at him. He only cared about her but he didn't know how to help her. He felt lost. He just wanted to make everything okay again. All she seemed to want is space. He didn't know if he should give it to her, but when he hovered, she only got more irritated. It was a complete change from before when she welcomed his comfort. He wanted her to see the CIA psychiatrist, but he knew asking her to would only spark her anger. She would never agree to it and he didn't want to go behind her back to Jack. He couldn't do that to her. He knew she would see it as a betrayal. He couldn't betray her. She needed someone on her side.

Sydney sat across from Meaghan at a table in the lounge. The radio was on in the background playing some pop song Sydney didn't care for. She sat looking out the window. All she could see the helicopter pad from her vantage point. A helicopter was landing at the moment. She imagined someone was very injured and being rushed in to the ER. Perhaps it was another agent or a soldier as this was a naval hospital. She watched as some doctors and paramedics rushed someone on a gurney towards the emergency room doors.

Meaghan was drawing on some paper with pencil crayons. Sydney occasionally eyed what she was drawing. It was a picture of a girl looking out a window. Sydney likened it to someone on the psychiatric ward staring out from their prison. She didn't know if that's what Meaghan was intending, but she imagined the picture closely resembled what Meaghan was feeling inside. Its what they were both feeling inside -- a longing to be free of their pain, or their prison.

In the background, Sydney could hear some patients gossiping about other patients. She was never one for gossip and it annoyed her that they had no respect for other people. She knew people liked to gossip about Meaghan behind her back. She often got mad at people for it. So now, they've stopped talking about her around Sydney. Undoubtedly, they still talk about her though. Sydney knew this.

Now Sydney could hear some people talking out in the hall. She recognized the voice to be one of the nurses. She didn't know who the other person was. It was probably a visitor. They were talking about a patient. Sydney could faintly hear what they were saying. As much as she hated gossip, she did like listening to what people were saying. There wasn't much else to do here and it was a natural instinct for her to listen and spy on conversations.

As Sydney listened on, she could tell they were talking about one of the female patients. Someone who wasn't doing well, who was decompensating. The nurse specifically used that word. Sydney came to know it as their medical term for deteriorating mentally. It sounded like they were talking about Meaghan, but Sydney had no idea who the nurse would be talking to about Meaghan. She eyed Meaghan and she seemed to be paying no attention.

"Excuse me," Sydney said as she got up and stood at the door to get a look at the person.

It was a woman. Sydney recognized her from the pictures. It was Meaghan's mother. Sydney glanced back at Meaghan who was continuing to draw. She didn't seem to have any idea that her mother was standing 20 feet away from her. She knew they hadn't seen each other in weeks. It must be related to the letter she got, Sydney thought. Her mother felt she needed to forgive Meaghan, that God wanted her to forgive her.

Sydney's stomach quivered with butterflies. She had no idea how this would effect Meaghan. She shifted her gaze back and forth between the woman in the hallway and Meaghan engrossed in drawing a picture having no idea the event that was about to take place.

The nurse and her mother started moving up the hall towards Meaghan's bedroom. Now was Sydney's chance.

"Meaghan!" Sydney whispered from the doorway as she motioned for her to come.

The girl got up and followed Sydney with a confused look on her face. Sydney lead her across the hall to the girl's washroom. She quickly pulled her into the shower stall and shut the curtain.

"What's going on? What are we hiding from?" Meaghan asked.

"Your mother's here," Sydney replied, not knowing a gentle way to break the news.

"What?!" Meaghan's eyes turned fearful and perplexed instantly.

"I saw her in the hall talking to the nurse. They just went to your room. I thought I'd give you some warning before they found you."

"I don't understand. Why would she be here? Why?!" Her voice was panicking.

"I don't know. But they are going to find you soon."

"I can't. I need to get out of here!"

"Meaghan, listen to me. You're going to have to face her. But remember, whatever she says, it doesn't matter. You have me and one day we will get out of here and none of this crap everyone is putting us through will matter anymore."

"I…"

"Don't let her get to you," Sydney said firmly.

"But… I don't know if I can--"

"Meaghan?" a voice said as the door opened.

Meaghan's face went pale and ghostly, her eyes wide and terrorized. Sydney could feel her own heart beating fast as she thought about the implications of this for her close friend. Suddenly the curtain was pulled open.

"Why are you girls hiding in hear?" the nurse asked.

"Look, we know her mother is here and Meaghan doesn't want to see her. I know she doesn't have to. I was never forced to see my family. So tell her to go away," Sydney asserted to the nurse.

"Sydney, why don't you go hang out in the lounge or the TV room for awhile," the nurse said as she motioned her towards the door.

"No. Meaghan is my friend and she needs me. I'm not going to let you pressure her into seeing someone who has treated her so horribly."

"Sydney, this is none of your business."

"I don't care!" Sydney snapped.

"Its okay." Meaghan's voice was meek as she spoke.

"Its not okay. You don't have to see her. Tell the nurse that."

Meaghan looked at Sydney regretfully for a moment. She didn't know what to do. She could see how much Sydney cared for her. She could see how she was fighting for her. But it was her mother. Someone who had both hurt her so much and raised her and loved her for most of her life.

"I'll see her."

"Are you sure?" Sydney asked.

"Sydney, this is Meaghan's choice. Don't interfere."

"Yes, I'm sure."

The look on her face conveyed how unsure she was, however. Her eyes were still terrified looking. She looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"Don't let her get to you," Sydney whispered in Meaghan's ear as she walked out of the shower stall towards the door. Meaghan turned and looked back at her solemnly before walking out the door. As they exchanged looks, they both knew how dire this could be. Sydney's heart ached for her.


	59. Chapter 59

-1Chapter 59

Sydney watched as Meaghan walked out of the bathroom solemnly. She quickly followed and watched as Meaghan saw her mother for the first time in weeks. She couldn't see Meaghan's face. But she knew the look that was on it. It was one of an agonizing conflict between loving the person you're supposed to love and hating them for what they did to you. And then there is fear. She knew there was fear on Meaghan's face, or at least buried somewhere underneath the façade she was putting on.

Her mother's face lit up the moment she saw her. Sydney couldn't tell if it was genuine or faked. But she was smiling widely and even looked a little teary-eyed. She hugged Meaghan tightly the minute she saw her. It was a short tight hug and then she let go and held Meaghan at arms length to look her up and down. Sydney could see the disappointment in the mother's eyes as she saw how skinny Meaghan had become. Luckily Meaghan's cuts were hidden by the long sleeve hospital pyjamas she was wearing. Sydney feared what her mother would do if she saw.

"I've missed you, sweetheart. Why don't we go and talk," Meaghan's mother told the girl. Meaghan nodded.

"If you need anything, just go to the nurse's station," the nurse told them. As soon as they walked off, the nurse turned to Sydney. "This is none of your business Sydney. Go find something to do until her mother leaves."

Sydney's face turned even more sour than it had been before. She gave a little nod and a begrudging look and headed off to her room, which was diagonally across from Meaghan's room. As soon as she got in the door, she spied around the corner and watched for the nurse to disappear into the nurse's station and then quickly headed towards Meaghan's door to listen in.

"I really have missed you," Sydney heard Meaghan's mother say through the door.

"Why are you hear?" Meaghan asked.

"Why wouldn't I come?"

Sydney pressed her ear into the door to hear better.

"I've been here for 6 weeks. You haven't bothered to come in that time. Why now?"

"Meaghan, I couldn't come. You know that."

"Why? I really don't know."

"Because…" her mother paused. "Because I had to wait for things to settle down. You know there was quite a commotion over all of this. Everyone was wondering where you had gone. We had to tell people that you'd gone off to stay with friends abroad while you decided what to do now that you're a high school graduate. People are buying it, which is good. We don't need them to know the truth. That wouldn't --"

"Be good? I guess not. You don't want people to know you put your daughter in a psych ward! They might think you were horrible parents."

"Meaghan, don't use that tone with me. Besides, its all water under the bridge now. Things are done. We can't undo them. We can only move on now."

"Move on? So what, are you going to get me out of here?"

"No. Sweetheart, we can't do that."

"Why not?!"

"Its not up to us. Its up to the doctors now."

"You could try and convince them. You don't know what its like here, mom."

"It doesn't matter. Where are you going to go once you get out of here anyway?"

"Home."

"No. Not home. You're father won't have that."

"What?! And what about you? Will you not have that either?"

"Meaghan, don't be like that. You know we can't just bring you home after everything that's happened. You know, we are still trying to get the blood stains out of the white carpet in your bedroom."

"I don't understand why I'm not welcome home anymore."

"Its just not a good idea."

"Its dad. He's abandoning me. I'm not his daughter anymore am I?"

"Meaghan, you have to understand you've really disgraced your father."

"Go to hell!"

"Meaghan, don't you ever speak to me that way!"

Sydney could hear a slapping sound. She opened the door to find Meaghan's mother had slapped the girl across the face.

"I hate you! I hate you!" Meaghan cried as she pushed her mother against the wall.

Sydney stood there stunned for a moment as she watched Meaghan go from a timid girl into this rageful thing.

"Meaghan, no!" Sydney finally said as she stopped the girl from doing something she might regret. "You can't hurt her."

"This is why you can't come home!" Meaghan's mother yelled at her as she walked out the room. She paused at the door and looked back at Meaghan with tears in her angry eyes. "May God forgive you." She turned around and walked away.

"Meaghan, I'm so sorry," Sydney said.

"I hate her." Meaghan said as she stared out the doorway.

"I know," Sydney said sympathetically as a nurse appeared in the doorway.

"Sydney, I need you to go now," the nurse said.

"No. Meaghan is my friend and she needs me so don't give me any of your crap about how its none of my business. It is my business!" Sydney told the nurse in a harsh tone.

"Meaghan, your mother told us you pushed her. She's talking to the other nurse right now."

"That's a lie. I never touched her," Meaghan cried.

"I think you need some calming down time, Meaghan," the nurse said.

"She doesn't need to go to seclusion! It was her mother. She doesn't care about her daughter at all."

"Sydney--"

"It is my business!"

"Do you need to go to seclusion and calm down, Sydney?"

"No."

Both girls looked defeated. Meaghan knew if she didn't go voluntarily, the security guards would be there in a couple minutes to put her in there. So she went.

"I'll be waiting for you when you get out, Meaghan," Sydney told the girl as the nurse lead Meaghan down towards seclusion once more.

Four days. It had been four days and 10 hours since she had faced Sydney. It was all Nadia could think about as she sat at the kitchen table of Eric's place. She was trying to think about work. She was trying to think about what was on those papers in front of her. She had laid the file out in front of her, spread it across the kitchen table, and just stared at it. She couldn't think about work no matter how much she tried. Sydney. That's all that was on her mind. Sydney.

Nadia got up and grabbed another beer out of the fridge. It was her second one. She sat back down and began to drink it. The coldness of it down her throat was soothing. Work. Must think about work, she thought. Just then, Eric came in the front door carrying a big brown paper bag of Chinese food for their late night dinner.

"Hey," he said as he tossed his keys onto the table and set the food down on the counter. "Did you find anything yet on this Dartby guy?" He looked over her shoulder at the case.

"No," she replied with frustration. "I'm having trouble concentrating with you coming in here, throwing your keys around and looking over my shoulder."

Eric cringed as he turned away from her towards the kitchen. It wasn't the first time he had gotten on her nerves today. "I'm sorry. I'll get out of your way. Just let me grab a plate of food first."

"Fine."

"Do you want any?" he asked.

"No thanks. My stomach hasn't been feeling well lately," Nadia replied.

"I'm sorry," Eric said as he walked up behind her and massaged her shoulders. She relaxed a bit at the touch. It seemed like he had done something right for once in days. He continued to massage her. "Its probably from all the stress this week."

"Yeah, probably. Could you rub my temples? I've had a headache all day."

Eric started rubbing the sides of her head in a circular motion with his fingers. He was hoping work would keep her busy so she wouldn't have to think about Sydney all the time. But he could tell she was preoccupied at work. He knew it was Sydney. It was too much for her. He knew she was a strong person, but seeing Sydney was too much for her. She hadn't been the same since.

"That's nice," Nadia said as he massaged her temples. He kissed her head and started trailing kisses down her neck. "Eric," she said annoyed. "Not right now."

"Sorry," he said regretfully.

"Will you stop saying sorry!" she snapped.

"What?" he asked confused.

"You're sorry. You're always sorry for something. I don't care if you're sorry. Stop saying it!"

"Nadia!" Eric snapped back.

"Just stop!" she yelled loudly as she grabbed her beer and the file and took it to their bedroom. She slammed the door behind her.

"Fine," he muttered.

He felt an urge to go in there and yell at her but he couldn't. She was under so much stress and he couldn't get mad at her when all she was doing was reacting to a bad situation.

He slammed his fist down on the counter and shook his head. This was all so aggravating. He didn't want to say he hated Sydney, but he was starting to and it shocked him to think it. Things were too much. He wasn't sure how to deal with it anymore. With everything he felt, he imagined Nadia must be feeling way worse. He couldn't imagine how she was getting through each day. And now she was sitting in there alone. He sighed and walked towards the door, gently nudging it open.

"I don't want to fight with you," he said as he looked down at her with regretful eyes.

"I'm trying to work here," she replied.

"Stop. Please. I know you're mad at me and at Sydney and at the world. I know you're in pain and I don't want to fight with you. But you can't go on like this." He tried to keep his voice gentle.

"Like what?"

"You're in a bad mood all the time. And I understand. I would be too. I just think you should talk to someone."

"A CIA psychiatrist?" She asked as she rolled her eyes belligerently.

"Yes."

"No!" she said firmly looking him straight in the eye.

"Why not? Its not going to hurt just to talk to one."

"No!" she said again.

"I've talked to one before. Its not a big deal."

"I'm not seeing a shrink or a therapist or anyone. I don't need to and just the idea that you think I do makes me sick. I can't believe you think that way of me."

"I don't. Nadia, please. Just listen to me."

"No. I don't want to talk to you about this!" she said angrily.

"Nadia--" he tried to reason with her.

"Go!" she screamed at him with fury in her eyes.

"Fine!" he shot back as he left the room and slammed the door behind him. He was trying really hard not to get mad at her but she was making it hard.

As soon as he left, Nadia's eyes teared up. She couldn't understand why he was making this so hard for her. There was nothing wrong with her. It was all Sydney and it made her so bitter. She just wanted to scream, but she knew it would only make the pounding in her head worse. She slid open the drawer to her night table and grabbed the aspirin. She popped in a couple and drank it down with her beer.

"Damn it," she whispered to herself. That was the last of her beer, but she didn't want to go out there and face Eric in order to get another one. But she needed to relax. She felt so on edge and irritable. She knew she would scream at the next person she saw and she didn't want that to be Eric. She couldn't bare loosing him too. But she wouldn't see a psychiatrist. She couldn't do that. Sydney was the one that saw psychiatrists. She wasn't Sydney. She wasn't crazy. She wasn't a murderer. She wished she had never even met her. She never thought she would think that. She wished she never met Sydney.


	60. Chapter 60

-1Chapter 60

The briefing was finally over. It felt long, though it had only been a half an hour. Sitting through anything seemed hard for Nadia now. Her concentration had become terrible lately. Everything Jack said seemed to blur over in her mind. She got up and walked out of the briefing room towards her desk. Vaughn quickly followed her.

"Nadia," he said behind her.

"Hey," she replied trying to be nice.

"I was wondering how you've been."

"I'm fine," she said insistently.

"That's not what I've heard," Vaughn replied.

"What? Who have you been talking to."

"People talk around here. They see you. They can tell something is wrong. I know you're not doing that great," he explained.

"Thanks for your concern, but I'm fine. Really." Her tone was more than irritated. "I have work to do."

"Wait. There are some things I wanted to ask you about."

"What things?" She asked annoyed.

"Maybe we should go somewhere quiet," Vaughn answered as he quickly lead her into the empty briefing room.

"Vaughn, what things?" She was getting impatient.

"About Sydney, I know you saw her."

"I am not talking about Sydney. I'm tired of even hearing her name," Nadia spoke loudly.

"I know you are. But I can't see her. Jack won't let me. There are things I need to know. Please just talk to me about her," Vaughn said trying to persuade her.

"What? What the hell do you need to know about her?" Nadia said, starting to yell.

Vaughn breathed in nervously as he saw the anger in her eyes. He really didn't want to hurt her but there were things he needed to know. He couldn't stand being without Sydney. He loved her. He needed to know.

"How did she look when you saw her?"

"She looked terrible. What do you think she would look like?"

"Well, can you tell me a little more? I mean, was she delusional? Was she hallucinating? I really need to know?"

"She was a violent horrible person who is not Sydney. Sydney is dead," Nadia replied harshly with furor in her eyes.

"She is Sydney. She is just sick and we need to give her time and support. She needs us. You can't abandon her now!"

"Don't tell me what I can and cannot do. I am tired of people telling me that Sydney is sick. That person there is not Sydney. Sydney Bristow is dead and you are a fool to expect her to ever come back."

"Nadia, you're being irrational. You're letting your emotions get in the way of seeing what is right in front of you. Your sister, who loves you, who has always been there for you, is in the hospital and she needs you and you are just abandoning her," Vaughn yelled.

"Go to hell, Vaughn. You don't care about anything but you and Sydney. You don't give a damn about me. You only came here to find out about her because you were too screwed up to find out for yourself. You talk about Sydney being sick and wanting to support her. But I know you went to her drunk. You have to drink to get through the day because you can't handle the thought that she is dead. But we both know that is the truth. Your actions tell what you know!"

"Stop it! You don't know how I am feeling. I love Sydney. And if you had any ounce of humanity left in you, you would look past your own hurt and be there for your sister. You loved her. Have you forgotten all of that just because she hurt you. People hurt you. It happens. People make mistakes! You have to let it go!"

"She killed my father! I loved my father. I don't care if everyone else hated him. I loved him. He was my father!"

"He died because he was a horrible man. Sydney may have been sick when she killed him but after everything he did to her, he deserved it."

"Damn it, I hate this crap. I'm tired. You can't understand how tired I am. My head aches from all this stress. I feel sick to my stomach. This is what Sydney did to me. She is a monster!" Tears began to stream down her face.

"Nadia, I'm sorry. Please just calm down. I didn't mean to make you upset. I know this is hard for you but you can't just forget about Sydney."

"I never want to hear that name again. If you say it again, I'll… damn it! I hate this," She put her head in her hands for a moment and then let the screams come out, "Just go to hell! I just want you all to go away. I hate this life. I hate it all!"

"Nadia, calm down," Vaughn said putting his hand on her arm gently.

"Go to hell!"

A few people had begun to eye them through the windows of the briefing room. It sparked the attention of Jack, who quickly walked in and gave Vaughn a cold look.

"What's going on?" Jack asked.

"Nothing. We were just talking."

"Agent Vaughn, why don't you go look into the case were working on. Now." Jack said sternly.

"Nadia, maybe you should go home. You've been under a lot of stress. I think some time off might help."

"I'm tired of people babying me Jack. I'm fine."

"People could hear you screaming from down the hall. That's not acceptable here."

"Vaughn is the one you should be getting mad at. Just leave me the hell alone!" She pushed her way past him and grabbed her bag from her desk. Jack watched concerned as she headed for the elevator.

Nadia was fuming as she got into her car. She couldn't stand any of this anymore. She couldn't even stand Eric. There was no one for her. She couldn't stand life anymore. Tears flooded her face as she banged her fists on the steering wheel. She almost wished she were dead. Maybe things would be better if she were dead. She didn't even know. She didn't know what she wanted. She couldn't think. It was becoming so hard to think. She needed to get out of here. She needed to go home. But she had no home. She lived with Eric who babied her. She couldn't stand it when he said he was sorry. She couldn't stand it when he worried. It was too much. She needed to just sleep. She turned the car on as she cried and pulled out of her parking spot, haphazardly driving out of APO.

Sydney pushed the door opened to the bathroom and went to the sink to splash some cold water on her face. She was feeling drowsy, probably from her medications, and needed something to help her feel more awake. Suddenly, she heard breathing coming from one of the stalls.

"Who's there?" Sydney asked.

The breathing was uneven. It made her skin crawl as she felt nerves in her stomach. Sark. Was it Sark? He was trying to get to her. Her heart pounded. She needed to get out of the bathroom. She slowly walked towards the door, her eyes wide with fear, when the breathing suddenly stopped. He was toying with her. She had to leave now!

"Help me."

"What? Who is there?" Sydney asked confused.

She looked around the bathroom to see if there were any ghosts there. She didn't know what Sark was capable, but she knew he wanted to drive her insane for killing him. She still thought she had killed him.

"Sydney?" the voice whispered.

"Who are you?" she asked in a nervous whisper as she swallowed hard.

"Its me, Meaghan. I need your help," the girl said with a quivering voice.

"What? Meaghan? I thought… Never mind. What do you need?" Sydney asked.

She was relieved Sark wasn't there but she felt embarrassed by her reaction to the sound of breathing. Even without being there, Sark was succeeding in torturing her.

"Come here," Meaghan said. She sounded nervous.

"Open the stall door."

Meaghan slowly opened the door to reveal how she had been hurting herself. There were 3 red bloody streaks across her legs.

"Oh, Meaghan, what did you do?" Sydney asked as her heart ached for the girl.

"I was upset. I'm sorry. I screwed up. I shouldn't have, but its so hard."

"What did you even use?"

"A thumbtack I found on the bulletin board."

"You've got to stop this!" Sydney said with upset written in her voice.

"I'm sorry," Meaghan said, fearfully. "Don't be mad at me. I promise I won't do it again. Just don't tell the nurses okay."

Sydney looked at her with concerned eyes. She was worried. She didn't want to rat out her friend, but at the same time, she didn't know what to do. If Meaghan was hurting herself, maybe the nurses should know.

"Come, I'll get you cleaned up."

Sydney lead her into the shower stall and closed the curtain. She then went and pulled a few paper towels out of the dispenser and wet them.

"Here, let me clean the cuts."

Sydney gently wiped the cuts clean. They luckily weren't bleeding much.

"Are you gonna tell the nurses?"

"I don't know. I'm worried about you."

"Please don't. I promise I'll never do it again."

Sydney looked at the girl, looked deeply into her eyes. They looked both fearful and genuine.

"You promise me?"

"I swear. I just was so upset. You don't understand how hard it was to hear the things my mother said to me. She always hurts me so much. But seeing you here now. I know that you are here for me. I can just, I don't know. I want to get better. I want to move on. I know I have no family, but I have you now."

Sydney's eyes teared up. She took in a deep breath. "Okay, I won't," she replied.

Meaghan nodded. The girl felt a desperate despair that she was passing on to Sydney. Sydney didn't know what to do about it. She believed Meaghan, but she was still worried. Even if she didn't hurt herself, she was still hurting inside. Sydney didn't want her only friend to have to feel such pain.

"We should get out of here. I'll burry the paper towels underneath some other garbage so no one sees them," Sydney said.

"Okay." Meaghan smiled. "Thank you."

"You can get better. You just have to let me help you."

"Thanks."


	61. Chapter 61

-1Chapter 61

He couldn't help but feel worried as he drove. Eric had heard about the incident involving Nadia and Vaughn at APO and that Jack had sent her home. He knew she was probably very angry about the whole thing. He was mad at Vaughn, but he didn't have time to yell at him. It was more important that he got to Nadia, who wasn't answering her cell phone. He had tried calling her several times as he drove. He decided to try their home first.

Eric saw Nadia's car in the driveway as he pulled up to his home. He quickly got out of his car and went to the door. He could see through the window beside the door that something wasn't right. There were papers all over the floor. He rushed to open the door.

"Nadia?" he called out in a panic.

"Go away!" she yelled from the kitchen.

"What's going on? Why is this place such a mess?" he asked as he walked passed chairs flipped on their side and papers thrown all over the place. "Are you okay?"

Almost every chair in the apartment had been tossed around or thrown over. There were broken bottles and broken wine glasses littered throughout the place. Papers from a file from APO had been throw throughout the living room.

"I said get the hell out of here," she replied as she took a big gulp from her bottle of beer.

"No. Now tell me what happened. Did someone break in? Are you hurt?" He had no clue at this point what had happened.

"Don't you get it? Don't you have any intelligence whatsoever? I don't want you here. I don't want anyone here. I'm sick of all the crap going on," she ranted.

"What is wrong with you?" he asked, his voice getting louder. He was beyond concerned. He was beyond trying to be nice and stepping around the issue. Something had to be done about the way she was behaving.

"Nothing is wrong with me."

"Yes, there is. You need to talk to the CIA psychiatrist. I'm not giving you an option anymore. You are not okay. I don't know what happened here, but you are not okay."

"I'm not seeing a damn psychiatrist. I will never see one. You can't force me."

"Damn it, Nadia. Can't you see what I'm trying to do here. I'm trying to help you."

"Well stop it!" She said as she pushed over the bar stools in a rage. "I don't need your help. I just need to get out my frustrations and if you knew what was good for you, you'd get out of my way."

"You're threatening me? Look at you. Just look at yourself and what you are doing. You have torn this place apart. There are books thrown on the floor. There are…" He noticed the small table by the window knocked over and the glass vase that was on it in pieces on the floor. Looking around, he noticed even more glass smashed on the floor. He didn't even know what from. "What did you do?"

"I was angry. Vaughn had no right to speak to me the way he did. And Jack sent me home. Do you have any idea how degrading that was."

"You tore apart our home," he said, unable to get passed that.

Nadia shook her head. "I can't believe the way people treat me. I can't believe how they go around making excuses for Sydney." She took another gulp of her beer, finishing it off. She immediately took another one out of the fridge. "I can't believe how they whisper about how glad they are that Sloane is dead."

"Nadia--" He had changed to a more sympathetic tone.

"He was my father!"

"I know." As he looked into her eyes and saw the pain, he couldn't feel angry at her anymore. She was in so much pain.

"You don't know. Your parents are alive. Mine are dead. They are dead!" She screamed as she took the empty bottle and threw it at the wall. It smashed into pieces, startling Eric.

"Nadia, please. I love you. Just calm down."

"Go to hell! I don't need you. I don't need any of you. Just leave!" she yelled in a shrill voice.

"No." He was trying to stay peaceful and calm but inside, he was falling apart with fear for her.

"Go… please just go. I need you to go," she cried.

"I can't leave you. I don't understand why you don't want me to help you."

Eric walked up to her and tried to pull her into a hug as tears streamed down her face. But instead, she pushed him away.

"I want to be alone." She grabbed her beer and started walking towards the bedroom.

"Nadia, stop. Please. If you'd just go to the psychiatrist. I promise, it will be okay."

"Get out!" She screamed, turning around and throwing the almost full bottle at him. It missed his head and smashed against the wall. Beer fizzled against the broken shards on the floor.

"Nadia!" Eric yelled.

"Get out!" She grabbed a glass that was sitting on the table and got ready to throw it. Eric didn't care. She could throw it. He wasn't scared of her, he was scared for her. He walked towards her and tried to comfort her. Instead, she pushed him.

"Don't push me, Nadia."

"Just go. Leave!"

He kept backing up as she continuously tried pushing. After a moment, he found himself at the front door.

"I'm not going."

"Yes you are. Get out!"

"Nadia--" She threw a fist at his face. He looked at her shocked as he brought up a hand to his sore jaw. "You just punched me."

"I'll do more than that if you don't leave." She opened the door and shoved him out. Then she grabbed his keys that were sitting on the table beside the door and took off the house key and threw the rest at him.

"Leave."

"Nadia wait--" She slammed the door in his face and quickly locked it. He banged on the door. "Nadia, open the door!"

She wouldn't. She just walked away. He looked at her through the window as she disappeared into the bedroom. He got out his phone and started calling her. She didn't answer. He could see her phone sitting on the coffee table. Eric sighed and sat down on the front steps. He needed a way to make her okay again but he was lost for what to do.

Sydney sat in the dining room finishing her dinner. It was baked chicken with very little seasoning and mashed potatoes. Even though meals were never very good, they were still something Sydney looked forward to. There wasn't much else to look forward to in this place. She was even willing to get up at 8am everyday for a bland breakfast that tasted terrible. As she put the lid back on her tray and got up, she was startled by the person standing in the doorway.

"Eric?" she said, completely surprised to see him.

Eric looked at her with furious eyes. Sydney's own eyes filled with grief upon seeing him. He was a friend. She thought they were still friends. She could tell by his face that it was no longer true. For that, she felt a deep sense of pain.

"How are you? I haven't seen you in awhile," Sydney asked him. She wasn't sure what to say. She wasn't sure what he wanted, but she could see his anger.

"I'm not great." It was all he could say. He thought once he would see her that he would just start yelling. But as he stood in the psychiatric ward with patients all around in their hospital pyjamas looking distraught, he felt uncomfortable. "Can we go somewhere quiet?"

"Sure, we can go to my room." She lead him down the hallway. Once they got inside her room, Eric shut the door and stared at her.

"So, what brings you here?" Sydney asked nervously.

"Nadia."

"Oh."

"You hurt her." His voice was low, his eyes were steady. He stared at her as he spoke.

"I know. I'm sorry. I tried to tell her that."

"You broke her."

"Eric, I know what I did to her and if I could change it I would. I swear. I love her. She's my sister."

"You broke her!" He was staring her down.

"What do you want from me?"

He broke his gaze and looked away. "I don't know. I am so angry at you. She is never going to be the same because of you." Sydney looked at the floor with a deep sense of guilt. "I want to make things right."

"How?" She looked him in the eye sincerely, "I don't know how, Eric."

"I came here so you could fix this. I came here to make things right. But I don't know how. I need you to fix it damn it!" His face filled with frustration. He didn't even know what he was doing. He didn't know what to say. He just wanted his girlfriend back.

"What do you want me to do? I'm stuck here. She wont talk to me. How am I supposed to fix things?"

"Do you know what she was doing just before I came here?" He shook his head. "She was tearing apart our place. She was angry, so broken, so lost." Tears brimmed his eyes as he thought about it. "Do you have any idea what you've done to her."

"I know what I did."

"No! You don't. You don't have to watch her fall apart. You get to be here in the safety of this hospital. You don't have to see the repercussions of what you did."

"I live them! Look at where I am. There is no safety and comfort here. I'm locked in here. I can't leave. I've lost my entire life."

"And it was your fault! Nadia did nothing to deserve this and she's lost her life as she knows it. She'll never be the same."

Tears filled Sydney's eyes as he spoke. She knew she'd hurt Nadia. She couldn't stand it and moreover, she didn't know how to make things okay for her sister. Maybe if she could just get out of there and talk to her.

"I love her too, you know," Sydney said.

Eric's eyes flashed with anger. "How do you try and murder someone you love?"

"It was The Guildiya. I was trying to save us all."

"You still believe that. You're still just a delusional insane person. I hope you get locked up for life."

"You hated Sloane too."

"He was my girlfriend's father. She loved him. You took away her father."

"And he took away my fiancé and my best friend. How do you think I feel."

"He was a bad person. But it doesn't matter. You killed him in cold blood just like he killed people. You've become him. You're a cold blooded murderer just like Sloane," he spoke harshly.

"How can you say that to me?!" she cried.

"Looking at you makes me sick. What you did to her is unforgivable. I hope you rot in this place!" he yelled.

"The Eric I knew wouldn't say that. The Eric I knew was my friend." Tears streamed down her face.

"The Sydney I know is dead. Go to hell." He stared at her straight in the eye for a moment and then turned and left. She didn't know what to say. She wiped the tears from her eyes. She'd lost so much. And now, she'd lost one of her closest friends.


	62. Chapter 62

-1Chapter 62

A tear slid down Sydney's face as she sat on her bed. The words Eric had said to her hurt so much. She took in a deep breath and held it for a moment. As she let it out, she tried to relax. Sydney wiped the tear from her cheek and shook her head. She didn't want to cry. She had cried enough in the last several weeks. She felt like it shouldn't surprise her to loose something else. It shouldn't shock her that people weren't her friends anymore. After everything that had happened, how could she expect things to be the same. How could she expect people to respect her and still care about her.

"Who was that?" Meaghan asked as she stood in the doorway.

"Someone I used to work with. He's not really anyone to me now," Sydney replied, trying not to let her see how much it hurt.

"We're you guys friends?" Meaghan asked.

Sydney sighed. "How are you feeling?" she asked dodging Meaghan's questions.

"Oh, I'm good. I'm feeling a lot better than earlier today." She seemed in better spirits.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." Meaghan nodded.

"How can you feel so much better after everything that's happened?" Sydney asked, knowing she herself couldn't just feel better.

"You. You are why I feel better," Meaghan said.

"Me?"

"After my mother left, I felt so alone. But then you came and helped me realize some things," Meaghan explained.

"What things did I help you realize?" Sydney asked. She had no confidence in her ability to help anyone anymore. She couldn't understand why Meaghan would actually feel better because of her.

"You helped me realize this isn't forever. You kept saying it over and over again. And I didn't believe you. I didn't have your hope. But then I began to see things more clearly. I don't have to be in here forever. This doesn't have to be my life." Meaghan smiled.

"No, it doesn't have to be. All you have to do is get better and stop giving them a reason to keep you here." Secretly Sydney was thinking about how they would escape soon. But she needed Meaghan to get on to level III privileges first. Otherwise she would have to think of another plan.

"I had trouble believing it before. Things seemed so hopeless. But I saw your hope and it got to me. It made me think."

"I'm glad I could help. I mean, I don't think we will be out of here that quickly. But we will get out. We just have to be patient and behave accordingly. We can't give them a reason to think we are sick. We aren't. We have to make them realize that."

"I agree. Things will be better."

"Its nice to see you like this. Its kind of refreshing actually."

They both smiled.

The room was spinning as she lay on the bed trying to sleep. She could barely see anything through the darkness of the night but the red numbers on the alarm clock were dancing around as were the shadows in the room. Her head was pounding hard as her pulse radiated inside her head. She felt like it would make her throw up. The nausea was churning inside of her stomach.

Eric was laying in bed next to her. He was only half asleep. He couldn't really sleep after all that had happened that night. He had finally gotten back in the apartment using a special tool they had at APO. When he got inside, he found Nadia passed out on the couch. He could still he the tears in her eyes. He picked her up and put her to bed. She only whimpered a little instead of waking. She presumably had drunken too much, he thought. He then crawled in bed next to her. The house was still a mess.

"Eric," Nadia called out weakly.

Eric instantly awoke from beside her in their bed, "What is it?"

"I need some Aspirin. And some Dramamine. My stomach feels terrible," Nadia told Eric.

"Of course. I'll be right back." Eric flipped on the lights and Nadia's eyes instantly ached. She shut them tightly for a few minutes but then opened them to the blurriness of the room.

A few minutes later Eric rushed in with two pill bottles, one of Dramamine and another of Aspirin. He handed her a glass of water and two pills.

"Thanks,"

She felt like she could hardly stomach the pills. Everything in her stomach felt like it was going to come up as she tried to take the pills.

"Oh God," Nadia whimpered running to the bathroom.

Eric quickly came up behind her and held up her hair as she threw up into the toilet. He rubbed her back gently. After a moment, she lifted her head back up and saw the room spin around her. She felt so weak.

"Help me up," She said in a whisper. Her breathing had become so fast and irregular she could hardly speak.

Eric pulled her up and walked her towards the bed. She instantly collapsed onto it.

"I think I should call the doctor, Nadia," Eric said, knowing she would be mad at the suggestion.

"I just… I just need to take the Aspirin and the… the Drama--"

"Okay."

He helped her sit up and handed her the pills and glass of water. She laboured a few breathes in and then forced herself to take the pills.

"I just need … to sleep… I'll be fine."

"Nadia, I don't think--"

"I'll be fine!" she tried to yell out.

"Okay."

Eric sat there and watched her fall asleep. It didn't take long before her eyes shut completely. He glanced over at the clock. 5:47am. He didn't know if he should just let her sleep and see how she was in the morning or call for medical help. Maybe she just drank too much. But maybe she had alcohol poisoning. What if it was serious? His stomach felt unsettled with anxiety. Something just didn't feel right. Her breathing was so irregular. He took her pulse while she slept. It was racing. Her eyes seemed to flutter open and shut. Something definitely wasn't right. He walked into the living room and reached for the phone, dialling 911.

Eric sat on his bed watching Nadia as he waited for the ambulance to arrive. It had only been a few minutes but it felt like forever. He watched her chest rise and fall with every breath. Her breathes were no longer regular and they were faster than normal. She was trying to speak but it sounded more like puffs of air than words as she slept. He thought maybe she was dreaming. Or she was having a nightmare about Sydney. That happened a lot since Sydney had pushed her into the reservoir. She hadn't slept soundly since.

"Eric…"

"Nadia?" he asked softly, not knowing if she was still dreaming or was starting to wake up.

"Oh… my head…" She said weakly as her eyes opened slightly.

"I know you'll be mad at me for this but I called an ambulance."

"No ambulance."

"They are already on their way."

"My head."

"They will be here soon. Just rest until then."

"I need to go to work. Its … its time for work," Nadia said in a breathy voice.

"No. Its time to rest," Eric said as he stroked her face.

"Sydney?"

"She's not here."

"I think I… I think…I…"

"Shh…" Eric whispered to her as he kissed her forehead.

He ran his finger across her cheek as she fell back asleep. He swallowed hard as his anxiety and sadness took over him. He only hoped the ambulance would get there soon. He didn't know what was wrong with her but it scared him. She wasn't just drunk. He sat there nervously. He was scared to death of losing her.


	63. Chapter 63

-1Chapter 63

Beads of sweat speckled his forehead as he stood in the emergency room he had been at only a few days earlier. Eric paced back in the forth in the waiting room. They wouldn't let him in the trauma room as they assessed her. He would only be in the way. He knew that. But he needed to be there. He felt like he was in agony as he waited not knowing what was happening.

On the ambulance ride to the hospital, Eric had sat beside the stretcher praying for her. He held her hand and watched her as her eyes fluttered open and shut. He could see her breathing wasn't normal. It was unsteady. Then suddenly, she had begun to convulse. He watched her, terrified, as the paramedics told him she was having a seizure. Eric felt lost in that moment and it was a feeling that wouldn't go away. He was just as lost as he stood there in the ER waiting for news.

He looked at his watch for the 10th time and then he took in a deep breath. A doctor suddenly emerged behind him just as he was about to start pacing again.

"You came in with Agent Santos?" the doctor asked. Eric nodded nervously.

"How is she?"

"She's on her way to get a CT scan. I'm Doctor Mills," he started, "you said before that she had been in here for a fall a few days ago."

"Yeah. She had fallen in the stairwell. That's how she injured her arm. She hit her head too but she wouldn't stay for treatment," Eric explained.

"Yes, we pulled up her chart from that visit. There was nothing on the CT scan then but sometimes things don't always show up right away."

"You think she had a concussion and now its… Oh God. I should have forced her to stay. I should have--"

"Agent Weiss," Dr Mills interrupted, "has Agent Santos had any symptoms or trouble following that fall?"

"She's had a headache that wouldn't go away. I figured it was stress. Something happened that day to upset her. She has been very irritable since. And she hasn't been eating much. She said she hasn't been feeling well. We both just thought it was stress. I don't know why I didn't make her go to the doctor."

"We won't know more until the CT scan comes back, but she has symptoms that indicate hitting her head has resulted in more extensive injury than the original scan showed."

"She could have brain damage?" Eric asked, wide eyed and terrified.

"There is a possibility of brain injury, but we won't know more until later."

"I don't understand. Days have gone by. Why now?"

"As I said, sometimes things don't show up right away. If she has an intracranial haemorrhage, symptoms might not show up until the pressure from the pooling of blood builds up inside her skull."

"But will she be okay?"

"I can't speak to that yet, Agent Weiss. You'll have to excuse me, I need to get back."

"Okay."

As soon as the doctor left, Eric turned to the wall and scrunched up his face. A tear formed in his eye. He tried to hold back any more tears. He took in a deep breath and slowly backed up until he found himself at a chair. He slowly sat down in disbelief. His girlfriend, the woman he loved, could have a brain injury and he had been walking around for days thinking she was just depressed over Sydney. He had just let her walk out of the hospital days ago and now she might die because of it, he thought. Eric swallowed hard as the lump formed in his throat and took another deep breath. She might die. It kept repeating in his head.

The heat was scorching outside as the sun radiated inside the room. Sydney felt sticky with sweat as she sat in the lounge in the afternoon. She had taken a piece of paper and made a fan out of it. She waved it back and forth in front of her face as the wind blew her wisps of hair. It wasn't helping nearly enough. With the windows only opened an inch, there wasn't enough breeze or fresh air coming inside to cool the ward off. The psychiatric unit was in the oldest building in the hospital and didn't have air conditioning. As the California sun grew in intensity each day, the ward seemed more unbearable.

Getting frustrated, Sydney was actually considering putting on a hospital gown instead of wearing her own clothes, which consisted of a three-quarter sleeve navy blue knit shirt and some black yoga pants, might help. As much as she hated hospital clothes, the thin gown would probably be a lot cooler. A cool shower would help too, she thought, so she quickly went and grabbed a gown and some toiletries and headed off to the bathroom.

"Hey, Sydney, wait," a middle-aged patient, Gail, called to her just as she was about to open the bathroom door.

"What?" Sydney asked impatiently, not really liking that particular patient. She was always getting angry with the other patients. She had seen her fighting with people on several occasions. She ended up spending a lot of time in seclusion for her temper.

"When you see Meaghan, tell her that watch was useless! It stopped working not long after I got it from her," she said with irritation.

"What watch? I don't even know what you are talking about, Gail."

"She traded me for her watch, the one she came into the hospital with. I was gonna give it to my daughter What use is it to me now. I want my scissors back. You know, they are the only scissors good enough for doing crafts. They are dressmaker shears. Cut real well. I can't get a good pair of scissors in this place. I had to get a friend to smuggle 'em in. I want them back. You tell her that I want my damn scissors back!"

"Calm down. When did you give them to her?" Sydney asked alarmed. Meaghan never did crafts or sewed. She had no use for sharp scissors except to cut herself. Sydney feared she'd find her friend with deep cuts down her arms and legs.

"A couple hours ago. You tell her! Make sure you tell her!" the overbearing woman said with agitation.

"Yeah, I get it," Sydney said impatiently as she quickly pushed her way passed Gail and into the bathroom, the most likely place Meaghan would go to hide in order to cut herself.

Sydney swung the bathroom door open, and rushed inside with fear and anger. Meaghan had made it clear to her that she would stop this. She acted like she was happy. Was that just a ploy? Sydney thought to herself. Did Meaghan just tell her these things so she would get off her back? She had no idea. She thought she could trust her, but at the same time, Sydney had let her down by just believing her. She should have watched her more closely and made sure she was okay. Sydney's thoughts were rambling with 'should haves' as she walked into the bathroom towards the stalls.

"Meaghan?" Sydney called out, as she pushed the door open to each stall to look inside. They were all empty. "Look, I know about the scissors. I won't be mad. I just want to help you. Where are you?"

Sydney turned around and headed for the shower stall. She opened the curtain quickly and suddenly dropped everything that was in her hands. Everything inside her stopped. Her heart felt like it couldn't beat. Her breathing went quiet and dead. Her eyes didn't blink. She was wide-eyed and frozen with terror.

At first she just saw the large puddle of blood on the floor. Then she blinked and her eyes looked up. The girl was staring forward with her glassy eyes opened sitting on the floor with her head resting against the white tile wall. Her entire front was covered in blood, staining the blue hospital gown she was wearing. Across her neck were several slits. Some of them only went a couple inches across the side of her neck. There was one long one that stretched across her throat from side to side, piercing deep into her jugular vein and carotid artery. The blood was splattered across the wall from the cut that made it deep enough. It looked like she had taken several times to slit her throat. She was determined to do it and kept trying until she got deep enough. Sydney peered at her pale face and blue lips and began to sob. She saw the scissors lying bloodied in the puddle next to the girl.

"Meaghan?" Sydney breathed out in a panic and then she ran towards the girl. "Meaghan, no!"

Sydney put her hands on Meaghan's shoulders to shake her but she only slumped over onto the ground.

"No... no no no..." Sydney said in a breathy whisper. "Meaghan, why? Why?"

Tears started to stream down Sydney's face. She grabbed onto the girl and shook her, "Why?!"

The body was limp before her. She was dead. Sydney didn't know how long she had been dead. It couldn't have been more than an hour. A nurse would have noticed she wasn't around. She had the scissors for 2 hours and Sydney could have saved her if she had only known. Sydney's thoughts raced with guilt-filled what if's.

Sydney felt like her heart wasn't beating. She knew Meaghan was dead and she didn't know what to do about it. There was no way to save her. The girl's blood was in a giant puddle on the floor, to which Sydney was standing in with her grey socks. Sydney stood there frozen for a moment, staring at Meaghan's dead body slumped over on the floor.

Suddenly, Sydney could hear her heart thumping loudly. She needed to get out of there. She had no one left. She was all alone. She couldn't be there alone. She couldn't be there without Meaghan. She had to get out. But she had to be calculated about this if she were to get out. She had to compartmentalize.

Sydney stepped out of the puddle of blood and took her socks off and rinsed the blood off her feet and hands in the shower. After putting the blood-stained socks in the garbage and burying them underneath paper towel, she shut the shower curtain and went to the sink. She could do this, she told herself. She did not need to break down. She was an agent. She had a mission. This was no different than any other time. Her friend was dead and she had to save herself.

As Sydney looked into the mirror, she noticed the tears that had streaked down her cheeks. Bending down into the sink, she splashed cold water over her face.

"I can do this," she whispered to herself as she took in a deep breath.

She turned around and quickly left the bathroom, not bothering to pick up any of the toiletries that she had dropped onto the floor before. She walked briskly to her room, scanning the hallway for anyone that might come into her path. Once inside her room, she grabbed her shoes and put them on. There was nothing else to grab. She had nothing else. Sydney walked to the nurse's station and looked at them with a somewhat bright expression.

"Can I go outside and get some air?" she asked her nurse.

"Sure," her nurse said nonchalantly as she walked over and wrote Sydney's name down on the white board.

"Thanks."

"Just give me a minute and I'll come and let you out."

"Okay." Sydney stared at her intensely, waiting as she put away a chart she had been reading. She wanted to scream 'now!' as the nurse fumbled around.

"Okay," the nurse said as she walked passed Sydney towards the door of the ward.

Sydney smiled at her and walked out the door that had just been unlocked for her. She went to the elevator and thankfully, it opened right away. Sydney got on and stood next to some people as her heart beat loudly. She was terrified that they could hear it. Or that they could hear her breathing funny. She felt like she couldn't breathe normally. She felt like she would scream or burst into tears at any moment. But she held it all in and watched as the elevator doors opened. She stepped out and walked towards the doors. On the other side was the crisp sun deep in the sky. It was waiting for her.


	64. Chapter 64

-1Chapter 64

Eric's eye caught Doctor Mills as he walked through the ER. He immediately went up and followed him, his stomach twisting with nerves. It felt like he had been waiting forever since Nadia went to get the CT scan.

"Dr Mills," Eric yelled out as he caught up to the doctor.

"Agent Weiss, I was planning on coming to talk to you. We've got the results from Nadia's CT scan," the doctor said matter of factly.

"And?" Eric asked, his stomach fluttering.

"She has a subdural hematoma. We've taken her up to surgery for a craniotomy."

"What? That..." He didn't really know what to say. The idea of it shocked him, scared him, but he had to have hope. Surgery meant there was hope, didn't it? She could be treated. She could be fine soon. Nadia was going to be fine. "She's going to be okay right? She's a really strong person. She..." He shook his head as he thought about her. "She could fight 3 men attacking her at once. I mean, she is strong. I wouldn't want to get in a fight with her. She's going to be fine right?"

"Agent Weiss, there are dangers associated with it as there are with any surgery. A subdural hematoma means that she is bleeding into her brain and the blood has been pooling and creating pressure on her brain. Its been causing her symptoms of nausea, headaches, irritability, and now a change in level of consciousness. Its important that we relieve the pressure on her brain before there is any more damage," the doctor explained.

"Okay, but that's temporary. She will be on her feet and ready to fight those ghouls in no time," he said with a feigned half chuckle.

"We don't know if there was damage. We won't know anything until she wakes up. And even then, it might take a few days to know how she is. If there is any swelling of the brain after the surgery, that may result in symptoms that may go away once the swelling has subsided."

"Nadia is strong." Eric's eyes teared up a little knowing things were worse than he was willing to accept. "She'll be up and about in no time. Seriously. The girl will surprise you. Don't think she can't handle this." He tried to fight the pain and fear inside with his humour, but it wasn't working. Inside he felt like he was being torn in pieces.

"Agent Weiss, perhaps you would like to talk to someone about this. The CIA has counsellors you can talk to," Dr Mills said, trying to be empathetic.

"No. I don't want to talk to anyone. I just need to be with Nadia. I'll wait for her to come out of surgery. I want to be the first one there when she wakes up."

"I need to get back. I'll get someone to take you up to the OR waiting room."

"Thanks," Eric said, as he put is hand on his head. He was overwhelmed and had no idea what to do. He couldn't imagine loosing her.

Sydney walked through the automatic doors of the hospital and out into the sunshine. It bathed over her pale face. She didn't feel the heat though. She didn't feel anything as she was numb from everything that had happened. She kept walking, scanning the scene for anything that might come in her way. There were lots of people. Patients were sitting in wheelchairs or standing around, IVs bags next to them, as they smoked. She walked past them to the parking lot. She didn't really have a plan yet. She just walked.

After a few minutes, she reached the end of the lot where there was a row of trees that separated the parking lot from the street. Sydney leaned up against a tree and let her head lay back on it. She suddenly breathed hard and let out every inch of air that was inside her. She sucked in the fresh air and let herself just breath.

She looked over towards the hospital, to the floor where the psychiatric unit was. It was her prison, it was where Meaghan was lying in a pool of her own blood. She had no idea if they had found her yet. It had been about 10 minutes. Maybe they had and they were looking for Sydney now. Maybe they had figured it all out. Sydney suddenly realized she had to get out of there.

She spotted a car over in the corner, shaded by some trees. She grabbed a branch of the tree and tried to break it off. She pulled hard, her hands hurting as the rough bark ground into her hands. She managed to break off a stick about an inch thick. It would have to be good enough.

As she walked over to the car, she peered the parking lot for anyone that might be around. It was far back from the hospital and any people. She might just be able to get away with it. And if she didn't, she would probably find herself back on the psych unit. She didn't know if it was worth the risk. Perhaps she could just walk away. No, there wasn't time.

She went over and used the branch to try and smash the back window. It took a few bunch hits before she managed to crack it, but eventually it gave out and she pushed in all the glass and reached in carefully and unlocked the front door. She looked around some more and then got in and began hotwiring it -- something she had learned as a spy. It felt good to be doing something the old Sydney would have done on a mission.

Finally Sydney managed to get the old silver Honda going. She drove out of the hospital parking lot, very thankful she didn't need to go through any gates to get out. The parking lot was required prepaying to get tickets.

Once the street, Sydney drove towards the highway. She had no idea where she was going. She had nothing in her pockets. She needed someone she trusted. The only person was her father. He was her only hope. Sydney continued driving methodically towards his place, not feeling anything, not really thinking anything. She was just numb.

An hour later, Sydney reached her father's neighbourhood. There was a wooded park nearby with a shady parking lot. She parked the silver Honda, and started walking quickly but nonchalantly over to her father's apartment. She rang the buzzer up to his apartment as she reached the door.

"Yes?" an impatient voice said over the speakers.

"Dad, you're home. That's good. I was worried you wouldn't be home. Let me up, quickly." Sydney said in a monotone voice.

"Get up here quick," Jack said as he buzzed her in.

Once she reached his apartment, the door opened before she even had a chance to knock. Her father motioned her in quickly and shut the door.

"What's going on? The hospital called to say you were missing. I thought you might show up here so I came home. Obviously, I was right. You don't really have anyone else to trust."

"No, I don't. Dad, I know you think I'm sick, but I need out of that place. Meaghan is dead. I can't stay there."

"You're friend is dead?"

"She killed herself. I found her in the bathroom. That's why I left. I couldn't stay there. I asked to go outside and get some air, then I hotwired a car, parked it over at the park and walked over here. I need your help. You can't send me back there. Dad, I need you to trust me," Sydney said as she stared him in the eye.

Jack paused a moment before saying anything. He stared at her, reading her face. He never wanted to send her to the hospital in the first place, but he knew she was sick and it was better than prison. Over the last few weeks, he had seen her improvements. The nurses had even said she was doing better. But he knew they would never let her out. The CIA wouldn't let them after she killed Sloane. He couldn't stand the idea of his daughter facing life in a psychiatric unit.

"You can't stay here. I have a secret storage space. No one will look there. I can keep you there until I can make other arrangements. We should leave now. I'll drive you there. My car is down in the garage. Let's go," Jack instructed her quickly.

They both made their way down the garage managing to avoid anyone. As soon as they got to the car, Jack turned to Sydney and regretted what he was about to ask of her.

"If you're spotted driving with me, that could cause problems. You should ride in the trunk."

"I understand," she said in a dead voice and climbed in. She stared at him as he shut the trunk and she found herself surrounded by darkness.

As the car pulled away, Sydney began to feel something. There was a lump in her throat. She tried to swallow it away but it only got bigger. She couldn't cry. She couldn't let herself cry. She took in a few deep breaths but the rage of emotions quickly washed over her. The darkness quickly became filled with images of blood and Meaghan's cold dead eyes. Tears streamed down Sydney's face as she scrunched up her eyes. She sobbed into her hands as she lay in the darkness. She couldn't control it. Everything inside of her was pouring out.

Sydney couldn't stand the pain she felt. She began to bang her head against the floor of the trunk.

"Stop... stop, stop, stop..." she cried as she threw her head against the trunk flood.

Soon it began to feel numb, and her head felt like it was swimming in cloudiness. She banged her head some more until a complete sense of numbness washed over her. She let herself lay still in the car as she stared into the darkness. The darkness bathed over her. She closed her eyes and let the numbness in her head take over. She finally felt still.


	65. Chapter 65

-1Chapter 65

"Sydney?" she heard faintly. She scrunched her eyes shut and covered her ears.

"Sydney, we need to move," the voice was louder. Suddenly she felt her shoulder being shook. "Let's go," the voice said sternly.

"No, please, just leave me alone," she pleaded too afraid to open her eyes.

"Sydney, its me. Its your father. We need to go."

She opened her eyes to see Jack hovering over her. She grabbed onto his hand as he helped pull her out of the trunk. As soon as she was on her feet, she wiped the tears off her face and followed him into the storage room. It was a room filled with weapons and supplies a spy would need. There was some containers stacked up against the wall and a table and chair in the middle of the room. There was a bucket in the corner and against the back of the wall was a small cot with a grey blanket.

"You can rest in here. There's some cans of food in there," he said pointing to one of the storage containers. "There's a can opener and some plastic cutlery in there too."

She looked around at the dimly lit room with a single unadorned light bulb in the middle of the ceiling. "How long do I have to stay here," she asked, putting aside her emotions and fear.

"I don't know. I'm gonna set something up for you out in the country. It might take a day. Its best that I don't come back here until I'm ready to move you." Jack went over to smaller container and opened it. "Here, use this is you need to contact me. Its set up to be untraceable and its registered under a fake name," he said handing her a cell phone. She nodded. "Don't leave here. I'm gonna lock the door. You can get out from the inside if you need to. I've got cameras surrounding the place so I can monitor if someone comes near here. I'll have people standing by if that happens."

Jack took one last look at her before he left. "I'll take care of everything, Sydney. Don't worry." He said in a more sympathetic tone. Then he walked out and shut the door. Sydney could hear the sound of him locking it.

Sydney looked around realizing she was now all alone and probably would be for at least a day. She sighed and sat down in the chair. Her fears that she had put away temporarily were flooding back. She felt a fluttering in her stomach, a twinge of nerves. She took in a few deep breaths, trying to get a hold of herself.

After a moment, she realized she was hungry, her stomach growling. She went and got out a can of baked beans. Sydney got out a plastic fork and the can opener. She began to eat it, realizing she was more hungry than she thought. Though cold and eaten straight out of a can, it felt good to fill her stomach with something.

As soon as she finished, she went and lay down on the cot. It was rather uncomfortable but it didn't matter. She was exhausted from the emotional upheaval of the day. She closed her eyes and let herself fall asleep. It didn't take long before she fell into the darkness of sleep.

Eric sat next to Nadia's hospital bed. Her head was bandaged up and she was unconscious. The doctors didn't know if and when she would wake up, but they said the surgery was successful. Eric didn't know how it could possibly be successful if she never woke up again. He found himself drowning in sorrow as he watched her lie there. He was loosing hold of his sense of humour, his sense of optimism, his sense of who he was as he watched the person he loved slip away. It felt like he had lost so much. He was mad at Vaughn. He didn't know if their friendship would recover. And he couldn't bare to see Sydney after what she did to Nadia, regardless of whether or not she was sick at the time. He felt so much anger as he sat there. He didn't know what to do with it.

"Nadia," he said as he held her hand in his own. "You're gonna get through this. Heck, you've survived far worse. This..." he shook his head as a single tear crawled into his eye and he blinked it away. "This isn't it for you so hold on. Hold on."

He grazed her cheek with his finger, tracing the contours of it. He just wanted to feel her, know that she was still alive. Her cheek wasn't cold. She wasn't dead. He knew she wasn't dead, but he worried she might be slipping away. But he could hear the steady beep of the heart monitor. She was alive.

"When you get better, I think we should go away. Some place warm where we can be free of all this stress. Maybe Hawaii or Aruba. We'll walk the sandy beaches in our bare feet and feel the warm breeze of the ocean against us. I'll take you out for romantic dinners at every nice restaurant there. And we'll have room service for breakfast. We'll stay in our hotel room all morning in bed and lounge around together. We'll spend the afternoons in the sun. I promise you I will make it special. I don't know how long we'll go for. As long as we need. You deserve it."

He traced her cheek again softly and then bent over and kissed it.

"I love you. I know you need to rest now and that's fine. But soon you'll be up kicking the bad guys and taking them out," he said as he gave a half smile. "This is just gonna be another story we tell the grandkids one day. You'll be fine." He smiled as he looked at her, the sorrow filling his eyes. "I love you so much."

"I can't do this. I can't do this. I need to get out of here," Sydney said over and over again with a nervous jitter as she lay on the cot, gently rocking herself back and forth.

It had been over 24 hours since she had gotten here. She hadn't heard from her father. She hadn't had any contact with anyone. But she felt like someone was there all the time. She could feel a presence. She figured it was Sark. The room felt cold as if his ghost was breathing over her with cold air. There were creaking sounds. Sounds of footsteps. Sounds of water dripping. She didn't know where any of the sounds were coming from, but she heard them and it made her stomach flutter.

Sydney breathed in and out evening, or trying to breathe evenly. She had to force herself to stay steady and remind herself of who she used to be. But that person was gone and she knew it at this point. She felt herself slipping away as she lay there. She couldn't stand the loneliness of that place. She needed to reach out to someone.

She picked up the cell phone her father told her was secure. Sydney dialled Vaughn's number without even thinking about it, as if it were a reflex. As soon as it started ringing, she began to think it was a mistake. After everything he had done to her. But at the same time, he was Vaughn and she loved him. It seemed right to be calling him, even if she didn't know what to say.

"Hello?" he said.

"Vaughn?" Her eyes watered a bit.

"Sydney?" he said with surprise. "Sydney, what are you doing. They said you weren't at the hospital anymore. Where are you? I've been so worried."

"Things are taken care of. You don't need to worry about me. I just needed to talk to someone, to you. Its too lonely here."

"Where, Sydney? Where are you?" he said insistently.

"I can't tell you that." She paused for a moment. "How are you?"

"I'm fine. Its you that matters. Don't concern yourself with how I am."

"You're lying. You haven't been fine. I've made things hard on you. I'm sorry for that."

"I'm sorry for how I treated you before. I shouldn't have showed up drunk. I was just... I had been drinking to deal with the situation. It was stupid. But I miss you. I want to see you. Please let me know where you are."

"Vaughn, I can't. Just tell me, how is Nadia?" There was silence for a moment. "Vaughn? Did something happen?" Her heart felt like it stopped.

"She was hurt after she saw you. She was running down the stairs and she fell. No one knew she wasn't okay until a few days later when she passed out. She's in the hospital now. I think she hit her head when she fell. I don't know anything else though. Eric isn't talking to me anymore."

Tears washed over Sydney's face. "You don't know if she is okay or not?" Her heart raced.

"I don't know much at all," he said regretfully.

"This is all my fault. She called me a monster. She was right. I am one. She might die because of me," she cried.

"Sydney, listen. This isn't your fault. You can't blame yourself."

"I need to see her. I have to right now. If she dies... I... I need to see her and tell her how sorry I am. You got to come pick me up right away."

"Where are you?"

"In a storage facility of my father's. I don't know where it is. I was in the trunk when he drove here so no one would spot me. I'll go outside and figure out where I am. I'll call you back."

"Okay."

Sydney quickly left the storage facility and went outside, looking around. She walked for several minutes until she found an address for a nearby building. She called Vaughn back immediately and waited for him to pick her up.

Eric had started to doze off in the chair beside Nadia's bed. Suddenly he awoke from a nightmare. He realized he needed some coffee so he left to get some, giving Nadia a kiss on the cheek first.

Sydney was walking down the hallway when she saw Eric leaving her room. She ducked around a corner until he was gone and then made her way into Nadia's room. Vaughn was right behind her.

"I need to do this alone. Can you stand watch outside?" she said to him. He nodded and she went in.

Sydney paused at the door as she saw Nadia lying there with a bandaged up head and monitors all over the place. Tears streamed down her face. She went and sat down in the chair and held her hand.

"I'm so sorry. This is all my fault," she cried. She waited a moment to see if Nadia would wake up. She didn't know if she was just sleeping or in a coma. But Nadia didn't move. Sydney let out a whimper knowing it was bad.

"Please don't let go. You've got to fight. I'll do anything if you just hold on. You're my family, my sister. I've wanted a sister my whole life and I never realized I would get one. You're more than I could have asked for. I love you so much and I can't just let you die on me. So hold on, Nadia. Hold on." She shook her head as the tears fell. "I wish I could have done things differently. I wish so many things. Maybe it would have been better if the Nocturne had just killed me. It would have saved you from this, from me and all the pain I've caused you. I'm so sorry. I know you can never forgive me. And I'm not asking you to. I don't deserve it. But you have to live. Forget about me and just live. Do it for yourself, and for Eric. Please--"

"Syd, we need to go now," Vaughn said from the doorway.

"I love you," she said to Nadia as she got up and kissed her cheek.

She got up and followed Vaughn out of the room, noticing Eric talking to a doctor down the hallway as they left. They made it to Vaughn's car without being noticed.

"Now what?" Vaughn asked her. She just cried as she shrugged her shoulders. He gently rubbed her back. "I know this is hard, but we can't stay here. I want you to be okay. I don't know how to make that happen. You've got to tell me what I need to do."

"Vaughn, I don't know! I just saw my sister lying there dying. I don't know if she will ever wake up. I can't go back home. I can't go back to the hospital. I don't know what to do. My life feels like its over. It might as well be. I've lost everything--"

"Stop. Listen to me. You have me. You'll always have me no matter what happens between us."

"I don't know if things will ever be the same, Vaughn. I don't know if we can be the same."

"I'll still be there for you, even if things aren't the same." He started the car and began driving. "We've got to get out of here. Where was your father taking you?"

"Some place in the country. He said he'd set something up there."

"Call him. We'll meet him somewhere and he can find you a safe place."

"What about you?"

"I don't know. I don't want to leave you. I'm sure your father will want me to have nothing to do with you after all that's happened, but I don't care what he thinks. I felt like I had lost everything when you went into the hospital and wouldn't talk to me anymore. I don't want to loose you again. I love you Sydney. I'll do whatever I can for you."

"I don't want to be alone again."

"We can hide together. We'll go wherever your father has set up for us. We'll stay there as long as its safe, or until we can go somewhere else, somewhere better. We don't have to stay in the US."

"Vaughn--" She hesitated. After a moment, she smiled slightly. "I'm glad I called you."

He smiled back. "Things will be okay."


	66. Epilogue

-1Epilogue

She sat in the sun as the waves crashed into the sand ahead of her and stared at a picture of Nadia. She missed her deeply and didn't know what had happened to her. It had been a month since Vaughn and her left the US and headed to South America to a small quiet town where people would leave them alone.

Sydney thought it would be the beginning of her new life, and in many ways it was. She found herself falling back in love with Vaughn. But things had followed her there. Sark followed her there. His voices, his breathe against her cheek, his cold touch around her shoulders, it all followed her to the beach house where she was supposed to be happy again. The difference this time was that she wasn't alone anymore. She had Vaughn. He would hold her at night while Sark tormented her. Vaughn would kiss her and make love to her and all the pain would disappear. She felt safe with him. But it wasn't over yet.

"Are you ready?" Vaughn asked her as he appeared behind her on the beach.

"She's here?" Sydney asked nervously.

"Yes. She's inside the house."

"I'm ready," she said with a smile. "I can do this."

"I know you can," he said as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her cheek.

Sydney followed Vaughn inside to where she found a woman standing in the living room of their beach house. She was looking at a framed picture of Nadia. There were many pictures of her in the house.

"You must be Sydney," the woman said with a warm smile as she outstretched her hand to shake Sydney's.

"Yes," Sydney said shaking her hand.

"I'm Silvia Alvarez. You can call me Sylvia." The older woman had a glow about her. She was dressed in casual clothes that were colourful and had a flavour of South America and the Latin culture to them. There were strands of coloured beads around her neck and several pendants of different symbols that Sydney didn't recognize.

"I must admit, I've never been to a healer before. I don't think I would have put much faith in seeing one before I came here. But the locals spoke highly of you. I've done some research into what you do. I'm ready to try it," Sydney said with optimism. "I'm ready to get rid of these demons of my past and move on." Vaughn smiled behind her.

"I'm glad," Sylvia said. "That's the first step in recovery. Now come and sit. I'll get started right away."

Sydney led her to the couch and they all sat down. Sylvia took some candles and some herbs out of her bag and began laying them out on the coffee table. Sydney would never have imagined turning to a healer from older world cultures, but Vaughn had convinced her that she couldn't go on forever with the torment of Sark following her path. She never wanted to see a psychiatrist again. Nonetheless, she was skeptical.

"Close your eyes," Sylvia said to both of them. The old woman began to pour special sand on the table and drew a symbol in it. She then took Sydney's hand and drew the same symbol on it in some special oils. She began to chant in another language.

After a few minutes, Sydney heard a familiar word and opened her eyes in shock.

"Rambaldi" the woman said in her chant.

Sydney looked down and saw the eye of Rambaldi in the sand.

"Who are you?!" she demanded to know as she grabbed onto the woman's wrist tightly.

"This is your destiny, Chosen One. It is the only way you will be healed. Trust in your destiny. It will bring you no more harm."

Suddenly everything went dark. Sydney found herself back in the hospital next to Nadia's bed.

"Nadia!" Sydney exclaimed. "Nadia, you have to wake up right now! Wake up. Wake up!" She shook Nadia's shoulders until a whimper came.

"Sydney?" Nadia said quietly, slowly coming to.

"You're okay," Sydney cried with a relieved smile.

Suddenly Nadia looked up at her with wide eyes, gazing straight into Sydney's eyes with a warm but piercing look.

"Trust in your destiny."

Sydney looked at her with awe and confusion. Then she saw Sark looming in the corner.

"They are trying to deceive you," he said with a cold laugh.

"No. No no no no no!"

Nadia grabbed hold of Sydney's wrist tightly. "Make it right."

"I don't understand."

"She's deceiving you. They are all deceiving you," Sark said as he wrapped his hands around her neck and began to choke Sydney.

"No! Go away! You aren't going to control me anymore." She turned around and began to choke him back until he withered away before her and crumbled to dust.

Sydney sighed with relief, tears in her eyes. She turned back around to Nadia, but suddenly everything had gone black again.

"No no no! Why can't you all just leave me alone?!" Sydney screamed.

She saw Vaughn's face all of a sudden. Sydney looked around and saw that she was lying in bed. She didn't recognize where she was.

"What's going on?" she asked as Vaughn looked at her seriously.

"You've been in and out of it for the past 3 days. We didn't know if it would work," Jack said as he appeared in the room.

"What are you talking about?" Sydney asked confused.

"The antidote to Nocturne. We found another one. We were skeptical as to whether or not it would work. But you've been hallucinating and paranoid ever since you left the hospital that we had to find something," Vaughn explained

"But we've been at the beach. We've been happy. I don't remember anything about an antidote or you going off to find it."

"No. We've been in the countryside in Oregon for the past couple weeks. Your father secured the location for us and we've been hiding here. But a few days after we got here, you started hallucinating violently. You were crying all the time and screaming a lot. You would start fighting with people that weren't there, or even us thinking that we were someone else. Every time we tried to talk to you about Nadia and how she is conscious and recovering, you wouldn't listen to us. You insisted that she was dying. We couldn't get through to you. Jack and I both used all our contacts and favors and searched for anything that could help you. We found an antidote. But we didn't know if it would work. We administered it 3 days ago and you've been in and out of consciousness. We thought we might loose you. But it looks like the worst of it is over. It might work after all." Vaughn's serious look melted into a smile.

"You're back, Sydney. You're back," Jack said as he approached her and gave her a nod. She was back. She was Sydney Bristow again.


End file.
